Birch
Oh, youre a hard man, William Turner! No wonder everyone calls you Birch. You never smile, do you? If anyone as much as glances your way, theyre chilled to the bone. Whats got you in such a freeze, eh? Isnt life sweet enough for you these days?
Peggy went on talking, but William stopped listening. In silence, he collected his shopping from the counter of the villages only little general store and headed for the door.
Your Ellen was back at her mothers the other day. Brought the lad with her. Did you hear, William Turner? And what if he is your boy after all? You going to let him grow up fatherless? The spit of you, that one!
Her words caught up with William at the threshold and he all but tripped over the low step. He didnt turn backwhy should he? People always have their own ideas. What you dont tell them, theyll happily invent. And, at the end of the day, it was nobodys business but his and Ellens.
The sun, oddly bright and warm for early spring, bathed Williams face, making him screw up his eyes against the light. He stepped forward blindly, forcing his feet on, when suddenly a shout tugged him back to the present.
Careful!
A young boy, shouting from the path, darted up to the shop and scooped up two puppies tumbling about on the steps.
Dont squash them, please!
He had a freckled nose, dark, watchful eyes that drooped with sleepy lashes, and ears stuck out just like Williams. The likeness was striking. No wonder the village gossiped. William knew, though, for certain: the boy keeping such a vigilant eye on him wasnt his son. Family, yes, but not that close.
Would you like a puppy? Look at the size of his pawshell be a proper beast! Just like a wolf! Strong as anything!
William mustered a brief shake of his head, then slipped away down the nearest lane, not even the one hed meant to takejust the one that offered shelter. There, the last of his strength drained away. He leaned against Smirnovs sturdy old wooden fence, breathing as best he could, not quite sure why the very air seemed to ache in his chest.
Why? Why had she come back? Why did she bring that boy who might have been his, if things had turned out differently? Would Oleg really have left her after all?
Thoughts thronged, offering no respite. His heart lost its rhythm and thudded with old pain. Seven years, and it still remembered everything. You couldnt tell it to hush; it wouldnt listen.
Loveable Louisa Smirnov banged open the gate, took one look, and rushed across to William.
Wills! Are you alright? Herelet me help. Or should I call Elias?
Her warm, steady hands found his shoulders and he opened his eyes.
No, Louisa, dont fuss. Thanks. Ill just Ill be on my way
Oh, dont be daft! Lean on me, go on! Thats itone step at a time now. Theres a boy! Blimey, youre heavier than you look. William Turner! Dont you go breaking your heart, now! Then whatll we all do, eh? Theyll come for me, saying its my fault! You remember youre my patient, dont you! Lie down a bit, Ill check your pressure and give you a jab, and youll be as right as rain, as fresh as a daisy! Come on now!
His legs wouldnt cooperate, but Louisa was strong; she half-dragged, half-carried him through the yard, kicked the gate shut behind her, and called out,
Elias! Give us a hand, will you!
Everything became a blur. William blinked awake on Louisas sofa. Something soft pressed him down, making it hard to breathe. Heart attack, he thought? But when he opened his eyes and found a smoky tabby cat curled under his arm, peacefully cleaning one of her kittens as the rest padded about on his chest, he smiled weakly and felt better.
Muriel senses people more than anyone. If shes hauled all her babies over, youre a good man, Will. She wouldnt trust just anyone.
Louisa, setting aside her daughters exercise books, bustled over.
There, all sorted! Youre nearly back to rights. Pulse is better, nice and steady. But honestly, Will, dont go frightening me like that again! The roads are a bogId never get an ambulance out. Were you planning to shuffle off? Far too soon for that. Theres work yet to be done.
Work, Louisa? All Ive gots Blossom and Jack, now. Thats about the sum of it.
Well, youve a fine cow, Ill give you that. But she deserves good care. If you come over all ill again, whos going to look after her?
William only now noticed the thick curtains drawn and the lamp glowing gently.
What time is it, Louisa?
Dont move! Its late. You cant go home; youll sleep here. Dont fret, I saw Blossom in passingshes fine.
Louisa straightened, slipped her stethoscope into her pocket, ruffled her husbands hair as she passed, and busied herself in the kitchen. Elias plopped down beside William on the sofa.
Still feeling rough?
Thats about the measure of it. Cant really say whats wrong.
I know what it is. Ellen.
Dont rake it up, Elias. William turned away and met the green-eyed, penetrating glare of the cat.
See? Even Muriel knows things are off. Shes trying to bring you comfortdragged every last one of her kittens in here, wouldnt leave till you calmed down! Animals, Will, theyre cleverer than us. They dont think with their heads; they follow their hearts. Maybe we ought to try it more. You carry everything yourself, but how much can one man take? I know youre a wise one, Will, a proper man, but even you need a mates shoulder once in a while. You helped me without askingnow its my turn.
Bit late for that, isnt it, Elias?
My granGod rest her soulsaid if you havent got anyone to talk to, dig a hole in the earth and shout your pain awayjust dont bottle it all up. Itll burn you through, leave nothing behind. Youve held it in for years. Its not right. I never asked before, and you were keeping to yourself out in the woods, but when I saw Louisa reviving you tonight, I reckoned its time. Lone wolves were not, Will. Were men. We need one another. Weve known each other since you first moved here. What year did you join our school? Year six?
Year seven.
Blimey, that long? More than thirty years, Will, and we still keep our troubles secret. Were grey now, but still sitting on different sides of the room when theres trouble. My fault too. Should have spoken sooner. Dont be cross with me! If you want me to clear off, I will. If not, Ill listen. You know me, WillIm not one for gossip.
I know William gently stroked the tiny kittens squirming on his chest, and began. What am I supposed to say, Elias? Theres shame in it. A man ought not to air such things. You saw how I loved Ellen. You saw everythinghow I ran after her at school, how she waited for me to come back from the Army. You stood best man in the registry office. You know it all.
Aye. But I never saw what drove you apart. Nobody did. Youd things going well, and thenbang! Ellen left for the city, and you vanished into the woods. The whole place was shocked. I remember your mother selling the cow, crying her eyes out, not telling a soul why. Why?
She didnt know. I just told her I didnt love Ellen anymore and I was off for good. Mum and Dad all but disowned me.
Theres more to it than that. What happened, Will? You loved heryou still do.
William turned away again, unwilling to answer. There were no tears left; hed cried them all in the woods, calling after Ellen like a wild animal, then collapsing on the cold earth sobbing like a child. Unable to forgive, unable to imagine life without her.
I cant see any reason for you leaving her, and I dont believe she was unfaithful. Thats not Ellen.
William drew a shaky breath, and the fierce, haunted eyes of the family glared through for a moment. I saw them, Elias. With my own eyes. Had anyone told me, I wouldnt have believed it
Elias exhaled hard, shaking his head.
I cant believe ittell me everything.
Its all wrong, Elias. Right from the start. She lied to me. Told me she loved only me, but he hesitated. She left me with nothingnot just without a wife, without a family. My parents sided against me, the rest of them turned their backs. In our clan, strength matterswhat kind of man lets his wife choose another? Wheres his strength? Gone. Me, too.
Hold ondont rush to judgement. Lets work this through.
Whats there to work out? Remember when I had to go to London on business, gone nearly two months? We were planning to set up a little farm here. Even had a deal lined up with the spa. Everything was coming together. Ellen knew horses inside outher father, you remember, was an expert. It was her idea to go ahead. She told me to go meet people in town, set up contacts. So I did. But while I was away
Never heard anything, and you know how quickly gossip gets around here. Not a whisper about her. If thered been anything, Id have got wind. Louisa, too.
Nobody knew, because it happened at home. Who airs such dirty laundry? Sorry, but I can hardly talk about it years of silence, you were right I shouldnt have carried it alone. It started as a pebble, now its a mountain, wont let me breathe.
Elias, wide-eyed, rasped, But with whom? Oleg?
My cousin, yes. Hed just moved here with his mother. They lived with us six months. Ellen and I were finishing our house, nearly ready to move in. We were going to set up the farm, settle in, and start a family. Ellen really wanted children. We tried, but things took time; in the end, we agreed to wait on fate. And fate gave, only not to me.
I saw her boy, you know? Nice lad. Elias clapped his neck, shaking his head. Still dont believe shed do that, Will!
No doubt when you see it with your own eyes, Elias! William jerked uprightonly for Muriel to yowl at him so fiercely, it was as if her ancestors wildness had woken. Clamping a paw on Williams arm, she dug her claws into the blanket and grabbed a kitten by the scruff.
Sorry, old girl, I didnt mean he gathered the kittens back, cupping them with his hands.
Thats nature for you, Elias. A mother always protects her young, even if theyre not yet born. I knew how much Ellen wanted children, but I wouldnt go to the doctortoo proud to believe anything could be wrong with me. She found her own solution if not me, then someone else.
Now dont go jumping to conclusions! Youve spent ages brewing on that
Ive had a lot of time too much time to think. Maybe I hid in the woods because I couldnt bear to see a child who wasnt mine.
Careful what you say, William Turner! You can add two and two, surely?
Doesnt add up, though. My aunt, Olegs mother, explained it all to me after Louisas last baby. She spelled it out, William sighed. What proof do I need, really? I saw them, together, in the kitchen. Oleg kissing her, and sheshe didnt pull away Williams voice cracked, and Elias shot a worried glance toward Louisa, who bustled in and said:
Thats enough! Ill give you another jab and youll sleep. Everything else can wait. You must rest, Will!
He nodded, making no effort to hide his tears, and soon after, the world faded as the sleep descended.
Elias beckoned Louisa into the next room.
You heard it all?
Yes
Well?
I need to go out, Elias. Im going to turn this tangled secret into something a bit more palatable. Saw Ellen yesterdayshes a shadow, looks terribly ill. Its not guilt eating her, Im sure. If she were guilty, shed drop her eyes and cower, but she looks you straight in the face. No, something else is wrong. Ill go for a walk.
Where?
First to Williams auntI’ve words for her. Then to Ellen. Its late, but its past time for this to end. Williams heart wont take much more. Hes run himself ragged.
Louisa threw on her old coat and strode out. Elias settled on the steps, lit a cigarette, and mulled over lifethe hardness of chasing happiness, only to grasp a tail-feather while the bird gets away.
He and Louisa had been through so much. Their own parents gone. A baby son lost. Their girls a later blessing, arriving five years after theyd given up on children altogether. Louisa could never forgive herself for missing the symptoms in their boyeven hospital doctors insisted it was no ones fault, but a fierce infection. Still, it haunted her. When she discovered she carried twins, her nerves nearly undid her. Hed barely managed to soothe her then; shed have lost the girls otherwise. No wonder her heart ached now, especially for Ellens boyshe understood what it meant, as a mother, for a child to lack a parents steady hand.
Elias waited for ages; dawn crept over the hedgerow by the time Louisa returned, pale and exhausted. He wrapped her tight.
Its tough, isnt it?
Oh, Elias, she sobbed like one of their little girls, wiping tears across her face. People can be so cruelworse than wild beasts!
She began to tell him everything at last, as she knew hed been waiting.
He is Williams son, Elias! Now I know for certain. His aunt, Tamara, finally confessed. I dont know whyperhaps she saw how angry I was after I spoke to Ellen and needed to clear her conscience. She cried her heart out, but in the end, she told me and her sister everything. Ellen is not to blameshe was already expecting by the time William left, and was frightened to say in case she lost the baby again. Three previous miscarriages, can you believe it? She never told a soul. Theyre both as stubborn as old birch trees, keeping everything bottled up. Now, what for?
How did this all fester? asked Elias.
All over a man, wouldn’t you know? Tamara always envied her sister for nabbing the man she herself wanted when they were young; she never let go the grudge. Years went by, but the bitterness never faded. When she moved back in after being widowed, it was as though all her old spite came brimming over; so she took her jealousy out on poor William, wrecking the whole family for revenge. Tamaras own guilt finally sent her scurrying to confess. She led her sister to believe the worst, and the whole thing went to rack and ruin.
Louisa sighed deeply. I was with them for ages, Elias. One was fainting, the other weeping. Ellens boy, she named him Sam for Williams granddad. In the end, we all just collapsed together.
Elias gathered his wife closer, kissing her hair.
You did well, sweetheart.
We shouldve sorted this out long ago, Elias! Why do people keep quiet and suffer needlessly?
He grinned, Still, your pancakes are worth waiting forIm starving!
Youd forget your own kitchen if I let you! Freshen up and Ill cook. The girls will be up soon, and William will need foodhell have a tough day putting all his troubles to rights.
The sun reached above the new-leafed trees, spilling gold over Louisas tidy yard.
William, still unsteady but lighter, stepped onto the porch, squinting at the bright morning. A young lad sat on the steps, clutching the same sturdy puppy.
Are you my father? the boy asked boldly.
Lookits got proper strong paws. Hell be good, dont you think?
William took a breath, sat beside the boy on the step, and ruffled the puppys head.
Hes a champion, alright. Youve chosen well.
The boys sharp dark gaze searched Williams face. William ventured a hand to his shoulder, squeezed gentlythen nodded.
I am. Im your dad, Sam.
Good! Lets go in. Mums making breakfast, Grandmas hereand she promised to take me out today, see the horses. Can I?
William felt the hold of years of sorrow at last loosen, as if a freedoma lightnesswrapped itself around his bones. He took the puppy from Sam, stood, and smiled.
Course you can! And you and I, lad, weve got plenty to do together. So much to do
And at last, they walked inside, father and son.
