Be Someones Angel.
Catherine, young and frightened, climbed the stone steps of the cold London terrace alone. Everything felt like a terrible dream. She had come here as if driven by unseen winds. Her heart was in turmoilfear, shame, humiliation, wounded pride, and somewhere, a burning pity for herself. Most of all, she pitied not only what had happened to her but the little life now growing inside.
Shed nearly finished itswallowed the pills and been ready to end it all. But then hed called. Offered a way out. Catherine had heard real fear in his voicenot for her, but for himself. She knew he feared for her grandmothers heartbreak, not hers. And so he pleaded, pushing her toward an easier solution.
Catherine, dont be daft. It happened, nothing can change it now. Just go, theyll put you under. You wont feel a thing. Ill find the moneydo you need me to drive you?
A wave of nausea swept over her at those words. Seeing him was the last thing she wanted. Even hearing his voice terrified her; the thought of sitting beside him, of his sickly breath, was unbearable.
No! shed said, and hung up. Shed stopped answeringblocked each new number he found to call her.
That night haunted her. The party, where Diana had dragged her. Theyd dancedshe did love to dance. Hed sidled up behind her, touched her arm. She turned, anger blazing. Hadnt she made it clear? Shed no interest in him.
Blimey, your skins like silk. Like a babys.
Stop. Try it again and Im off. Let me dance.
Hed been around for ages, hanging about near her homecreepy, persistent. Shed told him beforecandid as she could be, trying not to be too harsh, but still clear.
Just dancing, then.
Next, his mate Gareth handed her a cocktail. Dizziness. Then darkness. When she came to, she was upstairs, held in Iain Zubers arms. She couldnt remember how shed got there. In that room, shed fought as best she couldbit and scratched his cheek, tried to scream. Hed kissed her, held her down. Her usual strength abandoned her; the room spun, everything doubling. The pain was dull and distant.
Shed hated him. Staggered home from that party, hollow and unclean. Hed followed her down the road, babblingshe blocked it out entirely. Before reaching her flat, shed gathered herselfher Nan must never know. Shed scrubbed herself clean in the bath for ages.
Then she knew she was pregnant. Her Nan had always spoken of chastity before marriage as a cornerstone of a decent lifea difficult subject, considering Catherines own mum. Gran saw her daughters death as divine retribution for her sins, and Catherineborn out of wedlockhad always seemed to her a living reminder.
Her late mother had never spoken a word about her father. Catherine had hoped one day, when she was older, she’d finally share everything, but her mum died when Catherine was twelve. Thats when her grandmother moved from Yorkshire to live with her.
And now Catherine too, alone in her misery, following her mothers unwelcome path. She listened to Iain, obeyed him, went where hed suggested; all the while, she pictured her own mother in her place. Inside, she felt as though she herself was the unborn one.
She had really come here to kill a part of herself.
She hesitated, ducked into a bar. But finally, gritting her teeth, she walked to the door. She saw a girl collapse near the steps, but wouldn’t stop to help, afraid her nerve would fail her.
The door was answered by an older woman, whose stern expression offered no comfort.
Come in. Have you eaten today?
Catherine shook her head.
Thats better. Take off your coat. Through here, youll wait a bit. Are you shaved?
What?
Prepared, Im asking.
Er, no. I suppose not.
No matter, Ill do it. Theres no need to tremble so. Ill use something to numb you. Well clean you out.
Clean you outwhat a phrase. It made Catherine close her eyes. As if she was dirty, as if only a cleaning could make her right again. But how could a procedure ever clean out the pain in her heart?
Drink this.
Three pills and a glass of water. She took them easily.
Afterwards, everything blurrednot just from drugs, but pure terror. The woman threw her a vest, told her to put it on. She undressed, pulled on the vestit was huge but so short she might as well be naked. Here, in a strangers home, nearly nude, Catherines panic rose.
In the next room, metal clanked. She glimpsed surgical tools, a bowl, a table covered with oilcloth… A wave of nausea, a dizzy rush.
Suddenly, loud banging below. Someone hammering the downstairs door, nearly breaking it.
Whats that? the woman asked, clutching a tool, then went to look.
She barely closed the front door before the banging sounded on theirs.
You little minx! Was it you who let them in? Get your things on! the midwife yelled.
Catherine froze. Grabbed her clothes, dropped them again, backed up onto the settee, tucking her knees under her chin, petrified.
What was happening?
The midwife would never have opened the door, except someone was actually forcing it.
Youve lost your wits! she snapped as the lock gave way.
In burst a man in a grey suit, quickly followed by a girl in a grubby raincoat holding her arm. They rushed into the room.
The man stopped dead at Catherine, almost naked.
You go, he said to the girl.
Jenny stalled briefly, dazed and sweatingher hand was throbbing, her head swam, but it was clear Catherine was much worse.
Its me again, Jenny said, sinking onto the settee, Bet youre sick of me. Lets find your pants, hmm? Where are they? Oh, here. My arm hurts, do it yourself.
Jenny couldnt tell if theyd stopped in time. She had no real idea about abortions, but she hoped. Shed pummelled the front door, then her companion in grey arrived, kicked the lock free; it hadnt been long.
Im Anthony. Youre Jenny, right? he said as they rushed up the stairs.
Quickly, Jenny coaxed Catherine into her skirt.
Me, Im Jenny. Im your friend.
Friend? Catherine looked bewildered.
Well, yes. Or guardian angelcall me what you like. Everyone deserves an angel. Ive been assigned to you.
By whom?
The Archangel. The boss angel, Jenny babbled nonsense, but it seemed to lighten Catherines mood.
Come on, get dressed. There you go. One good hand yanked the vest off, Is this yours?
No. She gave it to me
They didnt Was the baby hurt? Jenny asked, as she helped with the blouse.
Catherine nodded, biting her lip, and suddenly burst into tears. Jenny felt relief at her tears. Good, shes crying nowshes still with us.
Go ahead, have a good cry. Sometimes you just need to, Jenny sniffled herself, but she steadiedshe was here to help, the angel after all, And the babys alive! Your Nan will understand. Ill speak to herpromise. Im your angel, Ill stay near, she kept rambling, choking back her own tears, Only Im an angel with a broken wingmy arms killing me.
Now Catherine was dressed, and Jenny flopped onto the settee and sobbed like a child.
Whats wrong? Does it hurt? Catherine worried.
It might. Or maybe Im just sorryfor everyone. Theres so much happiness around, and you all miss it. Im just worn out.
The front door banged, and in strode Andrew Coleman, Anthony trailing behind.
We were too late? Andrew guessed, seeing Jenny in tears.
No, we were in time, Jenny wiped her nose.
Her arms badly hurt, Anthony prompted.
And you, Catherineare you alright?
Yes, and you
Lets go. You need hospital. As for her he glared at the midwife, well deal with you later.
The midwife hid in her room, no doubt covering up traces of her illegal practice.
No goodbyes.
Well go to the minor injuries clinic, suggested Andrew.
Andrew drove, Anthony sat up front, the girls in back. Jenny hugged Catherine with her good arm.
Im filthy, Jenny noted, glancing at her coat. My flatmate will kill me.
No, youre clean. Theres nothing wrong with a ruined coat, Catherine said.
Its not even mine. And this hairhelp me with my wig, would you? Its not mine either.
What? A wig?
Yup. I disguised myselfhid from them.
Why were you hiding?
Catherine could hardly follow nowshed tried to make sense of it: Had they come for the midwife? Had she just gotten caught up? The pills made her feel weak and heavy, her eyelids drooped.
Lets ask them. Boys, why were you after Catherine?
Neither of them turned their head. It was clear shed get no straight answer. Jenny huffed.
Then Andrew glanced back, explaining something that jolted Catherine wide awake.
Youre my sister, Catherine. We have the same father but different mums.
My father? Catherines mouth fell open.
YesBrian Coleman. Your Nan knows, by the way.
My Nan? I I dont understand.
Whats not to understand? Dad loved your mum, but was married to mine. They kept it quiet. I found out as a teen, hated him, hated your mum. After she died Well.
Andrew, Jenny interrupted, shes falling asleep. I think those pills were sedatives.
Are sedatives safe if shes pregnant? We need to get her to a good hospital.
Then Jenny spotted, walking by, her old flame Alex with his new girlfriend. The girl was giddy, clinging to his arm. Jenny prodded Andrew:
Please, can you just splash them with something filthy? Drive through a puddle, will you? Really, I need it.
He didnt get it, but, for some reason, gunned it through a big puddle, soaking the couple from foot to thigh. They jumped and swore after the passing car.
What was that? Why did I do that? Andrew grinned at Jennys satisfied face.
Didnt expect that from youor myself, he muttered, Hows your arm?
No idea. Fingers crossed its not broken.
But the X-ray said otherwisea clean break in the radius. They put Jennys arm in a cast. Catherine slept outside in the car, and had to be woken for the doctor. Both girls were whisked into different rooms.
Andrew waited with Jenny, as she complained, sniffling and fussing.
You could have told me shes my sister! Youve been following me, stressing my hand
Come on, you never said why you were after her.
To keep her out of trouble! Why else? We need to see Catherines grandmotherI promised.
***
When they arrived at Catherines flat, her Nan, Mary Allen, nearly fainted seeing Andrewhed never visited the house beforeand here he was, with an unknown girl in a cast and muddy coat.
Has something happened?
Well, you see Andrew started, but the old lady clutched her chest, eyes wide.
Shes fine! Sleeping in the car, Jenny rattled off, sat down in the hospital, will be up soon, best not to worry.
Andrew was already scouring the kitchen for her medicine.
Why is she sleeping in the car? Whats wrong? Mary wheezed.
Shes alrightjust nodded off. Well wake her and bring her up. How many drops should I give you?
Telling Nan about the pregnancy could wait.
Later, Catherine came round and settled at home. The hospital had rung the midwife for detailsshe lied at first, but threatened with police, she named the pills, and the doctor confirmed there was no further risk to Catherine or her unborn. Gran calmed a bit. Andrew sat up in the kitchen, sharing secrets and family stories. It was time to reveal all.
Jenny, exhausted from her ordeal, went to lie down. She woke hours later, in a strange dark house, phone buzzing.
It was Alice. Looking for her.
Jenny, where are you? You okay?
More or lessbusted arm.
You sound shatteredwhere are you, really?
Oh, Ill be home soon. Dont fuss.
Mary Allen popped in.
So sorry. Catherine insisted I let you sleep, said youd had a dreadful day. She nodded off herself. Did we trouble you? Is someone looking for you?
Goodness, no! Thank you for letting me rest.
Andrew said, ring a taxi when you wake. But perhaps youd like a meal before you go? Catherines still asleep.
Truthfully, I havent eaten a thing. If you offer, I wont refuse.
Over supper, Mary spoke gently of the days revelations. Her daughters affair with Brian Coleman had brought shame, in her mind. Andrew, too, had long carried his unhappiness over it.
After Catherines mother died, Brian never abandoned her, though it was all kept hush-hush. Andrew, for his part, felt guilty that his sister grew up alone. Now he tried to support her as best he could.
I dont know what to do with that boy. Still trying to bear everyones troubles himself.
Jenny realized Mary hadn’t yet explained about Catherine’s pregnancy.
Now he sees it as his fault that he lost track of his sister. Catherines had a hard time, Mary Allen. She needs your support. Thats what nans are for. Youre her guardian angel.
Trouble, you say Her
Yes. Andrew will see her wrongdoer dealt with. Your role is to support her bravely through this. Youre a remarkable lady. She needs you now.
I I suppose so.
You think shell manage?
Shell have helpand you’ll have more family than you dreamed. Even now, youre an angel to her.
An angel?
Jenny smiled, lifting her cast. A tired angel, with a broken wingbut so very glad tonight for you both, Mrs Allen.
Mary shut her eyes, breathed deep. Im not against itnot at all. Let her have the baby. We’ll raise her. Shell finish her schooling. I was so angry at my daughter once. Unforgiving. Didnt want to see her. If only I could turn back time Id forgive everything, just to have her alive.
I wont let history repeat.
***
Youre impossible to pin down, Michael complained down the phone.
Jenny sprawled on her new settee, staring at the ceiling, off sick with her plastered arm and a hacking cough. Her editor had texted: Get well. Give my regards to your mum.
It was as if he read minds; shed just been wishing for a visit to her mother in Pevensy. She missed her. With her arm in a cast, she felt helplessa little girl again.
Shed done well by herself financially lately, with a tidy sum for her most recent case. Still, she needed resta nagging pain, a temperature, a sore throat.
By mid-morning, shed forced herself up, made a coffee, did her best to shake the flu-ish feeling, and crashed back onto the settee. She had a lot to reflect on; lately, so much had happened. Then Michael rang.
Every time I ring you, youre busy, he grumbled.
I’m absolutely free now. Whats up, Mike?
So, is it true that Alice is single again?
Thank heavens shes free Did you want to ask her out?
Well is that a problem?
No, Mike. Go on, surprise us all.
Ive fancied her for ages, honestly, he admitted.
Oh God! Look at youproperly English about it, too. I fancy her. Not shes fit or shes a legend or whatever you lot sayits just I like her.
Thats because I mean it. Where do you reckon I could take her? Cinemas dull, and shes clevershe might hate it.
Dont be scared of clever girls. When people fall in love, brains switch off. She finishes at the station at ten. I always worry she walks home alone that late meet her there?
Ah! Ill do that then.
She works at
Mate, please. I know where she works.
Alright, forgive me, oh Hacker Supreme!
Jenny liked Michaelif Alice liked him too, theyd make a lovely pair. She wished them well.
But she was knackered. No energy left to fuss about anything. Her arm ached, her throat too, but mostly she wanted to cry. Nerves, maybe. Her mind wandered to the people shed helpedfaces flashed through her memory, shadowed by moments shed barely steered out of disaster.
She kept up with them allchecked in now and then. Once shed spotted a cute hippo in a toyshop, thought immediately of Millie, bought it for her as a present.
Looks like him?
Exactly! Millie hugged the toy, Sometimes I go looking along the river, hoping Ill find him. Do you think I will?
I dont know, love. I think he saved you. Maybe hes your real guardian angel.
Millie was getting by, more or lesssummer in a youth camp in Norfolk, rather than Greece, but making new friends, finding new interests.
Paul was out of hospital. Lucy was overjoyed, though she worried. He was healing, Lucy drove him everywhere, and together they often visited young Nicholas in the childrens home.
Claudia and Bernard called regularly, inviting Jenny for dinners. In August, theyd returned to the seaside resort where theyd first met, walking the promenade, reminiscing.
Jenny marvelled at how much had crammed itself into just a few months.
One time, shed trailed Paul up to a rooftoponly to find two boys, barely twelve, psyching up for a jump to the next, lower roof. Didnt look that far from up topa bit of a dash and youd clear it, maybe.
She approached with a calm Hello, surveying the distance.
I see you havent much physics in school yet?
Not really. Next year.
Oh. Well, just jump then. One of you will try, and the other will probably back out.
Why?
Truth be told, Jenny knew next to nothing about physics. Arts graduate at best. But she knew what was at stake. She recalled something about gravity, spun a yarn about misjudging the distance, and suggested a long jump competition first. The cramped rooftop made even a good run impossible, and the boys performed dreadfully.
See, thats what happens. Youd miss by a foot or so and end up scraped off the pavement with a dustpan.
They leftdidnt jump.
What are you doing up here anyway? they asked, on their way.
Me? Came to save you. Im an angel. When you leave, Ill fly off.
Nobody believed her, of course. Jenny was no angeljust an ordinary girl, sturdy rather than ethereal. Besides, the wind bit sharply on the roof, and soon she was cold and bored.
Why did she end up there anyway? Maybe there are no accidents? Life is full of hints and nudges.
And who, after all, is sending us those hints?
