Tanya
No! Please dont! Dont bring him to me! Why are you doing this?
A tiny girl, delicate as a porcelain doll with almond-shaped eyes, is frantic, pushing away the nurse who is carrying her baby over.
Settled with her own daughter on her lap, Tanya waves the nurse over.
Hand him here, Ill feed him.
Thats not allowed
We wont tell a soul. Why bother with formula when theres milk left? Let him have a treat, well cross the next bridge when it comes.
Sturdy Tanya, her deep voice filling the ward, is as persuasive as they come. She doesnt run a construction crew for nothingher bosses always knew she could handle the job and manage people just as well. Shes direct, fair, and doesnt mince words. When the situation called for it, she could spell things out so plainly that even the most stubborn person would get the message.
If someone doesnt get it the first time, you have to make it clear in their own language! Tanya would laugh, while her listeners scurried away, knowing it was safer to give her a wide berth.
By thirty, Tanya had outgrown Tanya and become Ms. Fletcher to everyone, stern and respecteda leader on the building site. The young women who joined her crew would never dream of calling her anything less formal on her watch. But after some time working with Fierce Tanya, as the lads jokingly called her, they realised you couldnt find a better person. Shed help, support and advise anyone who needed it, and if you were stuck for a loan, shed come through. Each of them found a kind word from her eventually, and more than one would refer to her as Mum Tanya in conversation, though never to her face.
Tanya was one of those ageless women. You could look and see twenty or forty, depending on the light. She had bold, noble features, the nose of a Greek goddess, and hair thick enough for three wigsthank heavens theyre out of fashion! Her whole bearing was impressivebroad, proud, with everything in its place, polished until it shone.
Tanya never cut corners on her appearance. Overalls or no, who said work clothes have to be filthy? The girls would raise their eyebrows to see Tanya packing her kit at the end of every shift, ready for a wash.
Ms. Fletcher, when do you find time for all this? Im dead on my feet by the time I get home! No chance for laundry!
If you havent got your wits about you, youll be scrubbing daily. I keep three sets of work clothes. Theres always time to wash, even if Im knackered. If not today, tomorrow. I need to show up in clean clothesId get jumpy and miserable otherwise. And you dont want that! Tanya would chuckle, grinning as the girls gaped at her.
She knew everything and a bit more about her crew, but shared precious little of her own lifenot that she kept any secrets. Everyone remembers the talk around her first husband, who fell and nearly died after flouting safety rules, tumbling from the third floor. Tanya nursed him back, ignoring all doom from the doctors. She followed every instruction and hassled everyone from the nurse to the chief consultant. He not only walked again but dashed offliterally and figurativelyrunning straight to another love.
At home, Tanya would sob so hard the neighbours shih tzus would howl along, but at work, her chin was up and her eyes bone dry. Theres no room for tears on site; youre not just responsible for yourself, but for your crew too. How could anyone sleep at night otherwise? Let him go his own way, if he never understood her soul.
The girls whispered, of course, but never dared show Tanya any pity. And that was for the best; if there was anything Tanya couldnt stand, it was self-pity. Her father taught her the samenever whinge, never feel sorry for yourself.
Hed raised Tanya himself. Neighbourhood gossips would sigh, Fred, let her be, shes a girl!
But Fred never listened. He raised his daughter as he saw fit. His rules were simple.
Dont upset others, and dont get upset yourself. If you are offended, show it clearly and explain why. No ones a mind reader. Tell them, calmly, or stay quiet and expect nothing. Treat people the way you want to be treated. If you wouldnt like being called a nasty name, dont say it to someone else.
Right, little Tanya would answer, spooning down porridge and milkher dad now a dab hand with breakfast.
And if you do, youll lose a friend and feel rotten too. Holding a grudge is nasty businessno good ever comes of it, even if you think youre right.
Tanya adored her dad; she thought there was no one finer. He was unsmiling, not especially affectionate, but his love for his child was plain as day to anyone with eyeseven blokes with a handful of kids themselves.
Fred, what if shes not yours? Nadine was a right one…
For talk like that, Fred would lash out without a second thought, landing himself in hot water more than once. The factory boss, who knew them both well, always helped smooth things over, then had a proper go at Fred in private, while six-year-old Tanya tiptoed out, quietly closing the door.
Shed never known her mum; she was told her mother left when she was a baby, leaving Fred with their newborn and vanishing for good. No one knew why. Older, Tanya eventually asked her dad.
We werent what she wanted, love. We got in her way. She wanted to be free, and we weighed her down. She left, honestly saying she couldnt be your mum or my wife.
Tanya put the tea and some pancakes in front of him and sat.
She did the right thing! Better to go than force herself to lie every day. Were fine! But, Dadis it true what they say, that Im not yours? I dont care what they gossipI just want the truth. Youre my dad, thats settled. But I want to know for real.
Fred gripped his mug, staring right at Tanya. She didnt look away; she wasnt afraid of asking anything. Her father always treated her as an equal and never lied.
Youre mine, Fred answered, looking away but catching himself. Dont think about it. Your mum was honestif you werent mine, shed have told me. Forget what anyone says. Youre my daughter, end of.
He awkwardly hugged herher wild curls all over his chestkissed the top of her head and left the kitchen.
Tanya exhaled. Everything was in its place. No one would talk down to her anymore; she wouldnt allow it. As for her mumwell, thats how it goes. She can at least thank her mum for existing at all. Her dad? She wouldnt wish for any other. There was no better dad, not for her.
Tanya grew, and the gossips stopped. She and Fred looked so aliketall, black-eyed, curly-hairedthat the neighbourhood grannies paused their scolding just to watch them go.
My, what a sight! Like heroes out of an old ballad!
Whyd she have to be so large? Takes after her father, but who could match her now? Wherell she find a husband?
Serge found her himself. By the time Tanya was on site, he was the only lad taller than her. He couldnt help but catch her eye.
Wow! A real queen, you are! Serges admiring whistle made Tanya blush.
They hit it off quickly, and the wedding was a big affair, since Tanyas family nearly tripled overnight. In-laws, Serges two sisters, grandparents, aunts
But her mother-in-law, Marjorie, had other ideas. Shed worked out all she needed about Tanyas family and decided Tanya would never fit in, making her feelings clear to her daughters. Tanya wasnt naïveshed lived in a block where everyone knew everyones business. Even so, shed hoped for a mothers support, if only from a mother-in-law.
Criticism, gossip, and open argumentsall of it came her way. Tanya handled it as her father taught: dont keep silent, explain yourself. But a couple of calm talks with Marjorie convinced her it was pointless. She decided not to waste time any further.
Soon, missing birthdays or family get-togethers triggered rows. One afternoon, Marjorie turned up during Tanyas day off while Serge was in the garage.
What have you got in your head? Trying to turn my son away from me? Well
What? Tanya, washing the dishes, turned to face Marjorie, taking up most of the kitchen. Lost for words? She put down the rag and washed her hands. Come on then! Give me your best, but youll hear my piece first.
Stepping close, Tanya loomed over Marjorie, who had little choice but to perch on a stool and sulk.
You said I wasnt your sort. Fine. Ive spared you the effort of having anything to do with me. If Serge wont come round without me, thats for him to answer. Hes grown, you know. I havent breathed a word against you to him, whatever you imagine. Carry on if you must, but keep it in your kitchen. I wont have it here. If you come in peace, youre welcome. If notdont bother.
So thats how you talk, is it?
What did you think? Id just take it and cry? Not likely. I could say more, but I wont lower myself. You get my point. If you dont want to accept me, thats your choice. I shant weep. Sort things out with your son. Tanya set the kettle to boil. Tea?
Marjorie, about to storm off, stopped as Tanya suddenly went pale, grabbing the fridge for support before rushing to the bathroom, barely brushing past Marjorie.
When Tanya, pale and curly-haired, returned to the kitchen, two mugs of tea were already waiting, and Marjorie was slicing bread.
Sit. When did you last eat?
Cant even remember.
Right! Eat up! Ill nip home and be back. Want any pickled onions or cabbage?
Tanya just stared at her mother-in-law, not sure what to say. A moment ago, she was shouting and nowasking what pickle she fancied
What are you staring at? Surprised? I can be full of surprises. How far along are you?
Tanya finally let out a breath. No point keeping secrets now.
Three months.
Itll get easier, Marjorie said, matter-of-fact, pushing over the plate. When you wake, eat a bit of bread or a cracker. Only a small piece. Even if you dont feel like ithave a nibble. It helps.
From that day, the fragile truce Tanya managed became steady. When her first child, Alex, was born, the whole extended family turned out at the hospital, trying to put their old feuds behind them.
And when Serge decided his life needed change and left Tanya, it was Marjorie who gave her most support.
Shameful, Tanya, what that lads done, Marjorie grumbled as she unpacked treats for her grandson. Wait till I see himhell get a piece of my mind!
Dont, Mum. Tanya forced herself not to cry again. All youll do is drive him away. Men come and go; a mother is always a mother. If Alex brought home a second wife one day, could you send him packing? I couldnt, and its not right. If Serge wants someone else, what can I do? You cant force love. Let him live and be happy. I only ask that he sees his son. Hows a boy to grow without his dad?
Marjorie, ruffling her grandsons wild curls, tiptoed up to hug Tanya.
Dont despair, love. Youll be fine! Young, strong, beautifuland having a child never held anyone back. Youre still family, you hear? Me and Grandad will help as much as we can. You, Alexalways ours.
Marjorie kept her word, helping as much as Tanyas father did. Whatever arrangement she had with Serge, Tanya didnt know, but Alex saw his dad as often as possible. Serge lived in another town and always took his son for visits, now and then with his new wife. Tanya never protested.
Daft, you are, Tanya! Letting your kid stay with his dads new woman? I never would!
Well, thats you. Shes Alexs half-sisters mother. Theres nothing left for us to argue over. And the kids should know each other.
Fred marvelled at his daughters wisdom.
Youre right. Two are better than one. Let Alex know his sisterlife can be difficult, you never know whats coming.
Years passed, and whispers on site began anewMs. Fletchers expecting again! But whos the father?
Tanya paid no heed. She owed no one answers. A short seaside holiday, while Alex stayed with Marjorie, gave her more happiness than shed known since Serge left.
Alexander was tall, like Tanyas first husband, but the similarity ended there. He was a university lecturer, a professor, greying at forty-six, and deeply unhappy.
You see, Tanya, family lifes hard when theres no love leftjust duty. I have two children. I can’t abandon them or make changes until they’re old enough to understand.
Do you think its better for them to see you argue? Or even without wordschildren arent stupid.
You really believe that?
I know it. Her wide-brimmed holiday hat felt awkward; Tanya wasnt used to such things, but the sun burned her skin without it.
She never called him Alexalways Professor Campbell and sir, unsure why. But time with him was warm and easy; when it came time to part, she hadnt the courage to say goodbye. It was as if part of her soul had been ripped away, clumsily and in haste.
Early in the morning, she slipped away quietly, suitcase in hand, and left for the station. The memories were hers to keep, not to share, not even with the man at their centre.
She confessed everything to Marjorie, who took it in stride.
So what if youre having another? The more family Alex has, the better. Dont fret, Tanya. Who gets a lot of love in life? If you were still married, Id see things differently, but as it stands… Well, who can say what life will bring? What matters is how you carry things forward!
Tanyas daughter was born right on time, to the surprise of doctorsand she smiled through almost the entire labour.
Just look at her! Others scream the place down, but she just beams! The midwife shook her head. Thats a baby born out of love, Ill wager?
All Tanya could do was nod.
Here you goyour girl! Shes gorgeous. Bit big, thoughjust like her mum.
Thats fine! Big girls get lucky too.
Tanyas ward was empty for almost a day before a dark-haired pixie of a young woman, supported by the cleaner, shuffled in and collapsed onto a bed.
Stay here for nowwell work out what to do after.
Hearing her new neighbours soft moans, Tanya poured a glass of water and asked gently,
Whats your name?
A delicate sob was the only reply.
Tanya moved to her side, propped her up and asked,
Would you like some water?
The girl gulped eagerly. Tanya couldnt help but frown.
What, were they starving you? Whats your name?
Asia.
So Ash then. Well, nice to meet you. Boy or girl?
No answer. Ash turned away and wept silently. Tanya let her be.
Hours went by, and Ash stayed quiet, whimpering gently.
Doors banged in the corridorit was time for the babies feeding. Tanya sat up, ready to drift on cloud nine every time she cuddled her daughter, awestruck by her tiny brows and nose.
Shouldnt you get ready?
But Ash ignored her.
Tanya carefully took the tiny baby boysmaller than her own sturdy Ivyinto her arms. Fragile as his mum. Weak. Ivy suckled greedily and demanded attention. Ashs baby whimpered, turning away, as if to ask to be spared the trouble.
Oh no, dear, that wont do!
Tanya scooted Ivy closer to the wall, stood up and towered over Ash.
Are you mad? What do you think youre doing? Your baby is struggling, and youre lost in self-pity. Up! Now!
Her deep voice echoed through the ward; something crashed outside. Ash flinched, curling up, knees to her chin.
Quit feeling sorry for yourself! Whatevers happened, hes worse off than you are. Youre grown, but he theres nothing sacred about abandoning him! Maybe youre not Christianbut it doesnt matter; God doesnt pick and choose among his children! Sit upwere going to make a mother of you!
The doctor, summoned by nervous nurses, stood in the doorway, watched Tanya help Ash nurse her baby, and quietly withdrew.
Theyre fine. Leave them for now. Take the babies back later. Its best.
Ashs story was simple enough. A whirlwind love, lots of promises, then heartbreak. When her boyfriend found out she was pregnant, he disappeared. Ash, terrified, hadnt even written to her parents.
I cant go home, Tanya. My father would never understand, and my mother would be on his side. Thats how things areits not their fault, its mine. But I dont know what to do. Theres nowhere for me to take my baby.
How old are you?
Her tear-streaked black eyes met Tanyas.
Eighteen. Two months ago.
Just a child yourself
Cuddling a pillow, Tanya rocked it gently, humming to herself like a lullaby. She wanted to hold Ivy, to feel the weight that told her she was truly needed by someone in this world. Thoughts rushed through her mind; she didnt even try to catch them. Everything was clear now. She just needed to convince Ash.
Fred didnt even raise an eyebrow at Tanyas note. He simply went to Marjories and, with her help, found a spare cot. They shifted some furniture, set it up, and Fred phoned Marjorie.
All set.
Same here. Everything Tanya asked formaybe not brand new, but good as new. Enough for now.
Tanya tortured herself over how to start the conversation with Ashshe knew just how proud she was. But there was no need to plead. The next evening, when the babies were brought in, Ash hugged her son in hysterics. Tanya just managed to catch her.
Dont, sweetheart! Dont crydont rip your heart out! Its going to be okay, I promise!
It wont! screamed Ash, heedless of the fuss in the corridor. No one will take him! I cant! And Ive nowhere to gowho would want us?
Tanyas calm answer cut through the noise, so assured that Ash went silent, staring in disbelief.
I want you both. And you do have somewhere to go now. My flat may be small, but theres space for everyone. Dads already set up a second cot, well find you a spot on the sofa. Understand? So no more shouting. Youve frightened the baby. Hes too little for thathe can feel what you feel. If youre scared, so is he. Children shouldnt have to be afraidnever! Thats what mothers are for: to protect them from fear and give them strength. So get on with your duty! Tears wont help. Youre not alone anymore. Well manage together.
Ash gazed at her with hunger and hope. Tanya couldnt bear it. She swept Ash and the baby into a hug, shielding them from the world.
Dont be afraid, love. Everything will work outI may not be old enough to be your mum, but Ill be your big sister if youll let me.
Feeling Ash lean on her, Tanya settled the baby in her arms, planted her neighbour on the bed, and barked at the nurses gawking in the doorway.
What is this, a circus? Bring a sedative! Cant you see the girls in pieces?
Three months on, Ash shuffled a big pram into the courtyard, both children inside, and nodded to the neighbours sitting on the bench.
She didnt notice the car idling outside the door for the last hour until her father stepped out, coming toward her. Ash gasped, moving instinctively to shield the pram.
What are you trembling for, like a leaf? Tanya grumbled, disentangling her dress from a rusty rail. She moved Ash aside, nodded hello to everyone, and carried on. Go! Speak to your dad while we take the kids for a stroll. Dont be scaredhe wont scold you. Weve already spoken about all this. Youre family. Whos going to love you if not your parents? You vanished with not even a notethey were all beside themselves looking for you!
Not looking back, Tanya walked to the end of the path, turned, and smiled with satisfaction. She tucked in the babies and hummed beneath her breath.
There we go! If he hugged you, it means youre forgiven. Youre no orphan now, Sasha. Youve got a granddad, a grandma, and a whole lot of family now. Things wont be easy for your mum, but shes not that lost girl anymore, refusing to hold you. Try taking you nowshed defend you like a lioness! Shes a mum, and shell do anything for you. Shell make peace with her family and raise you well. And if you misbehave, Aunt Tanya will teach you all about loving your mum and your country, mind! And remind you that there are more of usme, Ivy, Alex, Granddad Fredwell always be here for you, no matter what!
Two very different noses snooze quietly in the pram.
The sun, which had hidden all week, finally breaks through the clouds and spills gold across the pavement. Tanya looks up, letting the warm rays bathe her face, and listens.
Right, out of the sun! First May storms about to break! Quickinside!
They make it to the doorway just as the rain hammers down. Tanya hands Sasha over to Ashs father and points up the stairs.
Third floor, Granddad! Take your treasure up. Its open.
Ash steps to snatch her son back, but pauses, watching her father hug the baby close.
Whats his name?
Alexander.
Good name. Strong. Come on!
Tanya hesitates on the porch, rocking her waking daughter.
See, love, how it goes. Happiness walks nearby but doesnt always land in your hands. Wait too long, it might pass you by. Want to be happy? Choose it! Dont wait for anyone or anything. Love your family, pity strangers, expect nothing in return. If you can givegive. Life, help, a kind word. Dont ask for thanks; those who mean to will thank you themselves, the rest well, let it be! The point is, youll never have reason to blame yourself. Live so anyone watching will thinkthats how it should be!Tanya climbed the stairs last, Ivy murmuring against her shoulder, her weight a promise of tomorrows. At each landing, she paused, working out a mental checklistfood for supper, clean vests, jobs for Fred and Marjorie, how best to arrange two cots in one small room. Nothing she hadnt faced before, just life reshaping itself again.
Halfway up, she spotted Ash at the landing, eyes shining and cheeks flushedher father behind her, burdened not with disappointment but with hope. When Ash caught Tanyas gaze, gratitude and courage mingled there, strong as any steel beam Tanya had ever hoisted.
Back inside, the tiny flat was already hummingFred fussing in the kitchen, Marjorie stacking nappies with practiced hands, the children settled in their cots, bright eyes watching the grownups.
Ash pulled Tanya aside, voice trembling, You didnt have to do this. Why?
Tanya only smiled and pressed Ashs hand. Thats just it. We always have a choice. I saw someone who needed a bit of what I hadthats how we make a family, Ash. Piece by piece, day by day.
Ash hugged her, tight. In that embrace, Tanya felt something fall into placenot a burden, but a blessing. The flat, crowded and full of voices, was somehow big enough for everyone. Even the smallest corner held laughter, forgiveness, a chance to try again.
Later, as dusk pressed soft shadows against the window, Tanya stood awhile and watched the gentle rise and fall of sleeping children, tracing their pillows with affection. She knew storms and sunlight would come and go, and perhaps there would be more goodbyes and more tears, but that was alright.
All that mattered was this: she had loved as best she could, and been generous with her heart. The restwell, that would come tomorrow.
Sleep well, darlings, she whispered. Youre home.
And in that simple, overflowing room, the sigh of peace settled deeper than any loneliness. Family, Tanya knew, was never about blood alone. It was builtwith hands and words, with sacrifice and faithone day, one kindness, at a time.
