A Different Life
My morning started, well, just as shambolic as always: I was running late again. Toast with ham clenched in one hand and a bin bag in the other, I poked my head into the bedroom where my wife lay sleeping, utterly peaceful, and let out a huff of indignation.
Honestly, she could at least get up a bit earlier and make breakfast, grumbled that voice in my head I always agreed with. Its all very well her having the weekend off. Someones got to hold down a job around here. I’m keeping this family afloat, after all.
On my way to the bins, the cat started following mecheeky thing, proper character, yelling as if it was already spring, though it was the bleakest of Januaries.
Buzz off, you fleabag. I havent even had my breakfast yet, I muttered, but the cat didnt care a jot for my mood.
Meooowww, the cat wailed in appreciation as I successfully lobbed my rubbish bag into the bin from a distance, celebrating with a victorious fist pump.
Alright, thats worth a reward. In honour of this flawless shotand sharing the taste of victory, I relented, tearing my sandwich in two and tossing half to the cat, who immediately wolfed it down.
I hurried on to the bus stop, but just as I arrived, the bus that should have been on time was already pulling away, spewing out a nice cloud of exhaust for me to choke on.
Cheers for that, mate! Couldnt wait a sec, could you? I yelled at the retreating bus.
Relax, therell be another in five minutes, someone called out.
I like that one. I always get the same seat, I mumbled, looking down the empty road, only to realisesuddenlythat I was completely alone at the stop.
Would you like me to bring it back? came a voice, surprisingly close.
I looked down. The cat sat confidently at my feet.
Dont tell me that was you? I asked warily, realising how ridiculous I sounded at once.
That was me, the cat replied calmly. Youve fed me, Ivan. So now, Ill grant you three wishes.
Flippin heck! I let out a low whistle. Just like in student halls. Must have been something dodgy with that ham. So what, youre magic, are you? I made to get my phone out.
Take a picture and your wishes are gone, the cat yawned.
I put my hand downcouldnt risk that.
Thanks. Yes, Im a magic cat. From far away.
What are you doing in London, then? I pressed.
Just passing through. On my way to the Emerald City. Not that its your concernmy backstory isnt a requirement for the wishes.
Well then, I want a billion pounds! I blurted out at once.
Bit steep for half a sandwich, dont you think? the cat smirked. You want a mortgage with that, fixed at two percent?
You said youd grant me wishes! I protested. Or was that false advertising? Even the cats are scam artists these days!
You need to wish for something where youre willing to put in a bit of work yourself, the cat said more gently.
Do a bit of fixing up, huh I started to think.
There was plenty Id wanted to change about my life. And, in theory, I always could have. But my wifeMaryalways shut the door on my plans. Shed always talk me down: is it wise, have you thought it through, what if, what if… Her doubts infected me. Yet, if it werent for her, I could have had money, a fancy car, real prospects. All I had was a tired wife and a flat in some drab suburb. Mary worked herself into the ground or just slept the weekends away. No excitement, no tendernessgrinding her down ground me down. And Andy, all those years back, had suggested we put our money into emu farming of all things. Could have been a right laugh.
So, you want me to trigger your divorce? the cat asked dryly. Right before you talk to Andy?
Oi! Stop rummaging about in my head without asking! I snapped. This isnt your litter box, pal.
Looks messy enough as it is, the cat retorted.
I wanted to boot the cocky little sod, but remembered my wishes and restrained myself.
Yeah. I want us divorced before that chat with Andy, I confirmed, reaching out gingerly. “Do I… pull a whisker, or what?
The cat hopped aside.
Calm down, Aladdin, he snorted, giving his tail a flick.
And just like that, the world spun, blackness taking over. My bus stop, my neighbourhoodall vanished. When I came to, I was in an entirely different reality.
Everything had happened. The emus, a proper flat, German sedanheck, I even looked five years younger. No bags under my eyes, a half-decent set of abs, and someone had even sorted out my mop of hair so I no longer looked like a mangy hedge. Most telling of all, my phone suddenly had real girls names: not Linda Mole Removal Offer or Mrs Smith Door Gumtree, but Katie Bar and Julia Beach Cocktails.
It worked! my inner voice shouted. I wanted to hug the cat, also transported into this shiny new world, but he ducked away.
Medical certificate first, mate, then you can pucker up, the cat said pointedly.
I revelled in my new existence for three days. Then, one afternoon in a café, holding forth to a date about the reproductive peculiarities of emus, I saw herMary. My ex walked in beaming, a handsome bloke in tow, a model upgrade compared to the old Vauxhall that was me. And Maryshe was transformed. Slimmer, brighter, smiling like she used to before we let everyday life eat up all our happiness.
Mary? Is that you? I approached, leaving my date with her phone. I couldnt take my eyes off her.
Oh, Ivan, hi! Marys smile was so dazzling it genuinely hurt. Long time no see! Howve you been?
All well, all good, my voice wobbled a bit, but I powered on and talked about my successes. Mary shared hers next.
Thats how I found out Mary had bested me across the board. Shed snagged the dream job shed never applied for before, because Id always talked her out of itfor the sake of something steady and safe. Turned out, once she got that shot, she climbed right up the career ladder, found her place in a big company, and her companion was a partner, possibly her new beau. Two homes: one let, one lived in.
Thats the short version, Mary smiled sweetly. Glad it worked out for you, too. Take care.
She squeezed my hand and something inside me twisted.
Somethings not right, I muttered, pacing my new flat later, mind racing after that encounter.
Trouble? the cat asked, having made himself at home.
I think I havent done enough. Mary cant be more successful than me. Thats not on. Maybe its because I left uni to work in a warehouse, to support a child that never arrivednot that anyones fault, just how it goes. But maybe I shouldnt have quit studying…?
I know your whole plot already, Ivan. Do you want to break up right after you marry?
Lets go further! Before we even get hitched! I was top of my classeveryone said Id go far, my eyes widened at the prospect.
How far, exactly? Life sentence?
Nosuccess!
Burning with impatience, I lunged for the cats whiskers. He scratched me and twitched his tail. The world reshuffled. The emus, the car, the flatit all vanished, gone forever.
I opened my eyes: five flats. Two cars. A purebred dog. A wifethis one older, clever too (and, as it would turn out, more loyal, though I didnt know that yet). Id got club memberships, multi-passports, useful connections, the lot. All because I never married Mary, finished uni, never worked that warehouse job, never handed over half my wages to a fertility clinic…
Mary? I gasped weeks later, spotting her on the news.
Not Mary Smith anymoreshe was now Mary Bassett, wife of the regions most prominent businessman, Anthony Bassett. Their lives were taking offso the news said. Big new house, bought with honest earnings. Rumour had it even HM Revenue gave him a standing ovation. But unlike Scrooge McDuck, Anthony was a well-known philanthropist. Mary, it turned out, was busy launching a new animal shelter.
No way… I was glued to the screen. She was perfect. The woman Id once fallen in love with, years ago. The beauty, joy, and spirit I rememberedall there, just hidden under the routine Id forced her into with my choices.
“Every joint decisionmy idea, really, my inner voice whispered. She just went along with it. I managed the money, the home, the holidays, even the telly remote. Mary never protested, just raised the odd doubtand gave in.”
Thats when it hit me. The mess wasnt hers. Id made those choices. Id talked myself out of uni. I bottled the emu scheme. I kept her from a real career. I made her take a job she hated. We suffered because of my decisions. Maybe the best thing for both of us was if I hadnt transferred out of B set back in year ten.
Should I leave you in set B then? the cat asked languidly from the windowsill.
The question hung over me for weeks. In that time, I found out ninety percent of my assets were mortgaged, my younger wife was cheating and planning to leave, my connections were useless, and, honestly, my only real friend was my old dog. Sure, Id achieved success, but whats the point when theres no one to share it with? The best moments before were with Mary: victories, losses, hopes, even those silent, bitter moments after yet another negative pregnancy test. We shared everythingwhen we were the Dugdales. Now, she played in a completely different league.
Ive got it, I said, finally. Send me to college straight after GCSEs.
Never meet Mary at all? the cat checked.
Thats right. Even two years with me in sixth formwho knows what potential I stopped her reaching?
Lets see, then, the cat purred, tail flicking.
I couldnt know where fate would drop me once the new universe settled. I waited for anythingexcept to find myself back at that bus stop. January, same old coat, same old beer belly. Phone in hand, calls list featuring Linda Mole Removal Offer, Mrs Smith Door Gumtree, and… Mary.
I stared at the screen, dumbfounded.
For crying out loud I muttered.
The approaching bus opened its doors invitingly. I glanced at the empty seat and bolted home.
I burst through the door, crashed straight onto the bed, and started smothering my wife with kisses.
What are you doing?! Mary shrieked, flailing groggily. Have you lost your mind?!
Absolutely! I laughed, trying to hug her. Mary! How did we meet?!
What? she mumbled, blinking at me. Do you mean, how we first met?
Yes! I need to know! Ive forgotten!
She stared at me like I was mad. On that trip, with my class. You lot were at the college, singing all those silly pop songs on the bus. I remember thinking, Thank goodness Im in sixth form and not that lot She yawned. You seriously dont remember?”
I slid off the bed and sat on the floor for a minute.
Blimey my inner voice whispered, and, as always, I agreed.
Ivan, youre scaring me. Whats going on?
So, I told her everything. About the cat, the wishes, the emus, about Mary Bassett and her kindness, about all three times I left herand how I realised it was me making a mess, not her. Mary just listened, quietly, exactly how she always did when I needed to spill my thoughts.
When I finished, the room was silent. The wind rattled outside, a tap dripped in the kitchen.
Look she said quietly. I always knew you were… dramatic. But not like this.
Im telling you the truth.
You know whats upsetting, even about your crazy stories? she said softly.
What?
That even in your dreams, you never once asked meor realised the point. You never bothered with the cats whiskers, did you? Everything you imagined was fake. Know why?
I shook my head.
Because, Ivan, if Id wanted to leave, Id have gone. Any time. But here I am. And youd have left if you wanted. But you havent. Were in this flat, the one we saved for together. So when it wasnt real, it was miserable. All because you take it all on yourself, and never let me helpscared Ill press the wrong buttons and well sink. But you never give me a try. Still, I dont force it, because I know you mean well.
I really do,” I admitted, managing a small, guilty smile. “But I dont listen. I went off without youright at the start of this whole nonsense.
Maybe thats how it had to be, she replied after a while. Shed always been the wise one, I realised, especially now.
Do you think theres anything left to do? Or is it too late for us? I asked, as gently as I could.
Like what?
Well, I could try studying again in the evenings, join the gym, and you couldfinallygo for that job you always wanted!
I dont know Im not nineteen anymore. A lot doesnt seem as exciting as it once did.
Alright thenlets start smaller. What would you like, right now? I looked around in a panic, as if Id find an idea lying about.
Mary took a thoughtful pause.
Honestly? Id just like to spend the weekend in bed, doing absolutely nothing. I know you hate mess, but Im wrecked from work. I cant even think until Ive caught up a bit. Is that okay?
Fine by me! I jumped up. Ill do the housework after! Then well see about everything else, okay?
Deal. I like this plan. She grinned at me.
And, Mary one more thing?
Yes?
Can we get a dog?
Just then, from the hall, there was the softest little meow.
