Im 23 and Ive been with my boyfriend for four years. We started dating when I was 19back when most of our weekends revolved around popcorn and romcoms at the cinema, dinner at the same pub every time, and tucking in early like responsible pensioners. Hes always been the family type: toast on Sundays, roast dinners at his mums, holidays in Devon. At the start I just went along with it, because honestly, I was more concerned about what shoes to wear than where my life was headed.
About a year ago, he became very keen on the topic of marriage. It started with casual commentsone day, when we get married, when we have a house with a conservatorythen got more intense. Two months ago he announced, with the subtlety of a sledgehammer, that if we werent thinking about the next step, he didnt see the point of continuing. Ever since, Ive had the sneaking suspicion that a proposal might happen any day now, probably sandwiched between pudding and the cheese board at some massive family gathering.
Just the other week, we were having Sunday lunch with his family. His mum asked if we were serious about our future plans. His aunt piped up and said, Four years is plenty, isnt it dear? Strangely, not one person thought to ask me what I actually want. Everyone just assumed marriage was as certain as rain in Manchester.
But the awkward truth isI dont want to marry him. Its not that I dont love him, its just I cant see myself living the life he wants. What I do want is to hop on a plane to Canada for uni. Ive researched colleges, scholarships, costs, flight datesthe works. I want to live on my own, juggle a part-time job, master the art of surviving in subzero temperatures, and spend long hours in giant libraries surrounded by people who pronounce about funny.
And after Canada? England is my dream. Ive spent years devouring classic British novels, scribbling notes in the margins, falling in love with stories set in rainy London or by the Yorkshire moors. Im obsessed with dusty bookshops, tiny cafes, tracing the steps of authors I adore. This hasnt just popped up, eitherIve said it about a million times.
He listens, nods, but never joins in. He never talks about coming with me. Its always maybe later or its not the right time now. His plans are firmly rooted heresame job, same neighbourhood, Sunday roasts at his grans. His life plan includes me, yes, but not a change of postcode.
Lately, its become glaringly obvious that were on different wavelengths. He talks about mortgages, wedding bands, and stability. I talk about tuition fees, visas, and flights out of Heathrow. We havent had any big blow-ups, no cheating, no screaming matches. But every time wedding talk comes up, I get a whiff of panic stronger than his dads aftershave.
I avoid straight-up conversations. And big family parties. Mostly because I cant bear the thought of him popping the question in front of the extended family, forcing me to say no before the trifles even been served.
How do you end a relationship that isnt broken, just pointing in the wrong direction? If youve got any advice, Id love to hear itpreferably before someone brings out the engagement ring along with the after-dinner mints.
