Tonis Final Arrangements
So whats happening with you? Out with it now.
Jean shifted in her seat to get comfortable, tugged at the collar of her white coat, and shook her head as she looked across at the woman clutching a handbag tightly on her lap. Elegant dress, smart coata coat Jean herself wouldnt mind owningand sitting perfectly upright, back straight…
Am I going to be kept waiting long? Did you collect your card at reception?
Antonia Mayfield gave a small nod and slid a slim bundle of stapled papers across the desk. This doctor had been recommended by a friend, and somehow, Antonia had pictured someone more refined. Instead, shes just an ordinary womanhair scraped into a messy bun, face creased with exhaustion and, truth be told, annoyance. Looks as though she hasnt slept a wink. Her hands are red and puffy, with little calluses at the tips. Whys that? Just a regular GP then
Jean flicked through the folder without any real interest, tapped her pencil impatiently against the desk, and glanced up.
Well, are you going to start talking or not? Theres a queue outsideyoure keeping everyone waiting!
Antonia hunched her shoulders apologetically; shed actually come in alone, no queue to speak of. In the corridor, only one man sat on a bench, fussing with his moustache and muttering to himself. He made her a bit nervous. Otherwise, not a soul. The corridor echoed with emptiness.
So what, I just start laying it all out, do I? You are Dr. Evans, arent you? Antonia straightened the papers absentmindedly as she said this. Jean scowled.
Evans. Yes. Or you can wait outside in silence, thats also fine. Im not a miracle worker. Next! Jean called grandly through the door.
Antonia flinched. No, no, pleaseIll speak Its justwell, Ive been suffering
Quietly, she began to explain while Jean, pausing to click her biro, scrawled notes in the file.
Slower, please. Digestion…or is it disgest…? Oh, whatever, its in. Next? Ah, bloating Do you mean youre swelling right up? Whats your diet like? Drinking? Smoking?
Antonia shook her head quickly, almost scared.
All right, let me think! Jean said briskly, standing to pace about the room.
Doctor, couldnt you have a quick look? Im Im ready Antonia threw a nervous glance at the curtain in the corner.
Whats there to see? My dad had the same thing.
The same what? Antonia didnt understand.
What youre describing. My old manrest his soulsuffered terribly at the end. Mind you, he was fond of his drink. Do you drink? I cant remember what you said.
She gave Antonia a severe look. Antonia sighed. Sometimes a small sherry, or maybe some bubbly at Christmas. Just a tot, honestly!
A tot! Just a drop, Jean mimicked mockingly. Thats what they all saynext thing the livers dust! We doctors wage an endless battle with the demon drink. An endless, losing battle She thumped her fist on the desk with emphasis. A month, maybe two if youre lucky. Ill write you some herbs to help with the unplea Unplea Oh Lord, whats it calledwhen youre uncomfortable?
Discomfort, Antonia prompted quietly.
Exactly. But mind you, Toni, your days are numbered. Ill mark it down properly.
Jean May scribbled something in the medical record, sat reflecting for a moment, watched as her ashen patient twisted her hanky, and thrust the papers back into Antonias hands.
Hand these in at reception. And dont gossip! All these drinkers ruining our stats! Herbs only, no dramatics in Reception.
Antonia nodded, rose shakily, nearly tripping over a mop bucket by the desk, eyebrows arching in surprise.
Sanitary routine. We had an ulcer case in yesterday, now everythings doused in bleach! Jean explained quickly.
Oh, of course, naturally
Toni hobbled unsteadily to the door, muttered goodbye, and slumped onto the bench outside.
A month two at most Good heavens! If only she hadnt ignored the pain… Should have complained straight away
She fished for her medical record, leafed through, and found, written in shaky hand: Chronic lassitude: unknown aetiology. Then some illegible squigglesrecommendations, perhapsand, finally, cryptic Latin letters. The same theyd written in her fathers file, after hed gone. What did they mean? Shed no idea, but Jean, it seemed, liked the look of them.
Antonia made her way home, slightly swaying, the pain in her stomach murmuring again. Yet the world was so bright, washed clean by last nights rain, bustling with birdsong, glimmering with rainbow light And oh, how she ached to liveso much it made her teeth hurt!
Jean, satisfied, closed the surgery, flung off her coat, rolled up her battered sleeves, and set to washing the floor. Well, thats that, then!
Wake up, my little stars! Up you get, my noisy lads! George leaned over the cot where twin boys, sprawled in sleep, sucked their dummies. Whos warmed your milk this morning? Whos brought porridge?
The boys muttered, blinked their eyes, then both, as if on cue, stood on their knees, dropped their dummies, and beamed at their dad.
Thats it, clever boys! Jolly good!
At the sound of a door opening, they all turned to the doorway. Their mum, Maria, managed a weak smile, put two bottles on the table, sat, and burst into tears.
Masha, what on earth? George turned in surprise. Whats happened?
Aunt Toni is dying Maria whispered, hugging herself tightly and swaying gently. Isnt life just horrible? Such a good woman, and now shes dying
No, hang onwhat? I just saw Antonia Mayfield in the kitchen, and she looked perfectly fine George shrugged, sat the twins on his knees, and offered them the bottles. Over their noisy slurps, Maria replied:
Shes just come from the surgery. She saw that doctor Uncle Alan recommendedbest in town, they say. Gave her two months. Prescribed some herbs Means theres nothing more to do Maria dissolved into tears again, and the boys faces crumpled; soon all three were weeping.
Maria, pull yourself together! Is that what she actually said? Sounds like a mistake to me! Come on now, stop snivelling, youre ruining their breakfast! George stamped his foot in agitation, slammed the bottles back on the table, and carried on:
These doctors talk nonsense! But on the other hand, he added slyly, Aunt Toni isnt young, lets be honestwell into her seventies now Her room would go to us. She adores you, Maria, and there arent any relatives, and the twins need space. Why are you looking at me like that? Were cramped as it isthose boys will need somewhere to crawl soon! Im not saying we hurry her off, but afterwards, well see her off in style, as a queen!
I love you, George, but your calculations are disgusting! What do I care for rooms or windows? Shes known me since birth, brought me up, looked after me!
Maria sprang up, waved sharply, and marched out.
Disgusting, is it? George muttered. And yet shes fine begging for the right to a bigger flat! Living in a shoe cupboard while close to getting more space But he would just help with the practicalities, he told himself. Everything above board!
Meanwhile, Toni nursed her grief in the communal kitchen, showing her diagnosis confidentially to her neighbours. She shuddered at the verdict again, closed her eyes for a momentbreathing in the smells of coffee, stew, someone frying eggs, another making porridge The aroma of boiled milk, so familiar and dear, made her sniffle yet again.
Well, Toni said, after listening to her friends attempts to calm her. She straightened her skirts imaginary crease and stood. I’ve got to think about all of this, organise things
Organise? What on earth for? Doctors talk nonsense, remember: my Nick was told he’d a ruined liverstill drinks vodka, the man’s indestructible! Just forget it, dear.
How can I forget? One doesn’t just
Toni, leaving her coffee to bubble, retreated to her small room. She looked roundiron bed with an old coverlet, a side table with her battered copy of Thomas Hardy, and not much else. Toni never bothered collecting things; what use now? Shed taught English at the local school, liked nice clothesthree smart suits, three classic pairs of court shoes, all to match. A good wool coat, neat and tailored. All quite out of fashion, but perfect for Maria, who’s always handy with a sewing needle
Maria will make good use of these, even if she sells them. Theyre struggling with the twinstheyll benefit.
She recalled the time shed arranged for George, the electrician, to come and look at Marias wiring just to get them together.
Just look at him, Mariagood hands, good humour! He may talk rough, but you can fix that. He adores you! Go on, dont miss your chance.
Maria blushed deeply and fled. But she took the hint.
At their wedding, Maria kept quietly thanking Toni for the nudgeIf it werent for you, Toni, I might never have realised I loved him so much.
Toni sighed now. Yes, the clothes for Maria. What about money? Some was tucked away in the savings account, a bit in her purse
She got up, walked about the room, then, resolved, went to see her neighbours.
George, are you home? Oh, my dears! Enjoy your tea! Toni cooed to the twins. George, can I have a quick word?
George rolled his eyes and nodded.
Yes, yesheard about your bad news, Aunt Toni. But do you actually believe all that? You think
He raised his eyebrows.
I do, dear. This doctor is the best in Cambridge. She worked in one of the posh London hospitals, then came here for a quieter life. Very odd ladylooked a fright, but apparently excellent. Thats whats important.
So what did she write? Any chance I could have a look? George wiped a face, sat the children down, and stared at Toni.
Oh, nothing much to see! she stammered, embarrassed by the thought of him reading chronic lassitudetoo mortifying. I came to ask another favour. I have some savingsI want you to organise things properly when Imwhen the time comes
George paused, then bit his lip.
Aunt Toni, anyone else you could ask? Maria would have my head if I even so much as talked about this
Face it, George! Toni cut across firmly. No, just you. Maria can handle the catering, the rest is yours.
All right, George sighed. But youll have to follow my plan. Well put on a funeral procession! People will talk about it for years. Ill sort everything.
He stood taller, shoulders squared and eyes bright. After weeks out of worklarge firm closed down, no jobs goinghe finally had a project, something real.
Toni nodded, clicked her tongue at the twins, and went to her room, nostalgic.
Next morning, George appeared in her doorway, waiting until Maria had taken the twins out for a walk and Toni had returned her delicate bone-china cup to the cupboardplain, edged with gold, slight chip in the rim, but treasured since university days.
Right, first things first, George said, waving a notepad. Ill need some measurements.
He glanced about, already surveying how he and Maria might fit themselves in.
What measurements, George? Ive set aside my outfitcouldnt sleep last night, so got it ready: the navy dress and those blue shoes. The rest Ill leave for Maria.
That? No, no, must be more modest! Well sew something proper. Took Marias tape measurestand up, stand straight.
What do you mean, George? Are you mad?
No, Im serious. It is a funeral! No one will care, and the blue dress will suit Maria much better. Now, nextdoors. These measurements dont work. Doors too narrow!
What? Toni gasped in horror.
Well, the coffin wont fit, will it? If were doing this here, how else will we get you out? Maybe at an angle? Ridiculous! Last journey, and you have to go sideways! Might need to unhinge the door, win a few inches, and, if required, break the frame.
Dont be absurd, George! This flat belonged to a wealthy family, proper design
Oh, dont start on the gentry. Different times. Anyway, thats doors sorted. Next, whos coming to the wake? Youll make a list?
I supposeitll be small. Neighbours, two from work, and my aunt in Kentthough she cant travel, shes not well. Ill write her number down. Oh dear, cant remember it
She rummaged for her address book, flicking through old names: students, teaching colleagues, old friends, her late husbands mates, dressmakers, a sweetshop manager She was startled by how many people ought to know when she passed, and yet shed not spoken to half of them in years.
She grabbed the corridor phone and rang her old friend, Lizzie. Long burring, then an answerToni sat up, cheerful:
Lizzie! Its Toni. Didnt recognise the voice? And how are you? Grandchildren already? Five? My word, Im so glad to hear your voice! Me? All good, all good She sniffed and almost shouted into the phone, trying to sound brave. It hurt to imagine dying while others were so busy living.
She rang three more friends, spoke of old times. Some remembered her fondly, others vaguely, but all said they were happy to hear from her.
Neighbours left her to iteven if they needed the phone. Toni was saying her goodbyes.
One last number she knew she ought to callher sister, Sylvia. They hadnt spoken in years after a childhood spent bickering, each convinced the other was more loved. Now, Tonis hand hovered, unable to dial.
At length, George appeared at her room, impatient. List of guests ready? Menu? This isnt a jokeour funeral!
Toni started, flustered.
Just got one more call to makecould you?
To whom? Tell me the number, Ill start. Come on, lets do this together!
He dialled, and in his deep voice announced, Sylvia Mayfield? Executor for your sister speakingGeorge. No, Im not drunk! ListenTonis got a month, maybe two. She wanted to call you. No, shes not in prisondont be daft! The doctor said two months. So, if you want to see her, come soon!
He handed the phone to shaking Toni, shushed the other residents, sat her down. Toni broke down, asking forgiveness from Sylvia for all her faults. After a long pause, Sylvia, too, relented.
Toni, theres nothing to say! I meant to call, but was afraid youd send me packing. I often dream were together again, happy… Seems odd, but maybe its fate. What did this chap saya month? What does that mean?
Toni explained her visit to the surgery, and how she longed to see her again at, well, her final send-off.
Oh, darling Oh, my lovewhat nonsense youve been told! Heaven help, Toni. Right, wait there, Ill come.
George popped back in later, took the phone, and boomed, Best get the train down, address hasnt changed. And dont delay!
He turned to Toni, stern. Theres business to get on with, every minute counts! As for your tea set and soup tureen, Ill pass them to the Scotts next doortheir lot have nothing in the way of dishes.
What about my tea set? However will I?
Youll not need it. Wardrobe stays, piano well selldeal? I’ll make a list tonight for you to sign. What about the paintingsany real value?
That ones realmy husband painted it! Toni bristled.
Then well send it to Sylvia. Shes into art, right? No? Well split whatever she gets from the sale.
Absolutely not! Tonis cheeks flushed. You have no rightI still want them up!
George bent in, whispering, Sorry, Toni, but you wont be here. Well get your robe sewn, dont fret.
She stamped her foot angrily. How dare you! Spreading my things about already?!
Come on, keep calm. Everythingll be done properly if you listen to me.
She deflated, nodded, and turned away. She still refused the herbal concoction prescribedwhat was the use?
George had even diagrammed table arrangements for the wake, making her indicate whod sit whererowdy folk separated, children put to bed on time. All evening, Toni forgot her dinner as she rearranged guests on her imaginary wake.
By two in the morning, shed just about managed the list and menu. The next day, she handed everything to George, who stashed it away with a nod. At lunch, he produced a hideous shroud, told her to try it on.
She draped it across herself in horror. What on earth?! Ill be lying down, no one will see the seams! George said, shrugging off the crooked stitches.
Maria! Maria, come here! Toni wailed. Maria scrutinised her, made her lie down.
It could be worse, Toni. What will I do without you?
Both wept, and as they did, people wandered in, eyed the possessions George had divvied among neighbours for ‘when the time comes’, argued, shrugged, and left, more or less satisfied. Mr Walsh from number two tried to pull down the curtains, but George stopped him. Not yetshow some respect.
The chaos startled Toni; shed never seen such a mess in her own room.
Is the old dear perking up or what? George smirked. Never mind, well find places for everything. Ohphone for you, Toni!
She dragged herself, legs uncooperative, hands fumbling with the chain at the door. It was Sylvia, at last, wrapped in a huge coat and hatshe charged at Antonia, and they hugged tearfully, hand in hand to Tonis room. Not a sound was heard from there all evening.
Theyre notlogging off together, are they? Maria whispered.
No, I reckon the opposite, George scoffed, turning to play with his sons.
In the morning, Maria heard Sylvia leaving, snuffling and promising to return in two days.
Maria, George rumbled in her ear, Was Aunt Toni baptised? Only if so, we ought to have her properly blessed, little icon in the hand?
I dont know! Maria panicked. I think so, but Im not sure!
George dashed into the corridor and stared at Tonis neck.
What is it, love? Am I going spotty already? Toni joked nervously.
No, checking for a cross. What about a small icon for your hands? I read about these things.
I dont wear a cross. Theres one in my jewellery box, and no icons, Im afraid.
Never mind, well sort it. What about a date?
What date?
For the funeral! You were vaguea month, two Needs planning! Lunar calendar and so on!
George! Are you mad? How could I know my own death-day? Only God knows thatits a mystery!
Toni collapsed onto a nearby stool, hands wringing.
But, Aunt Toni, you were told a month, so surely it can be scheduled, George shrugged.
That woman knew nothing! She didnt really examine me, just sent me home to prepare for the end. And I believed her! Before God! What nonsense
See! You just accepted it? Giving upare you? Shame on you! Grown woman, yet you let someone talk you into dying! Chronic lassitudemy foot! Youve only got a tired head.
And while you were here making peace with life, I took your medical card to the surgery. Sorrycouldnt resist. Turns out, Dr Evans wasnt even in clinic that daywas off at a conference (or, so they say, home with her husband, just back from deployment, but never mind). Youve been had, Toni!
He rounded his eyes with mock horror, whispering, A victim! I say we go find the charlatan and confront her! Maria, coming?
Maria nodded, picking up the twins.
Ten noisy minutes later, the lot of themToni, Maria, George, the twins, and curious neighboursstormed into the surgery. Huddled in reception, Maria pulled off hats and coats.
Now lets get justice for Aunt Toni! George marched Toni around, jabbing a finger at passing doctors. Which one? Her, or her?
Toni peered at faces, then pointed bright-eyed: That one! George charged forward.
A bucket clattered, soapy water pooled everywhere, and Jean, realising she was surrounded, bolted down the corridor, but soon ran out of breath and sat on a bench, looking up tearfully.
Why would you lie to this woman?! George demanded, pointing at Toni.
Im sorry Its justDr Evans reports me for being late. That day, she was late herself! In my youth Id wanted to be a doctorloved these white coats, bandages Just wanted to play at it. Then, Mrs Mayfield, you blundered inwell Actually, for the record, my dad took ages to pass away, years after those symptoms; what finally got him was drink, not a dicky tummy. Drink the herbal tea, though, it’s for indigestion. And one last thingdo stop buying those pickled mushrooms off that dodgy bloke in the market! I saw you theretheyre whats upset your stomach, not anything sinister. And can I have my bucket back now?
She snatched the bucket and escaped up the stairs.
Shall I chase her? George asked.
No need, Toni and Maria laughed together. Let her manager sort it out!
Two days later, Sylvia came back. She and Toni chatted, drank tea, and invited Maria, George, and the twins round. There was cake; neighbours dropped in, and the flat felt festive at last. Toni had called off her own funeralno more brooding and fear, just relief.
Well, there you are! George announced, satisfied. Never surrender! Trust but verify, isnt that right, Toni?
Exactly so! Toni smiled. And by the way, everyone, Ill be moving in with Sylvia. Shes alone too; itll be nice for us to properly be sisters again. I checked it with the councilthe room is yours, Ive sorted it. So, heres to our expansion and to new beginnings!
Glasses clinked, the twins giggled, everyone congratulated Maria and George. But the china setwheres it gone? George frowned at the blank shelf.
No matter, Toni smiled. Much better for the boys to have some space.
A week later, Toni left. She said her goodbyes, promising to visit. As for the date of her demisewell, shed no time to dwell on it. At Sylvias, there was a little garden, left behind by Sylvias late husband. Toni threw herself into itplanting, weeding, potting jam, pickling cucumbers, and cooking up endless courgettes. She looked forward to Marias visits with the twins, perhaps soon to meet Sylvias grandchildren. There was so much to do, she could barely sit downand in truth, she never felt more alive.
