Surrendering to Love – “Katie, think it over! Your boyfriend is eighteen and you’re twenty-six! What a perfect couple! What could he possibly offer you? Nothing but endless problems. Your colleagues will laugh at you—teacher falls for her student; that’s unheard of! Quit your job at that school before it’s too late, or they’ll sack you for being immoral,” my mum vividly described the situation. And yet I felt like howling. Somehow, Igor and I had fallen in love. Yes, he was much younger and my student. But in a year he’d finish school and we’d marry. The age gap wouldn’t be so obvious then. I just had to wait. I couldn’t bear to part with him—Igor was my first love. Mum may have exaggerated when she said everyone knew; we were seeing each other secretly. Still, I realised that this “juicy” news would spread through the whole school—everyone would find out. I couldn’t control myself, I melted in his arms, and hung on his every glance. I knew I was setting a bad example. As a teacher, I should be sowing wisdom and goodness. …My mum, also a teacher, couldn’t understand my choice. I regretted sharing my anxious happiness with her; I found no support. How many times did I break up with Igor in my head? Too many to count. But the moment I saw him, my heart skipped—a hopeless, overwhelming love! With Igor, I felt like a giddy schoolgirl. He was a top student, athletic, level-headed, with girls chasing after him everywhere. I felt joyful—and anxious, too. …The last bell rang; Igor entered university. And I… found out I was pregnant. Mum noticed the change and sniped, “Well, what now? Will you get rid of the fruit of your love? Should’ve listened to me!” “No, I won’t,” I said. …Our daughter, Sophie, was born. Igor was in no rush to marry me. His studies came first, and gradually he drifted away—he avoided me, “forgot” to call, focused on university and his new female friends. We broke up. I crashed back to earth, left alone with my daughter. And I could tell no one I’d had an affair with a student—the ridicule and judgment would be too much. My soul was numb. Seeing my state, Mum comforted me: “I feel things aren’t right with Igor. But even in ashes, sparks can remain. Everything can work out.” Years passed, two of them. I met Alex, the “man with the dog,” in the park where I pushed the pram and he walked his dachshund, Honey. He was lovely, warm, and funny—a whole new light. We fell in love. Sophie and Honey kept Mum company while we went out to the cinema and cafés. Mum beamed: “Go, enjoy yourselves. I’m happy to babysit.” …In time, Sophie and I moved in with Alex. It was calm and peaceful, no emotional turmoil. One day Mum called, flustered, “Sophie’s father came. He shouted in the stairwell, demanding to see you. I gave him your address. See what your precious pupil turned into?”, “Don’t worry, Mum—we’ll sort it,” I said, nerves tingling. Why had Igor resurfaced now? Soon Igor arrived: “Hello, Katie. I see you’re doing well. You’ve got a husband raising my child—what gives you that right?” “Igor, where’s it written that Sophie is your daughter? You gave her up. What’s your complaint?” He softened, “Katie, maybe we could get back together? We once loved each other.” “I remembered for a long time—but Alex helped me forget you. Thanks for the love lesson. You lost me, you won’t get me back. Goodbye,” I said, shutting the door. Alex came home and asked what was wrong. I told him about Igor’s visit. “Nonsense. Don’t worry. Maybe he just got nostalgic. Let’s have dinner,” he smiled, pulling me to the kitchen. “Husband? But my passport’s blank!” I teased. “Katie, will you marry me?” Alex, on one knee, asked softly. “Scared my ex would steal me?” “Terrified. Well, do you agree?” “I’ll think about it,” I winked, knowing he would always look after me. …We married that summer; Alex adopted Sophie. A year later, our son Max was born and we had our cosy family nest. Igor never bothered us again. I heard he married a classmate, who soon left him with their three-month-old—ran off with an army officer. …Years have flown by. Alex and I have touches of grey. Sophie married a foreigner and now lives in Italy, taking Honey’s descendant with her: “At least one family member to keep me company far from home.” Now our only worry is Max, who at twenty-two is besotted with his literature lecturer—a married woman with two daughters. What do I say? Remembering myself, I know I can’t talk him out of it. Everyone learns from their own mistakes. “Max, decide for yourself. Just please, don’t hurt this woman. Don’t make a mockery of her. Be a man. Think carefully before you act,” was all I could say. “Mum, you and Dad are the best examples I could wish for. Thank you for not lecturing me,” he said, kissing my cheek. …There was no big wedding. Lecturer Marina and Max registered their marriage at the town hall, and their daughter Zoë was born in due time. When it comes to love, there’s just no escaping…

SUBMITTING TO LOVE

Victoria, have you lost your mind? Your boyfriend is eighteen, and youre twenty-six! What a pair. Really picturesque. What could he possibly offer you? A world of trouble, thats what. Your colleagues will laugh behind your back. The teacher who fell in love with her studentimagine that. Hand in your resignation at that school before its too late; otherwise, theyll sack you for being immoral. My mother painted the brightest picture she could.

All I wanted to do was howl. It just happened that Oliver and I fell for each other. Yes, he is much younger and my student. But in a years time, hell be finished at St. Andrews Sixth Form. Well get married. The age difference wont stand out. I just need to be patient a little while longer. I didnt have the strength to leave this boy. Oliver was my first love. Of course, Mother was being dramatic, claiming everybody knew about us. The truth was, Oliver and I met in secret.

Naturally, I understood that news like this would fly round the whole schoolonly the deaf would miss it. Still, I couldnt control myself and basked in his embrace, hung on his every glance. I realised I was setting a dreadful example. As a teacher, I was supposed to impart wisdom and kindness.

My mother was a teacher too, and for her, my behaviour was completely beyond understanding. I regretted telling her about my joy and anxietyshe offered little comfort. Countless times, Id rehearsed breaking up with Oliver in my mind. Too often to track. But each time I saw him, my heart would skip a beat, my breath caught, and Id stop caring about anything else. I loved him. All rules forgotten, I went against everything.

With Oliver, I felt like a silly teenager again. He was top of his class, athletic, level-headed. The girls in his year all trailed after himthe unseen jealousy gnawed at me. My heart was both giddy and nervous.

The last school bell finally tolled. Oliver went off to university. AndI found myself expecting a baby.

My mother, never missing a thing, spotted the changes immediately. So, there you go. What now, Victoria? Going to get rid of the baby? You didnt listen, and now its your bed to lie in.

Im not getting rid of anything, I answered.

Our daughter, Alice, was born. Oliver was in no hurry to become my husband. His studies came first, and honestly, he began to drift from me. He dodged me, forgot to call.

Student life, course mates Soon enough, we parted ways. Our paths separated, and I had a sharp fall down to earth. I was left alone with my daughter, unable to speak a word of the affair with my student to anyone. The humiliation and judgment would be sharp and swift. My heart felt numb.

Seeing how broken I was, my mother tried to reassure me. I can tell things have soured between you and Oliver. Never mind, love, sometimes even ashes hold a spark. Stop putting yourself through itit will all work out, youll see.

Two years passed without a word from Oliver. I started getting attention from a man who always had a dog with him. I called him the man with the dog. Luke and I met in Hyde Park, where Id stroll Alice in her pram, and hed be out with his dachshund puppy, Honey. We struck up a conversation and hit it off.

Luke was a lovely manwarm, witty, a delight to be around. Before long, I fell in love. Wed leave Alice and Honey with my mother and go out to films or cafés. Mum was overjoyed: Off you go, enjoy yourselves while you can. Ill happily mind my granddaughter and the dog.

After a while, Alice and I moved in with Luke. Life became calm and pleasant, no dramas or worriesjust steady contentment.

Then one day, my mother phoned, her voice hesitant and anxious. Victoria, Alices father came round. He was shouting on the stairwell for you, demanding your address. I got frightened and gave it to him. Turns out your lovely student was all velvet and charm, but not above a scene.

No worries, Mum, its fine. Well handle it, I said, but inside I was nervous. Why had Oliver suddenly remembered me?

Oliver turned up not long after. Hello, Victoria. I see youre doing wella husband who raises my child. By what right?

Oliver, whos to say Alice is yours? You abandoned her willinglywhats your complaint?

Oliver softened instantly. Victoria, its not like that Maybe we could try again, live together? We loved each otherhave you forgotten?

I remembered for a long time. But Luke helped me forget, for good. Thank you, Oliver. You lost me for goodgoodbye, I said coldly and showed him the door.

When Luke came home from work, he noticed my restlessness. Something happen, Victoria?

I told him about Olivers visit.

Nonsense. Dont worry. He just missed you, as people do. Now come, your husbands waiting for dinner, Luke said, hugging me and towelling me off to the kitchen.

Husband? My passports still crying out for a stamp, I grinned and gave him a wink.

Victoria, marry me! Luke knelt down and held out his arms.

Are you frightened my ex will steal me away? I laughed.

I am! So, will you?

Ill think about it, I teased, knowing full well Luke would never let harm come to me.

That summer we were wed. Luke adopted Alice. A year later, we had a son, James. Our cosy home was full of warmth.

Oliver didnt trouble us again. I heard whispers that hed married a girl from university, but shed left with their three-month-old child, running off with some officer to an army base.

The years sped by.

Luke and I have now got silver at our temples.

Alice married an Italian and moved to Rome. She even took Honeys grandpup with her: Let at least one member of the family warm my heart so far from home.

Only James is left to worry about. Hes twenty-two, at college, utterly taken with his literature tutor, who seems just as fond of him. Its like history repeating itself. Im torn. Should I accept such a flawed relationship, or try to talk him out of it? Remembering myself, I know its hopelesswhen you love like that, words are useless. Only trouble is, his beloved already has a husband and two daughters.

What advice could I give? And who takes advice anyway? Everyone learns their own hard lessons, forges their own paths.

James, make your own decision. I only ask that youre kind to this woman. Dont bring her to ridicule. Be a true man. Think carefully before you take such a step. This isnt something to do lightly. That was all I could manage.

Mum, you and Dad have always been the best example to me. Thanks for not lecturing, James said, giving me a kiss on the cheek.

There was no wedding. The tutor, Caroline, and James simply registered at the council office. In due time, Zoe was born.

You cant escape love, no matter where you go.