You really dont have any decency. Cant you see how much trouble Matthew is having? Hes your brother, you could have helped him. You only ever think about yourself.
My mothers voice echoed like cathedral bells through a hazy corridor, as she called to demand I collect my belongings from her flat in Norwich.
We can barely move in here for all your stuff, she sighed, her words swirling and reforming like vapour.
This conversation happened right after I refused to give Matthew money for the deposit on a house. Yes, givenot lendbecause I know perfectly well Id never see it again.
After my refusal, Matthew stomped out of my place, cheeks flushed as if hed tangled with the wind on Cromer pier. He was certain Id just hand over my lifes savings, as though simply being the sibling without a family meant I owed him everything.
I keep finding myself drifting into these bizarre reveries, baffled by the injustice of it all, especially now, as Christmas lights start flickering in foggy windows.
When I moved to Manchester for university, job offers floated to me like leaves on the canal. I started working straight away.
At first, student halls were a labyrinth of voices and midnight toast. Later, I rented a little flat with a friend named Ruby. I was determined to stand on my own, piecing together my independence and sending help to Mum in between my own bills.
She never took cash. Instead, shed request sensible gifts: new jumpers, sturdy shoes, glass tumblers, a tea set. Whenever I visited, Id shuffle through the door laden with full shopping bags, tins rattling and bread squashed into improbable shapes.
Mum lives in a cramped three-bedroom council flat with Matthew. Dad vanished from our lives three winters past.
Matthew never fancied further education. After school, he skipped across the Channel to work in Dublin, only managing to buy himself an ancient Ford Fiesta in all those years. When he returned to England, taxi-driving became his endless roundabout.
In time, he married Emily (née Clarke) and moved her into Mums flat, lounge and kitchen filled with childrens laughter and toys. Money seemed to run through their hands like water. Whenever they got paid, it vanished by Monday morning.
Mum and Emilys parents sent them money oftenlittle lifeboats in a sea of overdrafts. But Matthew always believed someone would show up to bail him out, so he never lifted his sails for something better.
Now, with two children bouncing off armchairs and a third hanging dreamlike on the horizon, theyd decided the flat was far too small and began spinning grand plans about buying a house.
Meanwhile, I live with my partner, Oliver, in a rented terraced house. Were engaged, but have tucked wedding plans away in a biscuit tin for another time. Our finances are steadyOliver is an IT engineer and I run two online shops. We mind our pennies and save for a place of our own, dreaming of a little garden and all that comes with it.
Mum knew all about our plans, but she let slip to Matthew that he could have a word with me.
They want to buy a house, but theyve nothing for the deposit, Mum hinted, like a half-remembered riddle.
Matthew came over, straight as a church warden, and bluntly asked for money. I said no. He stormed off, certainty shattered, livid that I wouldnt hand over everything just because I didnt have children.
Not long after, Mum rang again:
Youve really got no conscience. Cant you see how Matthew struggles? Hes your brother, you should have helped. Youre so selfish.
Then her voice faded into something colder:
Come collect your things. Theres no room to breathe here. And dont bother coming for Christmas. Matthews upset with you, and frankly, I dont want to see you either.
I didnt argue. Id go and fish out my old books and jumpers, find a space for them in our crooked rented house, and when Oliver and I finally buy a home, Ill unpack them there, memories falling out like forgotten postcards.
Of course, I could have given Matthew the moneybut he wouldnt pay it back, and he didnt even ask. He just expected to be handed my hard-won savings.
All because hes got children
What would you have done, in a dream like this?
“You Really Have No Heart. Can’t You See How Much Matt Is Struggling? He’s Your Brother, You Could’v…
