Becoming an Adult
…Charlie couldnt be bothered with anything anymore. He was tired, wanted to drop everything and leave, only he had no idea where to go. Hed been everywhere. Office, meetings, paperwork, then evening drinks, some girls occasionally pretty, sometimes less so and at weekends, a trip to visit his mum. And so it went, on and on. Charlie was already thirty-six and running around as if he were at a racetrack didnt excite him anymore. It was about time for a change.
Thats what Charlie mused to himself as he absentmindedly stroked the plush leather steering wheel of his brand-new Mercedes, stuck in the middle of yet another traffic jam.
Charlie’s Mercedes, in his mothers opinion, was a monstrosity that hardly fit in the drive whenever he visited Lesley Victoria for Sunday roast, but it certainly turned heads.
The neighbours lad from number six drove about in a Vauxhall, Margaret from fifty-sevens son moved furniture in a battered Ford Transit, and Sandras kid was often seen cycling around delivering pizzas; but Charlie he had a Merc.
Hed step out of it carefully, plant his suede shoes on the spotless tarmac, shoes immaculate and not a single scuff, then unfold himself like a great ship upon the courtyard. He was broad-shouldered and solid, the pride of his mother, ploughing through the jumble of neighbourhood kids darting about. Theyd stop and gape at his tremendous presence, eyes trailing up from his polished shoes to his face in silent amazement.
Hello, Uncle Charlie Sorry Good afternoon theyd whisper from beneath sunhats, their lips sticky with ice cream.
Charlie would nod with a hint of indulgence, as if to say, Go on, little ones, dont mind me.
In Charlies hands was a huge bouquet of flowers. Every week, fresh for Mum. Lesley Victoria always acted so surprised, How did you know Id love these? Shed arrange the abundant bouquet in a bucket because not a single vase could ever contain such excess. Then it was time for a cuppa with her Charlie.
Today, Charlie had chosen a bunch called Secret Rendezvous large, bold, enough for everyone in the square to know how much he adored his mum. Mum was special a benchmark in her own right. They simply didnt make independent, proud, clever women like her anymore. Which, Charlie reckoned, was why hed probably remain a bachelor for life.
Charlie was in a rush, but the traffic snake wound all the way across the bridge, closed off today for some cycling event. Maybe he should try cycling himself a bit of variety in life!
Restless, Charlie blared his horn, glanced at his watch, switched radio stations, and scanned the street.
Bored of the endless news bulletins, he cranked up the music, drumming along to the rhythm on the steering wheel. The man in the Ford to his left tapped his temple at Charlies enthusiasm, but Charlie pretended not to notice, lowered his window so the world could hear how content and successful he was. Today, hed visit Mum, then head to town for a night out.
Turn that racket down! Off with it! someone suddenly shouted behind him.
Charlie turned.
Who dared to shout at him?
A girl. Practically a child, behind the wheel of a rusty old Fiat, hair cropped short, anger flashing in her eyes as she shook her fist at him. Barely visible above the steering wheel.
Charlie waved cheerily at the furious girl and grinned. He always got on well with kids and women, and this one was both how hard could it be?
I said, lower the volume or close your window! The girl was now standing beside his Mercedes, nostrils flaring in outrage, glancing anxiously back at her car.
Pardon?! Charlie called back, not catching her words.
Not interested in window cleaning, dont give to beggars, Im not on a pension, and my flats not for let! he joked.
The girl flushed, her lips quivered, but then she straightened, leaned in, and shouted right by Charlies ear:
Keep the noise down. My son’s just napped in the car. Cant you be decent?
Charlie peered over and saw her little boy, bundled in a car seat, woolly hat and bright red coat.
Alright, alright! Got your licence, sweetheart? he called after her retreating back.
She flung open her car door in one smooth motion, lifted her son out he seized her as if his world depended on it.
Its alright, Sam! Well be home soon, love. Mummy will make it all better, yeah? Just wait until those cyclists pass and the road clears
She whispered gently, patting his small head, soothing him before quickly strapping him back in to move her car along.
But soon her Fiat coughed and died, bringing the entire line behind to a furious honking mess.
The once-feisty girl now slumped forward, pressing her forehead to the wheel, and broke down with quiet tears.
A strutting lad, dripping in chains and rings, jumped out of his blaring Mazda and pounded on her door with his foot, swearing and spinning his finger at his temple.
Charlie was about to inch forward, but the sound of that little lad crying, insistent and heartbreaking, made him pause. The crying unsettled him not irritably, just enough to stir something in him. Later, Charlie would say it was just instinct though he wouldnt know which.
He wasnt crying for attention or with demands, Charlie would explain to anyone who asked. It was just hopeless.
While Charlie deliberated, the brash Mazda driver stuck his head through the girls window, turning her key in exasperation. She shouted at him to stop and not to scare Sam, but the lad paid her no mind.
If you dont move, well be stuck here for hours, thick as two short planks! Stole the car, did you? Ill show you he ranted.
Charlie, acting on impulse, mounted the curb, parked, and dashed over to the girls Fiat.
Oi, mate, calm it! Charlie snarled at the Mazda driver.
Keep your nose out, you jumped-up git. All you flash types want a slap, the Mazda lad spat back. But, facing Charlies formidable frame, thought better of it and slunk off to his own car.
Dead engine? Charlie called to the girl. Lets give it a push.
She nodded and followed every instruction to the letter; together, they managed to roll it aside, though the car grumbled on its last legs.
Old bangers seen better days, Charlie said sympathetically, but the girl was focused on her son, as the boys wailing redoubled.
Come on, little man, she cooed to Sam. Want your mum?
He nodded, tears streaking his face.
How can I bring her to you if the car wont go? she sniffled, her own resolve faltering.
Right! Grab your bits, lock up, and come with me! barked Charlie.
Sorry? Well manage on our own, thanks, she shot back.
Rains coming down and youve got a little un, you muppet! March, now! He bundled them childs car seat and all into his Mercedes.
With everyone settled and the heater on full, Charlie turned around. Where to? Whos his mum? he asked over his shoulder. Im Charlie, by the way. And you?
The girl frowned, then, tucking Sam safely in the car seat, seemed to steel herself. Jess. And dont get ideas Im not like the floozies youve got up round your windscreen, she added, nodding at the photos of smiling women Charlie had stuck up from old nights out.
Floozies, eh? Charlie laughed. Youve got the wrong idea, love. Im not looking for any relationship. Now, where to? Address, Jess?
Chigwell. Need to get to Mums there, Jess replied and gave him the street.
Not my neck of the woods, but Charlie eyed the bouquet, now wedged on the passenger seat. Alright, Ill take you.
He hit a button on the dash. The hands-free ticked on. Hello, Charlie, love Im listening, came the warm, familiar voice of his mother.
Mum, Ill be a bit late. Got to run an errand. If Im not back this evening well move to tomorrow, alright? Charlie said.
But I told everyone not to come, that youd be here for dinner she answered, disappointed. Not one of your floozies, is it? Jess smiled grudgingly in the back seat. Charlie caught the look and frowned.
If youre busy, fine, just ring me when youre home. But whos that child crying? Charlie?!
Its nothing, Mum. Someone elses kid. Ill explain later. Ta! Charlie cut the call.
For heavens sake, why cant she just wish me luck or say she understands? he grumbled. Questions, questions Whatre you smiling at? he threw at Jess. Tell me, was it your own mum that left you and your brother? At your age you should be hanging round with boys, going to discos, not stuck babysitting. Or do the boys not like you? Thats it, youre a right stick-in-the-mud!
Oh, how satisfying to put Jess in her place. So she was going to judge him! Still wet behind the ears and already lecturing! Hah!
Yes, Jess said quietly.
What do you mean, yes? Charlie retorted, confused.
I should be out dancing, dating, living but with who? All blokes want one thing. My mum never planned to have me at eighteen. My gran threw her out with me the moment she left hospital, ashamed that her daughter had a baby. Mum didnt even finish school says the bump wouldnt fit under the desk, so off she went. Someone let her down. And where was he? Nowhere. Just wanted a laugh. Just like those girls in your photos I bet you were like that at uni. Was she meant to give it all up for family?
Whats that got to do with me? Charlie huffed. I have grown-up, proper relationships, thats different! Id never
And he stopped, distracted by a tricky roundabout or maybe by old memories. Once, with a girl named Alice Baker, holidaying together in Spain, he was suddenly told, I think Im pregnant
Bad timing. Business was booming. Settling down kids, marriage, in-laws and all that grown-up hassle was the last thing on his mind.
So, what to do? Tie himself down to Alice? And what about all the other options? No thanks not ready to be caged by responsibilities.
Hed dragged her to a friendly doctor; his sister had used him before.
She even offered me money, the doctor had laughed later, to say she was having your baby. Then she could trick you properly. Be careful, Charlie.
And Charlie had been careful. Alice was never pregnant after all.
But what if he had left someone in the lurch? Who knows what was kept from him out of spite or fear? Thoughts buzzed in his head, jumbled and eventually faded.
Partner relationships, what a fib! Jess barked a bitter laugh. My mums just beautiful; always admired, never alone. Shes tired, she raised me on her own, and then Sam as well. No one offered a hand. Shes just human. She needed a rest. She went off to see a friend in Chigwell for a breather and left Sam with me. He was ill recently, hospitalised when mum was at work. He thought shed abandoned him, cried for hours. Maybe he thinks she has now.
She has! Charlie exclaimed. Mums dont take off leaving tiny kids behind!
No, Mummys good, just tired. People like you make it harder, Jess chanted determinedly.
Whats her name, then? Now Im intrigued! Charlie asked.
Susan Freeman.
Charlie jerked the car into the right lane, sped up, and then remembered there was a small child aboard.
Susan Freeman Could it be? There was only a million-to-one shot!
Sixth form. Charlie, young and wild, at a mates for a party. Laughter, song, a blur of drinks, and then Susan Freeman walks in. Something happened between them, a brief romance, and she vanished within months, never replying to his calls. Then Charlie left for university
He glanced at Jess. Did she look like him? Maybe the nose Could this really be his daughter? How was Susans dad called again?
Jess, what was your granddads name? he asked casually.
Dead. Long time ago, she replied, disinterested.
Pretty girl. If I had a daughter like her, Id think about education, new clothes, maybe upgrade the car Charlie suddenly found himself daydreaming.
The rain stopped. From behind the clouds, a streak of dazzling sunlight hit the street as if heaven itself had poked a knitting needle through, connecting the two worlds, beckoning him to climb up and meet the divine.
At the same time, Charlie realised his life suddenly had meaning a direction, a reason for all the graft and saving.
Look at that! Charlie nodded at the golden window. Jess, did you and your mum ever get away somewhere nice? The seaside? The Peaks? Or maybe skiing?
Jess glanced at the sunshine and laughed. Are you kidding? With what money?
But would you like to? With your mum and Sam, I mean Charlie proposed, his chest tight with anticipation.
Thats not my cup of tea. I dont run off with strange men! Jess replied sharply.
You are, now, arent you? Charlie chuckled.
Because she trusted me because, maybe, shes my daughter flashed through his mind. Instinct, blood kin, something inexplicably right. Why had Susan never said anything? Would eighteen-year-old Charlie have been happy to hear he had a child then?
He decided: when they reached Susan, hed get answers, then get them on a plane to somewhere sunny. Good hotels, plenty for Sam to do. Separate rooms, of course; Susan would insist on that.
Whats the plan, then? Jess broke in, rubbing Sams small hand.
Oh Did I say that out loud? Sorry. Never mind, later, Charlie grumbled.
Whatll I tell Mum? he wondered silently. Shell make a fuss, tell me not to believe Susan, but ah! Theres always DNA tests. Freddie Parker had one when he No, I wont bother. Jess looks like me. I ruined Susans life, Ill fix it now.
Charlie straightened in his seat heros role suited him. Most importantly, it wasnt his fault; nobody told him anything!
Susan appeared before his minds eye different from all the women hed dated. She was strong, independent much like his own mum.
Got your own business, then? Jess asked, running a hand along the immaculate seat.
Yeah, business.
Is it hard, having lots of money? Jess pressed on. No wife to help you spend it?
No wife. But I’m doing alright,” Charlie smirked.
By evening, they arrived at the address Jess had given. Charlie dawdled in the car, unwilling to get out. He fiddled with the glove box, mumbled about parking, while Jess stood at the door holding Sams hand, waiting for him.
Well, coming then? she called as he approached. Shall we bring the flowers? Mum would like them.
Charlie nodded. So much for his Secret Rendezvous.
They went up to the third floor. Jess rang the bell.
Charlie closed his eyes. Now everything was about to change.
It was Susan’s friend, Mary, who opened the door, shooting Charlie a suspicious look before glancing at Jess.
What are you doing here? Susan, your lots arrived and some bloke! she shouted.
Out of the lounge dashed a thin, weary woman; she tied her hair in a ponytail as she sized up the visitors.
Jess, what are you doing here? I told you Id be back in the morning! she exclaimed, bewildered. Who are you? she nodded at Charlie.
He offered her the flowers with a sheepish grin.
Im Charlie. These are for you Susan
He peered at her, searching for a flicker of recognition.
There was none.
Hes the one, Mum, Jess announced, pointing at Charlie. He broke our car and then gave us a ride. Sam was crying, so I figured you could calm him. I took your car, he she jabbed her finger at Charlie again broke it, and now its abandoned up the road. Hed best pay for the repairs, or Ill take him to court!
Susans eyebrows shot up, ready to protest, but Jess barrelled on.
Mum, honestly, his fault. Let him cough up for the garage bill! Sam, heres Mummy! Aunt Mary, got any food? This man didnt feed us all day!
Jess marched off to the kitchen, opening cupboards, rifling through the fridge.
I dont understand. Did you really break our car? Jess cant even drive, she hasnt got a licence. What happened? Out with it! Susan demanded, wrapping her arms round her as if shivering.
Yes Yes, of course, Charlie muttered.
He explained about the traffic, the breakdown, how Sam cried
Your daughter said youd disappeared for a rest. Sam cant cope hes only just got over being ill and thought youd left him. So I brought them both to you he trailed off.
No, this wasnt the Susan hed once known. Foolish to imagine otherwise.
Disappeared for a rest? Jess! Get here, now! Susan called. Jess, clutching a salad bowl, returned. Jess, what tall tales have you told this man? Why spin such nonsense? You know I was at Aunt Marys helping with the funeral. Marys gran died and shes all alone had to give her a hand. I took the day off work. And Sams been healthy! Jess
Susan turned away, embarrassed.
What a load of rubbish, Jess scowled, slamming her fork down. So what? Mum, why should we settle for this? Some have more cash in their wallets than sense, others are stuck at supermarket tills. You never learn, do you? You shouldve said youd press charges hed have paid, and I couldve bought myself something nice. Never mind. Im not babysitting Sam again like Uncle Charlie said, I should be out having fun, living a normal life! She threw up her chin haughtily.
Right. Fancy a cup of tea? Lets head to the kitchen. Mary, sorry for the invasion. Hope were not in your way, Susan sighed.
Not a bit. Maybe something stronger? One cup of tea wont fix this lot, Mary sighed, rubbing her eyes. Still, weve some sherry left from the funeral
Im driving. Better not, Charlie answered, feeling out of place. Boardrooms and clubs were so simple in comparison here there were emotions, rows, heartache. Part of him wanted to bolt, but he felt a strange sympathy for Susan.
If not, tea it is, Mary put the kettle on.
They sat at the small kitchen table a battered floral tablecloth, wobbly stools, three mugs, a biscuit tin and a dish of toffees.
This was my grans flat. I looked after her in her last years. Susan, me we spent hours here as kids Anyway, you lot chat, Ill settle Sam down. Come on, mate, lets find teddy, Mary led the boy away.
Sorry about my daughter. She doesnt get that you cant just grab what you want from life or take by force. She thinks I’m a failure for having Sam out of wedlock, no husband Susan said, rubbing her knees, shoulders tense.
So wheres the father? Charlie asked quietly. He wasnt used to heart-to-hearts.
We tried got together, broke apart, and now hes vanished for good, I think. Thought I could keep him, not for the money dont think that! Just loved him, is all. Now Im over it. He taught Jess to drive thats about it. Cant earn enough for Jess to have an easy life. She blames me for that. Wants the good life, but here we are two-bed flat, old block
I thought maybe wed known each other, back in our youth, Charlie said out of nowhere, grinning idiotically, before gulping tea to cover his awkwardness. I once knew a girl named Susan. She went away, quickly. Thought you might be her. Jess said you were thrown out by your mum
What? My mum never threw me out. I had Jess at twenty, Mum helped as much as she could but she died two years ago, and I never knew Dad. I must be repeating my parents lives. Jess always playing the sympathy card, making Gran out to be a villain Susan broke off, hands clenched. And you thought Jess was your daughter? Dont rush things, Charlie. Have your own kids, enjoy it! Theres plenty of time.
Charlie saw the warmth in Susans eyes, the kind smile as she recalled Jess childhood, and longed for a family of his own a home, a wife, the smell of dinner in the air
Can I help with anything? he asked awkwardly after a pause.
No, youve been through enough, sorry. Are you hungry? Weve got roast beef, or chicken Susan sprang up, but Charlie shook his head.
No, Im fine. How will you get home? I can give you a lift, he offered.
Well leave tomorrow, dont worry.
Well, at least let me pay for
Charlie drifted into a haze of kitchen warmth, the tension slipping away in the safety of their company.
Nonsense. Have some coffee, something to eat, get home. There are those wholl be waiting! Susan said cheerfully, busy at the stove. Oh, and the car?
I called for a tow. Sorted. Ring this number, tell them Charlie the Bookbinder sent you, theyll explain where to collect it, Charlie scribbled on a slip of paper.
Thank you Why Bookbinder? Susan smiled.
Did that for a living once, binding dissertations and essays. Jess could use a job so much energy, such drama! he nodded at the shadow beyond the kitchen door.
The shadow snorted and slipped away
They exchanged phone numbers and Charlie left. Susan waved from the window and for a moment, it felt completely homely. Charlie felt an odd pang of sadness.
His mother greeted him with her usual good cheer, said nothing, sent him to bed.
Mum, would you rather have a grandson or granddaughter? Charlie asked as she turned off his bedroom light the same bedroom with his old drawings of ships, planes, and the Houses of Parliament still pinned to the walls.
My goodness, Charlie! Id just like a daughter-in-law! I swear, I wont meddle, just bring me one. But honestly Twins would be lovely. Now get some sleep!
She shut the door, smiling to herself because her Charlie had at last grown up. At last.
She would meet Susan soon, and a firm friendship would blossom.
Jess found a job in the evenings, became businesslike, more complete somehow her own woman at last.
They all grew up, in their own ways. And that was just fine.
