Shadows
After Andrew came out of his comaa slumber that lasted several yearsand left the hospital, the world outside felt curiously changed with every step he took into this new reality. No, there were no flying cars drifting above Londons rooftops, nor did people drift along the pavements in unusual attire. Life seemed, at a glance, much as he remembered it. And yet…
What unsettled him the most was something subtler. People paid no notice to the remarkable things occurring about them, as though they had grown numb to novelty and so wrapped up in their own concerns that nothing could startle or amaze them anymore. How could that possibly be?
Andrew dear, all these shadows you see began the very year you were taken into hospital, said Mrs Edith Hawkins, an old friend of his mothers and a fixture in their familys life, smiling gently as she poured tea. First, the whole world quaked with the testing of the new hadron bomb. The scientists pin it squarely on those trials, you know; their power and the unsettling aftermath frightened every nationand every soul, really. Im hardly a physicist, but from all I gathered in those heady days, everyone from scholars to politicians was truly alarmed. At first, you couldnt turn the wireless on without hearing about it. Then, as these things do, it faded; but theres plenty to be found online, if you care to look. That year, the world was knocked about: storms, tsunamis, a yellow sky, wild weathernature and people alike needed a good year to recover. Even in England, where the tremors were only moderate, they were certainly felt. There was an odd arc in the sky, streaking into space, like a welding spark from the planets poles. Nights glowed, despite ash and dust, and none could have dreamt of such a thing. People expected the energy release wouldnt endor a black hole would form. But, mercifully, one day, it simply stopped. Perhaps Heaven is looking after us?
Makes you wonder, Andrew replied. But what about nature, then?
Oh, it was a catastrophe for the worlds creaturesanimals and plants lost, parks in the cities changed beyond recognition, treetops dried as though scorched. Ocean waters warmed, coral died off, plankton tooit nearly brought about a catastrophe of its own. Then, volcanoes erupted. When the ash settled, it was as if someone had lifted a curtain and revealed what youre asking about: the world of shadows. Theyre like our worlda silent, intangible double of everything. You see it everywhere now, everywhere you look: life doubled, a sort of silent film playing for free. And you get used to it. People adapt to novelties so quickly, they soon stop noticing altogether.
So youre saying were seeing a parallel world? Andrew asked, setting his tea gently on the table and studying his old family friend.
Yeswell, by the scientists explanation, its something like that. Sometimes I watch, and its as though Im seeing a drama next dooranother houses shadow or perhaps not a house at all, but another building. Sometimes, the images bleed through the walls of the flat. I call it The Lives of Remarkable Shadows, Edith chuckled.
Like waves passing through bricks? Andrew mused, unsettled. As if Im wandering through a cinema, or everyones watching a picture show. And no one finds it strange? Doesnt it mean something? He trailed off, knowing this was probably something for scientists to puzzle over.
Lifes hardly changed apart from that. Prices are higher, of course, but they were on the rise long ago. One never hears of them falling. I hope youve savings set aside, or you wont last on your own for long.
I have a little, enough to get by quietly for a while, Andrew admitted.
Well, we all live simply now, Edith sighed. Modesty is forced on everyone these days.
After bidding farewell to Mrs Hawkins, and receiving the spare keys for his flat, Andrew started to make his way, slowly on still-weak legs, towards Gagarin Street, where he had lived in those other years. All along the way, he stopped to watch the silent play of shadowsanother world layered thinly over his own.
Therea man entered his sitting room, greeted, it seemed, by his wife; he couldn’t tell whether she was beautiful, only that the shadows suggested she might have been, or at least quite ordinary. The man, somewhat portly, removed his hat, gesturedwas it towards Andrew himself? Wait! Did that mean the shadows could see them as well?
No, Ive not heard anyone claim that, his pal Tony shrugged when Andrew asked, its always been that we can see them, not the other way around.
Back at home, Andrew flung open the windows to banish the mustiness. As he glanced over the sideboard to the framed photograph of his wife and son, he caught himself murmuring, Best ring Peterhed be sixteen by now, incredible, almost as if the years had slipped by unnoticed.
He and Mary had parted a year before the coma, when the usual themes of conversation had dried up, leaving only household chores to bind them. Both young enough for new starts, their separation had been amiable, the paperwork formal and quietly done. Yet loneliness sometimes prodded at him, especially for their boy, Peter Andrew.
Sixteen already… Andrew mused again.
The next morning, he spent hours trawling the internet for more about the weapons tests and their strange aftermath.
One site revealed:
When protons collide, quarks combine into baryons, releasing monumental energy. Hadron interactions are among the strongest in nature, and breaking those links unleashes more power than splitting uranium. When U-235 splits, for instance, 200 MeV is released…
Mankind is bound to do itself in, he muttered over his breakfast, half-wishing he hadnt learned quite so much, and yet full of questions, especially about the shadows. But even the worlds most learned minds seemed as puzzled as he was; their explanations were more hypotheses than answers.
Andrew rang his son and arranged to meet, cooked up a simple meal, opened a bottle of ale, poured himself a glass, and, though he meant to turn out the light, instead found himself captivated by the silent lives of the shadows beyond his own walls. These silhouettes seemed to pass through all barriersconcrete, brick, anything. A silent black-and-white world, sketchy and hollow, just outlines and shades.
Here, two recognisable figuresa man and a womanconversed while a child darted after the woman, and the man lingered nearby. The woman bustled about, hoover in handseemingly cleaning. It amused Andrew, but the strange feeling of spying on life unsettled himwhat if someone watched him, in turn, from there?
He turned off the room light. Instantly, the number of shadows faded until, when the curtains were drawn to fend off the intrusive city glow, they vanished completely.
Tell me honestly, Andrew once asked Tony during a walk in the park, is this parallel world truly parallel to ours, or something else entirely?
Ive never thought too hard about it, Tony replied, for me, it just is. Looks like our world, not an exact copy, subtle differenceslike, what if in another version of things, Id gone left instead of right at any crucial moment. Havent you wondered what might have happened if youd chosen differently?
Right. My marriage comes straight to mind, Andrew said, half-laughing.
You never know, maybe in that other world you two are still together.
Ever curious, Andrew asked, Have you noticed, for instance, if the shadow buildings match our city, or if theyre a few streets offlike, does the geography add up?
Ive not looked, but you could study it. Youve time; youre not dashing to work every day. Try going up Primrose Hill and looking down from the top.
So Andrew did, on an autumn morning awash with gold and red. The gondola carried him up, and from the summit, he watched. Sometimes it looked as though things aligned; other moments, not so much. It seemed the hills shadow world mirrored the real one, but seeing it from the city was somehow clearer.
As autumn reached its peak, Andrew one day ran into Tony again.
Whereve you been hiding? Still playing explorer?
Yes, and now I know: the geography does match, after all! I can see how the two worlds overlaybut twisted, shifted here and there.
Fancy that! You ought to tell a university, youd win a Nobel Prize, Tony laughed.
Hardly, Andrew smiled, but theres a catch.
Oh? Whats that?
Try as I might, I cant find myself in the world of shadows. I spent ages looking, more time than I care to admit, but nothing.
Ive an idea, Tony said. Think of the biggest fork in the roadmoments where your life might have gone another way if youd chosen differently. Maybe you see only whats relevant to you? Perhaps you should look not here, but back in Riverside.
You might be right. Our biggest change was movingselling our old family home after my parents passed, leaving Riverside for London. Never wanted the city, really; Mary talked me into it, convinced it was better for work and the boy. Peter was about four? I wonder if, in another world, that never happened.
Exactly. So you should try looking for yourself in Riverside, not here. Dont get hung up on yearsthe times might not match. Compare the places, not the ages.
Soon, Andrew planned his trip. On the way, late autumn fog clung to the valley, resisting the sun. He parked near his old street and peered through the haze. Even then, the shadows were there.
What if wed never left? If onlys… he thought, not for the first time, as he moved the car from place to place, seeking a familiar echo in the silent world. Was that Marys long hair, a different dog barking by the gate? My wordits us, he whispered, hardly daring to believe it.
From then on, it became his ritual. Every weekend, he would drive to Riverside, watching that silent, overlapping lifelike a serious television serial he could not turn away from. If only there were sound, he laughed to himself.
One day he persuaded Mary to come with him.
Sitting together in the car, she asked, Can’t you watch the shadows at home? I thought we were here for something important.
It is important. Trust me, Mary. Just try lookingreally looking. You wont see this show at home.
She fell silent, gazing fixedly out the window. Long hair… I havent worn it like that since university.
He glanced at herher face was grave, intent. She, too, was searching for herself in that world.
In the shadows kitchen a man worked at a repair, a girl of about seven or eight nearby, a woman with long hair cooking, a small dog darting about, a cat lazily stretched on the window ledge. A boy, perhaps Peter, fetched a glass of water, then left. The man set a chair down, the girl climbed up onto it, the woman hugged and kissed them both, her arms encircling them, the dog bounding about their feet with silent glee.
Andrew studied Mary: tears, just one, rolling silently down her cheek.
He whispered, Do you understand, Mary?
I do. I understand it all very well, Andrew, she replied quietly, almost sharply.
The ride back to the city was solemn, Mary pressed against the car door, silent, head turned away. When they pulled up, she said only, Goodbye, and slipped out without looking back, hiding her face, her feelings carefully masked.
Andrew lingered, staring at the steering wheel, then took a long, slow breath and headed home.
No messagesfrom anyone but persistent banks. He texted Peter, checking if his mother was home. She was.
Later, as Andrew settled into bed, preparing to set his phone to Do Not Disturb, a message from Mary caught his eye: Thank you for the tour and the show. I really enjoyed it. If you go back, Id like to join you again.
Andrew smileda real smileperhaps the first in years, and replied: Yes, I intend to. Id be glad of your company.
And so autumn wore on, and the shadows of the past kept him company in the quiet twilight of reflected memories.
