CHOOSE: YOUR DOG OR ME! IVE HAD ENOUGH OF LIVING IN THIS KENNEL! DECLARED MY HUSBAND. I CHOSE MY HUSBAND, DROVE THE DOG TO THE WOODS AND THAT EVENING, HE SAID HE WAS LEAVING ME FOR SOMEONE ELSE
Dear Diary,
I always thought I loved George with all my heart. Wed lived together in Manchester for five years. No children, but there was always Max my elderly Border Collie, rescued when he was a puppy, long before George came into my life.
Max wasnt just a pet; he was family. Clever, loyal, he always seemed to understand me without a word spoken. But age caught up with him. His joints ached, he smelled musty, his beautiful coat was thinning and coming off in tufts.
George did his best to put up with it, but one day Max didnt make it to the garden and had an accident on our brand new wooden floor. That was the last straw.
Thats it! Had enough! George shouted, grabbing the poor old dog by the collar and dragging him to the mess. Im not living in this filthy state any longer! Stink, fur everywhere and now piss on the floor! Sally, Im telling you now: its me or that decrepit mutt!
George What am I supposed to do with him? Hes twelve I sobbed, clutching Max.
The kennels! The woods! Put him down for all I care! If hes still here by this evening, Im gone. I want a life thats clean, not spent mopping up after a flea-ridden mongrel!
The truth is, Im weak. Deathly afraid of being alone. Afraid of losing George, who provided for us, who planned our holidays, sorted the mortgage
I chose George.
I loaded Max into the car and drove him out past Stockport, as if we were just going for a walk. He winced as he jumped in, but still gave my hand a hopeful lick, poor boy. I barely saw the road, I was crying so hard.
Twenty miles out, I pulled off at a wooded patch. I tied Max to a tree so he wouldnt chase the car, left a bowl of kibble, and whispered, Im sorry, Max. Im so sorry, too ashamed to look into his aging, trusting eyes.
He didnt struggle, just sat and watched me. He understood.
As I drove away, I saw him lurching after me in the mirror, leash tight, barking hoarsely with desperate sorrow. The sound haunted me all the way home.
I stumbled into our flat, eyes swollen, soul crushed. George was packing.
What are you doing? Hes gone! Max is gone! I did what you asked!
George looked at me with this icy, mocking smile. Well done. That was fast. But you know what Im leaving anyway.
What? Where?!
To Emmas. You know her, from accounting. Weve been together six months. Shes pregnant.
I collapsed into a chair, dizzy with shock.
But you gave me an ultimatum Why?
He shrugged, callous as ever. Just wanted to see if youd show some backbone. I was testing you, Sally. Thought maybe youd finally stand up for someone. But you betrayed your loyal friend for me. Makes me wonderif you could dump a dog who loved you for a decade, youd throw me out just as fast if I fell ill. Honestly, you frighten me.
He zipped his suitcase.
Goodbye, Sally. And by the way Max was the only real man in this house. Youre just a traitor.
When the door slammed, I broke down completely.
In trying to keep someone who never loved me, Id destroyed the soul of someone who had.
I grabbed the car keys and tore off through the night. It was pouring with rain, but I had to try. When I got to the woods, Max was gone. His lead had been chewed through, the bowl tipped over. Hed gone searching for me.
Max! Max, please! Come on, boy! I shouted, running through mud and brambles as the wind whipped my face.
For three days I searched. I put up posters, wrote desperate messages to rescue groups, didnt eat, didnt sleep.
On the fourth morning the phone rang.
You looking for a Collie? Theres one matching the descriptionfound by the dual carriageway. A lorry didnt see him.
I went for the grim task of identification.
It was him.
Max mustve bitten through the lead, hobbled on his aching legs, fighting through pain and fear, searching for home, for methe one person whod betrayed him. And hed never made it.
I buried him myself.
Its been two years now.
I live alone and doubt Ill trust anyone againleast of all myself. George is happy with his new wife and child, content to remember me as just a mistake. It was always a test for him, a clean excuse to leave. He made it my fault.
Meanwhile, I spend my days volunteering at a sanctuary for old dogs. I clean their kennels, nurse their wounds, comfort them at night. I suppose Im still trying to make up for what I did.
Every night I dream the same dream: Im standing by that same tree. Max is there, looking at me. I call him, but he doesnt come. He just looks, his eyes full of that endless, dogged sorrow.
His gaze is my sentence.
Betrayal is never forgiven. Never sacrifice a loyal friend for someone who makes you choose. Someone who truly loves you would never ask. And if they do, youve already been betrayedyoure just delaying the inevitable, while making the gravest mistake of all.
