Diagnosis Betrayal
You two seem to be getting rather serious, Mrs. Edith Harper pressed on, barely veiling her urgency as she fixed Alice with a sharp gaze. When are you planning the wedding, then?
Alice forced a polite smile, searching for words that wouldnt offend her potential mother-in-law. I do think its still a bit early to talk of that just yet, she replied. Weve only been living together for a month. Perhaps we ought to wait and see how we get along day to day you never knowwe might start quarrelling over the washing up or something equally silly.
Edith raised an eyebrow, but she would not be deterred from finding out everything she wanted to know. Alice, to her credit, liked her well enoughfar more than Roberts last girlfriend, at any rate. Lydia had been insufferable, shameless and completely without manners. Good riddance to her, Alice thought. Robert had done well to finish it.
And how is young George managing? Edith shifted the conversation, though her eyes remained intent. He is a teenager now, but even so
Alice felt a warmth rise in her chest at the mention of Roberts son. Her mind drifted to those first awkward days after moving in, anxious that George might resent her or see her as an intruderor worse, some sort of replacement for his mother.
Hes wonderful, Alice said, her smile this time utterly genuine. I was anxious at first, I admit. I thought perhaps George might be reserved or even wary. But its been quite the oppositehes an open-hearted and friendly boy.
She paused momentarily, recalling how George had once come home from school, tucked into her apple crumble, and immediately declared that theirs would now be the house with the best food on the street.
In fact, Alice added with a subtle grin, he seemed rather pleased that the cooking would now be handled by someone a bit more confident in the kitchen than his father. He even asks me to teach him recipes now and then.
Robert, who had been quietly listening, looked up and gave Alice a nod of confirmation, a ghost of a smile crossing his lips. He appeared just as relieved that his son and his partner got on so well.
Has he started dropping hints about wanting a brother or sister yet? Edith asked, with a not-so-subtle nudge.
Robert grimaced, casting his mother a fleeting look of irritationa silent plea of, Not this again, Mum. He was well acquainted with Ediths habit of speaking her mind, regardless of the discomfort it might bring to others.
Theres nothing wrong with asking, is there? Edith said without missing a beat. Her tone was bright and almost teasing, as though the discussion were entirely trivial. George adores children, hes always looking after his little cousins. And, Robert, youre thirty-fiveyouve time yet to have one or two of your own!
Alice felt heat creeping up her neck, uncomfortable to be discussing something so intimate in the company of someone who was really, to her, almost a stranger. She pressed her fingers together under the table, striving to appear calm.
Im afraid thats impossible, she managed, keeping her voice even. The doctors have made it very clearit would be unsafe for me to try for children.
A silence fell, heavy and awkward. Ediths expression changed as realisation dawned, the warmth in her manner dissolving into something chillier.
Womens troubles, is it? she asked, her sympathy obviously affected, a note of patronising comfort laced into her words. Still, you oughtnt lose heartmedicine these days works miracles. What seemed hopeless once is easily treated now.
Alice barely held in a sigh. She wanted to drop the subject entirely, but she knew silence would only give rise to further conjecture. She glanced at Robert, hoping for support, but he simply shrugged, passing the explanation back to her.
Its not something that can be fixed in my case, Alice said quietly, keeping her eyes ahead. She resented having to share such deeply personal information. But she also knew Edith would not let it go easily. Its my eyesight. I was diagnosed at eighteen, and Ive had time to face the factschildren arent an option for me.
For a moment Edith looked as though someone had spoken in riddles. Her brows lifted, the confusion on her face genuine.
But what has your eyesight to do with having children? she asked, head tilted in puzzlementas though she could not fathom the connection.
With a measured breath, Alice summoned patience. She didnt want to delve into clinical details but neither could she evade the point.
Theres a very high chancenine in ten, the doctors saythat Id lose my sight if I attempted it, Alice explained in a steady, even tone. Childbearing would simply be too much of a strain. Ive weighed it all up. What sense is there in having a child you can never see?
She fell quiet then, adjusting her glasses. The seriousness of her words hung in the air, and she felt sure Edith at last understoodthis was no whim or concern about her figure, but real, proven risk.
Disappointment settled in the air. Ediths gaze was no longer curious but laden with unspoken reproachher ideal vision of a daughter-in-law plainly went elsewhere: to some vigorous woman brimming with life who would deliver her grandchildren without a second thought.
But Alice felt neither shame nor the need to defend herself. She and Robert had spoken at length about it, weighing every argument and concern. Conversations with medics, hours of research, honest discussionthese had led them to a shared conclusion. The risk to Alices health was too great, and neither wanted to face such a danger. If they ever wanted a family, they could consider adopting or even a surrogate. Such things were entirely feasible these days.
When, at last, the time came to leave, the tension in the room lifted slightly. Edith embraced her son, nodded curtly to Alicethe act courteous but not warm. In the hallway, as they put on their coats, Alice caught Robert’s eye; in his look was a quiet, apologetic sorry.
Outside, the cool evening air felt fresh and revitalising after the close atmosphere of that meeting. Alice slipped her hand into Roberts; he squeezed back, and though nothing was spoken, they both knew this encounter with his mother had been far from ideal. Yet it had changed nothing about their resolve to remain together, against all others expectations.
***
Three months passed.
Alice began to notice that she hadnt felt herself for quite a while. At first, she blamed exhaustion or perhaps a mild cold. She tried to ignore it, hoping a little more rest and some over-the-counter medicine from Boots would do the trick, but her listlessness lingered. Gradually even the smell of a morning brew set her teeth on edge.
She soldiered on, distracted at work and all but collapsing each evening. One night, on the phone to her mother, she confessed her worries. Her voice was subduedshe couldnt shake that underlying fatigue.
Are you sure youre not pregnant, Alice? her mother gently asked after a pause.
Alice was mildly taken aback. She considered, then answered assuredly, Quite sure! Ive not missed a single pill. The GP prescribed them and I follow instructions to the letter.
Just to be certain, get a test, love. Its too important a thing to set aside with assumptions.
Alice started to argue, but something in her mothers suggestion gave her pause. It wouldnt hurt to checkand better to have peace of mind.
Alright, Mum. Ill pop to the chemist now. Roberts still at work, so Ive a moment.”
She quickly gathered her things and left for the nearest pharmacy round the corner. The aisle with pregnancy tests presented a dizzying array of options. Unsure, she picked two mid-range testsno sense in skimping nowand hurried back.
Back home, she stood for a moment in the hall, steadying herself. Her hands shook as she opened the package and followed the instructions. The minutes ticked by with agonising slowness.
When two clear lines appeared on both tests, Alice gasped.
How on earth? she muttered, overwhelmed and confused. I was so careful!
At that precise moment, the doorbell rang out. Alice jumped, glanced at the clockwho could that be at this hour? Then she realisedGeorge, no doubt. The boy was always forgetting his keys in his rush to get home from school.
Quickly disposing of the test kits, smoothing her hair, she rushed to let him in.
Forgotten your keys again? she teased as he shuffled inside, red-faced and sheepish.
Yeah left them in the kitchen, I reckon. Sorry, Alice, George mumbled, struggling out of his trainers.
She made for the kitchen to sort supper for her hungry stepson, not realising one of the test sticks had missed the bin and now lay on the floor in plain sight
***
I think Id better go stay with Mum for a few daysshe isnt well, Alice told Robert, carefully avoiding his gaze. The lie tasted foulshe hated keeping things from the man she loved, but felt unable to share the truth, not just yet. The decision was made; there could be no risk.
Robert immediately snapped to attention, concern etched on his face.
Do you need me to come with you? Or shall I run to the chemist for her? She really shouldnt be on her own, Alice.
His caring made it harder, but Alice shook her head with a soft, apologetic smile.
No need, thank you though. If anythings needed, Ill ring.
She turned away, packing swiftlyjumper, a pair of jeans, T-shirts, smalls, toiletries, toothbrush A glance at the clock told her shed better hurry for the last train to Surrey. Her mother would collect her at the station and at least shed be with someone who understood and wouldnt press her for explanations.
Promise me youll keep in touch, alright? Call if you need anything, Ill come at the drop of a hat.
I promise, Alice replied, hugging him before she set off. Ill be back before you know ityou wont have time to miss me.
The journey passed in a blur. She kept checking her phone for missed calls or messages, replaying her plan: arrive, get clarity, return. Only then, once all was settled, would she talk properly with Robert.
The next day, Alice attended a private clinic. She had booked online for discretion and chosen the most recommended practitioner, arranging all with care. The appointment was businesslikeexamination, tests, a scan. The doctor, a calm woman in her fifties, checked the charts, confirmed dates and history.
Yes, you are pregnant, she stated. Just five or six weeks along.
Alice nodded dumbly. Part of her had hoped for errorthat the test had lied or the bloods had been muddled. But now the truth couldnt be denied.
ButI was meticulous with my medication! Alice protested, her voice quivering. The GP explained, I didnt miss a single dose. How could this happen?
The doctor replied with measured patience. Perhaps the medication was faulty. Or maybe something interactedanother medicine, antibiotics, even a stomach upset. Its rare, but it can occur.
She observed Alice for a moment, then asked kindly, Am I right in thinking you dont intend to go through with this pregnancy?
Alice closed her eyes, the question echoing inside her. She recalled the doctors warnings from years ago, the entirety of the risk. Taking a deep breath, determined, she answered:
Theres a nine in ten chance Ill lose my sight. Do you really think I can take that gamble?
The doctor nodded sympathetically, already acquainted with Alices full records. I understand, she said softly. Its a weighty decision, but you must put your health first. Ill request a fresh round of tests; then we can work out the bestsafestcourse.
She printed the necessary forms and handed them to Alice.
Ill see you again tomorrow. Well have the results, and we can decide how to proceed. If youre at all worried or have further questions, just ring the surgerytheyll put you through.
Alice took the papers, smoothing them with shaking hands. Her thoughts buzzed, but at least now there was order to the chaos. She thanked the doctor and left. In the corridor she paused to steady herself, resting against the wall, inhaled deeply. Tomorrow would bring a new day and the next step in this difficult road.
***
Alice! Roberts voice exploded so joyously down the phone that it made her tense at once. Why didnt you tell me?
Alices heart gave a sharp beat. She clutched the phone, suddenly trembling.
Tell you what? she replied cautiously, striving to sound calm. Surely he couldnt
That youre pregnant! Robert blurted. His delight was unmistakable, as if he already pictured their future.
Alice closed her eyes momentarily, collecting her thoughts.
What makes you think that? she answered, fiercely trying to sound neutral.
I found a test with two pink lines lying on the floor, he explained, not a trace of worry in his voice, only elation. Ive made an appointment with a brilliant consultant. Lets go togetherI want to help you through this.
Alice drew a deep breath, choosing her words carefully.
I dont think its what you think, she said firmly though gently. Its most likely a mistake. You know Im on prescribed medicationthats not supposed to happen.
There was a brief silence. Alice could almost feel him wrestling with her words.
Well about that, Robert faltered. The thing isMum popped by recently. She saw your pills and went on about how your diagnosis isnt so bad and that all sorts of people have children with bigger problems and do just fine. She kept giving examples, telling me all about new technology, special care and the rest She insisted so strongly that well, I suppose I listened to her.
He fell silent, awaiting her reply. Alice felt her blood chill, torn between heartbreak and exasperation. She understood he wanted to hope for a miracle, yet she loathed that someone else had so brazenly interfered in their private life.
Are you telling me you tampered with my medication? she asked evenly, fighting to keep her voice civil.
No! Nothing like that! he rushed to reassure her. I er, sort of let things slide a bit, thats all. Mum convinced me we shouldnt be so fixated on strict instructionsthat maybe we could afford to take a chance. I didnt mean for any harm. Im sorry.
A dreadful cold ran down Alices spine. The words struggled to form. She forced herself to ask:
What, exactly, did you do?
Robert hesitated, fingers drumming nervously. He was painfully uneasy now.
I dropped your bottle. The tablets scattered. I thoughtmaybe it was fate? So, I replaced them with vitamins. I just wanted us to have a child. Mum swore it would all be fine
Alice stared, thunderstruck. She had told him over and over how vital her medication was, what missing a dose could mean. Shed detailed the dangers.
You meandeliberately? Her voice cracked with hurt and rising anger. You went behind my backtrusted your mothers advice over my health, over what dozens of doctors told us?
Robert shifted uneasily, unable to meet her gaze.
I thought it was best for us. For the family, he said, but the certainty was gone from his voice.
For us?! Alices voice trembled with outrage. She strove for composure, but her fury was barely contained. You never even consulted me! We talked about this again and againyou know the dangers. And yet, you thought you knew better!
She paused, exhaling slowly, hands shaking.
I cant talk right now, she said, striving for a calm she did not feel. Can you meet me in Kensington Gardens at noon the day after tomorrow?
Of courseIll be there! Robert said swiftly, clinging to hope. Well sort it, youll see.
Alice said nothing more, cutting the call short.
She was fuming. Roberts confession replayed again and again: hed decided, prompted by his mothers meddling, to throw her wellbeing to the wind. All the trust and careful planning shed built around her health, he swept aside on a whim.
With someone so careless with the fundamentalsrespect, trust, safeguardingthere could no longer be any future together. Alice prepared herself for what must be said.
***
Robert was at the park a good half hour early on the day arranged, clutching a bouquet of white rosesAlices favourite. He paced by the gate, watching the hands of his wristwatch, hope and dread contending inside.
When Alice arrived, accompanied by her brother Jonathan, her face was cold and unreadable. She didnt look at the flowers Robert offered. Wordlessly, she handed him an envelope.
Whats this, Alice? he asked, baffled by her icy tone.
Its confirmation that there will be no child, she pronounced flatly. You knew my diagnosisyou deliberately risked my health for the sake of a fantasy encouraged by your mother. I cant forgive that. Ill come for my things tomorrow with Jonathanto ensure theres no unpleasantness.
Without waiting for a reply, she turned to leave. Robert made to follow, calling her name.
She did not look round, but quickened her pace. Jonathan stepped forward, hand raised in a clear gestureStop right there. He stood unyielding, barring Roberts path.
Youre lying! Robert shouted, voice breaking between anger and desperation. I consulted top specialists! They said with todays medicine the risk is minimal! You just dont want a babyso youve invented excuses!
Alice turned, her face pale and resolved. There were no tears, only the unbending will shed summoned for this moment.
You saw doctors about me? Without my knowledgewithout even knowing my actual diagnosis? Or did you just say your fiancée was worried about blindness? Alices calm became sharpened steel. Do you even know what the condition is called?
Robert faltered, his confidence abruptly failing.
I was thinking of our futureof a family! he insisted. You once said we could adopt or use a surrogatewhy not give our own child a chance?
Because this isnt an experiment, Robert! Alices composure finally wavered, honest emotion breaking through. This is my life, my body, my sight. If I go blind, thats itno work, no independence, no seeing those I care about. Have you ever imagined living with total darkness?
She waited, hoping even now he might understand, but as he opened his mouth she silenced him.
What doctors, Robert? Ones you saw alone? Did you ask for the real complication figures? Do you know how many women go blind during pregnancy with this diagnosis? Or did you simply filter for the answers you longed to hear?
His silence told her enough.
You betrayed my trust, Alice continued more quietly, but with unwavering conviction. You knew how essential the medicine is. Ive spent years coming to terms with thisyou disregarded all of it with one, reckless gesture.
Jonathan stepped closer; his hands half-raised as if to intervene should Robert try to argue further, holding himself back only for his sisters sake.
I want nothing more to do with you, Alice finished, her tone freezing over again. I refuse to live in fear of your next idea.
Robert gaped, wordless, desperately searching her face for a flicker of doubt or forgiveness. But she had nothing more for him nowonly cold finality.
Alice turned, walking away. He tried once to call her back, but his tongue cleaved to the roof of his mouth. On the bench behind him he dropped the rosesunclaimed, unappreciated, already fading.
He stared after her retreating figure, realising at last that he had not only lost the hope of a child, but the woman he loved.
A single refrain echoed dully in his mind: What if she was right? But it was far, far too late.
