The key clicked in the lock and I slipped into the flat as quietly as I could. The hallway was dark, only a thin strip of light leaking from the kitchen. My parents were still up, even though it was well past midnight. Lately that had become the norm long nighttime talks behind a closed door, usually lowkey but sometimes slipping into hushed arguments.
I slipped off my shoes, set my laptop bag on the nightstand and crept down the corridor to my room. I didn’t feel like explaining why I was late, even though the reason was legitimate a work project that kept stalling and a deadline tightening.
Through the wall I could hear muffled voices.
No, Simon, I cant keep doing this, Mum said softly, irritation clear in her tone. You promised last month.
Len, understand, this isnt the time, Dad replied, sounding like he was making another excuse.
I sighed wearily. My parents had been bickering nonstop lately, but they pretended everything was fine in front of me. They were already in their fifties, I was an adult, yet it still hurt to realise something was off in their relationship.
I changed, brushed my teeth and crawled under the duvet, but sleep wouldnt come. My thoughts kept looping. My brother Harry lived in another city and only visited occasionally. If Mum and Dad decided to split who would get the flat? Why were they keeping their problems hidden?
The voices from the other side didnt die down. I reached for the nightstand and felt the headphones I wanted to drown the secrets in music. My hand brushed the phone and it fell onto the carpet. Picking it up, I accidentally opened the voice recorder. My finger hovered over the screen.
What if I recorded them? Just to know what was happening rather than guessing. If I asked outright, theyd probably brush it off and say everything was fine.
A pang of conscience ran cold through me. Eavesdropping felt wrong, let alone recording. But they were my parents, my family. I had a right to know if something serious was going on.
I pressed the record button, set the phone closer to the wall, and pulled the duvet over my head.
The next morning, as I got ready for work, I noticed both Mum and Dad looked sleepdeprived. Over breakfast they exchanged only the usual pleasantries.
You got home late yesterday, Mum said, pouring tea. Stuck at work again?
Yeah, the project ran over, I replied. Didnt you get any sleep?
Just watching a film, she said without turning to me.
Dad stared at the newspaper, pretending to be engrossed.
Dont expect me for dinner tonight, he said without looking up. Ive got client meetings, might be late.
Mum pursed her lips but said nothing.
All the way to the office I fought the urge to listen to the nights recording. The tube was packed and I felt guilty about playing it in public, so I postponed it until the evening.
The day dragged on. When I got home, Mum was gone a note said shed gone to a friends and would be back late. Dad was still at work, just as hed promised. Perfect timing.
I flopped onto the sofa, wrapped a blanket around me and hit play.
At first only fragments came through, then the audio cleared.
should we tell Emily? Dads voice sounded worried.
I dont know, Mum sighed. Im afraid she wont understand. So many years have passed.
But she has a right to know.
Of course she does, but how do we explain why we kept quiet all this time?
I froze. What were they hiding? What truth were they keeping from me?
Do you remember how it all started? Dad asked, a hint of a smile in his tone.
Of course, Mum chuckled. I thought it would be brief, but it turned out to be forever.
What a life weve built, Dad muttered. Sometimes it wasnt easy.
Especially when Emily arrived.
My heart sank. Especially did they mean I was an unwanted child? Or something else?
But we managed, Dad continued. Shes grown into a wonderful person.
Yes, Mum said proudly, and I felt a small relief. Now we need to decide what to do next. Im tired of this double life, Simon.
A double life? My mind raced were they having affairs? The thought made me nauseous.
Len, lets wait for Harry to get back. Well discuss everything together as a family.
Fine, Mum agreed. No more postponements. Either we change everything or I dont know what then.
The recording cut off probably they left the kitchen or the phone stopped.
I sat there, stunned. What was happening? Why wait for my brother to explain? I could record another conversation, but that felt wrong. Better to call Harry. Hes older, maybe he knows more. Or Aunt Helen, my mothers sister shes always been straightforward with me.
I decided Id phone Harry tomorrow and visit Aunt Helen over the weekend.
Harry didnt answer all day, only calling back late afternoon.
Hey, Emma, he said, sounding upbeat. Sorry, I was on site, left my phone in the van.
Harry, when are you coming back? I asked straight away.
This weekend, why?
Mum and Dad have been acting strange lately.
Strange how? Harry sounded cautious.
Theyre whispering at night, pretending everythings fine. Talking about some double life.
There was a pause.
Harry?
Yeah, Im here, he coughs. Listen, dont read too much into it. Everyone has secrets, even parents.
So you know whats going on?
I I suspect, but they havent said anything. If theyre not ready to talk, I guess they arent yet. Wait for me, okay? Ill be there Saturday and we can talk then.
Alright, I said reluctantly. What about Aunt Helen? Should I see her?
No, dont drag her into this. Let it stay between us.
After that call my anxiety only grew. He must know something. And why keep Aunt Helen out of it? Perhaps it was an affair? A family scandal?
That evening Mum came back from her friend, looking brighter than usual. Her cheeks were flushed, eyes sparkling.
Guess what, love? Tom is selling his flat! she announced at the door. He wants to move to the countryside. Tired of the citys noise.
I nodded, unsure how to react.
Would you like to move to the country? I asked, surprising myself.
Mum paused, then answered carefully.
I dont know sometimes it feels right. Peace, fresh air, a garden
What about Dad?
What about Dad?
Does he want to go?
Mum grew serious.
Ask him yourself. Hell be home late tonight, dont expect him for dinner.
Fortunately Dad got back earlier than he said he would. I was making tea when the front door slammed.
Dad, you want a cuppa? I called.
Coming, he replied, shedding his tie as he walked in. Wheres Mum?
Shes in the living room, watching a film, I said, handing him a mug. Hows work?
All good. The client finally accepted our terms, so the projects moving forward, he said, sinking into a chair.
Mum, is it true youre planning to tell me something important? I asked, trying to sound casual.
Dads eyebrows shot up.
Where did you get that from?
Harry mentioned hed be home this weekend and youd explain everything, I forced a smile.
Right, there is something to discuss. But lets wait for Harry, okay? Itll be easier then.
Is it something bad? Are you getting a divorce? I asked directly.
What? No, of course not! Where did you hear that?
Youre always whispering, arguing. Mum talked about a double life.
Dad looked bewildered, then a flicker of understanding, then relief.
Emma, youve got it all wrong. No divorce. In fact, he started, then stopped. Just wait for the weekend, I promise its nothing serious.
Really? I asked.
Absolutely, he said, squeezing my hand. Now lets have some tea before it gets cold.
That night I tossed and turned, trying to piece together the fragments Id heard. If not a divorce, then what? Illness? Money trouble? A move? The thought made me uneasy. Id just started building my career here in London, made friends, loved the city.
My mind churned until a soft knock came at the door.
Cant sleep? Mum peeked in.
No, I propped myself up. What are you up to?
Just thinking about what you and Dad were talking about, she said, sitting on the edge of my bed. Anything special?
Just work, Harrys coming this weekend, I replied. Hell be here on Saturday.
I know, Mum said, nodding. He called.
We fell silent.
Mum, are you and Dad really okay? I finally asked.
Ellen I mean Susan gave a strange smile.
Perfectly fine. Life just throws a few surprises at you, even when youre fiftysomething. You just have to decide how to deal with them.
Good surprises or bad?
A bit of both, she said, gently running a hand through my hair as she used to do when I was a child. Dont worry too early, love. Youll find out soon enough.
She kissed my forehead and left, leaving me more puzzled than before.
The weekend arrived suddenly. Harry turned up Saturday around noon, tanned, noisy, bearing gifts and an odd tension in his eyes.
So, family council? he joked as we gathered in the lounge after lunch.
Dad and Mum exchanged a glance.
Yes, its about time, Dad said. We have news for you.
I held my breath.
Were moving, Mum announced.
Where to? I asked.
To a village, Dad replied. Specifically Ashford, about three hundred miles from here.
Why? I looked from one to the other.
Because thats our real home, Mum said simply. We bought it fifteen years ago as a holiday cottage, but its become more than that.
A sudden laugh escaped me.
A farm? I asked, surprised. You keep bees?
We do, Dad said proudly. Fifteen hives now, honey as good as youll ever taste.
Chickens, goats? Mum added. Were even thinking of getting a cow this year.
So were farmers? I asked, halfamused.
Seems so, Mum smiled. We have apple trees, pear trees, plums, raspberries, blackcurrants the whole lot.
When do you actually go there? I pressed. I thought you were always at work.
Work isnt just the office, Dad explained. Its also the land out there. Im retiring next month, and Ive arranged to work remotely. Ill be in town once a week for meetings.
I turned to Harry.
You knew all this?
Of course, he shrugged. I helped with the extensions, the second floor. Ive been there a lot.
Why didnt anyone tell me? I asked, irritation rising. I always said I hated the countryside.
Mum looked down.
We kept it quiet because you always complained whenever we took you to Grandmas. Youd cry and beg to go back home. When we suggested weekend trips out of the city, you always found excuses.
That was when I was a kid! I protested. Im an adult now.
Still, you never asked where we really went, Dad said. It felt awkward to admit wed built a whole life there.
So thats the double life, I muttered, recalling the whispered arguments.
Exactly, Dad said. In the city were office workers, out there were farmers. And were genuinely happy.
And you want to relocate permanently? What about our jobs?
Im on pension next month, Mum said. Dad has a remote deal. Hell come into London once a week for briefings.
The flat?
We can leave it to you if you want, or sell it and split the proceeds. Its your call.
I sank onto the sofa, trying to absorb it all.
So youve had this whole farm hidden from me, I said bitterly. Brilliant.
We didnt mean to hide it, Mum leaned over and hugged my shoulders. We just didnt know how to tell you without upsetting you. Forgive us.
I stayed silent, taking it in. Then I asked, Can I come and see? The house, the farm?
Of course! Dad beamed. Tomorrow, if you like.
Tomorrow, I agreed. Ill go with you.
That night sleep eluded me again. Anger, curiosity, excitement tangled together. How many years had I missed while buried in my career, friends, the city life?
In the morning we piled into the car and drove out. The farther we left London, the more animated Mum and Dad became, chatting about neighbours, their beekeeping experiments, how Dad built a sauna himself and Mum learned to can fruit.
When we turned onto a gravel lane, Mum faced me.
You know, we wanted to tell you sooner, especially once we decided to move for good. We feared youd laugh at us, city retirees playing farmer.
I wouldnt laugh, I replied quietly.
We realise now we should have trusted you more, Mum said. Youre grown, and we owe you the truth.
The car stopped at the gate of a sprawling property, a handsome timber house standing proudly amidst rolling fields.
Welcome to our real home, Dad said, turning off the engine. Ready to meet our secret life?
I nodded and stepped out. The scent of fresh grass and blooming flowers hit me. A cow lowed in the distance, chickens clucked, and Harry was unloading bags from the boot.
I still cant believe you kept a whole life hidden from me, I said, shaking my head. But you know what? Im actually excited.
Mum wrapped an arm around my shoulders.
Weve even set up a spare bedroom for you, just in case you want to spend weekends here.
Or summers? Dad added with a grin.
I smiled.
I think well talk about that later. First, show me the bees. I want to know what made you trade the city for the countryside.
We walked down the path toward the apiary, and I felt, for the first time in weeks, that I might have gained more than just a family secret I might have found a whole new world waiting for me.
