Many years ago, on the day of my birthday, my closest family gathered around the old oak tablemy children and grandchildren. The table was laden with delicious food I had prepared, as well as tasty dishes my daughters brought along. I had even heard whispers that my grandchildren had lent a helping hand in the kitchen. The spread was so bountiful there was scarcely room for an extra plate. Everyone was enjoying the homemade fare, when suddenly, I noticed a few bones had landed on my half-empty platemy grandson had placed them there. Soon after, my son’s daughter did the very same. At first, no one seemed to notice, until the bewilderment on my face caught my children’s eye.
“What are you doing?” my eldest snapped at the children, scolding them gently. “There are napkins and a dish for bones. Why are you putting them on Gran’s plate?”
“Well, Gran likes eating bones and gristle,” my grandson protested, as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
His cousin chimed in, “Yes, Gran always gives away her own serving because she only likes the gristly bits…”
My children recognised the habit, too. There was a time, long ago, when I’d offered them everything finest at the table, even my own helping, always insistingrather slylythat I preferred burnt edges, fat, or the discarded cartilage, simply because I wanted my child or grandchild to get the best. For years I lived for the family, but in that festive moment, I realised Id made a mistake.
I had fibbed, claiming to enjoy what I truly didnt care for, teaching my children that I was to receive only what no one else wanted. Now, my grandchildren believed without a doubt that I adored bones and so would kindly offer them to me, even when the table was groaning under the weight of fine food. I had been so convincing with my little white lies all these years, and now my grandchildren were only following suit.
My children, now adults, had absorbed my way of doing things and, unconsciously, were raising their own youngsters to believe the very samethat as a child you get the best, but as an adult, you must set yourself aside for others, making space and sacrifices without a second thought.
Sometimes I wonder, truly, if denying oneself for the sake of family is always right.
