Mum, meet Jane, my fiancée, Edward grinned broadly.
Catherine hiccupped in surprise. When her son had told her two days prior that he was coming to visitand not aloneshed been thrilled. The lad was nearly thirty; it was high time he settled down. Shed imagined a modest girl, perhaps a quiet face, hair plaited neatly down her back. But this? Nearly six feet tall, skirt hardly covering, and if she bent, well, everything visible. Instead of a proper blouse, a thin strip ran across her chest. And the shoes! Catherine had never seen such towering heels, tied round with odd bits of twine. And an enormous suitcase, to top it off.
Well, hello, Catherine managed, then called out, Pete, come down! Edwards brought his fiancée. Come and meet her
Peter appeared in his battered pyjamas, stretched old vest and shorts. He saw Jane and his mouth fell open.
Hullo! he said quickly, making a beeline for his room to dress.
He returned sporting his new tracksuit. Cheeky devil, Catherine thought crossly.
He strutted in with a grin. Excuse me, Miss, sorry I appeared so dishevelled. Let me take your suitcase, Ill bring it inside for you. Come in, dont be shy, he fussed.
Jane stumbled on every step leading to the porch, finally making her way inside.
Catherine hugged her son, whispering, Whos this youve brought, love? Shes, well, rather a handful
Edward laughed. Youll get used to her, Mum. She only seems wild. Shes truly kind and thoughtful. Youll see, and went inside himself.
Catherine crossed herself. Good heavens, what a surprise she muttered, hurrying after.
The men whispered conspiratorially at the kitchen table, while Jane unpacked in Catherine and Peters bedroom. Catherine watched, bemused, as hats, swimwear, sundresses and undergarments flew out of the suitcase.
Whats this? she picked up strings between two fingers.
Theyre thongs, offered Jane, Want a pair? Ive got new ones.
Catherine shuddered at the mental image of those strings on her own ample figure.
No, thank you, she grumbled. But what business do you have in our bedroom? she asked.
Edwards room is so small and yours is spacious. Uncle Pete said it was fine. He said youd make room, Jane replied without guile.
So, Uncle Pete, is it? I see Catherine left the room, dragged Peter outside by the arm.
Are you mad? You gave away our room? You can sleep in the shed tonight, you generous soul.
Just then, the cow mooed.
Oh drat! Thanks to you lot, Ive not milked Whitey! she spat, grabbing the pail.
Jane appeared. May I try? Ive never milked a cow.
Catherine smirked, eyeing Janes outfit. In that? she asked.
Ill change! Jane ran off to swap clothes.
She returned in shorts and a crop top. Catherine sighed.
Go on, then. But wear a scarf on your head.
Jane chirped, How about a hat? Ive a lovely one with fruit on it!
Catherine snorted. A scarf. Go on then. She led Jane to the barn, tied the cow, handed her a bucket.
Here, give it a go. Ill prepare breakfast.
Half an hour passed. Jane still hadnt returned. Catherine laid the table and headed to the barn. She laughed aloudJane, hair wild, scarf askew, circled the cow, poking and muttering.
Wheres your tap, milky? Jane puzzled.
Catherine, wiping tears, gave her a proper demonstration. Jane gasped.
Well, I looked everywhere
After breakfast, Jane decided to sunbathe. She spread a blanket, donned her bikini, and lounged. Catherine had begged Peter for a week to mow beside the fence. Hed ignored her until nowsuddenly, he was the perfect host, swinging the scythe.
Catherine fumed but hid it well.
Jane love, can you help me pick raspberries? Well make jam and compote.
Jane sprang up. Of course, Aunt Cathy!
They went to the raspberry canes, Catherine handed Jane a jar. Jane worked diligently, picking berries. Just then, the neighbour called Catherine over and they nattered for nearly an hour. Catherine mourned that Jane wasnt the daughter-in-law shed dreamed of. The neighbour put it plainly:
Oh, dont fret. The IvanovsMitch brought such a bride that Val still looks back in shock. Set the table as tradition, put out the bottle, and that Martha drank herself silly, climbed right onto Mitchs fathers lap, tugged his moustache and cackled like a horse. Kept saying she adored the old men, less stingy. Asked if theyd give her a car for the wedding. Yours at least doesnt dodge work.
Catherine threw up her hands. All this chitter-chatter, I hope Jane hasnt done anything daft
She hurried back to the garden. Empty.
Jane, where are you? she shouted.
Here, came from the nettles and burdock. Jane emerged, hair bristling, covered in burrs.
What were you doing over there? Thats not our land. Its the old, abandoned houses, Catherine exclaimed.
But the berries are huge over there, Jane replied, proudly showing the full jar.
Good heavens. Youve got burrs stuck everywhere. Come, Ill comb them out.
They sat on the porch. Catherine picked burrs, gently probing Janes story. Jane was open.
I lived with Gran. My parents were geologists, always away, until a rockfall took them both. Gran passed just after I finished school. I worked any jobwaitress, pot-washeruntil the modelling agency invited me. But its awful theretreated like a doll, sit here, stand there. When I met Edward, he said I could work at their office, serving coffee. Thats much better. Everyones nice, no creepy suggestions.
After the bath, they all relaxed in the summer kitchen over tea.
Aunt Cathy, will you teach me everything? Its so lovely and peaceful here.
Catherine winked at her son. And will you marry my daft boy?
Jane blushed. He hasnt asked.
Edward roared with laughter. Tricky, Mum! Wont let me stay a bachelor.
Catherine snorted. Youve loafed long enough. Listen, Jane, if he wont propose, you come live here. Ill find you a fine husband.
Jane nearly cried. Thank you, Aunt Cathy, but I love your Edward
Within six months, the young couple were wed. Only yesterday, Jane whispered to Catherine shed soon be a grandmother.
Just goes to showyou ought never judge a soul by how they look. You might just miss a good one.
