Where Hope Lives
Hannah! Hannah, are you in?
Anna pressed the doorbell again and again. Silence reigned behind her sisters front door, and that absolutely didn’t suit her plans. She needed Hope right now! So much had happened in the last couple of hours, and there was nobody she could turn to but her sister.
Growing frustrated with the useless buzzer, Anna thumped on the door.
Oh, come on! I know youre in, I saw the lights! Where could you have run to now?
From the neighbouring flat, Vera Parker popped her head out onto the landing.
Ann, love, whats got you so riled up? Hope isnt home. My Daves taken her to the clinic.
What clinic? Why? But what am I supposed to do?
Oh, Ann, always the drama! I came round no fanfares or even a curtsy! They left a couple hours ago, should be back soon enough. Come in for a cuppa if you fancy.
No time, Aunt Vera! But when Hope gets back, please make sure she calls me straight away, will you? Tell her its urgent life or death!
Vera nodded, watching Anna take the stairs two at a time, and let out a weary sigh. Life can twist you up in all sorts of ways, she thought. Sometimes it spins you round so much, you dont know if its a two-step or a mad gallop.
Vera had known the Smith family forever. Tony Smith, father to Hope, Anna, and Nick, had been her classmate at school not just a neighbour, but a firm friend. Theyd grown up side by side. Tony was raised by his mum after his dad passed when he was just a baby. She never remarried, so Veras own father took Tony under his wing taught him to look after himself, solve his own problems, and most importantly, to love reading.
Books were a passion for them both, and it turned into something of a contest. Theyd devour the shelves at Veras, then moved on to the local library, racing each other to read and swap the next book. But their reading wasnt just skimming the pages. Veras dad insisted on that.
Whats the point if you just flip through? Even the cat could do that! Youre meant to be bright young people. Read properly, think it over!
Dad, people not peoples! Vera would laugh.
Check the dictionary, the blue one up there. Knowledge, dragonfly! Next I know, youll be correcting me all day long!
Vera always swore to Tony shed only marry someone like her dad clever, thoughtful, and with a love of books.
She met her Prince Charming in her fourth year at university. By then Tony was married and cradling his first daughter Hope.
Found your prince, then? he teased, giving her his gift and a hug.
All just as I dreamed! Dreams do come true, Tony! Next month were off to Africa Wills got a job. Ill finally see Kilimanjaro!
If only shed known how those words stung her old friend. Tony had longed to be a captain. He wanted the seas, the world but after Hope was born, then Anna, and later little Nick, life became a different sort of voyage. The old river ferry he worked on became his ship. Children grew
Hopes troubles began as soon as she started school.
Well have to investigate, something isnt quite right.
Doctors, hospitals, endless appointments and still no diagnosis. Hope tired quickly, could sleep for hours even during the day. Outstanding grades were out of the question, but she tried her very best. She was so proud at the end of year one and then again in year two when she came home with top marks.
Look, Dad, arent I clever?
I havent even got words for how smart you are!
Tony beamed, though his heart ached. Sure enough, the worst happened. Hope suffered an attack at school.
Shell need an operation, urgent. Without it, she wont make it to adulthood.
Hope had the sweetest nature, but her heart just wasnt strong enough. Little Anna, three years younger and bursting with energy, would dash outside to play, only to taunt her sister:
Not you, Hopey! Your books are your friends. Enjoy them! Bye!
The first time Tony overheard it he even got out the belt, but it did no good. Anna, having sobbed in the corner, just poked her tongue out and wagged a finger at Hope:
Youll see!
Hope would only sigh, burying herself back in a novel. What could you say? Everyone had to learn things for themselves, as Dad said.
And so it went. Anna lived life loud and bright, while Hope existed quietly in her corner, always with a book.
Hopes operation was a success, but there were still limits. Life finally opened up, though at last, her parents didnt panic every time she left the house, and school became a reality, not just a distant dream.
Sadly, that reality turned sour. Slim, strikingly pretty, never an ugly duckling even during puberty, Hope drew the jealousy of other girls.
Ooh, look at you! Little Miss Perfect with your blonde hair and your pout! Think youre a princess or something?
Hope didnt know what shed done wrong or how to fix it.
It was Anna who sorted it, charging around with no respect for authority. Age didnt matter shed taken on worse. The schoolyard fight Anna started (and won, battered but triumphant) was a revelation to Hope.
Whyd you do that, Anna?
Youre my sister, arent you? Maybe a dreamer, but youre mine! And no ones allowed to pick on a Smith! Get it? Just say the word and Ill sort the lot out!
Tony had a word with the headmaster but didnt punish Anna. Instead, he bought both girls ice cream and told them,
Take it easy. Prides pride but dont forget to use your head.
Hopes mother gentle, quiet passed away after her third child. The baby boy shed dreamed of never saw her.
Tony, numbed with grief, brought Nick home from hospital.
Nicholas
Hope, just turned fifteen, took her newborn brother in her arms.
Hes beautiful
And just like that, she became a mother in all but name. Tony now juggled two jobs to provide, while Hope transferred schools so she could look after Nick. Vera Parkers elderly but tough mum offered to help with the baby in the mornings.
Well, its something! My own grandchildren live far off at least I can help with yours, Tony Youve raised a good girl.
Tony just shook his head.
Weve raised her, yes, but Ive not given her any happiness. Always one thing or another. Why does she get the shortest straw every time? Just treading water… It feels like real lifes always about to start, but then something else knocks her back. What can I do? I couldnt put Nick in care hes as much my child as the girls.
He was careful never to let Hope overhear talks like this. Only once, three months after Nicks birth, when Hope was ill with fever and forced herself up at the sound of the baby crying, did Tony ask:
Might it be better… just for now, if we let someone else care for him?
Hope, dazed and burning up, shoved her father aside, slammed the bedroom door and hissed through gritted teeth:
Dont you dare! Or youre no father of mine!
Seeing his furious and feverish daughter, Tony nearly broke down.
Its all my fault I should never have
Never what, Dad? Never had us? Never let Nick be born? Listen to yourself! Enough feeling sorry for yourself try feeling sorry for us! We need you! I cant do this on my own
Hope slid to the floor.
Dizzy. Just need to sit. Go check on Nick, please. Dont let him cry so long, its bad for him. Put a warm towel on his tummy itll help.
Tony carried his daughter to bed.
Dont worry, darling. Ill do it.
Anna, with next to no responsibilities, lived like a free bird. She knew her big sister would fill the gaps. If Anna failed to come home on time from school, Hope would cook dinner, welcome their father, and cover for her sibling. Cooking, sweeping, it all fell to Hope; Nick slept most of the day anyway. Anna took schoolwork lightly too. She wasnt worried about being scolded for marks. There was always time to catch up.
Hope never blamed her. She wanted Anna to have the childhood and youth she missed herself tulips picked from the neighbours garden (and resulting lectures from Mrs. Fitzpatrick), stolen kisses on the doorstep, singing with friends under the lime trees, careful not to upset the neighbours sticking their heads out on summer evenings.
Anna should be a professional singer! neighbours would say as they clapped and nodded at Tony heading home from work.
Anna went to a music school at Hopes urging but couldnt be bothered to attend half the time.
Oh, come on, Hope! I can sing better than half those TV pop stars as it is!
Hope would wheel Nick round the park, shaking her head.
No, Anna, you need to learn. Someday, someone is going to walk in with a conservatory degree and sing you off the stage. Best to be prepared. Otherwise youll end up the kitten miaowing next to a grown cat.
Anna would wave her off, but Hope persisted. One day she took Anna to watch an opera rehearsal at the local theatre.
Its thanks to Dr. Green, Nicks paediatrician her daughters a director here, so we got special permission. Just behave, Ill die of embarrassment if you dont.
Of course, Anna didnt behave. As soon as the rehearsal ended, she ran down the aisle, flagged the lead soprano and blurted,
Show me that bit again! She sang the opening line and, instead of being annoyed, the soprano looked at her curiously.
No, not quite! You ran out of breath. Stand straight, and lead the notes as if youre drawing with a marker, smoothly. Lets try, together first, then solo.
Hope, clutching her hands, watched as the soprano tirelessly corrected Anna.
There! Almost! Youre very talented, but you need proper training.
I am training! Anna huffed.
At music school? Thats a start, but its not enough. You need the academy. Thats where youll learn, get your pride knocked into shape, and truly master singing. Dont glare at me! I used to be just like you cocky and clueless. I thought singing was just hitting the notes. But it takes work! Eight hour days, like ballerinas at the barre!
Eight hours singing? No one can do that! Youre exaggerating! Anna protested.
You think singings just about voice? No! You need language, diction, and so much more. Can you sing an aria in Italian or German, if youve never studied them?
Why would I ever need to?
Because the best arias arent always in English. Thats why! And La Scalas in Italy the heart of opera.
Whats that?
See? You dont even know! Youre talented, love, but you need to study. No one hires an uneducated singer not unless youre planning to perform in pubs. And they dont care who Pavarotti or Cecilia Bartoli are.
Waving goodbye, the singer left, while Anna stood in the middle of the empty stage, lost in thought.
Anna! For goodness sake! Hope finally pulled her off.
No! Ill sing here, Hope! Listen one day Ill perform in thatthat Scala! Im not as daft as you all think!
Hope hugged her, hiding a smile. Why smother a dream?
She remembered a hot summer years ago Mum still alive, Dad taking them out for a picnic at dawn. They waded in the pond, only coming out at Mums call. Stuffed with sandwiches, Hope lay beside her mother, watching the sky and listening to the birds.
Whos singing, Mum?
A skylark. Look, right up there!
Hope searched the trees, but Mum pointed even higher.
Not there! Higher, in the sky! That tiny dark speck is him.
How can I hear him if hes so small?
Hes got a mighty voice and little wings he can soar so high everyone hears.
Anna really was a scrappy, ruffled little bird, and Hope just held her and said,
Of course youll sing there! And well all come listen me, Dad, and Nick!
If it doesnt work out? Anna whispered.
You? Fail? Youre our trailblazer! Youre the one wholl keep the Smith name going, right?
Anna nodded, lost in thought.
Eventually, Anna made it to the academy. Not on her first try, but she got there. She refused to live with Hope or Dad as soon as she turned eighteen, she moved out, claiming she just couldnt study with a little kid in the house.
Vera had moved home by that point and became full-time Granny, but Hope had to manage Nick alone. She did it without fuss, and with every passing day worried more for her father, who started to fade.
Dad, maybe see a doctor?
Shed put a plate before Tony and quietly close the kitchen door Nick mustnt hear their worries. The boy, even at six, understood more than he let on. Hope would often come home to find him either washing up or wielding a broom on the kitchen floor.
Im doing it! Im helping, Hope dont interfere!
Shed catch him, kiss his tousled head.
Thank you, Nicky! What would I do without you?
Anna left for London as soon as Nick turned ten. Tony, after only six months of illness, passed away peacefully a year before. Hope took guardianship of Nick, and waved Anna off at the station.
Go on. If its meant to be, itll work out, youll see.
And you? Anna sobbed on the platform.
Well manage! We always have, we always will. Just dont vanish, alright?
Anna nodded, knowing she wouldnt keep that promise. She barely wrote, barely rang. Lost in work and big city life, she forgot the little town by the Thames where Hope and Nick lived on. Hope sent careful letters, never a reply. Her rare calls from Anna were short Im fine, all good. Hope told herself that if Anna ever really needed her, shed come back. She always had.
And so she did.
As soon as Nick left for the army, one evening Hope opened her door, about to walk the dog and pop to the shop, and saw Anna sitting on the stairs, staring at the door of her childhood home. Her face was puffy, her expression hard, hands trembling as they held a thin cigarette.
Anna Hope leaned against the lift, pulling Caesars lead. Caesar, its fine, shes family.
Family Annas voice was so hollow it made Hope shiver.
What on earths happened to your voice?
Its gone It was there, and now its not Anna got up without brushing off her trousers, grabbed her bag, and walked past Hope into the flat.
Help yourself Ive made stew and some cutlets. Eat. I need to walk Caesar or itll be trouble.
Trouble? Anna laughed bitterly. Yeah, you could say that
Hope rushed home as fast as possible, but it was too late. Dragging Anna out of the bath, she raged and swore under her breath so fiercely Caesar hid under the bed.
What are you playing at, Anna?! Is life worth so little to you? Open your eyes! Look at me! What happened heartbreak? Lost your voice? Your career? Is that really all there is to life enough to end it like this? Ill tan your hide for you! Just let me catch you trying!
Anna, wringing wet, gazed at her with wild eyes, flinching from every slap and weeping quietly.
Vera rushed in at the noise, helped Hope dress her sister, and smoothed things over with the doctors who turned up who was going to argue with the chief of the county hospital? They didnt take Anna away, just gave her an injection and left, shaking their heads. Still so young and pretty! What more could she want?
Hope, herself exhausted after the drama, sat by Anna’s bedside, running her fingers through her damp hair.
Why, Anna? Tell me, why?
Stop it, Hope. Theres nothing left in me. My voice is gone so what am I now? Nothing. No Royal Opera House, not even the local theatre. Empty. Im nobody.
Hope threw her head back and laughed so loudly Anna jumped, and Caesar, peering from under Nicks bed, gave an uncertain bark.
You? Nobody? Do me a favour! Of everyone in the family, youve always been our force of nature. Dad, me, mum any of us could be completely lost, except you and Nick. Hes just as stubborn as you but a bit quieter, better at keeping his head.
Hope!
What? Its true. Nick would never even think of doing what you tried today. He gets that life isnt all cake sometimes its hard tack. You have to grit your teeth and get on with it. Youre like a hamster the minute something goes wrong, you flop on your back and beg for pity! Why should you get any, Anna? You always despised it. So what changed?
Everything, Hope! Cant you see? I got ill, and he left me straight away. Said he didnt have time for all this nonsense! Is that love, Hope? Is it?
Wheres the love in that? Never was, never will be. You made up half of it yourself and felt jilted. Dont tell me it only came out when you got ill. There mustve been signs before you just buried your head in the sand. Dont cry for a man like that. Spit, and move on. Why would you want a bloke who legs it the second things get tough?
Hope, youre so harsh
No, Anna, just realistic the way you always were with me. Actually, Im grateful to you for that. Without your stubbornness I might not have got through with Nick.
Our invaluable example
What?
Just a phrase from my childhood Cant remember where from.
Roald Dahl, Anna. I used to read you those stories. And you, and Nick, were my invaluable examples no one taught me how to do it. Dad didnt know either.
Anna propped herself on her elbow, peering at Hopes face in the dusk.
How did you stand it, Hope? Didnt you ever want to just run away to have your own life?
Ha! More than anything. I watched you kissing your boyfriends at the front door and ached with envy. But it was a strange kind of envy, Anna.
How?
Because I was genuinely thrilled you had all that. At least one of us did! I wanted you to soar, to sing so everyone would look up in awe. And if you did, then some small part of it would be thanks to me. That would mean Id succeeded.
Suddenly Hope broke down, and Anna, forgetting her woes, reached for her. There may be hope for her voice yet and plenty of men in the world for her, but what of Hope herself?
The two sisters drifted off, clinging to one another in sleep.
A month later, Anna found work at the academy back home and wrote Hope, asking her not to worry.
Time passed. Nick came back from service, beaming with news: Im getting married! The wedding, though modest, was jolly, and Anna sang for the first time in public since her return from London, bringing the house down. The restaurant owner all but begged her to stay.
I live in another city! I’ve got a job and a life!
Then Anna realised, with a jolt: she was no longer afraid she was singing again. It wasnt opera, but there were other routes, and she could walk this new path, slowly, cautiously, but forward all the same.
Hope, rosy-cheeked and dazzling in a new dress, was spinning around the dance floor with her brother.
A year later, Anna recorded her debut album. Six months after that, she married to Hopes delight.
Now I can relax about you! Hope hugged Anna, careful of the fancy dress. At last I can focus on myself!
If only! Nick’s first daughter came, then Annas twins, and Hope barely had time to catch her breath, always rushing to help, support, or babysit.
It came as a complete surprise to Nick and Anna when, half a year after the fact, they learned Hope had married too.
What? Why didnt you tell us, Hope? Arent we your family?
Youre family through and through! Hope rummaged in the sideboard for napkins, tossing silverware at Nick. Come on, dont stand there! The in-laws are on their way and Id like to be ready for once! Am I the bride or what?
Nick huffed, arranging cutlery, while Hope set her famous roast duck on the table and collapsed in her chair, fanning herself with her apron.
When was I supposed to tell you? You two have been on the go first your little one was ill, Nick, then Annas twins! There was never a good time. Besides, what does it matter when we signed the papers? The important thing is were together! Isnt that enough?
Suddenly Hope winced, grabbing her stomach.
Whats wrong? Nick dropped the spoons and hurried over.
Hes having a kick about! Hope beamed so brightly Anna stared, amazed by the happiness in her sisters face.
Who? Nick asked, bewildered.
Oh, honestly, Nick! Thick as ever! Hope seized his hand and guided it to her bump. Feel that?
Oy!
There you go proud uncle in the making! Hope wriggled, trying to stand. Let me up, I need to finish the salad!
Not a chance! Sit, Mum! Well manage! Anna cried, finally snapping out of shock and wrapping Hope in a bear hug.
God, is this real? At last, happiness is yours, Hope. After all the joy youve given the rest of us, its your turn now!The laughter that filled the kitchen was rich and unburdenedso unlike the hushed tones and watery smiles of the years before. Anna caught Hopes gaze across the bustling room, and for a moment the noise faded; there was only the quiet language sisters speak without words.
Hope squeezed Annas hand, her eyes shimmeringnot with sadness now, but with something fierce and joyful.
Outside, a faint shower painted streaks on the window, and somewhere down the hallway Nicks daughter called for Auntie Hopes famous story about the singing skylark. Anna winked. Thats your cue, hope-bringer.
Hope rolled her eyes with mock exasperation, but stood, her hand tracing the gentle curve of her belly as she walked. Anna watched her sister go, her heart full of awe. Hopewho had spent so many years carrying the weight of them allwalked lighter now, her step no longer tethered by sacrifice alone, but buoyed by love freely given and finally, fully, returned.
The rain stopped, and the late sun broke through, gilding the kitchen in gold. Anna stepped to the window, humming without thinking, voice warm and easy. In the next room, Hopes voice rose, reading to the children the story of a bird who soared higher than anyone thought she could.
And the children listened, wide-eyedbecause when Hope spoke, they believed anything was possible.
In that bright room, with stories and song swirling through the air, the Smith family knewnot everything precious needed to be chased or won. Some things, like love and happiness, simply grew where hope had always lived: quietly, bravely, in the heart of home.
