Not a Match
I just dont know, Danny Margaret Stevens shrugged helplessly. The bright, cheerful afternoon suddenly dulled, turning sullen as small drab clouds gathered, and a breeze forced the kitchen window open, rifled the muffin wrappers on the table, and scattered napkins from their holder.
What dont you know, Mum? Im not asking you whether I should marry her. Im telling you: Emily and I have made up our minds. Daniel pushed his bowl of soup aside, sounding peevish.
Whenever Daniel came home, Margaret would feed him as if hed been starved in the desert. The size and number of portions depended almost entirely on how worn out he looked to her.
Thats how she showed her love. What else could she do? Dans lived on his own for years, never asks for money, sorts out all his own affairs… Sometimes even offers to help his dad out, but George always brushes him offsays it isnt right to take from your child. Daniel only laughshes far from being a child now. All the same, at least she can see he gets a proper, home-cooked meal from his mum.
Its not that, love. Dont you fancy your soup? Too much salt? I told your dad not to buy that sea saltpractically lethal, that stuff! George! George! she called.
A muffled reply came from the other room. George had only just dozed off and now stirred, dropping his glasses onto the rug.
Youre not against it, but…? Dan prodded her. Just tell me straight, why all the hemming and hawing?
Well…Emilys not an easy girl, is she? Always had expensive taste, if you ask me. I remember from schoolher folks bought her the priciest things, always spoilt her. While the other girls wore simple dresses, she turned up looking ready for a ball. Remember promthey insisted you all arrive in a limo. Said it wasnt a proper do otherwise; itd be like a village knees-up. Honestly, Im not too keen on her parents. All show and no substance. If you want the truth, those Walkers hardly looked at us at all, especially her mother. It was unpleasant! You and Emily drifted at school, and now suddenly shes all smitten? I dont buy it, Danny, its not real life!
Margaret fell silent for a moment, weighing whether to continue. Then, decisively, she poured her son some squash, dropped in a couple of dried apricotsjust as he likedand sat opposite him at the table.
Is she reliable? Shell want more and more from you. And youve only just got your life together, started to do well for yourself Will you manage a family? Dan, maybe think it through? But its your call…
Margaret always closed with, Its your call, as if to say her opinions didnt count in this house, so have it your own way.
Manipulator! George would grumble, but always went along with Margaret in the end. Daniel, stubborn, never rose to these little acts.
Dan scowled, tense, as his dad would call it; he puffed and glowered at his mum from under his brows.
How could you think that, Mum? Im grown up nowyou still dont trust me? Just say it!
Oh, Danny! No, no! Margaret jumped up, fussing with pans, turning on the tap for no reason, then off again, and sat back down.
How could she tell her son the truththat she worried he wasnt shrewd enough for someone like Emily? That he had his head in the clouds like so many youngsters! He was praised to the skies at work, walked around on air, but if she reminded him Emily was out of his league, a cunning type, a predator
No.
Its just come about so quickly, so oddly. But if youre really set on Emily, your dad and I wont stand in your way. Its your life. Your happiness, your future. If your hearts telling you, alright then… she tried to sound upbeat. Fancy a biscuit? I bought some yesterdayginger snaps, your favourite! Ill bring somehold on, love!
She rustled about, then put a pile of biscuits, cracked white with sugar glaze and smelling of mint, before him.
Dan sighed, grabbed one, chewed thoughtfully, then sipped squash, shrugging.
Itll all be fine, Mum! Honestly, it will. Youre rightmy gut tells me Emilys the one. Shes mine, thats it. Everythingll work outjust like you and Dad. Right, Id better goweve got the cinema tonight.
Margaret nodded. Well, thats it, then… If only hed stay another hourplay chess with his father, hang about till supper. But off to the pictures, and Daniels already gone. Times have changed…
What did you expect, love? said George, stretching. That hed sit at your apron strings for ever? Hes rightlet the lad marry. And if it goes wrongwell, you can always get a divorce! Fresh as a daisy! George puffed out his chest, trying to make Margaret laugh, but she didnt notice, still troubled about the marriage. It just flashed in her mind: This isnt right! Not right! She felt sorry for her sonhed be heartbroken, surely. Emily Walker, she was sure, was a spoiled, shallow girl, temperamental and capricious. If she visited, what would they even talk about? She honestly couldnt see it…
She remembered Mrs Pemberton, the old physics teacher, saying Emily was a bright spark, very modern, keeps up with all the trends and looks, likes the easy life, doesnt have friendsits just not in her.
Unapproachable, that one! Terrifies you with her starelike x-ray eyes! Mrs Pemberton would say, still living in the area, running into old pupils.
Margaret and George had moved into her mothers old flat in Highgate. New neighbourhood, new life. But the Walkers were back. Joining their familiesheaven forbid…
Emily became a journalist, they said she finished uni with Firsts, but never looked like she worked for it. Articles just flowed out as if they wrote themselves. Shed skip half her lectures, but never had a warningput down to a mix of luck, a good memory (as Mrs Pemberton would say), and maybe her influential fathera colonel or a diplomat, no one was sure.
Emily didnt like to talk about him, nor to him much, either. They lived in the same flat but in separate worlds, Emilys room a no-go barrier between them. Dads territorycross it and youd be flattened, but for her own good…
You dont want to invite your parents to the wedding? Dan was taken aback. Hed pictured a typical English weddingrestaurant, toastmaster, cake, speeches.
Id rather not have them, to be honest. You know how it istheyll start picking apart the dress, the food, passing round those envelopes, daft toasts… Forget it! Lets clear off somewhereby the sea, maybe. My mate in the travel agency could sort a honeymoon suite, rose petals… Dan, what do you think? Emily looked at him. Or we can book a hall, pretend to enjoy bad BBQ and everyone asking about grandkids? No, I want my one wedding to be away from all that. Especially away from Dad. Or is that a problem? she frowned.
Dan had only met her dad a couple of times; Emily never rushed him into the family fold. He never knew why she shied from her father.
No, honestly, thats fine! Lets do it your way, he said, after a pause. Yeah, lets get away, then celebrate with the family when were back!
Emily grinned.
What did Dan love about her? He wasnt sure. He loved looking at herher boldness, her beauty, so unattainable to everyone but him. He admired her wild thoughts, her habit of going against the grain. He wished he could be the same. He loved her unpredictability, how she could dance on rooftops after a glass of wine, or belt out a song in karaoke with no shame at her lack of voice. She was pure charisma, she swept everyone along with her. Then, in a sudden turn, she might recite a sombre poem, drag Dan to a gallery because you need to see these Italian sunlit courtyards! She quoted contemporary authors, leaving him feeling like Pandoras box was hidden somewhere inside her. She loved the orchestrashunned the minor keys, adored the major, explosive pieces, said shed play the violin if she had the patience…
Emily worked for a trendy magazinenot a big role, but wrote great pieces and was up for a promotion.
By some miracle, Dan had won her over, not sure how, but somehow they clicked.
In school, theyd just been kids in parallel classes, only really noticing each other at a reunion recently. It started with small talk, then the room felt stifling…
They grabbed their jackets and left, wandering the city until they found themselves almost at Trafalgar Square. Then the rain. Emily, already soaked, danced along the wet flagstones, tipping her head back to catch raindrops, leaping in puddles that burst into rainbow beads under the streetlamp. Here, with Dan, life was light, unguarded and real. Emily glanced up at him and thought, Hes genuine. He spoke his mind, was kind, without ever trying to catch her out, never compared her to anyone. With Dan, Emily could simply be Emily.
She froze as he gently pulled her close and kissed her, his eyes honest…
Dan fell for her that night. After every date, he lay awake, wondering if this was that adult feeling, the one that makes a family. Hed toss and turn, imagine Emily refusing his proposal, and feel cold all over. Then hed stomp to the kitchen at three in the morning for cold tap water, staring at the black rectangle of the window. Out therethe night, the silent flats. No, with Emily, this was the real thing. Yet she seemed held down, always glancing over her shoulder, her swagger really a shield. Like a little terrier barking at an Alsatianbarking just from fear, really.
Dan did the proper thing and brought Emily to meet his mum. Margaret had planned out everything for the showdown, ready to put the girl in her place, but Emily, at the meeting, was unexpectedly modestnone of the slang or cheek Mrs Pemberton had warned about. She even helped out in the kitchen with salads.
Thats enough, Mum, were not here to be fed like an army, Dan grumbled. Emilys been at work, shes shattered.
Its nothing, love. Wont take long. You two set the table, Margaret instructed Dan.
Afterwards, Margaret sighed. Emily was strange, hard to figurelike she had another side, something deeper. But she clearly knew how to cook, so Dan wouldnt starve. And she spoke about art sensibly, loved the Impressionists, named artists off the cuff. Theyd said she was shallow…
Mrs Pemberton, when she heard about the evening, only said, Well, shes holding back now. Wait till shes the wife!
Margaret had a little cry after the visiteverything was so confusing…
Emily, though, absolutely didnt want Dan to meet her parents.
Thats not right! he protested. Why not?
Justno. I dont want to.
Are you embarrassed of me? Daniel frowned. Or am I just not good enough for your set?
Dont be daft! Were just strangers in our own house, she shook her head.
Hows that? I remember your mumshe came to school, lovely woman, you look so much like her. Isnt she an English teacher? Shed have loads to chat about with Mumwere all bookworms.
She wont, and I am NOT like my mother! Dont ever say that againalright?
Alright.
Fine. You want to meet them? Tomorrow evening, then.
They stood in the Walkers narrow entryway. Mrs Walker kept apologising about the lights, the hallway, everything.
Mum, stop! Emily snapped. Were not stopping long. Dan, come in.
The table was ready: china with gold trim, a barrel-shaped teapot, proper English style, as Mrs Walker said, and in the centre, a huge shop-bought cakemost expensive she could find in the time, after Emily had given only thirty minutes warning she was bringing her fiancé.
Who, darling? her dad, Richard Walker, mumbled from behind his newspaper.
You heard.
Dont talk back to your father. Soyoure engaged? Richard gave her a smile that didnt quite reach his eyes. Well, thats good news. Lets meet the chap.
Dont you dare embarrass him, alright? Emilys fists clenched.
Dont worry! Ill behave, her mum soothed. We just want to know a bit about him
Hes not your choice, hes mine. My life. And youre not invited to the wedding.
Emily left, slamming the door, then returned with Dan.
Richard greeted his future son-in-law heartily, complimented his build, You play sport? Good for you! I ran the London Marathon years ago, you know. He shook Dans hand.
Apologies, backs gone a bit, but its a celebration! Emilyengaged at last! Such a surprise, kept us in the dark
His smile faded, and he wanted to say more, but his wife touched his arm.
Lets have some tea, shall we? she beamed, pretending everything was normal. And Emilys favourite: chocolate fudge cake.
Emily rolled her eyes, nodded to Dan to sit.
Richard, pour our guest some tea, Ill put these lilies in water. Lovely bouquet, Dan, but Im not fond of liliesthe smells too strong. Ill just put them in Emilys room, Mrs Walker cooed and disappeared.
Richard tskedhow could Dan not know what flowers to bring a future mother-in-law? Then, without warning, he said,
We always wondered if Emily had a boyfriend, but apparently it was you How did you meet? Dont be shy, sit, Daniel! Were informal. Well, not like when I first met my in-lawsturned up in my best suit, not a button missing
Dan glanced down: dark blue jeans, white shirt with burgundy trim, heavy jacket.
Dont let me put you off! Its a new generation, isnt it, tradition barely means a thing Anyway, back to you twohow did you meet? Richard looked at his daughter. She tensed, glanced down.
We were at school together, in different classes. Only met properly at the reunion Dan answered.
Richard nodded, and just then Mrs Walker came bustling in.
Whats your surname, young man?
Stevens. Daniel Stevens.
Stevens Well, wasnt it your mother who made a scene over the prom? You didnt have much cash back then, something at work, and your folks couldnt chip in for the limo. We all paid extra so you could go. She never mentioned it? I remember it well. Oh, at the prom you dont recall breaking something… Emily, do you?
Emily shook her head. She looked flushed, her jaw trembling. Dan squeezed her hand tight under the table. Why did people have to ruin things, talking about money and school So unnecessary!
The mirror! You broke the mirror. Your dad paid up, though. Funny story, really, Mrs Walker laughed. Then she remembered herself. Shouldnt we have some bubbly to celebrate the engagement? Daniel, Emily, will you?
She gave Emily a stern almost-angry look, but Emily simply shrugged.
What do you do, Dan? Are you working or still studying? she asked, while her husband fiddled with the champagne.
I sell photographic equipment, we partner with he started, but Mrs Walker lost interest and interrupted.
Go on, have some cake! Dan took the plate, Mrs Walker cut off a big slice, landing it with a thudEmilys favourite. You know how much it costs? Eight hundredits a luxury! She smiled. We never spare any expense on our Emily. She never says thank you, mind you! Raising her was hard. Shes so contrary, never takes anything to heart
Mumthats enough! Emily snapped, nearly knocking her teacup off.
Dont flare up, love! Emilys a bit fiery, Ill admit. Sometimes its as if shes possessed, but it passes. Just have to wait it out. Shes a lovely child, honestly, Dan Mrs Walker shifted the cake closer, crowding Dan with her goodwill.
Emilys perfectly calm and balanced! Why treat her like this? And how much did you ever pay for me, anywaywhat are these conversations? Dan stood abruptly, spilling tea across the white linen and gold-edged cloth.
Daniel, act like a gentleman! Richard was suddenly behind him, a heavy hand on his shoulder from years strumming a guitar, nails long. Sit down, please.
No, were leaving! Emily, lets go. Why are you putting up with this? Theyre just bullying you. Why?!
He grabbed her and pulled her towards the door, this surreal scene of cake and schoolyard grudges suddenly unbearable.
Richard didnt see it that way. And Mrs Walker seemed on the verge of tears.
Emily will stay at home, Richard hissed, fists clenched. Shes our daughter. Well decide where she goes. Emily!
It was like a whip-crack. Emily halted, but Dan held tight and they burst down the stairs.
Ive left my jacket! Emily sighed as they rushed into the cold. Keys and phone are in the pocketIll have to go back…
Youll manage. My place is open, Dan replied stiffly.
But work will call! No, Dan, I promise Ill just grab it without a word. Wait here. Or betterdont wait. Call me tomorrow.
Youre staying with them?! Dan was shocked. Hed thought shed come home with him.
Theyre my parents.
Youre not a child, Emily!
So what? I owe them. Didnt you hear? They gave me everythingthe best of everything. Even got me this job. Dad made sure of it.
Hang on. Explain, please. I dont understand. Lets take a walk, just talk. Heretake my jacket, its freezing, Dan yanked off his old suede jacket, worn at the elbows, draped it over her shoulders. Were getting married, arent we?
Not so sure now, are you? Fine, lets talk things out, Emily agreed. While weve still got time.
Emily led him to a bench out the back, out of sight of any prying window. They sat, Dan still, waiting.
So? he asked.
Emily smiled wryly.
I spent my first few years in care. Since birth. There was this girl there, Jesswe were like sisters, inseparable. Then one day, these adults turned up, saying photos would help us all find new homes. But Jess and I didnt care about that. Still, we got our photos taken. It was a small place, everyone was known by name. Two months later, the Walkers showed up. Richard and Margaret. Looking for a nice girl. They assessed us like pupschecked our teeth, practically. See, theyd lost a childa daughter, who died. After that, Margaret decided she wanted another girl, but didnt fancy ruining her figure with another pregnancythe first one ruined my hips already!so they picked me, not a baby, less hassle. I didnt want to go because they wouldnt take Jess. The director begged them not to split us, but they refused. I left; Jess stayed. She hates me now.
Are you sure?
I found her. Recently. Put an ad in my magazine, she repliedsaid Id betrayed her, left her. I wrote every day, you know, begged my mother to visit her, but there was always no time. They just binned my letters. But they gave me everything, pulled me out, dressed me up, bought me the very best. And they never let me forget it. Everything had to be as their daughter liked it: her toys, games, even dyed my hair lighter so Id look like their dead girl. I played along, but when I was about eleven, I rebelled. They tried to break me out of itsometimes harshly. Id act up at school, teachers would ring home, Dad would have a word. And yes, Mrs Pemberton was rightI am a complete waste of space. I write well, but maybe they let me because their real daughter could have done too. I dont even know who I really am. At school, I had no real friends, couldnt trust anyone, always thought being close meant betraying Jess. So I made sure nobody got close. At home, its all about the Walkers. They decide everything. If I act for myself, Dad mocks mepretends its all love. All for Emily… Its not for me. Their daughter slept in darknessthey forced me to. I screamed all night; once I cut a square in the curtains just to let a bit of moonlight in. Guess how they reacted…
Emilys tough face crumpled. She, who breezed through life, always perfectly dressed, looking down like a Queenshed lived a fake life all along, and suffered in silence. She was terrified of the dark, just a little girl inside.
Dan sat frozen.
Why did you never tell anyone? Friends, relatives, a teacher…?
Dad would have found out. You cant cross himhes my dad. And MumMargaretshed just weep and say her real child would never treat her that way, after all shes done. But really, no one really cares.
I care! Dan muttered.
No, you dont. Nobody sticks around for someone elses baggage. It takes efforteveryones exhausted. Go home, Dan, Im sorry it turned out like this. If you change your mind about the wedding, Ill understand. Who wants a broken bride?
She stood, handed him his jacket, and walked away.
Margaret, as before, stood at her window, waiting for Emily to walk the narrow path through parked cars, ring the bellno keys, of course. Margaret would have to let her in. No, this foster-daughter never became a real one. Bad blood, perhaps…
Dan wandered through the city for hours, looking at shop windows, stepping over rainbow petrol slicks on the High Street. StrangeEmily had been so close all these years, yet nobody ever knew her truth. What strength it must have taken herwhat stubbornness! Maybe Mum was right, maybe he really wasnt strong enough for a wife like her. With her, he felt like a pampered houseplant. Maybe thats wrong, the husband shouldnt be the weaker one. And what about her parentscut them out completely? Her past was now, in a way, his as wellthe hurt, the scars. It was daunting
Dan was a good lad, but sheltered. His life had always been simpleMums squash, Dad napping on the sofa, pies on Sundays, the family cottage, gentle advice, hopes for the future.
Emily never truly entered Dans gentle world. He cancelled the wedding. She said shed understand. Dan wasnt for her. She was from another world, one hed have to work to inhabit, comfort her through the tears caused by her parents. He just wanted a life that was airy, without harsh turns or black stripes
Emily eventually married much later, after moving to Bath to become an editor at a new magazine branch. She found someone stronger than herselfsomeone not afraid or threatened by lifes simplicity, who accepted her as she was, multiplied her happiness and banished the dark. He simply listened, and said things would be different now. She believed himhe was strong; hed help.
Dans still searching. Hes a good, homey type, and seeks a woman just as gentle, just as airy. But all he meets are women with baggage.
They flock to him like bees to honey! his mum grumbles to Mrs Pemberton. Give them an inch and theyll turn his head inside out. After that Emily, Dan needed months to get back to himself.
Never mind, Margarethell find his way. Be glad hes with you, and not shared with anyone yet, Mrs Pemberton reassures her. What else is there to say? Dans a lovely boysoft, homely Nothing special, really.
A while later, Margaret Walker sends Emily a voice note:
I know you wont answer calls, but I just wanted to apologise. I miss you, so much I wish I could start over, but I cant. You grew up, Emily, while I watched my dreams vanish. Im sorry if I ruined your life. Youre a wonderful daughter, Emily. I was a poor mother. Forgive me.
Emily listened to it four times, then shook her head. She didnt know what a mother should beshed only ever had Margaret.
Mum, everything alright there? the voice came through the phonea familiar one. Shall I come round? Not today, but maybe the weekend…
Margaret nodded. Shed wait a lifetime for her Emily, and for onceif it wasnt too lateshed just hug her, just for being Emily.
