Dads birthday wishes keep getting stranger. Im starting to think he simply doesnt want to celebrate his birthday with his family anymore.
Year by year, I find myself less enthusiastic about celebrating birthdays at all. There comes a point when you realise that youre not really growing up anymore, just getting older, and the parties and guests seem like unnecessary expenses. The older I get, the less I crave company, and these days Im perfectly content with a quick phone call from my parents, a bunch of flowers from my husband, and cards handmade by my daughters. My dad, on the other hand, seems to be going the opposite way.
Hes sixty-seven, soon to be sixty-eight, but unlike previous years, he doesnt want to mark his birthday the way hes done for the past two decadeswith his family. Hes made friends around the street, enjoys popping down to the local pub for a drink and chat about business, and frankly doesnt want his children or grandchildren turning up at his front door. When his attitude started to shift, his requests became thingsone year it was this, another year that, or sometimes he just wanted money. We usually tried to oblige, but my cousin isnt exactly flush, so she rarely manages to get him anything substantial or hand over cash, and Dad made things a bit awkward by asking for things that just arent realistic for her.
Even if word goes round that some people cant come, he still insists that we leave the grandchildren behind at home, either with a babysitter or on their own, because, as he puts it, hes old, gets headaches, and cant bear all the noise. The fact he hardly ever sees his grandchildren anyway doesnt seem to bother him at all.
My husband finds Dads dislike for children quite hurtful. He doesnt even want to go round for birthday tea anymore, and I cant see the point in making a big fuss or hiring anyone to make cakes or set up a little do.
It might be a silly thought, but what if Dad simply doesnt want to see us all, and comes up with excuses just to keep us away? When there are no guests, hell just leave Mum at home and head out with his mates somewhere else, and in the end, were the ones making his birthday feel like a burden.
Perhaps the real lesson here is that not everyone wants the same things as they get older. Sometimes, letting people celebrate in their own wayhowever unconventionalshows more love than insisting on tradition. After all, celebrating someone means respecting their wishes, even if its just a quiet night out with friends.
