How to Recognise Love
Yesterday, I overheard a girl on the bus making excuses for her boyfriend who didnt want to get married. She was explaining to someone over the phone, Well, hes focusing on his career at the moment, wants to save up for a flat first. He loves me, its just circumstances right now
Stop. Its all much simpler than that.
Let me tell you straight.
When it comes to love, there are only two circumstances: Yes or No. Everything else is just wishful thinking, meant to soothe the nerves. A man who truly sees you as his woman won’t spend years preparing the ground. Hes afraid to lose you. Every man on your horizoneven the one who drives your cabseems a potential rival to him. Hell make a proposal. Not a perfect one. Not in Paris. But it will be certain, and it will be honest.
Heres my story. Use it as a template and see how it fits your life.
My name is Emily. I was 37 when I met Nick, and had been raising my teenage son, Thomas, alone for the past ten years. Life was organised: alarm at 6:30, job as an accountant at the Dawn Shopping Centre, commute on the 107 bus, dinner with Thomas, checking his homework, sleep. Romance? Practicality had long nudged it out. Dreams of a prince had evaporated ages ago. Its not on your mind when you’re juggling work and home.
Nick came quietly into my life. He was the driver of the 107. At first, I didn’t even know his name. What I did notice were his handslarge and confident at the wheeland the way he glanced at me in the mirror. I think he started looking even before I did. I always sat in the same spot every eveningthe third seat by the window.
And after a while, I caught myself searching for his eyes in that mirror instead of ending up staring blankly at my own reflection. His eyes were kind and full of attention. Shes had a rough day, they seemed to say when I sat hunched over my phone. Todays not so bad, when I just gazed out at the street.
It was a peculiar, silent fondness that lasted for months. Not a word passed between us. Just a nod in the morning as I boarded and that evening glance in the mirror. Yet the warmth in my chest from knowing someone in this vast city noticed me as a person, not just a passenger, was real.
And then he disappeared. For a week, there was another, rather stern driver who never glanced in the mirror. My small, secret ritual collapsed. I felt this silly, aching sense of loss. I thought: oh well, it wasnt meant to be. Silly to build castles from glances.
But fate, as it turned out, just decided to switch to a sturdier mode of transport.
Two weeks later, I was stuck late at work. I was walking through the nearly empty shopping centre, heading for the exit, when I saw him. He was up a tall stepladder near the ceiling, sorting out some wiring. In blue overalls, tools swinging at his waist. An electrician. He looked at me from above, not surprised at all, just smiling with the corners of his mouth.
Changed my route, he said simply, coming down. His voice was deep and a little rough, as though he hadnt spoken much in a while. Im working here now.
I blurted out, Thats convenient, feeling my cheeks flush.
For me it is, he answered earnestly. I didnt get this job by chance. I found out where you work.
He held out his hand.
Nick.
There were scratches and bits of tape on his palm.
Thats how we truly got to know each other. No more buses or mirrors. Nick walked me home after work; we had coffee in the staff café. We talked about everyday things: his son from a previous marriage who lived with his mum in another town, my Thomas and his interest in robotics, why the ventilation at the Dawn Centre always sounded like a wind tunnel.
Then, exactly a month after our chat by the stepladder, it happened.
We were walking through the park; it was cold and damp. Suddenly, Nick stopped, turned me towards him.
Emily, Im not one for pretty speeches, he said, his breath forming little clouds in the chilly air. And my circumstances are far from perfect. The flats still got a mortgage, my job isnt a desk job. Youve got a son, so do I its not going to be simple.
My heart sank. Sounded like the classic start of a but we can stay friends talk. I was already bracing myself to walk away.
But I he took a deep breath, I spent three months looking at you in the mirror, always worried youd get off at the wrong stop. Then two more weeks figuring out where you worked. And this last month has shown meI dont want to keep searching for you in a crowd. I want to know youre at home. Lets get married. Not once Ive paid off the mortgage, not after some career jump. Now. While were alive and want this.
It wasnt romantic. In fact, it was a bit blunt, straightforwardlike a workman saying it as it is. But with a sincerity that took my breath away. No lets try living together, lets see how it goes. Just, Lets get married. Because whats the point in waiting? Life is now, in this chilly, drizzly park.
Of course, Id planned to take my time getting to know a new man. Then I realisedthats only something you do when you have doubts. I had none with him, not since he confessed, I found out. Hed made his decision not recently, but over those months of quiet observation on the bus. The final month was just a formality.
Yes, I said. Lets.
My son sulked at first; then, after a chat with Nick about wiring diagrams, by the end of the evening they were sketching something together on a napkin.
Ive had not a single regret in three years. It seems some unspoken instinct remains in usthe ability to spot your person within seconds of meeting them. The one who trusts that feeling and acts on itwins. If, of course, theyre brave enough to propose.
The mortgage still isnt paid off, and neither of us is a high-flyer. Sometimes we bicker over silly things. But we set one rule from the start: dont let things stew. Face a problemsort it now. Feeling hurttalk today. Love someoneshow it every single day. Not some day soon.
So, my dear ones, stop making excuses for someones indecision. Love does not fear circumstances. Love creates its own. Love changes routes, finds work at your shopping centre, and says marry me in a chilly London park, because its afraid to lose one more precious day.
If a man keeps stalling, ask yourself a single, honest question: Do I really want someone who needs perfect circumstances just to be with me?
Usually, the answer is plain enough.
