Emily, but what about those extra pounds of yours? Isnt that a problem? Michaels mother pressed on.
In my opinion, I havent got any extra, and besides, my future husband is perfectly happy with how I look. Not every woman is meant to be a waif or a reed, Emily replied, casting a mock-appraising look at Helen and at Michaels mother. Helen flushed at the cheek of it.
Mum! Did you buy the slimming herbal tea? And the chia seeds? Why did you put so much butter in my porridge, its nothing but extra calories! Michael, did you buy white bread again? Thats so unhealthy! I need to drink three glasses of water every morning or Ill never lose weight… Wheres my water?! These were the sort of things Michael had heard since he was a boy.
Both his mother and older sister were forever obsessed with their figures. At thirty-eight, Helen, his sister, had never been married and reminded Michael of a thin, hunched over horse with perpetually hungry eyes. His mother resembled nothing so much as a cold, metal knitting needlerigid and severe.
He found it exhausting and had always sought out cheerful people with hearty appetites. Hed dreamed that his future wife would be nothing like his mother and sister. And eventually, he found her!
Her name was Emily. Emily Even her name sounded warm, lovelylike a delicious pastry. No, Emily wasnt overweight, but at five foot eight she weighed just under thirteen and a half stone. And every pound radiated health and good cheer. She had a generous bosom, a fine waist, feminine curves, and dimples in her round cheeksit made you want to pinch them. The moment Michael saw her, he was utterly captivated.
One evening, he went with his sister to the bank on an errand. She took her ticket and sat down, while he strolled around waiting for her.
Suddenly, a silvery laugh floated across the floorquiet, but so infectious that Michael couldnt help but smile. He was drawn to the source, unable to resist.
It was the laugh of a young woman behind the counter, serving an elderly customer. The old man had said something funny, making her laugh again. Michael couldnt take his eyes off herher wavy hair, her rosebud lips. And she had a proper figurehe could see that right away.
He drove his sister home, half-listening to her monotonous stories, but really he wasnt with Helen at all; in his mind, he was still in that bank with that girl.
Michael, are you listening to me? Helen asked, irritated.
Of course, Helen, Im listening, he replied, trying to recall what she had been complaining about.
So as I was saying, I told him I dont eat fried meat, only boiled chicken breast, Helen was moaning about her latest suitor. Michael nodded, clicking his tongue sympathetically, the picture of brotherly concern.
The next day, late in the afternoon, he rushed to the bank. His dream girl was at her post and Michael breathed a sigh of relief. When the bank was shutting, he grabbed a bouquet of roses from his car and approached her.
Young lady, fancy a husband or perhaps a son-in-law for your mum? he blurted, handing her the flowers.
He must have looked so lost and comical that she burst into another merry laugh, but took the roses all the same.
Wow… arent they beautiful! And they smell amazing! She buried her face in the flowers, and he couldnt help but notice how radiant she looked.
From that day they were inseparable. Sometimes in life, when you meet someone, you realizethis is it, theres nothing else to look for. Thats what happened to Michael and Emily. He proposed after a month; she delightedly said yes. All that remained was to meet the families.
Emilys parents welcomed him with a groaning table, homemade pies, laughter and noise. Her mother, a statuesque, jolly beauty, planted kisses on both cheeks, leaving him red with embarrassment; her father clapped him on the back like an old mate and whisked him off to the kitchen.
Keep away from the women, or theyll drive you mad. But dont worry, Emilys mum, Caroline, is a peaceable womanbeen the joy of my life these thirty years. And our Emily, shes a true gem. Look after her, son, her father said, eyeing him meaningfully.
They sat round the table for ages, eating with gusto, roaring with laughter, sharing funny tales. Later, Emilys dad, John, played the guitar and everyone joined in the singing. Michael felt more at home here than he ever hadlike hed known them all his life.
Three days later, it was time to visit Michaels own parents. On their way they stopped at a patisserie, where Emily bought a selection of handmade éclairs to bring along. At five oclock, they rang the bell at Michaels childhood home.
His mother, Margaret, answered the door.
Oh… Hello, dears… she said, eyeing Emily from head to toe in open amazement, still gripping the door handle.
Mum, I love you too. Shall we come in rather than stand in the hall? Michael gently nudged her inside and at last they entered.
Yes, yes, of course, come in… You must be Emily, is that right? Regaining her composure, Margaret blatantly inspected Emily from top to bottom.
Yes, Im Emily. Very pleased to meet you, Emily said, extending her hand which Margaret took reluctantly. Michaels mother kept staring, dumbfounded.
Dad, Helen, Mum, this is Emily, my fiancéeweve set a date for the wedding. Michael introduced everyone. Emily, this is my familymy sister Helen, Mum Margaret, and Dad Philip.
The news seemed to stun Michaels family; they sat silent and a little shocked. The only sound in the room was the clatter of cutlery.
Yes! Emily! Were very glad to welcome you into the family. Is that a bottle youve brought? How lovely! And some treatsthats for the girls, Michaels father, Philip, broke the tension.
No, no, we dont eat cakes, especially not at night! Emily Margaret sniffed, pushing the box away.
Well, you might not, but we will! Hand that over, lets have a look. I trust Emily to bring good things, dont you? Philip boomed with a chuckle.
Finally people relaxed, the conversation thawed. There was some chocolate on the table, a few snacks, and a bottle of prosecco. Glasses were clinked, sips taken, and the awkward silence returned.
Mum, Ive met Emilys parents already. Theyre wonderful, youd really like them, Michael said, just to break the hush. Emily gazed into her glass, Helen stared fixedly at Emily, and Dad began telling a joke, which managed to lighten the mood.
Emily, dont worry, I know a fantastic expert I can put you in touch with. Shell help you sort out your problem, Margaret suddenly announced.
Problem? I dont have a problem, Emily replied, clearly taken aback.
Well, what about those extra pounds? Isnt that a problem? Margaret wouldnt let it rest.
In my eyes, I dont have any excess weight. My fiancé likes me just as I am. Besides, not everyone has to look like a fashion doll, right? Emily said, glancing slyly at Helen and Margaret. Helens face flushed.
Emily, youve got at least three stone extra! That cant be healthy. Whatll happen when you have a baby?
When I have a baby, Ill be even more beautiful, and Ill have my loving husband and our child beside me. Are you married, Helen? With your figure Im sure you must have a very handsome husband and at least a couple of lovely kids already… Emily replied sweetly and bit into an éclair with relish.
Helen swallowed, indignant, ready to retort, but Philip stepped in, refilling the glasses.
To the women of this familydifferent as they are, but so well loved! he toasted.
They left two hours later. Standing outside, they looked at each other, sighed in unison, then started laughingjust couldnt help themselves.
Well… I certainly hadnt expected my soon-to-be mother-in-law to call me plump! Emily giggled.
Emily, love, youre gorgeous and you know it! As for Mum and Helentry to forgive them. We cant choose our family, after all.
The wedding was set for 25th August. Family and friends gathered at the registry office to witness their vows. Afterwards, everyone carried on to a classic English restaurant.
The bride shone in a stunning gown that set off her graceful, womanly figure. The groom never took his besotted eyes off her. Emilys mother, Caroline, was no less beautifulher elegant dress suited her vibrant curves to perfection, catching the admiring looks of half the men present. She stood out brilliantly compared to the pinched, short, and sallow mother of the groom, rigid in her high-necked panel dress. Helen, as ever, was her mothers double, only younger.
The music started up and the newlyweds took the floor for their first dance, gliding together as if the whole world had disappeared around them. Guests stood entranced, hearts aglow.
Tch… The bride really ought to lose a bit, shes enormousits not a flattering dress, just makes her look bigger came Margarets sour whisper.
As the saying goesonce somethings out, you cant take it back. Margaret probably wished she could swallow her words, but it was too lateshed been overheard.
Let me tell you, not many men fancy skin and bone. They want real women, warm and aliveyour son included, by the way. And you, Margaret, should watch your language! I may be gentle, but like any mum Im fiercely protective of my daughter, Caroline said, placing her hands on her hips and using her ample figure to back Margaret against the wall.
There they were, two mothers glaring at each otherMargaret looking frightened, Caroline calmly furious. John was quick to pick up on the situation and smooth things over.
Oho! Ladies! I see youve bonded already. But I must steal my wife for a dance, if youll excuse me, Margaret! Caroline, come along, our turn now the youngsters are done, he said, whisking his wife away.
Music soared, people laughed, and celebration filled the air. Everyone danced and sang the night away, just as it says in the old song.
Lets hope the couple live long, prosper and find all the happiness in the world. After all, thats the most important thing, isnt it?
“Ollie, Aren’t Those Extra Pounds a Problem? – Dima’s Mum Persisted. ‘Personally, I Don’t Think I Have Extra, and My Future Husband Is Quite Happy as I Am. Not Everyone’s Meant to Be a Twig!’ – Ollie Gave a Playful Glance to Elaine and Dima’s Mum, Sparking Elaine’s Annoyance
‘Mum, Did You Get Slimming Tea? And Chia Seeds? Why So Much Butter in My Porridge – Those Are Extra Calories! Dima, Did You Buy White Bread Again? That’s Unhealthy! I Have to Drink Three Glasses of Water in the Morning to Lose Weight… Where’s My Water?!’ – Dima Had Grown Up with These Sayings from His Mum and Older Sister.”
