So, whats this then? Are you sulking? Is this your way of getting back at me? asked Janet, her tone sharp as ever. Honestly, arent you ashamed? Your poor mother, growing old and frail… I raised you, lost sleep over you for years And this is how you repay me?
No, Mum, Im not trying to get back at you. Im just choosing whats best for me now. And, actually, I learned this from watching you.
Ive regretted this hundreds of times, you know,” Victoria said, her voice breaking as she tried to be heard above her daughters wailing in the background. Im absolutely worn out, Mum. I dont have any strength left.
Thats just how it is when youve got a little one, honestly, Janet sighed. They all cry, you know.
But Victoria could see her mum wasnt picking up on the hints, so she decided to spell it out.
Mum please. Could you just take her for a couple of hours? Or pop over and sit with her so I can get a bit of sleep? Im truly losing my mind. Everything feels foggy.
Janets tone shifted straight away. Lets not get into a strop. Who did you have that child for? Yourself! So shes your responsibility.
Itll get easier when shes a bit bigger. I raised you without all these nappies and baby gadgets and I survived. Mind you, my blood pressures up and down in this weather, it wouldnt do for me to collapse at yours.
Victoria was completely floored. She didnt know how to respond.
Fine. Whatever. Ill manage she mumbled, hanging up.
She felt a coldness settling in her chest. That child-like sense of safetyknowing that Mum would fix things if you just called outwas simply gone. Victoria couldnt even argue. Or could she?
Victoria had often put herself last for her mothers sake. Like every Christmas and New Year. First, when friends invited her over; then, later, when all she wanted was a quiet time with her husband.
Oh, I see Janet would sigh whenever Victoria mentioned her own plans. Well, you have a lovely time, I suppose. Ill just be on my own… You bring them up, sacrifice everything, and end up alone at Christmas
Mum, dont be like that Ill come round to yours as soon as Im up on the first.
Oh, dont mind me Ill just wait for you. Might not bother celebrating at all. Ill go to bed at ninethe New Year can pass me by.
And every single time, Victoria caved and went to see her mum. Because how could she leave her alone? Let the friends have their parties and silly hats, the romance could wait. As long as Mum wasnt lonely.
But that wasnt the end of it. Janet was a master at guilt-tripping her daughter with her aches and pains. If anything was wrong, shed never phone a doctorshed just ring Victoria in a panic.
My blood pressures through the roof. Honestly, I think this is it Vicky, you need to come round now!
Mum, Ill come, but call 999 too, will you? This isnt something to play around with!
Oh, what for? What can they do? Theyll just take me to hospital and the doctors there are hopeless! Lets just see if we can sort it ourselves. Give me an injection. If Im any worse, then well call them.
Janet didnt trust doctors one bit, and would get snappy if Victoria even suggested an ambulance.
Instead, she believed a nice leg massage, some vinegar compresses, and Victorias full attention would solve almost anything.
And so Victoria would sit, shaking, forced to take on all the responsibility, making up injections herself. Helpless to do anything more, she could only sit by and hope.
Yet again, she found herself cancelling plans, leaving work early, dropping everything.
Even when she knew there was nothing she could really do, and it only left her drained. But could you really leave your mum alone in a state like that? It didnt feel right.
Janets conscience, though, seemed to cope just fine. Especially considering she wanted grandchildren just as much as Victoria.
Lucys granddaughters started school already! Janet would sigh at every family gathering. And Tracys got two little ones now. Im alone, like some waif When are you finally going to give me a grandchild? Id like to have the energy to take care of them, you know!
But now now that a real baby had arrivedone with colic and crying and messJanet was suddenly nowhere to be found.
It hurt. I had a child for myself Well, Victoria wouldnt forget that.
The next six months? Honestly, it was just the same routine over and over again: feeding, crying, rocking, collapsing into a nap, more crying. Victoria stopped knowing what day of the week it was.
Janet still featured in her life, but only at a distance, like an acquaintance. Once a week, shed ring up:
So, hows the little one? Growing?
But the moment she heard granddaughters cries in the background, shed quickly wrap up.
Oh, Vicky, sorry, but Ive got a headache. Its so noisy at yours! Take care, sweetheartmotherhood is tough, and shed hang up.
So, Victoria learned to manage without her mum.
It was actually Mikes mumAnnewho stepped in. Anne was firm, but kind, not one for mushy words or grand promises.
But when she noticed the dark circles under Victorias eyes, she just started showing up on Saturdays, her day off.
Right, youoff to bed, shed say, no nonsense about her. “Were taking Sophie to the park. Three hours. End of.”
The park? Shell cry!
Shes not made of sugar, shell survive. And you need some proper sleep.
It was Anne who suggested, more than once, that Victoria should hire a babysitter for the odd afternoonjust to get a nap.
And it was Anne who finally said, This much crying isnt normal. Enough of those GPs who blame everything on teething. Lets get a proper look.
Anne got them in to see her friend, a paediatrician, and paid for everything without a fuss. The doctor figured out what was wrong within minutes.
In simple terms, shes got awful heartburn after every meal, but its treatable.
Two weeks later, peace finally returned to Victoria and Mikes home. Sophie stopped writhing and screaming, and started sleeping through properly.
Suddenly, Victorias world came back to colour. Sophie became the granddaughter every granny dreams offull of giggles and with the sweetest dimples.
December crept up, as did hints of festivity. Janet, who had only really seen Sophie via video calls, couldnt help but notice the change. Now, shed see her granddaughter laughing, playing with blocks, fussing over dolls.
And so, suddenly, Janet wanted back in.
Vicky, what should I cook for you lot? she asked, all gentle, a week before New Years. You are coming over to mine for the celebrations, arent you?
But its Sophie and I thought kids were too much for you?
Oh, dont be silly. Shes a proper little girl nowso well-behaved. Ive even bought a big doll for her! Well decorate the tree, Ill make brawn for Mikehe loves that, doesnt he?
Once, Victoria wouldve been delighted. Shed have thrown herself into making a menu with her mum, excited to feel her love again. But now, she just felt still. No anger, just a strange, cold quiet.
Mum, were not coming.
What do you mean? Janet was almost offended. Where will you go? Sit home alone?
Were going to Annes. Spending it there.
What, to Annes? So, youll go to Mikes mothers, but leave your own mum alone for New Year?
Mum dont take it to heart, but Anne was there for us when Sophie wouldnt stop crying, when I was at breaking point.
She loved us even when we were at our worst, andwell, you said it yourself, I did this for myself. So, I get to choose who I spend my New Year with.
There was silence on the line for a moment.
So, youre sulking? Getting back at me, is that it? Janet accused. You should be ashamed! Your old, ill mother I raised you all by myself and now you cast me aside?
No, Mum, Im not punishing you. Im simply doing whats best for me. Like you always did.
Janet carried on, but Victoria had had enough. She made her excuses and ended the call. She couldnt face another guilt trip.
With a deep sigh, she put the phone down and headed to the bedroom. There, on the carpet among scattered bits of Lego, Mike was building something, fully engrossed with Sophie. Sophies laughter filled the room as she knocked down a tower.
Victoria paused in the doorway and smiled. Yes, she felt a pang, but it was that good kind of sadnessthe kind you get after a big spring clean, clearing out the old teddy bears and making space for something better.
She wasnt going to cut her mum out completely. Shed just stopped betraying herself.
Shed stopped running every time for people who only turn up when the suns shiningand started sticking by those whod hold an umbrella over her through the foulest storms. And as for anyone who didnt like it? Well, they could look after themselves.
So, what do you thinkwas Victoria right? Let me know what you reckon, and give this a little thumbs up if it rings true for you.
