So you really want him back? Mary could not grasp the question as her son Alex tried to explain. For almost fifteen years weve been strangers after the divorce.
Thats how it is, Alex said, searching for the right words. I get it, people make mistakes when theyre young, but now theres nothing left to share.
Theres nothing at all that ties us together, except you, the woman, Mary, replied, bewildered. You and Ellie are adults now, you have your own families, you decide who to keep in your life. Why am I even here?
He just knew you wouldnt want to hear him, so he asked us to put in a little word, Alex justified. It would be easier for Ellie and me if we knew you were still living together, supporting each other.
Mary was still gathering her thoughts when her daughter Ellie called, bringing the same painful subject back.
Mum, you have to understand, its our father, hes ill, Ellie pleaded.
When he was young and full of vigor he never even thought of my existence, and now everythings changed at once, Martha tried not to let her nerves show. Maybe youve forgotten he abandoned me and you years ago for another woman!
They split long ago, and it would be nice for you both to live together now that old age is creeping in, Diana pressed her point.
A heaviness settled over Mary after the conversation with her children. She had given everything away, never tried to build a new life after the divorce, fearing she would hurt them, both still raw from the upheaval that coincided with their teenage years. Now it seemed they spoke different languages, barely hearing each other. A memory of the day Anthony left resurfaced, making everything worse.
You know, I dont love you any longer, he had said then, averting his eyes. Ive found someone else, I want to spend the rest of my days with her.
What about the children? she had asked, voice trembling.
Youll carry on as before, just without me, he replied. The flat stays yours; Ill see the kids and help with money when I can, but my love is gone.
Did you think how theyd take your leaving at this age? Martha could not believe it.
Theyll take it fine, theyll learn the details of adult life, its wrong to live without love, forgive me, he said, closing the conversation.
Anthony kept his word, never claimed the flat in the settlement, and stayed with his new partner. He met the children only on neutral ground, too shy to step into the flat, while his new wife never invited them over. Martha tried once to explain the reasons for the divorce, but they refused to go into details.
Our father told us it was his decision, asked us to respect it, Alex said, now grown and a little harsher. Its tough with Ellie, but eventually itll settle.
For Mary, nothing settled. She longed for her husband, cried into her pillow at night, and turned down friends suggestions to set her up with another man. He resurfaced only in brief calls about the children.
Were planning a holiday, and I left the fishing gear on the loft, he said one evening on the phone. Can I pick it up on Saturday? I wanted the kids to bring it, but they didnt understand where it was.
Fine, come over, Mary answered as calmly as she could.
She spent the days before that Saturday replaying the conversation, deciding to show her ex that she could thrive without him, even planning to meet him at the parade. Then she thought it absurd and changed her mind.
Youve lost weight, she said, watching Anthony pack his boxes. Is the new wife not feeding you?
She does, I just work a lot, he shrugged, avoiding any talk of his new life.
If you need, I can feed you or pass her my favourite recipes, Mary blurted, absurdly, though she knew it sounded foolish.
Sarcasm doesnt suit you, Tom, his friend, said tiredly. Were strangers now. Well always have the children, later the grandchildren, and thats all.
Are you sure? Mary asked, hopeful.
Absolutely, Anthony answered firmly.
He left for his new wife, and Mary sat alone in the kitchen, tears soaking her cheeks. In the year after the divorce she had dropped a lot of weight, then tried to pull herself together. It wasnt easy; she pretended joy while a tiny ember of hope kept her believing Anthony might come back, that she could forgive and forget the past.
Dad and his woman split, three years later the children told Mary. Hes moved into a room in a student hall.
That news oddly revived a flicker of hope for his return. Martha began dressing stylishly, tended to her appearance, waiting for his first step. Friends joked that she had her personal life sorted, but she brushed off details with humor. She waited, he didnt return, and eventually he paired off with another woman. He even attended his sons wedding, but arrived alone for Ellies.
Why alone? Mary asked.
Irina was on a business trip, couldnt come, but she sent her congratulations, he answered calmly.
Time shifted Marys view. She calmed down, stopped waiting, found solace in work, bought a cottage out of town, and filled free hours with friends, family, flowers, even a stray cat she rescued. Life seemed to settle into a quiet rhythm, until the day the children brought up the old argument again. A few uneasy days passed, and then she saw Anthony at the lift, returning from work.
You see, I thought we should leave the bad behind, he said, seated at the kitchen table with a mug of tea. Most of lifes behind us, the negativity has overgrown, no point in revisiting it. Lets live out the rest together, raise the grandchildren.
Be honest, why come back to our flat and not stay with one of your new partners? Mary asked, no longer pretending joy.
My health isnt what it used to be, Im retiring next year, he answered plainly. Our children are good, they wont abandon us, theyll bring us a glass of water in old age.
You remember calling us strangers? she said, looking into the eyes of the man she once loved. I understood it later, now I agree completely.
So you wont take me back? he asked.
You dont worry, you said the kids are good, they wont leave you, Mary replied. You crossed me out of your life years ago, let it stay that way.
Anthony left again, and Mary lingered in her favourite armchair, switched off her phone, knowing he would soon call the children, who would barrage her with questions and pleas. All she wanted now was silence and peace. She had waited for his return for so long that the hope finally burned out. If he had spoken of growing old together, perhaps she would have taken him back, but he cared only for his own comfort. Yet she still had her children, friends, cottage, and the catenough for a quiet, contented life.
