Can you help me find my daughter
Ellie, old girl, hows life treating you?
And whos this cheery chap?
What, dont recognise me? How could you forget a big shot investigator like myself?
Is that you, Colton? You muppet!
Yep, its me Missed you, you know.
Aha Suppose Ill believe you.
No, honestly Ive missed you. Cant recall the last time someone called me mate or a numpty, for that matter. Feels almost like coming home.
Id nearly forgotten about old times. Changed my surname ages ago, mind you. Im Mrs. Benson now, not Parker.
Of course I know. Give me some credit, surely?
Right, youre Mr. Investigative Ace now. Still, I wont deny its nice to hear from you. Hows things?
Hanging in there, what else? And you? Still stuck out there in the wilds of Lincolnshire?
Oh, you havent changed at all. Gone posh in the capital, have you? Youre a DCI now, arent you?
Thats the one! Might even make Superintendent soon.
Well, it hasnt made you any cleverer, has it… For your information, Im out here battling crime.
Won yet?
Still in progress
Thats a never-ending job, new trouble always cropping up. Were not immortal, you know.
True enough. Still, theres always new coppers coming up. Its an endless war.
Certainly is Gosh, I miss you, Ellie! Honestly, I do! Got a little spot for you here. Fancy it?
A little spot? I know the sort. You lot dont have any easy rides Its always hot seats and frying pans with you Londoners.
Comes with the job, thats for sure. Still, Im always recalling our student days. Great times, werent they? Listen, seriously Im forming a new team. Fancy being a detective with us in the Serious Crimes Unit?
Oh, right. Only, Im not much of a runner these days, my old mate. I weigh a bloody fifteen stone nowadays
No way! I dont believe that.
Im not asking you to believe it picture me twenty years younger and slimmer if you like. I dont mind, just dont come too close
Not on your life. I want to see you in person, every extra pound included Always valued your brains, not your waistline.
Cheeky git!
Thats me. Ellie, if you say no, Ill send a lad round for you. And if you refuse again, Ill have to threaten you consider yourself warned.
Threaten a police officer, will you! Ive seen worse blokes banged up.
None quite like me. Im important these days youve had the formal letter. Have a read. Your files with it. Mulling it over, mate, mull it over
Major Eleanor Margaret Benson, née Parker, wasnt expecting any big changes in her life. Just two persistent problems: her impossible son and her weight. Shed split from her husband long ago it had been a brief, accidental sort of marriage, like ticking a box: tried it, didnt work out.
Shed come back to her childhood patch, to a village in Lincolnshire a place of old hedgerows and cottages, where her mum still lived. Shed thought, romantic as anything, that shed come back to clean up local crime, driven by duty, a dash of nostalgia, and young love. Her future husband lived and worked here back then.
But time ticked on. She was sick of minor neighbour disputes, tired of missing holidays, even faces were starting to blend together. Fridays meant dramas and reports, work bled into weekends, and shed longed to just switch off the phone and forget her duty for once.
Her son had moved out, tried to live independently, not very successfully so far. But her best friend at home was the ancient fridge, the sofa, the telly, and Gill her parrot, the only man in her life whod endure endless complaints.
Gill used to be a silent, patient listener recently, though, hed become downright chatty, needing a dark cloth over his cage to shut him up. Still, through the darkness, came mutterings: Useless lot!, Sod the lot of them! or Time for grub, Ellie! Recently, hed added: Belt up, you rascal!
Her favourite evening? Sofa, television, snacks, and Gill for company. Who was going to interfere? Her investigations went well, she managed her team, did the paperwork, the detectives chased up minor cases, and the police car took her to crime scenes.
No one had asked for a fitness test in Lincolnshire for years. Forms, stats, a bit of community outreach all tick-boxes, mutually beneficial, never truly checked, but written up for the record.
But tonight, she came home rattled.
Sod the lot of them! Time for grub! Gill piped up as she walked in.
You really get me, dont you, Gill, she said, peering in the fridge. Oh yes! We have meatballs with pasta and grapes!
She moved across the kitchen, swaying more these days, itching to sit down, preferably with a hot meal on her stomach.
Best time of day, that.
She put the pan on the hob, tossed in some croutons she loved pasta fried with crunchy bits but just then, the phone rang.
Evening, Major Benson! Not interrupting, am I?
It was Albert Gregory from the Crown Prosecution Service not someone she could just tell to sod off.
Not at all, Albert. Whats up?
Heard youre off, is it true?
Their grapevine was always impressive.
No, just headhunted. Havent decided anything.
Ah, so your lot got the wrong end of the stick. Anyway, should you jump ship, let me know first, would you? My son-in-laws looking to transfer to your patch. Were keeping an ear out
Of course, she managed, croutons burning and a meatball halfway to her mouth.
Typical, she fumed. All these years given to this place! So many grateful letters, so many lives changed and one mention of leaving and the sharks circle, rubbing their hands. Theyd be carving up her job before shed even packed her desk!
Her pasta was stuck together now she chopped it up, tipped it in the pan; oil spat, she burnt her hand, slammed the spatula down, and flopped into a chair, shaking her hand, mood wrecked.
Useless lot! Useless lot! Gill squawked from his fridge-top perch.
Dead right, Ellie muttered, thrusting her hand under the tap.
Her evening meal on her belly that was sacred. No one could take that from her. She ate slowly, savouring it, but couldnt focus on the telly. Too many thoughts:
What if I just said yes to London, shocked the lot of them? Mind, who cares, really? The locals are waiting for me to go. Bet Colton wont be thrilled if he sees the size I am now. Havent even turned up to a reunion in five years dont want them remembering me as I am now. Back at uni, I wasnt thin, but I had a decent figure. But it wasnt that it was my sharp mind, wit, the banter.
On her first-year Roman Law seminars, the infamous Dr Grimshaw put them all on edge. Whod he pick next? He drew it out in a nasal monotone, Lets begin anew!
And shed always rise too early, hearing Parker, start answering, and hed be baffled as he hadnt called her. It happened so often that Anew became her nickname. She was so terrified, she didnt even hear the others giggling.
That nickname stuck all the way through. And honestly, apart from Grimshaw, shed never really feared anyone else. The group was a good one; she kept in touch with a few still, but never shared photos what would be the point?
The more she thought, the more she reckoned life here had ground down to monotony. Even the criminal cases were predictable.
Son Pete? A few silver linings there: he rented a flat with his daft girlfriend Katie. If she moved away, they’d likely move in here
This flat? This sofa? No way she would give them up. Or maybe she could
Coltons offer just pushed every button. The only one whod really be surprised if she accepted was herself.
Well, maybe it was this swamp that made her grow so well big.
The urge to get fit always hit right after a meal. She lay back on the sofa, empty plate on her belly, barely the energy to rise. Only thing that could shift her was the second plate of grapes on the kitchen counter.
***
Colton, she called the next day, do you lot make you do fitness tests? I wasnt joking about all this weight!
Should I get a bigger chair for you then? Im telling you, I need your mind, not your waist
I dont need this much weight either, but
Boy, youre a moaner! Get yourself transferred, woman. Ive got some cases lined up thatll keep you on your feet, I promise. Youll lose the lot in no time.
Hm If only my body werent so stubborn; it likes to keep every ounce
Youve seen the job? This isnt just any old department, Colton was serious for once. People are fighting for it, trust me. Everyone dreams of this post. Dont you?
My only dream now is to get slimmer.
Youll do that here. I guarantee youll be busy.
And what will I dream about then?
Yet, in the end, after a sleepless night, Ellie caved and decided to see what London offered. She played it safe booked some time off, kept her options open, didnt even offer Pete her flat yet, but someone had to look after Gill.
Pete, how are things?
All right, Mum, were watching a cracking film.
Your lifes just one big joke, isnt it?
Mum, dont start. Whats up? Want your money back?
That too, but Ill forgive it if you take Gill for a while. I need to go to London.
How long?
No idea yet.
Does Gran know? We saw her at the weekend; she never said.
You saw Gran? Blimey Hope she didnt have a heart attack!
Mum
All right, all right. Just come for the parrot, and the birdseed. Mind you look after him hes the only one who gets me.
He still swears? Like, proper?
Sometimes. Dont worry, its not often
Katell be horrified.
Oh, grow up, she can cope.
Ellie took an instant dislike to Petes girlfriend that sugary little voice, tattooed up and down, claimed to be a stylist but worked at a barbers, and smoked like a chimney.
As if a tattooed swearword would scare her.
As if her relationship with Pete wasnt complicated enough after the army, hed announced he wasnt going to uni, he was going to do business online. Nothing his mother could grasp. How was he going to support himself and her Ellie had no idea.
They fought, badly. He moved out, stopped talking for a month until Ellie phoned first. They made it up but she didnt let him move back let him try his wings. He came round for Sunday dinner, she always lent him a bit of money, no questions, but called it a loan. He kept the updates brief, then vanished for another week.
Gill the parrot moved out too. He looked forlorn, fluffed up, seemed to mourn more than Pete.
Detective Sergeant Andy Clarke, her right-hand man, put her on the train: Take care, Ellie, Im counting on you, he said, hauling her suitcase as he filled her in on an incident on Market Lane.
To you now, Andy. Ill see what Londons like, she told him.
***
She arrived in London early. Colton had promised to send someone to meet her, but called to say hed fetch her himself.
Waiting beside her case and bag at Kings Cross, she spotted him jogging through the crowds in civvies, sleek, open jacket. He ran right past, came back and looked her up and down, puzzled.
Ellie had done her best powder, her new grey tracksuit and cardigan. Hair hopeless, though she wasnt about to risk the curling iron on the train, so it fell limp. When Colton failed to recognise her, it stung.
Oi, Mr. Posh-Detective, open your eyes!
He focused properly. His eyebrows shot up.
Blimey, Ellie I didnt realise.
You should recognise a friend by her eyes. Told you Id filled out. Now, about that return ticket you footing the bill?
Ticket? Oh, shut up, Ellie! Come here. He hugged her, squeezed her. She was a head shorter than him.
Blimey, you said youd gained weight, but
Oi! Rude!
I know, but I always was. Sorry! Come on, lets go.
Some things never change with you, do they? Ellie muttered as she followed.
She was a bit flustered by the meeting. Good job she hadnt already signed those transfer papers! Just a visit, then back to her Lincolnshire sofa. Suppose the big city life wasnt for her.
Every cloud and all that, eh, he quipped. At least youre under my roof tonight. My wife wont get jealous.
Oh, marvellous, that helps.
Was a hundred and fifty pounds really so much as to make her unrecognisable, Ellie wondered. She used to be half that, but it wasnt yesterday, was it?
Colton kept dashing ahead, suitcase swinging, waiting for her to plod after. The car park was a trek.
My wifes got a whole itinerary planned, he said. Anywhere you want to go?
The zoo, Ellie panted. The crowds floored her.
Knew youd say that. I told her you came to work, not for sightseeing.
She wasnt sure shed stay.
They reached his Volvo a gunmetal beauty parked an age away.
That yours?
Of course.
Too big for your boots?
I saved up.
Get on, she smirked.
He loaded her bags, held open the door.
Dont forget, you cant fool me. I see right through posh types like you.
He started the engine.
Honestly, the house went to my wife in a will, thats how we afforded it. Shes got a car too. Better tell you, so you dont roll your eyes.
A house? Must be nice
Its just outside London, thats all, he said, pulling out.
He switched gears.
Pays better in London. Rank too. And if you do well, you get bonuses.
Hows that work?
Youll see. Dont worry, Ellie. Time to He gave a meaningful look at her belly, perhaps meaning both her weight and her life.
And a flat?
Ah, the main thing! If you transfer, youll get a flat, but only once its official. The current tenant Sergeant Miller is moving out soon. Lovely man. He knows youre coming.
Wait, Ill be living with a bloke?
No, dont worry. Hell come and go to collect his things, but no ones after you, old girl.
Shame, she laughed.
Well, this wasnt a brilliant reunion, Ellie reckoned. But he had tried cultural itinerary, place to stay, arranged a flat, surely had lobbied for her. He must have got a shock on the platform. After all, shed be his recruit, his responsibility.
Well, Colton, I havent decided yet. Take your time. Im not irreplaceable. Let me look round, see if London suits me
He glanced at her. Getting cold feet, are you? Come on, Ellie. Weve got a job to do. Fortune favours the brave wasnt that your motto at uni? Never met a braver girl, not even old Grimshaw scared you.
This made Ellie smile. Yes, shed been sharp and fearless once, a whizz at casework, even helped Colton out. Theyd done a placement together, where she earned his respect at a tough investigation not for her looks, but her mind. Theyd been tight ever since.
It was a long way to his block of flats. He was in a hurry, said hed hand her over to his wife and vanish.
Liz was lovely a blonde in shorts, bounding round a bright flat. White wood, big windows, odd plants, three rooms, a huge kitchen full of gadgets.
My Gosh, hes been desperate for you to come, just went on at the Chief Superintendent. Wanted you in the team, Liz chirped.
Mitchell, is it? The boss?
Thats right. Anyway, youll see. Make yourself at home.
She settled Ellie in a room, and after a nice shower, Liz made her lunch. She was so easy-going, despite her glossy looks two daughters away at dancing camp.
Coltons done well with you, Ellie commented after, stifling a yawn. She ached to nap but didnt want to seem rude.
The flat isnt even ours yet. Mortgage. Should pay it off by next year. We spent ages in my old council flat. Londons mad expensive.
Exactly. Im still mulling it over.
Lets use first names, shall we?
All right.
Do say yes. I dont mind, but for Gosh
Theres another one after your spot not a patch on you. Brown-noser. All talk, no instinct. The department doesnt need dead weight.
Every force has them, Ellie nodded.
He always raves about you says if everyone in CID were like Parker
Benson. Im Benson now.
You know, so many plodding through with suspect degrees and no nose for cases And these are serious, child-related cases.
And you, Liz? Where do you work?
Oh! Didnt he tell you? Mind you, he doesnt call it work Im a PT and dietician at the health club
Ellie caught the look.
Dont start on me with all that. Ill handle it myself.
Suit yourself. But, you know, a check-up might not hurt
Maybe after my nap, Ellie parried. She had no idea what was next. She slept for a bit, then that evening she and Colton sat on the balcony for hours. He explained the challenges, how stretched the team was, how serious the cases and didnt sugarcoat the rest. He chain-smoked, chewed nervously. There was a lot broken in the job, he warned. No golden handshakes here. Only now did Ellie realise how much he was counting on her.
So, what else would you do back in Lincolnshire? Thats it retirement, flab, and the rest. Here at least theres a future. I think London could change you, Ellie. Take a risk, start again, Parker, what dyou say?
And for once, she didnt mind his bluntness.
The cases in this new unit gnawed at her missing children in London and the Home Counties. Whether linked or not, the numbers rising had forced the Met to create this specialist team.
Maybe it was time to begin again, after all.
Personal lesson? I spent years hiding from change, letting comfort paralyse me. I nearly forgot what it was to risk, to be bold. In the end, its not your postcode, your job title, or your waistline that counts, but having the guts to say yes to something that might just scare you into living again.
