James: Id been chatting with her for two weeksshe seemed charming, clever, didnt have a boyfriend. We agreed to meet in the city, and Id picked out a little café I quite liked. Made a bit of an effort with my shirt, bought some flowers, you know, did it properly. When we met, she was even better in personstriking brunette, curls tumbling down, green glittery dress, and heels. Truth be told, I felt a bit awkward standing next to her.
So, off we went, walking the high street, chatting about nothing in particular. I thought, well sit down in the café soon, have a proper talk. Then suddenly, the ground just vanished beneath meI plummeted down, crashed hard, and my ankle was killing me. Took me a moment to realise Id fallen through an open manhole. No clue how I was supposed to get out of there.
I called out for this Emily, but she kept her distance, probably terrified. I shouted and shouted. Finally, she crept over and asked, Are you alright? Yes! Im alive, just call someone for helpI cant climb out on my own, cant you see? She wandered off for what felt like fifteen minutesI thought Id lost her again. In the end, she returned with a waiter from the café and a stepladder. I somehow scrambled up, covered head to toe in dust and grime, hair full of cobwebs, and there she was, smiling away as if nothing had happened. It really got under my skin.
I said, You could have fetched him quicker, you know. I could have been badly hurt down thereor suffocated, for all you cared! But she just shrugged. Count yourself lucky I didnt just leave you thereyoud have been stuck till Christmas, she laughed.
What sort of date is that, after a conversation like this? My shirts filthy, heels throbbinghurts just to walk. I just said, Look, sorry, Ill walk you to the Tube. So we walked in silence, side by side.
And then it slowly dawned on memaybe she wasnt the Emily Id been talking to. Same brunette hair, same green dress, but this one wore strappy sandals like a gladiator, not heels. The bouquet she held was all yellow flowers, not the ones I picked. Utterly bizarrelike something out of a Sunday serial.
Emily: We met onlinehis photo was alright, and he could make me laugh. We chatted for about two weeks, same interestsbit of poetry, bit of this and thatso we agreed to meet. We strolled through the city, weather was pleasant, light fading. I spotted a café on the corner and asked, Fancy going in? No reply. I thought maybe it was too expensive for him, but hed brought a bouquet, so he didnt come across as stingy. I said, Doesnt matter, lets just grab a coffee,still silence.
I turned aroundand there was no one. Not a soul. Hed vanished, clean gone, like a puff of summer wind. Maybe he was put off that I suggested the café, or decided he just didnt fancy me, so he scarpered without a word.
Either way, a real gentleman wouldnt do that. Id spent half the day getting ready. Went home, had a sit down, then just blocked him online. No time for rudeness like that.
Emily the second: It was my birthday, so after work, my friend and I nipped into a café for coffee and cakes. She gave me my favourite freesias. We parted ways, and just as I was walking off, I kept hearing someone calling out. I looked backnothing. Then further along, I noticed a manhole with no cover, and down inside, some poor guy calling for helpcouldnt get out.
Well, someone had to do something, so I tried ringing emergency serviceswaste of time. Then I found a street cleaner on the corner, but he didnt understand a word, just smiled blankly. So, I headed back to the café. The waiters found a ladder in the storeroom, and we brought it out for him to climb up.
He finally emergedquite handsome, just filthyand absolutely furious with me for taking so long to rescue him. The cheek! I told him what I thought of his attitude. He went quiet, then apologised and offered to walk me to the Tube. I didnt mindI was heading that way anyway.
As we walked, I could feel him sizing me up. Then he said, Are you Emily? Yes, I said, got it in one. Why? Oh, nothing. Pleased to meet you. Im James.
Thats how I spent my birthday. Now weve been together for six months, and I think were in love. I tease him about his close encounter with the sewers, and he calls me Queen Emily.
Now, I tell all my friendssocial medias a waste of time if you want something real. If you want proper romance, get off your screen and go live a little. Only by doing that will you meet a decent bloke.
