Not-My-Boy
Sweet little darling mine, sang Nina Andrews in her high, almost tinny voice, doubled over as she scrubbed a sackcloth along the staircase. Take meee with you, khkh, the woman would exhale noisily and, straightening up, pant and wheeze.
Cleaning and singing at the same time proved quite difficult; shed gasp for air, the world would start to spin, and with each khkh Nina seemed to shake herself back to reality. Standing for a moment, shed nudge the bucket of cloudy, steaming water closer, dunk the rag in, and start on the next flight of steps.
Each flat was assigned the duty of stair-cleaning a few times a month. Some of the neighbours ignored the task entirelya duty imposed by Mrs Draper at Number 6others would all but wave a damp cloth along the banister and call it done. But Nina, driven since childhood by a need for almost surgical cleanliness, would scrub the stairwell, whether it was a palace or a shedit made no odds. She never spared a thought for her back and sometimes even added vinegar for disinfection. The sharp, throat-catching tang would linger in the air for hours, sending residents coughing and slipping behind their doors.
Nina’s cleaning extended not only to her own share, but for those who couldnt or wouldntthose away, those simply bone idle. She never charged, and the neighbours, quick to spot a soft touch, relied on her endless sense of duty and obsession with order.
Nina Andrews, Im calling on you! Every month, Mrs Gale Evans from next door would call round. I come with a humble request, she’d say, all subservient smiles. Ive done my back in again, you see, all that lifting shed stroke the curve of her considerable waist. Gale worked at the greengrocers warehouse, hefting sacks of potatoes, sorting beetroot and carrots. No question, a hard, physical job. I just cant bend down these days. Do give the stairs a swish, would you, love? Youre home all day as it is, after all.
Not waiting for an answer, Gale would stamp up the now gleaming stairs in her muddy boots, hauling shopping to her third-floor flat, impervious to her supposedly ruined back. She sailed up, proud as you please, full of her own righteousness. Well, she earned her crust, didnt she? Your own burden never feels heavy!
Gale, what about your back? Nina would cry, hands tossed up in dismay.
Oh, its always the same, Auntie N. Im used to it, arent I? Gale would waggle her eyebrows, glancing over the mud tracked after her on the steps. Looks like you missed the corners, bit slapdash! Wouldnt want anyone thinking Im a slacker. Im no slouch! shed puff out her chest grandly. Not like some, sitting at home blowing bubbles. Mop up after me, would you, Nina Andrews. Wouldnt be the done thing otherwise!
Then shed leave, and frail old Ninawho, as Gale loved to say, sat at home all day, blowing bubbleswould sigh and fetch the rag to scrub after Big Gale.
That old bat was waiting to pounce again! Gale would grumble to her husband as she barged home. Let me through, Ill sort it! shed shoulder past her husband, a small, balding man in an old singlet and track bottoms, rather scruffy but just the right sort for Gale: her property, resourceful and close to hand.
Shes not stalking you, dont flatter yourself, Anatoly would mutter, poking through the bags for a bottle.
Right at the bottom, Villain. Bought you your favourite, now mind your hands! Gale would brush his hands aside. Fresh air, eh? More like having a nosy! Shed perch on a stool that creaked under her weight. Take your boots off, you lump! Her feet would stretch forward to Tol, whod squat and tug at a boot to no avail. Unzip the side, you dolt!
Zip! the boot unsticks, lands straight on the mat. Zip! as does the other. Anatoly would straighten the toes, polish off the grime with a handkerchiefhed do anything for his breadwinner! She was vegetables and milk, sometimes cheese, more often bacon, but, most of all, Gale was vodkaserved cold, sharp, and necessary. For this, for the welcoming chaos of their home and the heavy embrace of Gale, hed do anything. Scale the ceiling? Jump in the snow naked? For loves sake, of course.
There, fixed. Time for tea, Gale growled. That Nina, always eyeing up my shopping. Maybe she thinks shell get a handout? Not likely! Im a working woman, cant be feeding her for nothing! Bang went her fist on the table. Youd eat us out of house and home, you greedy cat! Shed squint at Anatoly, whod hurriedly nod, then brave a word:
Shes a good one, Nina Andrews. Shes retired, you know, and not well. Why knock her? She cleans after us, and we
In Ninas gentle, shining eyes, Anatoly saw his own mothera quick, capable woman whose life flowed like a calm stream. He liked their neighbour and always greeted her, making clumsy jokes before retreating shy and abashed. Even though Nina was plain, she exuded a dignity that made Tol feel grubby by comparison. In her presence, he almost dared not speak, as if his words might smudge her spotless world.
Cleans for us! Gale would splutter. Ill not come home from work and scrub for everyone as well! Or will you take a turn with the rag next time? Didnt think so! Dont you go making a saint of that Nina. Go hungry for all I care!
Tol would shake his head so quickly he nearly rattled. No supper, and an offended Galeneither was bearable. One must listen to one’s provider!
That evening, Nina Andrews lingered outside, perching on a bench, nodding to the neighbours, still humming, Darling, take me with you
Suddenly, she fell quiet, straightened her headscarf, and climbed to her feet, greeting a young man in work overalls.
Evenin, Matthew! she simpered with a little curtsey.
He grinned and tugged off his cap.
Evening, Aunt Nina! Not too cold out here? Want my jacket? I can drop it round later! He started to shrug off his sturdy jacket, but Nina shook her head.
Oh, no, you keep it! Im quite warm. But Are you on the kefir and buns again?
Matthew looked at the mesh bag in his hand and nodded.
You cant live on that, Matt! Come on in! Ive got soup, new spuds, bacon from the shop, and chicken too.
She reeled off her simple menu in a rush, peering into Matthews eyes with a mothers urgency.
He started to wave her off but, seeing how Nina’s face fell, relented, embarrassed.
Ohwellalright, just this once! But really, you shouldnt keep feeding me!
Why not, Matt, with all the food I have and the empty house? Its a pleasure! Come on before it gets cold!
Shed wait for Matt every evening, whatever the weather, on that benchflitting around him with the promise of warmth and fuss, gazing into his eyes.
Matt lived alonehed managed, by some stroke, to buy into this co-op, finally free of the old boarding house, his own man at last. Nina lived a floor below. She too had received her flat for services to the council, having knocked around barracks and shared houses all her days. Matt struck her eye from the start.
To Gale, the neighbour was nothing speciala mans man, young, cheerful, clean enough, good-looking, sure, but nothing more. For Nina, he was a chance to look after someone, to love, to offload her unspent mothers care. It overflowed, flooding anyone in need. Schoolchildren were pressed sweets and had their bobble hats fixed; shed send them off with a pat and a warning to mind their step. Young couples courting in the square caught her warm gazeNow its two, soon therell be a pram, then children all well, all good. The main thing, someone to look after, someone to love! Even the teens with their raucous guitars in the park made her smile, as did the lively girls swirling round the musicians. Youth was a magnetit conjured nostalgia, envy, sometimes a tenderness so deep it stung the eyes.
Nina ought to have grandchildren in her lap and lullabies on her lips, but fate left her alone. Her husband gone, and her son even further, taken before his time. Sometimes shed dream of him: hed sit at the kitchen table, books and papers spread about, always scribbling something. Leonard loved to read, studying science, dreamt of being a great scholar. Nina and her husband were so proud.
Youll put the family name on the map, thats what! her husband, George, always said. Keep at it, Lennie, and well help however we can!
Leonard worked hard but died young, drowned by accidenta winter camping trip with friends, the ice gave way, and by the time they missed him
Nina never forgave herself for letting him go. Could she have refused? She could! She shouldve grabbed him, held tight, refused him that very step out the door Her heart hadnt warned her.
With Leonard gone, George withered fast. Nina couldnt keep him, either. And now, she lived on, grasping for reasons not to slip away too soon.
Matthew had become her latest reasonrougher and totally unlike Leonard, but still, he was a son for Nina, drawing affection from her like a bee to sweetness.
Matt had no use for books; he thought them boring. He was jovial, practical, hands-onif the table wobbled, if the tap leaked, if the flowerbeds by the door needed digging, Matt whistled through it, as if chores were just a game.
At first, Nina was shy about inviting him in, would hover awkwardly at his door, give him a pleading look in the street. One day she plucked up courage: would he fix the window latch? Matt came with a green canvas toolbag, fiddled and fettled, and Nina, in thanks, nearly stuffed him to bursting.
All done, landlady, give it a try now! he swung round, dusting off his hands. Just be gentle next time!
She offered him money.
Take it, son!
Oh, honestly, Nina! Not taking a penny, not ever! Put it away!
She still remembered, expected him to refuse. Thats how shed planned itthen, with a gleam, she offered to feed him. His stomach growled loud enough to make the windows rattle. At home, hed nothing but an open can of beans, old mustard, and crusts. He agreed to take his payment in food, and Nina lit up, loading the table with treats.
Cant eat any moreIll blow! hed tip his chair back.
Then take some for latermeatballs, and a little something besides!
A little something grew to a roasting-tin of pilaf and three lunchboxes: soup in one, stew and fish in the others. Matt blustered, she cajoled, until, tired, he grabbed the food and marched off, hollering thanks.
Naturally, Gale caught him on the landing, demanded to know where all that food had come from. Matt told her.
Oi, careful, sonny! That Ninas a bit touched, you know! making a circle at her temple for emphasis. She might just lock you in, mind!
Why ever would she? Matt stammered. Nina always seemed perfectly normal, just fond of singing. Surely that wasnt madness?
Since her boy died, shes been off-kilter. Calls out for him, cries. But youre grown, youll figure it! Gale declared and huffed off, down the stairs, while Matt shuffled off, more bemused than ever. Why warn him at all?
But one day Gales words echoed strange and true. Matthew, once more coaxed in for supper, sat while Nina sang, Someones coming down the hill! She ladled steaming borscht, sliced bread, then slipped out, rattling about at the door.
Matt pricked up his ears. The lock grated, the chain jangledwas she really locking him in?! He could break it down, sureex-army, no troublebut the thought of smashing her door, leaving her exposed, stopped him.
He crept up behind her, and she didnt notice.
Why? he finally asked. Nina startled, spun around, eyes huge. Why lock me in? Dont, Auntie N.
She gasped, wagged her head, her hands trembling.
No, Matt! Not at all! You fixed my lockI broke it again, silly me! Forgive me, Matthew! Oh, sonny, forgive me! now she sobbed, her tears honest and undignified.
Matt found himself at a loss: what now?
Ah, come on, Aunt Nina! Dont cry, please He started to pat her shoulder, wanting to comfort her, but lost nerve. Shed called him son, but what sort of son was he? Only last night hed gone sharesies with his mates on her home-cooked leftovers, and theyd teased him: Free housekeeper, is it? It stung with shame. Those lunchboxes by the door, not even cleaned
Its alright. Ill stop soon, dont worry, Nina brushed away her tears. I was wrong to call you my boysorry.
Matt gulped and shrugged.
No, please! I dont mind at all. Feels rather nice. But really, what kind of son am I? Messy, rough, cant match your standards! he blushed.
Nina teared up again.
Oh, Matt, but no sons left to have now. Never any again Another helping? Please?
Matt noddedand from then, anyone who slandered Nina in front of him would be swiftly rebuked. In his eyes, Aunt Nina grew taller and dearersomething between a grandmother and a cherished aunt.
His own mum and two sisters lived far off, beyond the Pennines. Wouldnt they forgive him if one more lady took an interest in his well-being?
One time, Anatoly caught a whiff of savouries wafting through Ninas door. The smell made him salivate, but all Gale had to offer was broth boiled from bonesalways plenty of food, none very tasty.
A little tipsy, Anatoly hunched at Ninas keyhole, snuffling the aroma, but Gales shout yanked him from his reverie:
What the devil, you rogue! I told you to take out the bin, not lurk at other peoples doors! Gale glared from the landing above. March home, now!
Sighing, Anatoly tucked his chin and braced for what was coming. He was rightGale walloped him over the head with the wet dishrag. He yelped and scurried in.
Will you behave! That Ninall steal the lot of you! Im younger by ten years, mindher bones rattle, but Im your breadwinner, arent I? Say it!
Breadwinner, Tol mumbled, making for the kitchen. He longed to lock the door, tip the broth away, retrieve his hidden bottle, slice sausage and eat like a gentleman but no chance. Gale could break a door down if she had to.
Get back to your place! she snapped, locking the door. Ill see Nina off, youll see. Tempting everyone with her cooking! Has she fed you, then? Betrayed me?
No, Gale, never! Tol whispered desperately, Just yours, only yours But your broth is bubbling over, let me fix it
He flew to the kitchen, Gale close behind, pinning him to the Arctic fridge as her arms closed round his shoulders.
Cheat on me and out you go, got it? Out!
That couldnt be allowedTol had nothing, no prospects, except his Gale!
Never, cross my heart! he croaked, pecking her lips. She grunted in satisfactionthis is how to keep a man. As for Nina, she’d pay. For what? Oh, for everything. For Matt the ex-serviceman going to hers and not to Gale…
Nina Andrews! Lost your mind, have you? Gale bellowed down the stairs the next day.
Nina, waiting for Matt in the stairwellshe wouldve been on the bench outside, feeding the sparrows, but it rained, the bench was soaked, the sparrows gonejumped and turned.
What is it, Gale? Good morning, Nina bobbed a greeting.
Gale ignored her and started in:
There was a meeting yesterday, didnt you hear? From now on, only those not working clean the stairs. Got it? Why the long face? Shouldnt have missed the residents meeting! Just look at the filthy windowsills and here you are loafing about. Disgrace!
A meeting? I I was baking a tart for Matt, mustve missed it Nina stammered. Gale always left her feeling small, forever guilty for something. Ill clean up, I promise. But, listenwhat about Mary Peterson in flat seventeen? Shes retired, disabled, barely ambulant. Howll she manage? That leaves just her and me out of the whole block not working…
Do it for her, then. Shouldnt be me! Gale snapped. The rest break their backs at work while you sit about shelling peanuts. Get on with it! Out of my way!
After shoving Nina aside at the door, Gale stepped under the shelter, pulled out a packet of cigarettes, and lit up, watching the rain sizzle into the puddles.
Nina was accustomed to trusting folk, to fulfilling her tasks. She shrugged, sighed, fetched her bucket and began to shuffle up and down again, mop scraping the stone steps.
Aunt Nina, what are you up to? the familiar voice made her jump.
Matt? Mattie, forgive me, only cleaning she trailed off, noticing a girl with himshort skirt, scarlet lipstick, bold eyeliner, tight top. In Ninas eye, Matts friend was all wrong. Oh, sorry! she tugged down her blouse, adjusted the pinched waistband of her long skirt. Off you go, youngsters, I wont be in your way.
The girl shot Matt a look and tugged at his arm. But Matt stood his ground.
Why are you cleaning? Its my turn today! he frowned.
Gale said there was a meetingnow only pensioners clean. That’s what she told me
Rubbish! No such meeting. Nonsense, that is! Masha, help Aunt Nina home, shes looking breathless. Ill change and scrub up the rest. Matt nudged the girl. Mary pouted and wrinkled her nose, wanting to protest, but Matts stern look had her dart up the stairs.
Youre Mary? Nina broke the silence.
Yes. Mary Jane Harvey, the girl said, formal as a teacher.
Well, off you trot then, Mary Jane Harvey, dont get in the way! Nina flicked at her with the rag.
Mary took a step back. Then another.
To Nina, she was entirely the wrong sort for Mattnever would do as a wife! Not that Matt was truly hers, but still she fretted. The girl could hardly boil an egg, wouldnt keep a home!
Sorry, Aunt Nina, have you a pinny? One of those blue work ones? Or maybe Wellington boots?
Wellies? Whatever for? Nina grumbled. She did not want a daughter-in-law like this!
No bother, Mary shrugged, swept the mop from Nina and set to scrubbing the landing tiles, working awkwardly in her short skirt but trying earnestly.
Nina stared, jaws slack, then rushed home for a housecoatnot blue but cheerful, with little flowers and a sash. She found a pair of slippers too.
There, now! Mary beamed, wiping off her lipstick. She cheerfully took up the rag.
Matt dashed out in his striped vest and old trousers, stopping in surprise. Nina gave him a side-eye, nodded. See?
Let me take over, Mar he tried, but Mary batted him away.
Off with you, sailor! Go fetch fresh water! she barked. Matt obeyed, running off with the bucket. Nina shuffled after him.
Gale, returning from the shop, found a stranger in a blue housecoat on the stairs, Matt nearby.
Now whats this? Wheres the old bat? she put a weighty hand on Marys shoulder, turning her.
Mary shot Gale a look and turned to Matt. He stood in front of her, much taller than Gale.
No old bats here. This is Nina Andrews, respected council worker, war medal and all, and a good soul. Im Matt, and this is my fiancée, Mary Jane Harvey. And then theres you, Gale Evans though Im not sure what to call you.
He stared her down, and something about his new stature seemed to cow Gale.
Well, alright then! Get on with it! Clean properly! she grumbled, but Matt barred her way.
Why all your made-up meetings, Gale? Shoving the cleaning on the old and frailwhat for? Its not right.
Mary tugged at his sleeve, but Matt stood firm.
So what? They sit home or fuss over the young all day. They might as well clean. Matt, let me pass before I Ill get Anatoly to have a word, if you dont step aside!
Go on then, Matt said. Call Tol. Ill call Mr Gregory, our elder. And by the waywasnt your sister meant to have this flat? I remember her, the one who painted the stairwell. The lease was for her Whos the outsider, then?
Gale flashed Mary a look, shoved a loaf of bread into her arms, and grabbed the mop, forgetting all about her bad back as she set about scrubbing.
What are you staring at?! Off with you, youre just in the way! And dont you slander me! Your Nina, indeed, doesnt know the half of it. Go take the bread to Tol, hes waiting, she grumbled and groaned.
Matt led Mary away.
Two months later, there was a wedding. Marys parents and Matts mother and sisters sat at the head table, all smiles and quiet sips from their glasses. Nina Andrews sat further off, not wanting to intrude. Matt, her Matt, was getting married. The girl turned out all righta bit of a fashionista, sure, but that was youth. She could cook, could sew (worked at a dress factory after all), and was cheerful. Nina, of course, missed Matt already, but what can you do? Had Leonard lived, shed have married him off toolove wont be denied.
The guests shouted, Bitter! and Ninas voice rang loudest. God willing, Matt wouldnt forget her, would drop in from time to time
He didnt forget. Hed visit and help out, and when their firstborn, little Johnny, arrived, Matt asked Nina for help. Mary was happy enough with thatthere was something about Aunt Nina, some kindness, some kinship, just like a grandma. Maybe its truea stranger can become your own
Gale had no joy in other peoples happiness. Tol took to drinking, sometimes spending the night on the stairs, and Gale scolded him roundly. He’d look at her from below, whimper and plead, Breadwinnerrrrr! Gale pursed her lips and hauled him home like her vegetable crates. LoveOne autumn dusk, as wind tumbled gold leaves in the courtyard and the neighbours scurried home, Nina perched on her bench, knitting needles clacking. She watched Matt and Mary with the pram, Johnny gurgling, and waved as Mary blew her a kiss. Matt grinned, swinging the baby high. Ninas heart ached, oddly full; not loneliness, but something warmer. Family, found and fostered, could take any shape. It might be born of sorrow but grew, stubborn and sweet, wherever kindness made its home.
From the window above, a jar clattered open. Gale, soft with years, leaned out. She was older now, slower, but her voice still carried: Nina Andrews! Come in, its near dinnertime. Unless you prefer the chill?
Nina smiled, winked, and tucked her knitting away. As she climbed the familiar stepsno longer lonely, no longer frailshe left the front door open, just a crack, for whatever new laughter, tears, or gentle hands might find her next.
This stairwell, for all its arguments and stains, had become her patch of eartha place full of quarrels and helping hands, shouting and forgiveness, mundane chores and celebrations. She would keep scrubbing its corners, humming those old songs, as long as breath allowed.
Within these four walls, surrounded by neighbours both prickly and dear, Ninas heart became, at last, her owna small, shining lantern, lighting the way for the lost and found alike.
