The Perfect Husband
At precisely six oclock, Anna strode into their semi-detached house in Nottingham.
Evening, luv! came her mums voice from the kitchen. How was your day?
Fine, Anna mumbled, her mood as cloudy as an English sky. Everything was as per usualher mates were still out galavanting, and, naturally, she had to head straight home.
Why did she have to be back by precisely 6 p.m.? Honestly, whose idea was this, and why did it become the Law of the Land?
Anna changed into her joggers and wandered into the kitchen.
Mum, she began diplomatically. It is summer now, right? Summer!
And? Mum arched an eyebrow.
It stays light out late these days
And?
Anna felt her patience slipping faster than coins at a funfair: How could Mum not get the hint?
I could, you know, come home at 7 p.m., couldnt I? Just an idea.
She spotted the flash of an amused grin on Mums face.
Anna, we have rules in this house. Six oclock is one of them. When you get into uni next year, you can play at being a night owl.
Anna sighed. Well, at least that was some sort of promise of future freedom
After a speedy tea, she retreated to her room, pretending to revise, absolutely determined to someday shake off the parental leash.
. . . . . . . . . . .
Summer zipped by, autumn came and went, and winter nudged in. Suddenly, it was spring.
Anna was edgy. Graduation was looming; UCAS points and university entry were all she could think about. Then, surely, real life would begin
That day, Anna strolled through the local park, brain buzzing with doubtshad she chosen the right uni? Was journalism actually for her, or was she on the brink of a life mistake?
Good afternoon, beautiful! came a cheery male voice nearby.
Anna nearly leaped off the bench. She turned to find a young man, annoyingly handsome, giving her a broad grin.
Afternoon, Anna replied, eyeing him. He looked sort of familiar, but she couldnt quite place him.
Perhaps her confusion was painted on her face, because he explained,
Im Michael. We live in the same block, different stairwells. Remember your first day at primary schoolringing the bell? That was me carrying you. Ring any bells?
Of course! How could she have forgotten?
I finished early and thought Id go for a walk. Saw you here and thought, If thats not fate, I dont know what is!
Fate? Anna raised an eyebrow.
Yeah, havent seen you in ages, but recognised you straightaway. Thought Id say hello.
They chatted a bit, then agreed to meet at the same spot and time tomorrow.
Anna tiptoed in, but her mum, with the superhuman hearing of all English mothers, stepped out to start a vague conversation.
Mum, Ive just walked in! At least let me change and wash my hands! Anna protested.
Mum shrugged and wandered back kitchen-wards. Anna retreated to her own room with a smug grin and a heart as jumpy as a cricket.
Michael told her shed blossomed, that hed liked her for ages, and that he was chuffed to have bumped into her in the park.
Anna gazed into her wardrobe mirror, twirled, winked at her reflection, and pulled a face.
And just like that, Anna found herself courting a Real Grown-Up.
Michael seemed almost too good to be truesmart, level-headed. He told Anna her parents were spot on, that she must get into university and, of course, study hard.
They met during the day. They strolled around city squares, caught the latest flicks at the Odeon, popped into Costa for hot chocolates.
Michael kept an eye on Annas revision, explaining anything tricky so that, sure enough, when results came, uni was hers.
The very next day, Michael announced:
Anna, you know what?
What?
Marry me!
Anna flushed scarlet.
Marry you? But Im only just starting at uni! Hows that supposed to work?
Simple, said Michael. Well get you a part-time job. Youll earn, study, get experienceand after uni, youll be snapped up.
It suddenly hit Annaher dreams really could come true if she married Michael. Shed break free from her parents, and she fancied Michael too, so
All right. Ill marry you, she agreed.
Brilliant! Well visit your folks on Saturday and mine on Sunday.
Visit the parents? Anna gasped again.
Well, yeah. Dont fret, itll be fine, Michael reassured her.
And indeed, Michael charmed both sets of parents. They had no objections.
Later that evening, Anna’s mum popped her head round the door with that particular maternal look.
Are you sure about this, love? Youre so young
Absolutely certain, Anna replied, brimming with resolve.
And that was that. Anna and Michael signed the registry. No big dothough Anna had secretly hoped for a wedding with all the trimmings, she went with Michaels preference and settled for a quiet ceremony.
She started her uni course. Michael landed her a four-hour part-time job and, technically, Anna shouldve been over the moon. But somehow, she wasnt. She was, in fact, thoroughly glum.
How could life turn out this way? Shed dreamed of being finally freebut now, if anything, Michael and his parents were even more interfering than her own. And full of advice, too.
Sometimes Anna found herself yearning for aloneness. At home, shed at least had her own room. In Michaels world, there was always someone at handMichael, or his mum, or both. Only at uni could she breathe.
University was a whole new planet: carefree, buzzing. Anna made friends though, much to her dismay, she could never join their pub crawls or all-nightersMichael wouldnt allow it. She listened to their stories with envy and sighed.
Dont worry, Anna, joked Will, patting her on the shoulder. Youll get your party phase soon enough.
Anna could only muster a sad little smile.
The years marched onfirst, second, third, fourth Anna finally graduated. It should have been massive, but felt a bit rubbish, mainly because her marriage to Michael was crumbling, fast.
You cant do anything right! hed hiss.
Honestly! For four years youve never once managed to pack my bag properly.
What is wrong with you?
At first, Anna bit her tongue, but eventually, she started snapping back. What had changed? Suddenly, Michael found fault in everything.
Hes found someone else, end of, declared her best mate, Sophie.
Dont be daft, Soph! Anna protested.
Sophie gave her a classic look.
Youre too trusting, Anna, you really are.
A few months laterright on schedulea thunderbolt: Michael had, indeed, moved on long ago and promptly asked Anna for a divorce.
There Anna was, at a reunion with former coursemates, wallowing in melancholy.
Shed spent years pining for independence but now didnt want it at all. More than a year after the divorce, she still brooded. Shed done everything for Michael, tried to keep him happy, and he still hadnt appreciated her efforts. Even now, after hed remarried, his mum sometimes rang Anna to moan about the new daughter-in-law who had Michael wrapped round her little finger. Still, Michael wouldnt choose Anna all over again.
Cheer up, Anna, will you? Will nudged. Youre living the dream. Youre at a party, with us!
This is the saddest party Ive ever been to, Anna replied glumly.
Sad? Youre just not emotionally invested! You need to throw your own partythatd cheer you up.
Oh, joy, Anna muttered.
Whens your birthday, anyway? Will asked.
Not for ages.
I see… Well, hang on. How about a wedding? Would that get you in the party spirit?
Anna snapped out of her gloom for once, a glimmer of interest sparking up.
Perhaps, she said. After all, shed never had a proper wedding. Then the realisation hitBut Ive no one to marry!
Will looked scandalised.
What dyou mean, no one? What about me? Im the perfect groom!
Anna blinked at him, unsure if this was banter or a bombshell.
I mean it! Well get hitched, have a blast at the wedding, then get divorced the very next day if you like. What do you reckon?
Anna burst out laughing.
See! I can make you smile. Im great at reviving the hopeless. So, what do you say?
Will put on such a pitiable, pleading look that Anna, caught up in the mischief, said,
All right. Agreed!
Will slapped her on the back.
Sorted! Tomorrow, to the registry office it is.
Naturally, Anna had no intention of actually marrying Will. But, to her shock, he showed up, met her folks, and announced the wedding plans. He even dragged a reluctant Anna to file the paperwork.
Do you reckon this jokes gone too far? Anna whispered.
Joke? Ive never been more serious, he replied.
That evening, her mum asked, as any English mum would:
Are you sure about this, love?
Anna shrugged.
Dont worry, Mumits just a bit of fun. We missed out on a wedding with Michael, so I fancied being a proper bride just once.
All right, love, Mum said, and left.
And so there really was a wedding.
Did Anna and Will split afterwards? Not a chance! Theyre still togetherand now wrangling with two kids, a dog, and a mortgage. Turns out, the perfect husband was the mate who made her laugh when she needed it most.
