“Your wealth should show in the gifts you give,” my mother-in-law snapped.
“You make more money than Emma, so your presents ought to be fitting,” she grumbled yet again.
Sighing, I sank down onto the sofa beside my wife. “I really havent got the foggiest what to get Mum,” I admitted.
Sarah only shrugged, as if to say, “Good luck.” Finding something for my mother-in-law was always a hassle, and the truth was, our relationship with Margaret Pearson had been strained since nearly day one.
Early on, I realised exactly where I stood with Mum, so after some long discussions, Sarah and I decided keeping a bit of distance was the simplest way forward. Nobody owed anyone anythingjust the odd phone call, and family gatherings only if we felt up to it.
This year, however, Mum wanted to mark her birthday, so she threw a party and invited a good deal of the family, including us. Family games, as always.
“Actually, Mum said shed be happy with anything,” I recalled suddenly.
“She always says that, then acts affronted no matter what we get,” Sarah muttered, still bitter. “Emma can give her whatever she likes, but we never get it right.”
She remembered vividly how Margaret had picked apart every gift wed ever given her.
“Remember Mothering Sunday? We got her a lovely set of expensive skincare, and what did we get? Tears and endless moaning that were calling her old and haggard,” Sarah sighed. “The only gifts shes ever liked are gold or some techy gadgetsomething she can look up the price for, really.”
“Should I just ring and ask what shed like?” I wondered aloud.
“Try if you want,” Sarah replied, shaking her head at the idea.
Not wanting to overthink it, I phoned Mum to ask her directly about a birthday present.
“My dear boy, I dont need anything,” Margaret said softly. “Just come along, thatll be the best gift for me.”
“Mum, are you sure? You wont hold it against us if we just come empty-handed?” I pressed.
“Certainly not! Id be thrilled with anything at all,” she laughed. I decided to trust that.
“Mum said we can get her whatever we like,” I told Sarah after.
She looked at me in disbelief, clearly not trusting Mums words. But as I insisted on choosing the gift myself, Sarah relented.
“Maybe we could get her a robotic vacuum, then she wont have to lug the hoover about everywhere,” Sarah suggested after looking over our finances.
We agreed and bought Margaret a robot vacuum for almost £900, feeling wed made a generous choice. Off we went to her party, feeling confident.
Mum welcomed us with a big smilethat vanished the second she unwrapped the vacuum cleaner. “Why?” she groaned. “Put it in the corner, will you?”
Sarah and I stared at each other, a little stunned.
Shortly after, my sister Emma and her husband arrived. Emma threw her arms around Mum and cheerfully declared, “Mum, this is for you!”
“Thank you, darling! You always know just what I want!” Margaret cried, hugging her tightly.
Curious, Sarah tried to see what had delighted Mum so much. To her surprise, she saw it was just a small box of cosmetics, which couldnt have cost more than twenty quid.
Sarah and I looked at each other, equally perplexed and a bit wounded. I could see she felt let down, just as I did.
For hours, I tried to keep my feelings under wraps. But when Mum starting going on once again about Emmas gift, I couldnt take it anymore.
“Mumcan I have a word?” I asked, pulling her aside.
“What is it, love?” she replied, looking at me with concern. “Something wrong?”
“Yeah, there is. I asked you what youd like as a gift. Do you remember what you said?”
“I do”
“Then why treat our present so coldly while you praise a cheap gift from Emma? Dont tell me Im imagining things.”
“I wont,” she grumbled. “You lot earn more than Emma, so your gifts ought to be better.”
“And what are we supposed to give? Tat? Should we include a receipt with every present so you can check if its good enough?” I demanded.
“Oh, thats quite enough of that,” she huffed, clearly wanting the whole thing over with. “What can I say? Emmas present pleased me more.”
“Is that because you dont know what ours cost? For your information, it was £900!”
“That much?” she feigned surprise, but I could see her calculating her next move.
“You know why I appreciate Emmas familys presents more? Because they give what they can, and you two dont bother, it feels like,” she exclaimed bluntly. More family games.
“Mum, are you serious?” I groaned, rubbing my forehead.
“Do I look like Im joking?” Mum shot back. “Honestly, with what you make, you could have pampered me with a spa weekend.”
I just stared at her, stunned, for a moment.
“You really think Sarah and I have money falling out of our ears every day?” I burst out.
My sudden outburst made both Sarah and Emma freeze in the kitchen doorway.
Emma caught on quicker than Sarah, and immediately jumped in to protect Mum. “Mum didnt want a robot vacuum, she wanted a humidifier. Hers broke three days ago. If you cared about her, youd have known,” she scolded.
“I asked her about it!” I retorted through clenched teeth. “Are you taking the mick? Thats itno more gifts! We bend over backwards for you and only get complaints. The robots not right, youd prefer a humidifier. Sorry for managing to get it wrong again! Lets go, Sarah,” I said.
Mum dissolved into tears, Emma by her side, and Sarah and I leftfaces like thunder.
I kept that promise to Mum. From that day, I decided to stop buying presents and stay away from family dos to avoid being made to feel a fool.
What Ive learnt, and what I wish Id realised sooner, is this: no matter how hard you try with some people, it will never be enoughso better to put your energy into kindness, not into seeking approval thats never coming.
