The Other Mans Bride
Valerie is always in demand. He never needs to advertise in newspapers or on the telly, yet his name and number spread, as they say by word of mouth, through Englands own grapevine. Hosting a charity concert? Not a problem! Organising an anniversary bash or a wedding? Brilliant! He even once led a leavers do at a local nursery, charming both the toddlers and their mums!
It all began quite simply. A close mate was getting married, the master of ceremonies they’d booked in advance didnt show upapparently hed gone off on a bender. There was no time to find someone else, so Valerie grabbed the microphone.
At school, he starred in the end-of-term plays, joined a local theatre group called The Lantern, and at uni, he was a mainstay in the annual Students Gala and the inter-university comedy quiz. Valeries impromptu act was a huge success, and right there in the function room, two couples approached him to ask if he could run their events too.
After university, Valerie landed a position at one of Oxfords research institutes, scraping by on a meagre wage. His first extra cash from running special occasions gave him a real buzz, and he jumped at job offers, reaping not only a solid monetary reward, but a good deal of personal satisfaction too. Soon, his event work was earning him nearly ten-fold what he got from his junior research post.
After a year, Valerie took the plunge: he left the institute, splashed his savings on top-of-the-range sound equipment, set himself up as a sole trader, and officially joined the entertainment industry. At the same time, he began taking singing lessonshe already had a decent voice and a good ear, after all. Before long, he was a singing master of ceremonies, moonlighting three nights a week as a vocalist at a restaurant in Kensington.
Now, at thirty, Valerie is a good-looking, fairly well-off fellow, known as a decent singer, a popular DJ, and a top-notch host who can liven up any function. Hes still a bachelorwhy rush? Girls flock after him; he only has to wink and theyll follow him anywhere. But his friends are all settling down and having kids, and gradually, Valeries starting to think about finding a quiet family happiness of his own. Just one problemtheres no one to share it with. He only fancied the easy flings for what they were. He wanted something moresomething that would last a lifetime.
You need to meet a schoolgirl, raise her your way, and then, once she turns eighteen, marry her. Thats the perfect wife!
He began taking bookings for school-leavers proms, hoping to find a nice young girl. But the girls of today left him rather disappointedthey werent anything like what he had in mind. Still, Valerie didnt give up, keeping a keen eye on the younger crowd, as he put it, hunting rare game. And thats when fate decided to have a laugh at his expense.
At first, nothing seemed amiss. A woman rang, dropping the name of a mutual acquaintance:
We need a host for our wedding. Are you free on the 17th of June? Brilliant! Could we meet?
They met, and straight away, Valerie understood the old saying, the ground moved under my feet. The woman introduced herself as Catherine, and she was absolutely stunning; Valerie had never seen anyone like her in real life. She spoke confidently and clearly, laying out precisely what she wanted. He couldnt help but gaze at hersomeones done well for themselves! Not just beautiful, but clearly clever too. A rare combination! At first glance, Catherine seemed about twenty-five, maybe a touch older, but during the chat she mentioned having been in the Young Socialists, which made her at least forty!
They discussed all the details, reached an agreement, and signed a contract, though Catherine objected:
Whats it for? I trust youeveryone speaks so highly of you!
Valerie always insisted on a contracthe stuck to its terms without fail and expected the same of his clients. So, he insisted:
I have to file everything for the taxmandont want any trouble.
Privately, he admitted to himself that maybe he just wanted something tangible to remind himself he hadnt dreamt her upCatherine was really there.
Suddenly, her mobile pingeda text arrived.
Oh, heres the groom! Hes come to pick me up. Want a lift?
Valerie declined but walked her out, as he usually did if the couple arrived separately, to get a sense of how they behaved together. But this time it wasnt curiositymore like envy and jealousy. The groom took him by surprise. Valerie had imagined a sharp, forty-something bloke, Catherines age. But out of the car sprang a lad clearly younger than Valerie himself:
All right, Catherine, everything okay?
She just smiled at him, as if to say, of course it is. She got in, the groom closed the door, then turned to Valerie.
So, youre hosting our wedding? Brilliant! My mate Steve spoke very highly of you, said youre the best he offered his hand, Sorry, Im Robert, the groom.
Valeries strongest urge was to knock this Robert the Groom flat, wipe that happy grin off his face, but instead he just shook his hand.
Valerie. Pleased to meet you.
From that day, Valerie could think of nothing else. He invented reasons to ring Catherine, just to hear her voice, to see her again. The wedding day approached inexorably, and Valerie felt like he was losing his mind. The only friend who knew confided, with a bit of a smirk:
And what about those schoolgirlsyour recipe for the perfect wife?
Valerie just waved him away.
To hell with schoolgirls! Catherines the ideal woman, I dont need anyone else!
Well, tell her how you feel, advised his mate, only for Valerie to snap sharply:
Are you mad? Shes getting married! She must love him. Why would she ever choose me with my silly feelings?
Now and then, the cheerful Robert came round:
Catherine wanted you to have this
Each time, Valerie hated him with a passion, barely stopping himself saying something cutting. He even thought of pulling out of the wedding, reputation be damned! But then hed never see Catherine again, and the thought made him back down.
Two days before the wedding, Catherine turned up againshe said she wanted to polish up the script so everything would be perfect. Her office was being refurbished, so they met at Valeries flat. They ended up talking about everything but the wedding, laughing, both in high spirits. Finally, with all the details sorted, Valerie suggested a glass of champagne:
To the perfect wedding.
Catherine gave a carefree laugh, Why not?
She looked even more lovely as she smiled. The champagne loosened their tongues, and suddenly he kissed her. And, astonishingly, she kissed him back. They both felt their heads spin.
Valerie woke with a start. He sat up, looked around. Had he dreamt it, or did he really just have the best night of his life? She was gone, but her perfume lingered on the pillow. So, it wasnt a dream. Tortured by doubts, Valerie got up and realised: no, it was real. What now? Surely the wedding would be off? Valerie dialled Catherines number:
Morning
She greeted him like nothing unusual had happened.
Morning! How are you? Sorry I slipped out without waking you, but as you can imagine, wedding day tomorrowso much to do!
So the weddings going ahead? Valerie asked, voice flat.
Of course! Why wouldnt it? Everythings tickety-boo!
Are all women this heartless? How could she go through with it, look her fiancé in the eye without blinking? Valerie couldnt settleshould he ruin the wedding? Did he even want someone so cold? But honestly? He did. More than anyone.
He arrived early at the restaurant next day. The decorators were finishing off the tables, stealing flirty glances his way. Then
He couldnt believe it: Catherine walked up to him.
Morning. I slipped out straight after the registry. I just had to see you, she beamed at him, Whats wrong, Valerie?
I dont get it, he stammered, So, you got married? Then you left?
Yes, silly head. Why would I swan off round town with a group of young people, when Id rather be here with you? Or dont you want me?
Wait, young people? I thought you were the bride?
Catherine stared at him, stunned, then burst out laughing. Her laugh was so warm and sincere that Valerie couldnt help grinning too.
Heavens, no! Its my daughter, Cathy! She studies up in Manchester, just flew in yesterday, she suddenly sobered, You really thought I was the bride? And two days before the wedding Id sleep with someone else? Thanks for the opinion!
Only now did it click for Valerie. Catherine had never said I or wealways the bride and groom. Robert never called her by a nicknamejust Catherine, and always you. How did he not see it before? He felt like such a fool. Then he summoned his courage for the only question that mattered:
And you are you single? When she nodded, he blurted, Will you marry me? Please
The wedding was a triumphthe host outdid himself, the guests were delighted. The happy couple came over to thank him:
Thank you! We have no idea how to repay youit was wonderful.
Ill take care of it, said Catherine, hurrying over. Your limos outsidego on, Ill see to everything here.
News that Valerie was marrying a woman nine years older rocketed round the family. At first, people were sceptical, but seeing the bride, everyone agreed:
Well, who wouldnt fall in love with her?
Catherine and Cathy gave birth around a fortnight apart.
