Emily had been on her own for ages. Her father had long since passed, and she lost her mother while she was still in her fifth year at university. It was a tough stretchher dissertation looming, and then that crushing loss. Fortunately, the Danvers family, Jamess parents, became the only people she could rely on.
Emily and James had been classmates since their second year and started dating in the third. His mum, Margaret Danvers, and his dad, Peter Danvers, treated Emily warmly and with genuine respect. Everyone hoped the degree would be finished soon and the young couple would tie the knot.
The wedding was modest, and Lucy as Emily was called by friends was upset that her mother had just missed seeing her walk down the aisle. Her mum had always insisted, Before you get married, you must have a full health check, dear. Lucy knew exactly why.
When she was a child, Lucy had suffered a serious injury after slipping off an icy toboggan. She spent months in plaster, and doctors warned that her future womens health might be compromised. They kept a careful eye on her, but nobody could give a definitive answer. It was a bleak prospect.
True to her mothers advice, Lucy underwent another check before the wedding. While most of her recovery looked promising, the question of whether she could ever bear a child lingered like a cloud.
First she asked Jamess mother what to do. Margaret thought for a moment and said, If theres even the slightest chance, dont lose hope now. Ill speak to James myself.
After his bachelor party, James turned up at Lucys flat, a little tipsy and visibly upset. I really want children, Lucy. What if we cant? Would that still be a family? he blurted.
Lucy broke down, telling him the decision was his, but they could try. The doctors had left a sliver of hope, and James was the only man in her life.
The first year of marriage brought no baby news. Margaret worried just as much for her daughterinlaw as she did for her own child. Together with Jamess father, they tried hard to keep the marriage afloat and even sent Lucy to a specialist clinic in Manchester called Womens Safeguard. The programme had good results elsewhere and seemed a promising route.
It didnt work. Two years later it became clear that hopes were fading. Lucy fell into despair; James did what he could to support her, but tension crept into the house. James didnt blame Lucy, yet he couldnt quite accept a childfree future. One evening Lucy suggested adoption: Lets take a little one in and raise them as our own. James snapped, I cant call someone elses child my own. I cant give it my fatherly love. He was firm.
Strangely, his parents backed Lucys idea. They knew how much James longed for a child and thought it wrong to deny a child a loving home. They urged him to reconsider.
Emily, who still loved James, broached divorce herself, not wanting to keep him miserable. Lets part, James. Youre still young; youll find another wife and have kids. James didnt decide right away, but when he met Olivia, a bright new colleague whod just started at his firm, he felt a spark.
The conversation with Emily was hard for James; he felt he was abandoning her. Emily replied, We all have our own fate, James. You deserve a better one. Dont blame yourself. That night James packed his things and left. Jamess parents dropped by, apologising for not steering him better, recalling the nights hed come home drunken and dejected. They promised theyd always be there for Lucy, as if she were their own daughter.
Lucy thanked them, sobbed all night, and they quickly settled the split no property was divided. She stayed in the family flat theyd shared, while James soon remarried.
Lucy didnt stay alone for long. A charming, wellmeaning man named Paul soon entered her life, showering her with attention. The problem? Lucy didnt love him. She kept dreaming of James, his sad eyes and gentle hands reaching for her in her sleep, never quite touching her. She fought the thoughts, yearning to change her life.
One winter Lucy fell seriously ill. Shed been at Pauls house, cooked dinner, and then felt a sudden weakness. By nightfall her temperature spiked; Paul called an ambulance and kept her in his flat. The next morning he was quiet, tending to her himself. When she finally felt better, he blurted out, That night you kept calling his name, grabbing my hand, calling him Jamie. Do you still love him? Lucy, not wanting to lead a good man on, answered, Yes. Im a onetrack heart. I cant build a relationship without love. And she left for good. Paul didnt argue.
Soon after, Lucy learned that James had a longawaited son. The news was another punch to the gut; the loss felt final and irreparable.
For three years she drifted in a fog. Occasionally Jamess parents visited, keeping their promise to check in. She bore them no ill will, nor held a grudge against James.
One day she saw James in the park with his son, but didnt approach; he didnt notice her. Tears fell again, a mix of lingering love and frustration with fate.
Gradually she began to pull herself together. The main consolation was that James seemed happy. His parents said his wife was caring, though a bit distant, and they adored his boy Eddie. We hold no grudges, Lucy told them. He never deceived me; he loved in his own way. I pushed for the divorce.
On Lucys birthday, James called out of the blue, just as a friendly chums would. He wished her well and asked about her life. The call shook her, but she decided shed rather not be in touch.
A year later tragedy struck again: Olivia, Jamess wife, fell ill. Margaret called Lucy, saying there was little hope left, lamenting for her son and grandson. Lucy felt helpless, standing at the cemetery beside everyone else, unsure why she was there. A former motherinlaw embraced her and whispered, Thank you, dear. No malice in you. James never noticed the moment.
Months later James phoned again, brief and a bit shy, asking to drop by. Lucy, still compassionate, let him in, thinking he must be struggling. He looked older, slower, as if time had caught up with his youthful swagger. They sat at a modest table, talking about life.
Why arent you married again? he asked. Lucy answered plainly, I love you, and I need no one else. Jamess eyes filled with tears a rare sight.
Lets go see the grandparents. I need to pick Eddie up, then we can take a walk if youre up for it. Eddie was a sweet, shy lad, understandably withdrawn after losing his mother so young. Lucy kept her distance, letting him observe her with cautious curiosity.
Their meetups became a regular weekend ritual, no strings attached, merely two people sharing solitude.
Then Margaret called, telling Lucy that James was thinking of asking her to return, though he hadnt decided yet. He was struggling; the year had left him melancholy, and Eddie suffered too.
Lucy called James back, telling him she was ready. There was no one she loved more. They moved back together, though it wasnt easy. James remained distant and taciturn, and Lucy had to learn to love a child who wasnt hers.
On her next birthday, little Eddie handed her a drawing of the three of them under a sunny sky, with the word Mum scrawled in childlike letters above her head. Lucy broke down, hugging the boy, and said, Your mum watches over you from above, proud of the wonderful boy you are. I love you too. Youre my son now.
They live happily now. James thawed, accepted Lucys love, and returned to his old, caring self. Emily finally found the peace shed chased for years on her own.
Shes not devout, but occasionally she stops by a church and lights a candle for the woman who left this world, yet gave her a beloved son and a caring husband.
