At 65, it suddenly strikes me that our children dont seem to need us anymore. After a lifetime of giving them everythingtime, energy, moneyIm left wondering how David and I come to terms with it, and how we begin anew, living just for ourselves.
I married at 25. David and I had been in the same class, and he pursued me with relentless devotion. He even transferred to my university, just to stay close. A year after our simple wedding, I fell pregnant and our eldest daughter arrived. David dropped out of university to get a job, while I took a break from my studies.
Those early years were tough. David was barely home, working long hours, and I was knee-deep in new motherhood while trying to finish my degree. Two years down the line, another pregnancy meant I switched to part-time studies, and David took on even more work to keep us afloat.
Somehow, we managed. We raised two childrenour eldest, Alice, and our son, James. When Alice started at primary school, I finally found a job in my field. Life slowly improved: David was earning a good wage, we managed to buy our own house, and things settled a little. Then, just as we could breathe easier, I was pregnant again.
Our youngest daughter, Sophie, was born, and everything became a struggle once more. David worked overtime to provide, and I threw myself into caring for Sophie. Looking back, Im not sure how we coped, but we did. When Sophie started secondary school, I felt relief for the first time in years.
But our troubles didnt simply fade away. Alice announced she was getting married right as she started university. We didnt objectit mirrored our own early marriage. But helping her with the wedding and buying her first flat took most of our savings.
James, our son, soon wanted a home of his own. We couldnt refuse him, so we took out another mortgage and helped him buy a flat. Thankfully, he landed a good job in a respected firm quite quickly.
When Sophie was in her final year of sixth form, she confided her dream was to study in another country. It was a stretch for us, but we cobbled together enough money to make her wish come true. Now Sophies abroad, and David and I are on our own.
As the years pass, our children visit less and less. Alice still lives in London, yet hardly pops round. James sold up, bought a place in Oxford, and rarely comes back. Sophie finished her degree and decided to stay overseas.
Weve poured everything into our childrenour youth, our resources, our heartsand now, it feels as though theyve gone on without us. We dont expect handouts or grand gestures. All we hope for is the occasional phone call, a visit, a gentle word from them.
But perhaps thats all behind us now. Now I find myself askingshould we stop waiting, and finally start living for ourselves? After all weve done, dont we deserve a little happiness, however late it might come?
