Visiting Gran
Even I couldnt have seen that twist coming.
The girls dashed off, and Lucy and I headed to the corner shopluckily, it was still open. Then it was all hands on deck preparing the foodroast potatoes, chicken, and a good old English salad. Gran, of course, offered her wisdom with each step.
Pop an onion in with the potatoes, love. Makes them lovely and sweet. And dont forget to baste that chicken, itll crisp up nicely.
Gran always adored cooking.
Meanwhile, Molly, the kitten, was causing chaos nipping our ankles. Trying to put her in a box hardly worked anymoreshed become a little escapologist. Not that we really wanted to confine her. There was something about that purring, scruffy little ball, even gnawing on your toes, that filled the room with affection. Lucy and I kept scooping her up for nose-kisses.
Youre supposed to be cooking, not coddling the cat, Gran grumbledbut I could see how much it warmed her heart to have us and the kitten bustling around her home. She was properly tired, but refused all offers to put her feet up.
Ill have a rest later. Wish Id thought of getting a tree, mind. If Id known you were all coming… Remember the old days, Lucy? Your granddad would fetch a fir from the wood, and wed all set about decking it out.
Never mind, Gran. Well have a lovely New Year without it. Well pop round the Smiths later for a wander.
But then, about half five, the porch door banged. Lively voices trailed in… then in burst the smell of pine, resin, and that bitter, Christmassy tangalong with a real Christmas tree, carried by none other than the lumberjack chap from the bus, still wearing his ochre sheepskin coat and flat cap.
Hello there! Happy New Year! Had to go back for this, he smiled, worn out.
That was Fredthe very same Fred from earlier.
Is that for us?
The girlsSophie and Daisywere peering in behind him.
Sophie said youd be here for New Year’s. Couldnt have it without a tree, now, could we?
I felt mortified that someone had braved the woods on our account.
Isnt that actually banned? I asked.
Only if you dont know the secret spots.
He had nice smile, I thought.
Will you help us set it up, Fred? Gran asked serenely. The buckets in the shed. Shame Ive not got any sand, though.
Turns out, hed brought sand too. He peeled off his coat and started looking a proper explorerpatterned jumper, big cord trousers, wool socks. All neat and clean-shaven, close-cropped hairfamiliar in a distant way.
You must come down to the village square later, he said, fitting the tree, the church halls putting on a proper do. Theres a disco and even a bit of accordion for the oldies.
Which lot are you celebrating with? I teased. Stomping at the disco or hanging out with the folks?
Used to be the disco, he said, filling the bucket, but last year, I wandered towards the old people and their accordion. I guess Im getting on. Where do you want the tree?
I was already clearing a corner.
Lucy, the step-ladders in the shed.
The ladder? Surely notthose decorations, Gran, you dont mean the old family ones?
Where else would they be? Theyre still in the loft.
It was like a little miracle. Carefully, I climbed up, found the battered box, and peered down at the girlsexpectant, like they were waiting for magic, just like we did as kids. New Years makes everyone young again.
These are fragile, mind! No sweets for whoever smashes one!
Molly was the worst helpershe tried to use the tree bucket as a litter tray (caught her just in time), jumped at the forty-year-old fairy lights when they flickered to life, and constantly managed to teleport into the ornament box. She was so fluffy and soft, even if she did muck about, she couldnt damage anythingthough some baubles were already cracked.
The old decorationspeeling paint, heavy, vibrant glassenchanted the girls: a sweetcorn, a pilot, a clock, a crescent moon, brass beads, even a toadstool.
Whos this one? A Scout?
Guide! chorused Fred and I.
Fred, were you ever a Guide? Sophie grinned, holding the ornament aloft.
Oh, thats itIm definitely with the accordion now! Fred spread his hands.
I glanced at the tree and thought how it was the spitting image of my old childhood ones. Thank heavens wed decided to come. It was perfect.
After the fuss, everyone peeled off to their families. We celebrated quietlyjust Gran, Lucy, and me. Gran admitted she hadnt sat to New Years supper with glasses in years.
Lucy, what happened with you, if you dont mind me asking?
Its fine, Mum. I just needed to prove a point. Hes with Eve now.
Arthur? Any regrets?
Not anymore. The girls talked me round. There was no future with him, so why waste my time?
And love?
Love should be mutual. Otherwise, its just suffering. And I dont want to be the one getting hurt, Mum.
Out of the mouths of babes
But my daughter isnt a babe anymore. And the truth is, theres no future with Alex either, and theres no point pining. He hadnt even bothered wishing me Happy New Year, and I wasnt in the least surprised. Typical. He wont tomorrow, either. Hell just say he was too busy.
What surprises me more is that I didnt wish him, either. And, honestly, didnt feel like it. I knew hed have blaring music behind him, barely listen. No point.
By about one, the girls burst in and called us out to the square. Both were wrapped in wellies and coats. Lucy had borrowed Grans wellies too.
Gran, who is Fred exactly? I asked, once we were alone.
Fred? Hes Sharleen Nashs grandson. Remember Sharleen?
Not really But I remember him now, his name. Didnt you whack him for stealing apples as a kid?
I did! Sharleen thanked meno one could get through to him!
A thief!
Ah well, who didnt pinch apples when they were young? Besides, look at him now.
Oh? Whats he nowadays?
Hes something in the forces, or maybe the policecant keep up these days. A good boy. Kind. Just hasnt settled down. Sharleens always worrying for him.
Gran was nodding off as the days bustle set in. I too wrapped up and followed the narrow path to the village green, picking my way through the snow. Last year, on New Years night, someone set fire to the hay at the farm. There was always some drama. Better to keep an eye on Lucy.
Outside the church hall, the whole village was out. Father Christmas was there, and the vicar, even the bad fairy. Lucy was dancing with her friends and snapping pictures on her phone. I let her have her space, stood back and watched. There werent too many people drunknot badly, anyway. The kids were darting through the throng, and adults were clapping each other, hugging, inviting neighbours to come in from the cold.
Honestly, the city could learn something from village gatherings. Everyone here knew everyone. So many people just hugged, wished each other well, and welcomed each other in.
And then I spotted Fred. He was helping some fellow shepherd an angry lad off the green. Theres always one.
Fifteen minutes later, he appeared at my side.
Happy New Year! You alone?
Me? Oh no! I havent had a New Years like this since I was a kid. Lucys having the time of her life, and she doesnt even care theres no Wi-Fi.
Yes, kids dont get bored round here. Someones driven off in the tractor already.
The tractor?
Yep. Left outside the drivers house, but a couple of chaps decided to take it for a spin. Drove right onto the frozen pond, if you can believe it?
Didnt it break?
Oh, it did. Luckily, it wasnt deep, so we hauled it out. Scared them sober, mind you.
Goodness!
Honestly, tonight weve reached the three-year record for village tipsiness.
I remember you, you know. Back when you and my cousin Rob pinched Grannys applesshe gave you both a hiding in turn.
He laughed. Oh, come onit wasnt that bad! Just a quick swap with her stick. I never forgot Granny Noras lessons. We had a great countryside childhood. And I remember yousweet little girl with ringlets and a spotty dress.
Really?
Oh yes. I always thought I was just some village urchin with scuffed kneesand you, some posh city girl. Recognised you on the bus straight away, you knowwhen you wrinkled your nose. I was always worried Id smudge you or something. Honestly it still makes me nervous.
I laughed, took his arm, and suggested a walk.
Shall we go for a wander, just friends, like brother and sisterstraight up?
We lost track of time, chatting and listening. The girls slipped away to Daisys house. We called after them, trailing behind.
Mum, can we stop at Daisys for a bit? Lucy shouted.
Ill wait for you, called Fred.
You dont have to! Sophie laughed.
Oh, but I promised your mum!
So, we waited at Grans, and the chat just flowedeffortlessly. Why? Maybe theres something about this place, and all the childhood memories, that makes people open up.
Fred, it turned out, had loved someone oncea woman older than him, already married. He seemed to still carry a torch for her, which might explain why hes not settled down. He grew sombre talking about her.
I opened up about my divorce, my own tangled feelings, and the trouble with Lucy. We drank coffee, watched the silver snow, and I just didnt want to sleep.
So, youre in London now? wed already dropped the formalities.
Just outside, these days. Used to be up north in Yorkshiremoved for the job. Im with the police. Here, there, and everywhere. No real home, no family.
You still have time, Fred.
When dyou have to get back to work?
Not for a few days yet. Weekend and all.
Well, skiing tomorrow then.
Oh, noreally! We havent got anything for it! We only popped down for a day.
We can sort that.
No! I havent skied in years, and Lucys never tried. Honestly.
***
Next morning, the gear arrivedboots, woollies, and even skis. I was sure Lucy would turn her nose up at the big baggy salopettes.
But Lucy was thrilled, although as soon as she got on the skis, her excitement faded a bitshed never really done it before. The girls spent an hour in the front garden teaching her.
I found it easierPE lessons used to be cross-country sometimes, after all. I still fell now and again, but soon found my balance and was gliding along, dodging the trees as the trail twisted its way deep into the woods.
Fred led the way, always circling back to help anyone who slipped. He was a natural.
Mum, look at me! Lucy shouted as she zipped down a little slope, face aglow.
The trees were laden with pure snow, the air crisp and sharp. We even caught a flash of fur as a squirrel darted away.
We aimed for the big hill for proper sledging. Tiny flakes stung my cheeks as I sweated from the climb.
Theres no way! Lucy, dont you dare.
But nothing daunts the brave. Lucy tumbled, but she tried again and again. I hung back, nervous.
Youll love itgo on! Fred egged me on.
So I went. A gentle push, then I shot downthe wind in my face, laughing aloud. I fell at the bottom, but what a thrill! Had to give it another go.
Soon wore myself out, though. Sledging downs fine, but dragging yourself back up…
The girls were in their elementlaughing, filming, getting up to all sorts.
Lets leave them to it, said Fred.
Where? I asked.
Somewhere special.
He led me to a bluff, overlooking a white-frozen river twisting away to the horizon.
Beautiful! I breathed.
I always come here, you know. Do you know why?
Why?
To begin again. When something needs leaving behind, to start fresh. Only thing isyouve got to shout.
Shout?
Loud as you can! Like this.
He braced his skis and bellowed:
Eyyyyyy-up!
The snow shook loose from the pines and sparkled in the sun.
Goodness, I couldnt!
You can. Ill go over there so you dont get embarrassed. Just let it all out.
I watched him glide away. Did I really need to do this? All the memories, all the coldness Id walled myself in withI knew I needed to break free.
Like the river, frozen and longing to flow.
Lucy had shaken off her sulks, too. She was freed, laughing and silly, entirely herselfsomething I hadnt seen in ages.
I planted my skis wider, drew a deep breath
Eyyyy-up! Eyyyy-up! I shouted, my joy echoing out.
The magpies scattered, and for a second I think the river hummed in response. I turned and grinned at him. He was looking at me, quite serious.
Yes, I do like him. I realised it nownot as a schoolgirl fancying, but openly, honestly. And he liked me too.
I turned my skis and sped towards him; he came towards me. We tumbled into the snow, laughing. He kissed meicy lips, messy hair, nothing romantic, just pure, honest connection.
We headed back. Lucy fell in beside me, skis scraping.
Mum, I managed seven runsseven! Didnt fall once! The vibe was unreal. Sophie filmed memy mates wont believe it. Best New Years ever! Cant wait to show them.
Lucy, I really do like Fred.
She stopped dead.
Oh! I almost ran into her.
She glanced back at me, paused, then grinned.
So do I, Mum. I mean, not like you do! But Im not against it
Against what?
Against everything. You know, youre actually kind of cool. Go for it, Mumstart something.
Maybe thats the truest seal of approval. And I could see itFred, way up ahead in the sunshine, wanted the same. But I could tell, hes nothing like Alexno mind games, no hidden agendas.
Together, wed left the past behind, right there out by the river. Lucy would understand in time, I was sure.
Soon, he was seeing us off as we waited for the bus.
Are you sure you dont want a taxi? he pressed.
No, were fine, Fred. See? I grinned, showing off the wellies on both our feet.
Oh, I cant bear the thought of school! Lucy moaned.
Dont go, then, Fred shrugged.
Fred! I gave him my best stern look.
Well, what does a couple of weeks matter? Mind you, youll be needing to get your paperwork sorted, Lucy, because soon youll be starting a new school. In London. No arguments.
Fred! Id been trying to find the right way to tell her, but hed just blurted it out.
Really? Wicked! Im on board.
How do you do it, Fred? She always sides with you. Lucy, I wanted to tell you
Dont overthink it, Mum. Ive twigged. You two are completely in love.
You have? Fred grinned.
Yeah. So lets do thisnew chapter.
***
Hello, Lucy.
Hello, Alex.
Sorry I havent called… things have been hectic. After the hols, I legged it to London, thought Id get a spot with Channel 4you know what Im like. Turned out they gave the gig to someone else. Didnt work out. Thought maybe we could meet? Im back.
Im not, Alex. I left Canterbury.
You left? How come? Where to?
To London, Alex. I got married. So please dont call again.
And if theres one thing this whole New Years taught me, its that happiness sneaks in when you let go of old hurts and open yourself to new beginnings. You never know whats waiting round the corner, but when you find your tribeand let yourself belongreal warmth returns. Thats something I wont forget.
