The Love of a Lifetime
– Emily, stop ignoring the obvious, – Sarah said matter-of-factly, – Hell be mine, eventually. One way or another. Even his father always said I was the perfect match for Tom.
Emily, now long past caring about Sarahs jealous remarks, answered,
– Oh Sarah, my darling dreamer! What century are you living in? The one where parents pick out your husband? Tom and I are getting married the day after tomorrow. The day after tomorrow, Sarah. Let it go. Hes a handsome bloke, sure, but there are plenty more out there. Find someone else, and please, just leave us in peace!
But Sarah wasnt ready to give up on Tom, though he never saw her as more than a nice, but unremarkable, classmate.
– You just dont get it, Emily. I love him just as he is. Hes the one for me, even if hes not with me. That kind of love doesnt fade away, you know. One day, hell realise it.
– Well, best of luck with your daydreams, Sarah. Ive got to go. Toms waiting for me. Oh, and he says you dont need to come to the wedding. You might end up sobbing, and he just doesnt want that.
Sarah didnt go to their wedding. She stood behind an old oak in the churchyard, watching as they came out to cheers and handfuls of confettiTom, the man shed dreamed of for years, and Emily, already expectant, his wife.
– Sooner or later, – Sarah whispered, – I promise you, it’ll be sooner.
***
That hopeful sooner never came.
Tom was now foreman at work, and he and Emily had been married for fifteen years. Tom had always wanted a big familyand got his wish. Five children. The eldest, Alice, had just turned fifteen. The youngest, Freddie, not even a year old.
Tom loved his family, unquestionably so. But lately, loving them felt more like an obligation than a joy Hed become more provider than beloved husband or father; not Dad but the breadwinner.
Emily, now forty and still lovely, but increasingly preoccupied with material things, had stopped seeing in him the man shed once dreamed of marrying.
It was October.
The heating had just come on for winter. Tom, having barely survived another exhausting month at work, was finally home to sit down for dinner when Emily came bursting in:
– Tom, quick, upstairswater’s pouring out of the pipe in the bathroom! Call the plumber! And grab some towelsgo!
He really didnt want to move. Hed just wrangled with the safety inspector, who would have fined his entire crew if Tom hadnt outsmarted him yet again. All Tom wanted was to eat or sleepnot rush upstairs with towels. For the first time, he felt like these werent really his problems.
– Emily, Ive just walked through the doorIm shattered. Ill have to leave at six tomorrow; Ive got to finish the site, and well lose a grand if were late. Cant you give it a go?
But the water kept pouring.
– Tom, for heavens sake! – she handed the baby to Alice, then started scooping up towels from the kitchen, – Kids, grab the cloths! Tom, for goodness’ sake, get up! This cant wait, the place will be flooded!
Tom put down his spoon with a sigh.
– Alright, alright, Im coming.
Like the pipes in the bathroom werent his problem at all.
The plumber took ages to arrive. Tom ended up helping him for even longer.
When he finally trudged out, hair wet and t-shirt filthy, Emily was already putting the kids to bed.
– Dinners gone cold. You’ll have to heat it up yourself.
– I tidied the bathroom
– Good for you.
– Is that it?
– What do you wanta medal? – she muttered, – Keep your voice down.
– No ones going to even feed me?
– Cant you make your own dinner?
Tom snorted and went to microwave his meal.
The next day, he left work early to try and get some proper sleep, only to be met by Emily at the door with a list:
– Could you nip to the shop while youre at it: nappies, full-fat milk, paints for school, and pick up an energy-saving bulb for the bathroom. We want it to last, the cheap ones never do.
Tom stared at the list, suddenly finding the strength to be sarcastic.
– Im burning out quickly these days too, Em. Would you maybe like to ask how I am for a change? How my day was? Im just a delivery man and plumber to you.
– If that’s your complaint, then Im your laundry-maid and cook, – Emily retorted, – This game goes both ways, you know. You never ask what its like for me here with the kids, and you barely bother with them anymore
– I hardly even see them!
– Well come home earlier then.
– And whos going to pay for everything? – he snapped, – I work for you lot and that’s it.
– Shall I remind you it was your idea I stay home and we have a big family?
It was true. Once, hed wanted it allfive children, endless happy chaos. Lately, hed tuned out of their lives, worn down to the bone.
He and Emily no longer talked. They just exchanged instructions.
Once, in December, Tom came home a bit early. He decided to seize the momentmaybe remember what being us felt like.
– Em, maybe we could go out? Catch a film?
Emily, sat sewing up school uniforms by hand, eyed him like he was a stranger.
– Maybe if youd given me a months notice Ive got to finish these. Natasha’s got her Christmas play in the morning. Whos going to feed the kids or mind them? Alice is old enough, but not for all evening.
– Itd only be an hour!
– Well, if youve got the evening off, can I at least have half an hour to myself? I want some air. My heads about to explode.
– I wanted us to
– Maybe another time. Later.
– Sorry, Em. Ive got a work email I need to reply to quickly.
New Year approached. For Tom it was the worst holidaymore work, more money spent, more time standing around scrubbing and cooking with his wife. Still, a small idea was brewing in the back of his mind, though he hadnt worked up the courage to tell Emily
But
A week before New Years, Alice brought some bug home from school. Within days, everyone was ill.
Tom, though sick himself, fared better than the rest. He found himself running kids to the GP, picking up prescriptions, and even Emily went down with a fever over 40, leaving all the chores to him.
By the 31st, Emily was on the mend, but nothing for New Year had been prepared. The tree was up, gifts had been bought, but that was about it. Shopping needed doing, salads needed making
– Tom, would you mind if we just did something simple for New Years dinner? – Emily said, peering into the fridge, – Ive bought some bitswe can pick up the rest, but let’s skip the five salads this time, alright?
Toms head was elsewhere.
– Em can I ask you something?
– Go on.
– Can I slip out this evening? Just for a couple of hours. I need to get out, to breathe. The lads are meeting up andwell, I dont feel festive at all here…
Now Emily wasnt feeling festive either.
– Out? Tom, have you gone mad? Where exactly? Weve five sick kids! New Years is for family! Or do you want to ditch us to go out drinking?
There are moments when everything hangs by a thread and this was one. There were tears in Emilys voice, but they hadnt fallen yet. Itd been a hellish weeknothing was ready for the table, and now her husband wanted to disappear.
– Its always you! – Tom exploded, jumping to his feet, – You, you, you. Its always about you and the kids. When do I get to live? I do everything for you all! What else do you want from me??
– I want my husband not to run away from his family! As if you dont even need us
Tom longed to escapeto mates, to colleagues, to anyone who wasnt at home.
– What family, Emily? Tell me! When Im home, Im only here to wash dishes, bring home my wages, or run ill kids to the doctor I dont even remember what a family is anymore! This isnt what I wanted.
He grabbed his coatwithout the car keys, because though he wanted to get away, driving wasnt his real goal. He wasnt in the mood to party.
Where to go? Into the emptiness?
Outside, the streets were filled with cheerful people heading home. He, on the other hand, didnt want to go back. He switched off his phone and headed to the only place he remembered being truly wanted, where he knew someone still loved him simply for who he was.
***
Sarah lived alone. Shed planned to spend the evening at a friends place, so shed slipped into a black dress she’d bought just in case, draped tinsel round her neck, and was picking up her handbag, when Tom showed up at her flat.
– Tom? Whats the wind blown you here for?
He held out three bottles of wine.
– Its New Years. I wanted to be somewhere Im actually wanted.
Without hesitation, she scrapped her evening plans. However many years had passed, Tom was still her main event. He knew this. He came because he finally understood what that meant.
The clock struck midnight.
Tom talked.
– I come home and its like stepping into someone elses house. She doesnt understand me, Sarah. She only cares about my wages, the kids whats on special offer in Tesco, but not me. Youre not like that. Only just now did I finally get ityoure the only one whos ever loved me unconditionally.
Sarah didnt miss her cue.
– I still love you, Tom.
– Why didnt I marry you? Everything would have been different. Everything How didnt I see it? Come here.
And as Tom drifted off to sleep, he believed with all his heart that if hed married Sarah, things would have turned out very differently.
***
On 1 January, Sarah was the first up. The most remarkable, joyful New Years morning shed ever had. Tom was still asleep, so she switched his phone on for himover 200 missed calls from his wife.
Smiling, Sarah picked up her own phone. She sent Emily a photo from the night before with just one line:
– Told you, one day hed be mine.
