Lessons of Life
Evelyn Watson eyed her daughter-in-law with faint suspicion. Usually, Sophie breezed in with a smile, full of light banter and earnest questions about her day. But now Sophie slipped off her shoes in silence and crept into the kitchen, sitting at the table and gazing at a spot on the pale wall as if mesmerized by invisible moths. Evelyns instincts, sharpened by years of exchange, immediately sensed something amiss.
Whats with the long face? Surely nothings wrong with Emily? Evelyn asked, moving closer and lowering herself into the opposite chair, her voice immediately tinged with worry. Her granddaughter was her world, and just the thought of Emily in trouble could send Evelyn into a spiral.
Has she fallen ill? Trouble at school? Has someone upset her?
Sophie looked up, her lips quirking with a smile that lacked any spark. She sighed, dragging a hand across her face as if to flick away the heaviness, her voice sounding tired and faraway.
Its not Emily. Shes fine. Its just Im afraid of losing my job, thats all.
The tension ebbed slightly in Evelyns chestif Emily was all right, there was at least some ground beneath her feet. But Sophies problem still pressed in, serious as ever.
Whats happened then? You seemed settled, Evelyn probed gently, keeping her voice calm, her eyes never leaving Sophies.
Theyve offered me a promotion. I cant really refuse, or Ill likely get sacked. But if I accept, Ill be travelling constantly. Sophies voice trembled, tears glistening in her eyes. How can I leave my little girl? She needs her motherI can’t just vanish for weeks on end.
She fell silent, staring through the window as if longing to escape down the neat terraced gardens of her dreams. The effort to stay composed was etched on her face, and Evelyn reached over, placing a soft, sure hand on Sophies arm.
Well, just leave her with me then. Whats the problem? Im on my pension, more than happy to watch over our little one. It would be a pleasure.
Sophies eyes narrowed curiously. How oddEvelyn had never offered such help before. She’d always kept a polite distance, confining herself to courteous enquiries about Emilys progress. What was different now?
Thoughts fizzed in Sophies mind, but aloud she simply said, You really mean that? You know sometimes Ill be away for weeks.
Evelyn didnt hesitate. Her voice was steady with conviction.
Raised a son, didnt I? Ill manage a granddaughter too. Dont fret.
Sophie bit her lip, stopping short of making a jibe about the upbringing of her husbandand all the headaches it had caused her! She could almost see him now: Andrew, sprawled on the settee, remote in hand, flicking through channels with a bored gaze. Or hunched over the computer, eyes glittering with adolescent delight as the call of video games drowned out Emilys pleas to play, the dinner quietly cooling on the stove. Spoiled, brazen, hopelessly self-absorbed, never much for a hard day’s work, content to laze and tinker online.
Ah yes, hed loved his racing too. That, in the end, was his undoing.
Andrews lust for speed was legendary. Every Friday after work, hed call up his friends, and soon enough theyd all gather in the slipstreamed darkness outside London, hurtling along under the cold sodium lamps, laughing in the rain, undeterred by wind or frost.
Just adds to the excitement! hed roar, fastening his helmet with a big, laddish grin.
Hed survived far too many close shavesskidding into a ditch, scraping the bumper, walking away with a few bruises and his jacket in tatters. Each time he emerged, oddly unscathed, he grew more convinced he was indestructible.
But fate has little truck with arrogance. One bleak evening, after laughter and engines beneath a bruised sky, Andrew misjudged a turn. The car spun, slammed into a postand that was that. There was nothing left for the ambulance to save.
Sophie would never forget that day. Evelyn had faded overnightfrom sturdy and brisk to frail and grey, her laughter gone. But time stitches up old wounds, and gradually, the world had staggered back into motion. Sometimes Sophie wondered, if Andrew had survived but been crippled, would she have managed? Honestly, she wasnt ready. Perhaps, she sometimes thought guiltily, it was all for the better… a curt end with no endless helplessness.
Now, though, as Sophie sat opposite Evelyn, a wave of gratitude tingled within her. This woman who had absorbed so much pain was reaching out to shoulder more, this time for her daughter.
Thank you, Evelyn. I mean it, Sophie murmured, cradling her mug. Ill try to spend as much time with Emily as I can.
Evelyn squeezed her hand gently. Dont fret. Focus on your career. Emilys my granddaughterIll make sure shes loved and safe. You must build your future now. Ill look after her.
There was such certainty and warmth in those words that something small but hard inside Sophie melted. Perhaps… perhaps things really would be all right, after all.
*****
At first, things moved smoothly enough. Emily spent her days at her grandmothers, returning to Sophie in the evenings or staying overnight during her mothers business trips, which was more and more frequent. Sophie never had enough timemost she could manage was a quick chat and a few nuggets of advice, sure Evelyn kept everything ticking along.
But strange little worries started skulking in. First, subtle calls from teachers. Then stern notes from school. Emily was barely doing her homework. Her marks plummeted, and she was falling well behind. Worse still, she sometimes didn’t go to school at all, blaming headaches or forgetfulness.
Anxious, Sophie felt every rebuke from teachers gnawing at her calm. She tried talking with Emily, but the girl shrugged her off. Its fine, Mum. Dont worry. There were never enough hourswork bled her dry.
One night, exhausted, Sophie decided to talk to Evelyn, catching her alone while Emily retreated to her room.
Evelyn, please, could you make sure Emily does her homework? The teachers are at their wits end, she pleaded, her voice verging on desperation. I just dont have enough timeby the time Im home, fed, its already her bedtime.
Evelyn set aside her knitting and raised an eyebrow with calm indifference.
Oh, dont get in such a state, love. Itll sort itself out. Not everyones meant to be a star pupil, you know. Andrew was only ever average at school, but he turned out all right.
Sophie froze, indignation boiling inside her. All right?! Andrew, who never cared for his family? But she bit her tongue. Quarrelling now would be foolishEvelyn might refuse to watch Emily, then what? Leave work? How to pay the bills?
She forced herself to breathe and said, quietly, I just dont want Emily falling behind. Its her future at stake
Evelyns smile was light, almost patronising. Dont fret, dear. Shell be fine. Children all go through this.
Sophies hands trembled on her mug, white-knuckle tight. Through gritted teeth, she repeated, Please, just a bit more help with homework. Emily needs to pass her exams. Its terribly important. If she misses out now, itll be nearly impossible to catch up.
Evelyn snapped the newspaper shut, her mouth flat and stubborn.
Oh, let it be! Emilys doing fine in school. I wont have her chained to a desk all day. She needs her friends, her fresh air, her time to grow. Shell pass her exams in the end, mark my words. No need for all this fuss.
The conversation slammed shut. Sophie could only swallow her words. What else could she dobring Emily home to an empty, silent flat? That would be worse.
Just a couple more years, Sophie reminded herself. Emily was at her grandmothers now, but things would soon change. Sophie imagined how shed bring order, help Emily plan, foster a sense of responsibility. It wouldnt be easy, but shed manage. They would manage. Or so she thought.
*****
Two years crawled by, and things only grew worse. Sophie finally snagged a regular work scheduleno more vanishing on trips every fortnight. No reason now to leave Emily with her grandmother.
One evening, coming home early, Sophie announced softly but firmly, Emily, Ive sorted my work. You can live with me properly now. You can visit Gran at weekends like you always used to want.
Emilys face shuttered, mouth set, eyes sliding away in hard resistance. But she muttered only, Fine.
In reality, she had no intention of changing a thing. What did it matter whose roof? Her mother was always out at work anyway. Emily would still skip homework, wander off with friends, heed her grandmothers wisdom: Dont sweat your grades, dear. Being a good person matters most, not just numbers on a test. And anyway, study never made anyone happy.
Youll marry a good man one day and have everything you want, Evelyn often said with a knowing wink.
But Emily hadnt reckoned on her mothers view.
Lets get your homework done first, then you can play, all right?
Emily gave her a look of disbelief.
Mum! Theres nothing special about today. I know it already. A C will do.
A C will do? Sophies unease flared. But you need to pass your examsdaily work is how you do it.
Oh, Gran says its more important to get on with people than bury your nose in books. All the girls are already out anyway.
Sophie paused, a slow understanding seeping over hertwo years with her grandmother had changed Emilys whole outlook. What Sophie held sacred, Emily now saw as pointless.
Look, Sophie said, Im not stopping you going out. But firsthomework. Thats the rule.
A rule? Emilys voice was loud, wounded. Weve never had rules. Gran never forced me to work!
Sophie closed her eyes for a moment. Even harder than shed thought. But she couldnt flinch.
Emily, were living together now. Our house, our rules. Homework comes first. Then everything else.
Yeah, right! Im off out!
Emily grabbed her coat from the rack and was almost at the door when Sophie snatched the keys from her hand.
Nono going out. Give me your phone and sit down with your schoolwork.
Emily just folded her arms, defiant grin in place.
Im not doing that. My mates are waiting. You cant force me.
Sophie felt molten pain rise up, but kept herself in check. She moved closer:
Oh, I can. Im your mother.
Emily laughedloud and jagged, like shattered glass. Sophie flinched.
You? A mother? Thats a laugh, she snapped, her eyes suddenly hard and unfamiliar. Youre the cuckoo who left her own kid with a pensioner. And now you dare to boss me around?
Sophies breath was squeezed out in shock. Was this really her daughter? Fourteen, never worked, never known what it is to carry a household on tired shouldersand yet
She clenched her fists, fingers trembling with frustration and failure. Was that really how it was? Betrayal? Neglect?
Emily, she whispered, her voice trembling, I never abandoned you. I worked so youd have what you needa good school, nice clothes, a life with choices.
Well I hated living with Gran at first! Emily shouted, tears shining. I hated you always being gone, dumping me on her! You barely rang!
Sophies voice wobbled. She desperately wanted to explain how shed thought of Emily every minute, spent every penny for her. But no words would come.
I I tried to do what was right, she whispered. I really did.
Emily turned away, muttering, Youre always deciding whats best. My feelings never matter. Id rather stay with Granat least she listens.
Emily slipped off to her room, slamming the door. Sophie remained in the hallway, clutching keys and mobile, realising suddenly how far things had slipped.
Inside her room, Emily began to fling her clothes into a suitcase, muttering about servitude and plates and floors, about never being consulted, about not being a maid. All the homework, she insisted to herself, was her business and hers alone.
Still trembling, suitcase zipped, backpack packed, Emily marched to the door, hesitating only a moment as a doubt pricked her. But she smothered it. No, she was right. She dragged her bag to the hall and paused, listening to her mother washing up in the kitchen.
She wont come out, wont even try to stop me, she thought bitterly, and, swallowing hard, opened the door.
Sophie slumped onto the sofa, staring dully into space. She had braced herself for a bumpy transition, but not for Emilys harsh accusations and sudden flight.
Shaking, she dug out her mobile and called Evelynthe only one who might have answers.
After the second ring, Evelyns lilting voice came through: Yes?
Sophie could barely keep her voice steady, anger and sorrow boiling over.
What did you do to my daughter? She wont listen to a word I say! Shes just run off to you, yelling that Im no mother!
A soft, dry laugh stretched down the line. Evelyn sounded almost amused.
Let me guessturned on the homework drill the moment she got through the door? I said it before, Sophie, dont pester a child with all that fuss. Children should enjoy themselves, not rot with books.
Sophies grip on the phone whitened her knuckles.
Fuss? Have you gone daft? Hows she supposed to pass her exams? Get on to higher studies? Youve ruined her prospects with your carelessness! I wont let it stand!
Evelyn paused. When she spoke, her voice was cold and clear.
So shes come to stay with me? Good. Shes better off. Youre not fit to raise a child. Just keep sending the money, dont let your work life suffer.
The words struck like ice. Sophie bristled, voice suddenly brittle and sharp.
Oh, and your job as a mother was such a successAndrew did brilliantly, didnt he? Couldnt stick a job for more than a year, started fights everywhere, abandoned his family, and ended up dead in a ditch! Yes, brilliant upbringing, Evelyn!
There was a long, heavy silence before Evelyn replied, voice icy.
Weve nothing more to discuss. Emilys made her choice. Your duty is only to pay up on time. Unless you fancy a row at work?
Sophie was left clutching the phone, numb and empty, her flat suddenly cavernous and silent. She had no idea how to fix things.
*****
Sophie rarely saw Emily after that. The girl refused even to acknowledge her as mum, calling her the cuckoo to her face and behind her back. Any attempt by Sophie to call or visit was met with locked doors, stony silence, or stinging rebukes.
It was as if, in handing Emily to her grandmother, Sophie had lost her for good. Evelyn, for her part, saw only the echo of her lost son in her granddaughter, lavished Emily with treats and indulgence, repeating that exams were trivial beside charm and spirit. Emily soaked up every word.
Money was now Sophies only connection to her daughtershe sent Emily just enough for modest spending, her conscience unwilling to cut support altogether despite the lingering sting of youre not my mother! The rest she sent to Evelyn.
When the exam results arrived, they were no surpriseEmily had failed nearly every subject. The meagre points she scraped together werent enough for even the most basic college qualifications.
Once, Emily turned up at her mothers office with no warning, striding confidently into Sophies room and plonking herself down with a look of entitlement.
Pay for my course fees, she demanded. Ive chosen something easynothing to it.
Sophie slowly put aside her paperwork, fixing her gaze upon her daughter with weary resolve.
No. Dont even think about it. How many times did I beg you to focus, to simply do your assignments? And what did you do? Went out with friends, binge-watched rubbish, lived the high life. Well, here are the fruits of your labour.
Emily flinched, a flicker of confusion briefly crossing her face before being snuffed out by familiar indignation.
Its just pennies to you! You never even cared about mejust do one decent thing for once.
Sophie pressed her lips in a thin line, then spoke quietly but firmly.
A decent thing? A decent thing would have been teaching you responsibility, not bailing you out again. Youre an adult now, Emily. Time to understandlife isnt all pleasure. Everything costseffort, time, accountability.
Emily leapt up, face flushed with anger.
Youre horrible! You never cared, and youre still thinking only of yourself!
Sophie met her eyes, steady as a stone.
If youd been interested in my life, youd already knowIm on maternity leave in three months. No money for your mistakes. Earn your tuition yourself.
Emily gaped, face pale. When she finally found her voice, it was sharp as broken glass, Maternity?! Are you mad? I dont want some baby brother or sister! Wanting to blow my inheritance, is that it?!
Sophie didnt flinch. Calmly, she stacked her papers and looked Emily dead in the eyes.
Your inheritance? Not a penny of mine will you ever see. Everything I have will go to my son. You said yourself Im a stranger to you.
Emily looked thunderstruck. Words fled her, replaced by a splutter.
You cant do that! You you
Sophie cut her off, turning to her secretary, Lydia, whod hovered awkwardly near the door the whole time.
Lydia, would you get security, please?
Lydia nodded, reaching for the phone. Emily stepped back, but too late; a security guard, tall as the moors, appeared in the doorway.
Youre a grown girl now, Sophie continued, her stare icy. So clever, so independent, always preferred Gran to me. Listen: when you turn eighteen, youll get nothing of mine. Im done.
Emily made a last attempteyes blazing, mouth twistedbut her words fell away. She spat a burning look at her mother, then stalked past the guard and out, the echo of the slamming door ricocheting across the office.
Lydia looked at Sophie, worry on her lips.
Sophie… are you all right?
Sophie exhaled, counting slowly to ten, then replied softly, Yes. All right. Lets get back to it.
*****
Two years later, Emily decided to treat herself to a new dress. Shed admired it in the shop window for weeks. With mounting excitement, she slipped her debit card into the cash machineonly to stare in disbelief at an empty balance.
What? Wheres my money? she muttered, angry and bewildered.
Scrolling through her contacts, she tried to ring her mother. Only a clipped recording replied: The number you have dialled does not exist.
Oh, wonderful. Always drama with you, she sneered at the air.
There was one option leftgo to her mothers old office. She still remembered the address, though she hadnt been near since that spectacular row.
Entering the building, she marched to reception.
Excuse me, is Mrs. Sophie Watson here?
The receptionist smiled apologetically. Sorry, Mrs. Watson left the company some time ago. May I ask who you are?
Emilys heart twisted.
Im her daughter Is there any way to contact her?
The receptionist shook her head gently. Im afraid we cant give out private details, butsomeone left this for you. She handed Emily a plain white envelope.
Emily opened it on the spot, hands trembling. Inside was a simple note, in her mothers neat handwriting:
Happy eighteenth, darling. Time to think for yourself and stop counting on others.
Emilys arms dropped. Envelope and note dangled. The noise of the workplace spun around her, but she was suddenly adrift, invisible to all. There was no more help, no more money, no mother to fix it all.
She slowly slipped the note away and, without a glance backwards, walked into the waiting world alone.
