My Old Wife
The queue at the GP surgery was moving at a pace only snails could envy. Elderly ladies shuffled into the ENTs office, vanished, and didnt reappear for the better part of an hour. James was growing visibly jittery. Work wouldnt exactly shower him with a pat on the back for nipping out for half a day. He stood as close to the doctors door as possible to prevent another sprightly pensioner sneaking in ahead, just like the one whod barged in a moment ago. At least her consultation was quick. Now, finally, it was Jamess turn.
The practice nurse glanced up, snorted with laughter, and busied herself filling out forms. The doctor, a pretty woman with a standard ponytail and barely any makeup, grinned.
So, what brings you in today, James? she asked with a smirk.
My ears been twinging a bit, James mumbled, sliding into the chair.
Lets have a look, then.
The doctor in white leaned closer, while James completely blanked on which ear was supposed to be hurtingno word of a lie, he was perfectly fine. Both he and Dr. Rachel had been well aware of this for some time now; hed come to her surgery three times in the last week alone. All because Dr. Rachel Turner firmly declined his repeated invitations for coffee, let alone allowing him to see her home. But James was nothing if not persistent. Hed privately started calling her Rach, and shed wormed her way into his affections. So hed been queuing up at the surgery like it was his personal day job, just for a chance to see her. He even lurked near the gates in the evenings, though Rachel would only narrow her thick blonde brows at him before marching straight past to her bus stop.
Quite a healthy ear youve got there, James, she said. Youre certainly a tenacious young man. All right, Ill go to a café with you after workbut purely because youre wasting my time. And that of my real patients, who could actually do with a hand.
James lit up like a Christmas tree.
I promise, no more time-wasting, he leapt off the chair. Ill meet you by the gate at six, as always.
Rachel left the surgery at quarter past six, smiling slightly when she spotted Jamess lanky figure by the gate. He seemed decent enough, though clearly didnt quite grasp a few basics. Tonight, shed straighten things out.
So, where are we off to, James? she asked briskly.
He offered her his arm and they strolled down the road at a gentle pace.
I know this great little place, James said. I have dinner there sometimesits tasty, and the coffees top-notch.
Truth told, the food was decent. Rachel ordered a gigantic shepherds pie and a side salad, tucking in with gusto. James watched, astonished, while she giggled.
Yes, James, I can eat for England. They call it feeding a dead horseno matter how much I eat, I never gain weight.
Thats brilliant, Rach, James replied, calling her by her first name for the first time.
He decided the time had come to drop the formalities and pressed her hand gently. Rachel didnt pull away, merely glanced at him with wry amusement.
How old are you, James? she asked suddenly.
Twenty-three, why?
Oh, just curious. Thats a great age. Shame youve decided to set your sights on someone well out of your league. Im forty-three, you know.
She said it with a smile, expecting James to whip back his hand and bolt. That didnt happen, though the surprise was plain to seehe blinked rapidly.
James tried not to look like hed been walloped. Hed spent months queueing up at the surgery, barely able to think of anyone but Rachel. He suspected she was a bit older, but by five, maybe ten years max. Forty-three was… well, that seemed impossible. Not a wrinkle, thick hair pulled back, figure to envy. James felt panic rising but realised he couldnt just forget Racheleven if there was a twenty-year gulf.
That doesnt bother me, Rach, he said, holding her hand tighter. Honestly.
Oh, pull the other one, Rachel burst out laughing. I saw you blinking!
I was surprised, he confessed, but not put off. Id be more worried if you had a husband. You dont, as far as I know?
I did, once, Rachel pulled her hand free. It didnt work out.
In that case, he wasnt the right man, but I am.
Oh, look at you, Mr. Right, she snortedbut allowed him to walk her home that night, and the next. She was genuinely surprised that learning her age hadnt scared James away. The attention of a younger, handsome guy felt all the more flattering for her loneliness.
Turned out, James was alone too. His nan raised him, and shed passed a few years back. Two solitary souls whod stumbled into each other. Whenever Rachel and James went out togetherto the cinema, dinner, a walknobody stared. The age gap was barely noticeable.
Rachels colleagues were aware, of course, and whispered and gossiped, but kept mumuntil Rachel broke the news she was marrying James. Then everyone started lecturing her.
Dr. Turner, with all due respect, he could be your son, said the nurse one day.
Let that be his problem, not mine, Rachel shot back.
She was unruffled by such comments, and secretly buoyed by a sense that spring had burst to life in her soul.
Who knows how long well have together? she mused. What matters is that Im happy now. Dont I deserve a little slice of happiness?
James got much rougher treatment at work.
What, your nan died so now youre after a new mum? a colleague joked.
James responded by giving said colleague a black eye.
So, the wedding happenedjust them at the registry office, no friends or family swarming with congratulations. They didnt mind, though; they were more than content. James moved into Rachels flat, since he hadnt scraped enough together for his own place yet.
Rachel wasnt selfish. She knew James deserved a proper family, children and all. In her forties, she tried for a baby for three years, but by forty-six understood it wasnt to be. James never pressured her or dropped hints, and they looked content together. Even their acquaintances got used to the unusual pairing.
Life rolled along peacefully for a decade, until Rachels health took a nosedive. It started with back problems and before long she was bedridden. Neighbours started placing bets: how long would her young husband stick around now? Would he do a runner within weeks?
James stayed for one, two, three yearsand didnt just stay, but did everything possible to nurse Rachel back onto her feet. He learned to give injections, change drips, ferried her to endless appointments, carried her in his arms wherever needed. People were gobsmacked by his devotion and love.
James never bailed and, in the end, got Rachel back on her feet.
She stood, though she was nothing like her former self. The illness had drained her completely; now she looked every day of her age, if not older. Her hair was streaked with silver, her figure was thin and frail rather than sprightly, her face lined with exhaustion.
James didnt seem to notice his wife had changed, but everyone else did. Now, more often than not, people mistook them for mother and sonpainful for Rachel every single time. James just soothed her quietly.
Rach, ignore them. Whats changed between us? I still love you, still want to be by your side.
Maybe I dont want you by my side anymore, Rachel said one evening. Dont misunderstand, James. Ive been truly happy with you. Ours was real love. But now it hurts. I cant stand the looks and the gossip. Youre not even forty yet, you have your whole life ahead. I feel like Ive stolen your best years. You should have a family, kidsI mean it, James. Its not a rash decision. Ive been mulling it over. Im from a village, still have a house out there. They need a nurse; Ill go, and Ill sign the flat over to youbut first, lets get divorced.
Rach, no! James blurted. Dont talk nonsense. Nothings changed. So you aged a bit, I dont notice. I love you just the same.
I knew youd say that, Rachel smiled. But Ive already filed for divorce and called the village. If I take the nursing job, theyll fix up the house. Its settled, James.
James pleaded with her to reconsider, convinced hed won when Rachel stopped raising the subject. Then one day, he came home to find the deeds in his name and a note on the kitchen table.
My dear James, thank you for the happy years, for not dumping me in my darkest hour and helping me to stand tall again. Without you, I never could have. Dont be sad; Im not. I just havent the strength to be a young mans wife anymore. Go, build a family, be happy. That will make me happy, too.
James was distraught. He barely remembered her villages nameafter all those years together, he realised, shed never actually told him. Perhaps on purpose.
He didnt give up easily. Months were spent trekking through little towns, popping into every health clinic and village surgery within miles, but Rachel was nowhere to be found. The divorce became final in absentia. Realising she was lost to him, James went out and got properly drunk. He lost his passport and gave another colleague a black eye at work, the one who congratulated him on his lucky divorce and new flat. He had to change jobs and get a new passport, kicking off a totally different life.
Eighteen months later, James met Emily. She bore a striking resemblance to Racheljust five years younger than James himself. After a few months together, Emily was pregnant. Perhaps shed hurried things along; she liked James and her biological clock was ticking. James, being an upright chap, proposed. His only regret was never telling his new wife the whole truth about his first marriageit just felt too private, too personal. Emily gathered only that hed once been married but neither the age gap nor the reason for divorcing Rachel ever came up.
Seven months after their wedding, Emily gave birth to twinsa girl and a boy. And only then did James realise he was happy againhappy as hed been once with Rachel, before her illness. He loved Emily, he loved his children.
When the twins turned five, James took them to the funfair one Sunday. Emily stayed home for a spot of deep-cleaning, seizing the chance while her two hooligans were out from under her feet.
James settled them on the carousel, checked the seatbelts twice, and stepped back. Watching their laughter, he caught sight of a familiar, frail figure hiding behind a tree at the edge of the park. Even before he recognised her, his heart was already thumping in his chest.
He slipped round the carousel, determined to get to Rachel before she could vanish. It was her, of course. She stood by the tree, watching the carousel. When she finally spotted James approaching, she looked flustered but didnt run.
Rachel was even more changed. Before him stood a little old ladyhalf her hair now silvery, pulled into a bun, thin frame slightly stooped, eyes lined with fine wrinkles. James didnt care; he wrapped his arms around her.
How on earth did you find me here? he asked.
I followed you from the flat, she confessed. I just wanted to see you and your little ones. They look so much like you. Im glad youre happy, James. Sorry for intrudingIm only in town for a couple of days, staying at a B&B.
Youre not leaving town to stay in a hotel, James insisted. Youre staying with us. Emilys never met you. Come on, Ill introduce you.
Emily had just put the toys away and was about to mop the kitchen when she heard chaos in the hallwayJames and the kids were back, apparently before shed finished. To her surprise, there was an elderly lady with them.
Emily, meet my Aunt Rachelshes the one who left us this flat, James improvised.
Lovely to meet you, Rachel said, slightly embarrassed. I hope Im not imposing. Im just visiting for a couple of days, staying at a B&B.
Dont be silly! You must stay with us, Emily insisted. I cant believe James never introduced us! Come in, lets have lunch.
James was mortified, but Emily treated Rachel like part of the family, even insisting she sleep in the childrens room. Rachel, on the other hand, was completely at ease, spending time with the twins, showering them with attention. When the weekend rolled around, she invited them to visit her in the village.
Why dont you and the children come and stay at mine next weekend? Some fresh air will do them good. Ive got a cow, chickenstheyve probably never tasted milk straight from the source, have they?
James didnt even have time to object; Emily was already agreeing.
Well definitely come, Rachel. I used to spend summers at my grans in the country. Itll be wonderful for the children.
James half-hoped Emily would forget the plan, but she was resolute.
We promised Rachel. The kids adore her. Were going.
Saturday evening found Emily picking strawberries in Rachels garden while the twins dashed about, getting muddier by the minute.
Rachel sidled over to James, giving his arm a gentle squeeze.
I know youre feeling odd about all this. But were not doing anything wrong. I havent seen you as a husband in years; you havent seen me as a wife. But we love each other, a different kind of lovea strong one, too. I like Emily, and youre not betraying her by coming here. And your children I love them dearly. Itd mean the world if they visited sometimes.
Without looking, James found Rachels hand and squeezed it firmly. That gesture said everything that needed saying.
She was right, of course. He loved her toodifferently now, its true, but no less deeply. Now it was familial warmth, not appetite. But it was powerful all the same.
