Golden Fish
Antonia Peterson walked through the rain, tears streaking down her cheeks and mingling with the drops from above.
“At least the rain is something to be glad for,” she thought to herself, “No one can see I’m crying.”
But she blamed herself as well. “Its my own fault. I went at the wrong time. Wasnt wanted. Turned up unannounced.”
She walked and sobbed. Then, suddenly, she let out a strained laugh, remembering an old joke: a son-in-law says to his mother-in-law, “Not even a spot of tea, Mum?”
And here she was now, the butt of that joke, so like the “Mum” in that old tale. She sobbed and laughed by turns.
When she finally got home, she peeled off her drenched coat, wrapped herself in a worn blanket, and let herself weep without restraint. There was no one to hear her, no one to caresave the golden fish gliding in circles in its round glass bowl. No one else at all.
Antonia had always been an intriguing woman, admired by men, but her luck with Nikolass fatherher only son’shad been abysmal. He drank too much. At first it was manageablehed drink, then sleepbut then came the jealousy, wild and sweeping: the stranger who stopped her for directions, the butcher at the counter, the old man with a walking stick, the neighbour down the hall.
One day, after she smiled greeting the neighbour, he lost his reason entirely. He beat Antonia. Not a quick temper, but thorough and chillinghis fists landing with practiced cruelty, kidney shots, all while Nikolas looked on, wide-eyed.
Nikita later told his grandparents everything in vivid detail. Antonias mother wept, Is this what I raised my daughter forthat some drunken brute uses her as a punching bag?
Her father simply dressed and left. When he returned, the man who had been his son-in-law was no longer; hed found himself swiftly ejected from the fourth floor, breaking his arm in the fall.
If I ever see you near my daughter again, Ill put you in the ground, prison or not, her father threatened, shaking his fist as the man limped off.
And, truly, Nikolass father vanished from their lives forever. Antonia, wary, never married again. She had her boy to raise, and who could say what sort of man she might end up with next?
Many suitors tried, but she let none get close. One such man was more than enough.
Antonia never struggled for money. She worked as a food technologist in a small local restaurant and lived comfortably. She even managed to save steadily for a flat of her own. And when shed just gathered the amount she needed, her Nikolas announced his intention to marry. The young lady, Katherine, was kind and lively.
Antonia gave them a fine wedding and generously signed over her new, two-bedroom flat to the couple. Theyre starting their life togetherlet them have the best, she reasoned, content with her own humble council flat.
Now she saved for a car for themhow long could they go about in that ancient little Mini, rattling around the city?
She wouldnt have visited that day, but she happened to be near their house when the heavens opened. She hadnt even brought an umbrella, and it wouldnt have helped much in that downpour. So she thought shed dash in, wait for the rain to pass, and perhaps share a pot of tea and a little harmless gossip with Katherine.
But Katherine, opening the door, only looked startled. She didnt invite Antonia in; she stood blocking the hallway and asked coldly, “Antonia, was there something you wanted?”
Antonia faltered and fumbled for words. “Its just… the rain”
“The rains let up already. You only live round the corner, youll be fine.” Katherine folded her arms, gaze fixed out the window.
“Right, of course,” Antonia murmured. She blinked back fresh tears and stepped back out, into the last lingering drizzle.
She wandered home, crying, and soon drifted to sleep. In her dreams, the golden fish from her aquarium grew enormous, mouthing silent words that Antonia could nevertheless hear quite clearly.
“Foolish woman! Crying your heart out, not even offered a cup of tea in the rain, yet youre still saving every penny for them! Living your whole life for otherswhen will you live for yourself, smart and lovely as you are? Youve got moneyso what if you planned to give it to them? They dont even appreciate it. Gobook yourself a holiday by the sea. Live a little, just for you.”
When she awoke, night had fallen. The golden fish swam its eternal circuit, but she no longer understood its fishy tongue. Yet she grasped the most important thing: she mustnt sacrifice herself for the ungrateful, nor for those who would not so much as make her a cup of tea or let her shelter from the storm.
So Antonia Peterson took the money shed been putting away for the childrens car and spent it on a seaside holiday for herself. She travelled. She rested. She returned home, bronzed, radiant, and altogether renewed.
Nikolas and Katherine never knewafter all, they only ever called or visited when they wanted money or a babysitter.
Antonia also stopped shying away from men, and soon a suitor appearedan impressive fellow, dashing and dignified, the manager of the very restaurant where she worked. He had admired her for years, but there had never been room in her lifealways something for the boy, the daughter-in-law, the next thing for them. Now, for the first time, things slipped neatly into place. They travelled to work together, home together; her days felt utterly transformed.
Recently, Katherine dropped by. “Why dont you come to visit us, Antonia? Nikolas has found a car he likes.” A pointed suggestion hung in the air.
Antonia met her in the hall, folding her arms. “Is there something you needed, Katherine?”
Before she could answer, the manager called out from the sitting room, “Darling, are we going to have our tea?”
“We are, love,” Antonia smiled warmly. “Do invite our guest!”
“Oh, Katherines just leaving. And she doesnt fancy tea, isnt that right, Katherine?”
She shut the door firmly on her daughter-in-law, winked at the golden fish, and laughed.
Thats settled, then!She poured two cups of fragrant tea in the cozy kitchen, watching steam curl above the rim. The golden fish swirled in its bowl, scales gleaming in the lamplight as if winking back.
As the rain pattered against the window, Antonia raised her cup in a private toastnot to the son whod forgotten her sacrifices, nor to the years lost pleasing others, but to herself: still alive, whole, and worthy of warmth.
Her suitor squeezed her hand, and together they laughed about summer plans, recipes yet to try, and distant shores waiting to be strolled. Antonia glanced once more at the golden fish, a knowing spark in her eyes.
From now on, if the world ever closed its doors, she would open her ownfilling her rooms with laughter, sunlight, and people who treasured her not for what she could give, but for all that she was.
Outside, the rain ceased. Inside, for the first time in years, Antonia felt truly at home.
