My mother-in-law is deeply offended because we refused to take in her student son
My husband and I have been together for eleven years. We live in a two-bedroom flat that we finally managed to pay off after years of mortgage payments. We’re raising our eight-year-old son, and for the most part, life seemed to be ticking along nicelyuntil my mother-in-law came up with one of her brilliant ideas, once again disturbing our peace.
My husband has a younger brother, Charlie. He’s seventeen, and to be honest, we’ve never been particularly close to him. My husband hardly ever sees himthe age gap is just too wide. More than that, it annoys him how his parents dote on their youngest, spoiling him, letting him get away with everything, and expecting absolutely nothing in return.
Charlie is struggling at school and is on the verge of being expelled from sixth form. Yet every poor mark seems to earn him a rewarda new iPad, the latest trainers. My husband is always saying, When I got a low grade, Id have to spend nights revising, but he gets showered with presents!
I agree completely. Weve often seen Charlie refuse to heat up his own dinner, even when everyones around. He sits at the table, waiting for his parents to make everything, serve him, and then clear up after him. After the meal, theres neither a thank you nor a goodbye. He just gets up and wanders back to his room. He hasnt a clue where his socks are, couldnt make a cup of tea if his life depended on it, and muddles all his belongings together. Everything falls to his parents. My husband has tried countless times to talk to his mum: Youre turning him into someone who cant do anything for himself! But she just shrugs: Hes not like you. He needs more fussing over.
Of course, these conversations always end the same way: quarrels, sulking, and weeks of silent treatment. We tried to distance ourselves from all thatuntil Charlie suddenly decided he wanted to go to university in our city. Thats when all the trouble started.
My mother-in-law, without the slightest hint of embarrassment, suggested that Charlie should move in with us. Apparently, he couldnt get a place in university hallsno proof of local address, rents were sky-high, and besides, he wouldnt be able to cope alone. Youre family! Youve got a two-bed flattheres room for everyone! she insisted, as if it were the most natural solution. Family Games
I tried to explain politely: we have our bed in one room, and our sons in the other. Where, exactly, would we fit another adult? Thats when my mother-in-law came up with her genius solution: You can put an extra bed in your sons roomthen they can live together! Nothing wrong with that, just two boys; theyll get along!
At that point, my husband lost his temper and put his foot down:
Im not a babysitter, Mum! You want to land us with your baby? No! Hes your sonits your responsibility! I was living on my own at seventeen, and I managed just fine!
My mother-in-law went red, burst into tears, called us heartless, and stormed out. That evening, my father-in-law rang up to tell us off:
Its just not what families do! Youre abandoning your brother!
But my husband stood firm. He said hed go and visit Charlie if his parents sorted him out with a place, but there was no way hed be moving in with us. Stop treating him like a helpless child. Its time he grew up.
Hes only seventeen! his dad protested.
I was seventeen when I moved out. I coped on my own! No one looked after me! snapped my husband, before hanging up.
After that, my mother-in-law called repeatedlymy husband ignored her. Then a text arrived: You can forget about any inheritance. Honestly? If that inheritance comes with the condition of taking responsibility for a spoilt teenager, well pass. Weve already worked hard for whats oursour home, our family, our peace of mind.
Everyone has to take responsibility for their own choices. If someone decides to spoil their child rotten and make excuses for everything, then they have to deal with the outcome. We dont owe anything to anyone.
Life teaches us that protecting our boundaries and our peace is sometimes the only way to keep hold of what weve built.
Mother-in-Law Offended After We Refuse to Take In Her Teen Son for University: Family Drama Over Entitled Brother and Our Hard-Won Two-Bedroom Flat
