Only With a DNA Test – We Don’t Want Anyone Else Here, Declared the Mother-in-Law — “Just a hundred thousand?” Lizzie smirked. “That’s a cheap price for your son’s freedom! Maybe you can scrape together even two hundred?” — “If necessary, I’ll find it,” grumbled Mary. “Well, are you willing? If it’s just about money.” — “Masha, tell me, did you think this through before coming to me?” asked Lizzie. “Let’s set money aside for now. Speak to me woman to woman.” — “Let’s not start lecturing,” Mary grimaced. “No one’s blameless! You, as a mum of many, should know what you’d do for your child…” — “So you’re just here to buy me off?” Lizzie raised her eyebrows. “Or trying to buy off my Daisy? Like we’re so poor a bit of cash will fix everything?” “And your Ivan filled my Daisy’s head with nonsense, got her pregnant, and now…” “I don’t even know – is he trying to ghost her, or just hiding under his mum’s apron? Hoping she’ll tidy up his mess?” — “Lizzie, let’s be honest,” Mary said. “My Ivan’s only eighteen! What does he know about having a family and a baby? He needs to get his qualifications! Find a job! How’s he supposed to do that with a ball and chain – a family with a child?” — “Maybe your Ivan should’ve thought of that before chasing after my Daisy!” Lizzie snorted. “Now’s the time to start living responsibly! You make a baby, you face up to it. If not, there are other ways… court, child support…” Mary’s mouth dropped open with shock. — “You’ll catch flies!” Lizzie huffed. “Just because I work day and night doesn’t mean I’m clueless.” — “I didn’t come here to fight,” Mary managed. “I want to sort this out peacefully! I’m ready to pay for the inconvenience, so to speak!” — “What exactly are you paying for?” asked Lizzie. “For your Ivan knocking up my Daisy? Or for running away for two months? Or because my Daisy should get an abortion? Or is this a down payment on child support when Daisy gives birth?” Mary was stunned by the list, though the last option was especially unappealing. At any moment, her precious son could be hauled in and made to answer for it. — “Don’t confuse me!” Mary jabbed a finger. “I’m offering you real money to solve this once and for all!” “Whatever you do – have an abortion, keep the baby, send it off to a home – just keep my Ivan out of it! If that’s not enough, just name your price! I’ll take out a loan if I have to!” — “Masha, you know what? You can just do one!” said Lizzie. “Being raised decent, I won’t tell you where to go.” “And you clearly don’t care about decency at all, seeing as you made this offer!” “So you know where you can shove your cash – and how deep!” — “Lizzie, let’s sort this out peacefully!” Mary snapped. — “Go in peace!” Lizzie retorted. “Or I’ll set the dog on you!” In the end, it wasn’t clear if Mary had saved her son – but as long as Lizzie was angry, she wouldn’t let Daisy anywhere near Ivan. That gave Ivan time to pull himself together and focus on his studies. And if Lizzie changed her mind, Ivan would have vanished to university in the city. And in a city… you can disappear for years and never be found. Mary barely restrained herself from dragging Lizzie by her braid. — “So proud – snubbing cash!” “And I came in good faith! Threatening me with her dog – preposterous!” “Wouldn’t sit on the same field with her, she’d tie my insides in knots!” Little did Mary know, this was only the beginning – not the end. Though really, it had all started earlier. Parents rarely learn of their children’s problems in time. Usually, the news comes long after – and you just hope it’s not too late to fix things. When Mary heard the local gossip that her Ivan had got Daisy pregnant, her heart almost stopped. — “My Ivan, with Daisy? She’s… from a big family! You’d think he wouldn’t give her the time of day!” — “Don’t shoot the messenger,” Mrs. Ignatius replied. “You don’t believe me? Ask anyone in the village! Everyone knows except you!” While Mrs. Ignatius cackled, Mary hurried home. Her husband and son were out in the woods, promised back by evening. Mary should have gotten on with the housework, but the news wouldn’t leave her mind. It was about as bad as things could get. — “Why? With whom? Why do we need them?” By evening, Mary was nearly frantic. When her son appeared, she pounced: — “What were you thinking? Are there no decent girls in the village?” Ivan had to confess. He’d hoped to last the holidays and escape to college in the next town. Mum’s fury, however, was inescapable. Ivan cried and tried for pity. He wasn’t exactly a catch: average looks, average smarts, average build. Girls showed little interest, but age and hormones were doing their worst. The lads teased him about being single for life. — “But Daisy agreed!” — “Daisy would agree to any fool!” Mary fumed. “Nineteen and all the boys run for the hills!” “Only an idiot would get involved with that family – they’re destitute! The father’s useless!” “Take Daisy and you’ll be working for her whole clan!” — “Mum, she’s kind! She’s gentle!” Ivan sobbed. — “Is the fact she’s ugly not a problem for you?” screamed Mary. “How did you even…” Ivan blushed and looked down. — “God help us!” Mary clutched her chest. — “It was only a couple of times…” Ivan mumbled. — “That’s all it takes! The result’s about to show!” “And you’re meant to be off to uni next year! How can you go with a kid? They’ll saddle you with child support!” — “Maybe it’s not even mine?” Ivan asked, hopefully. — “I’d like to believe that, but who else went near her?” Mary sighed. “Either way, if we can’t reach an agreement, it’s DNA test only! We don’t want someone else’s stray child!” — “She promised she’d be true,” Ivan mumbled. — “Hope she lied,” grumbled Mary, opening the money box. “Graham!” That was for Ivan’s dad, so Ivan slipped out the room. — “Graham, there’s not much here!” Mary called. — “It’s in the account,” replied Graham calmly. “Matures next week. Forgotten?” — “Hard to forget – I’m losing my marbles!” Mary sat down heavily, clutching the box. “Heard what Ivan’s done?” — “The boy’s grown up!” Graham smiled. “Better save for a wedding?” — “You’ve lost it! What wedding? With whom?” “Never! We’ll buy them off! Think a hundred thousand will do?” — “How should I know?” Graham shrugged. “But Lizzie’s not in a position to refuse even a penny!” — “Pennies won’t do,” Mary insisted. She counted cash, checked the account. — “We’ve got two hundred thousand. I’ll offer a hundred. If she haggles, I’ll go to two hundred! If needed, we’ll have five hundred next week.” Mary nodded, satisfied with her plan. — “Want to come?” asked Graham. — “Should’ve watched your son – we wouldn’t have to pay out!” Mary muttered. “I’ll handle it!” *** Lizzie’s answer gave no clarity. Asking Daisy was pointless; she had no say. But Ivan finished the holidays and left for college. Strict orders not to return before next summer. With the main character gone, there was little gossip about him. Mostly, the villagers talked about Daisy, who walked about pregnant, then gave birth. And Lizzie got her share. — “She couldn’t even get child support out of Ivan! Now they’ll all have to scrape by.” Lizzie brushed off the gossip: — “Not begging from you lot! We’ll survive – we’ll manage!” By late June, Ivan returned to the village. But his cautious parents kept him indoors. As soon as exams were done, he’d leave for the city. College called. But Ivan failed his exams so badly he couldn’t even get in on a paid spot. — “Graham, go to the recruitment office!” Mary demanded. “If they take him into the army, he’ll forget everything! There’s always next year for college!” No luck. When Graham pressed, he got a few cracked ribs – and fifteen days in the cells. On release, Graham explained how Ivan could get out of army service: — “He needs to marry Daisy and acknowledge the baby! For the first three years, he’ll get a deferral!” “Have another baby with Daisy, and he’ll get another deferral! At some point he’ll age out!” — “Have you lost your mind?” wailed Mary. “You wouldn’t wish these relatives on an enemy!” — “Then he’ll have to serve!” said Graham. Mary was much more loath to send Ivan to the army than marry him off to Daisy. But there weren’t many options left. — “We’ll go and beg,” she conceded. “Graham, grab the money box. Maybe she’ll agree…” — “After she sent you packing?” Graham laughed. “And after everything they heard about us this year?” “Maybe let him serve? Last thing I want is Lizzie chasing us all round the village!” — “I’ll fall at her feet! You too! We’ll plead, we’ll beg!” — “I don’t believe she’ll agree. Not after all this! Might as well send Ivan to live in the woods till he’s twenty-seven!” — “Grab the box and let’s go!” Mary commanded.

Only through a DNA test. We dont want strangers in our family, declared the mother-in-law.

One hundred thousand pounds in total! Elizabeth snorted, her tone dripping with amusement. Thats a bit cheap for your sons freedom, isnt it? Perhaps you could scrape together two hundred thousand?

If I have to, Ill manage, muttered Mary, folding her arms. So, are you agreeing? If its only a matter of price

Mary, tell me honestly, how long did you consider making me such an offer? asked Elizabeth, her eyes narrowing. Lets set money aside for a moment! As one woman to another, tell me!

No need for sermons, Mary replied, her face puckered with irritation. No ones a saint! And you, with all your children, surely know what a mother will do for her child

So youve just decided to outright buy me? Elizabeth shot back. Or maybe my Daisy? You think were struggling over here and, if you just toss us some cash, suddenly everythings tidy and beautiful!

But what about how your William started spinning his tales for Daisy, getting her pregnant, and now

Really, I dont know how to put it. Either hiding away in the hedges, or scuttling back to sit beneath his mothers skirt! Letting his mother sort out his masterpieces!

Elizabeth, lets speak plainly, said Mary. Williams only eighteen! Hes too young for a family and child!

He needs to study! Get a proper job! Where will he end up if hes burdened with a family so soon?

Was that not a concern for William when he started chasing after Daisy? Elizabeth smiled coldly. Let him start getting used to grown-up responsibilities! Hes made a child, so he ought to step up. Theres always options otherwise! The courts, child support…

Marys mouth fell open in disbelief.

A magpie might fly in, Elizabeth sniffed. Just because Im busy from dawn till dusk doesnt mean I know nothing!

Im not here to quarrel, I want to settle things peacefully! Mary managed to say tightly. And Im willing to pay, to compensate for the trouble.

Just what do you think youre paying for? Elizabeths voice was sharp. For William getting Daisy pregnant? For running away for two months? For Daisy having to get an abortion? Or is this the first down payment for the child support once Daisy has the baby?

Mary faltered, but the last suggestion unsettled her especially.

At any moment, her son could be brought to heel!

Dont muddle me, Mary wagged her finger. Im offering real money to finish this, once and for all. However you arrange things is your business! Abort, keep the child, send it to an orphanagejust make certain my William is in no way involved! If you want more money, dont drone on about moralsjust tell me how much! If I need to, Ill take out a loan on the house!

Mary, wouldnt you just Elizabeth spat. As a decent woman, I wont say where you should go. But by coming to me with such an offer, you clearly dont know a thing about decency!

You know yourself where to go, and how deep to bury that money you brought!

Elizabeth, lets settle this calmly! Mary said venomously.

Take your peace and go! Elizabeth snapped. Or Ill set the dog on you!

It remained unclear whether Mary had truly protected her son, but, as long as Elizabeth kept her anger, Daisy wouldnt get anywhere near William.

Which meant William had some breathing space and could keep up with his studies.

If Elizabeth changed her mind, well, William would have disappeared. Hed be sent off to university in town.

And a towns a town: if you want to hide, you could vanish for a hundred years and no one would find you.

Mary barely restrained herself from yanking Elizabeths hair in a fit:

Look at herso proud and lofty! Turns her nose up at the money!

And I came in good faith! Now she wants to loose the dog? Typical!

You wouldnt share a cup of tea with someone like hershed tie you up in knots!

But Mary didnt know, then, that this wasnt the endit was only the beginning.

Although, it had started even before that.

Parents rarely ever learn about their childrens troubles in time. Most often, its far too late for comfort, with nothing left but hope its not too late to fix things.

When Mary first heard the gossipblackbird on the branch, croaking the newsthat her William had got Elizabeths Daisy pregnant, her heart nearly stopped.

My Billy, going after Daisy? But shes a Mary bit her tongue before saying too much, from that big family! She has nothing! Surely, Billy wouldnt bother with her!

Im telling you what I heard, you can ask anyone in the village! said Auntie Agnes. Every nose knowsexcept yours, apparently!

Mary ducked into her house under Agness cackling. Husband and son were both gone, off to the woods since morning. Wouldnt be back till evening.

Mary tried to busy herself with chores, but her hands fumbled everything, and the news weighed heavy in her mind.

It really was the worst tidings.

So what? Where? And why? What do we want with them anyway?

Pulling herself apart all afternoon, Mary was nearly wild by the time her son got home. She pounced:

Whereve you been? Are there no proper girls in the village?

William had to confess. Hed hoped to finish his summer holidays then slip away to the next town where he had his studies.

No one would catch up with him theremaybe hed get away scot-free!

But the wrath of mum wasnt so easily dodged.

William cried and tried to play for sympathy.

He wasnt handsome, didnt stand out for brains, had an average build. Not much interest from the girls.

But age and hormones were demanding! Demanding to the point of madness! And his mates teased him, saying hed end up a lonesome old bachelor.

But Daisy agreed!

Daisy would say yes to anything in trousers! Mary fumed. Shes nearly nineteen and the lads run from her as if shes contagious!

No fool wants trouble with that family! Theyre skint! Loads of children and the fathers gone and taken ill!

Take on Daisy, and youll be working for her lot till the end of your days!

Mum, shes lovely! Shes gentle and sweet! William said through tears.

And the fact shes no looker didnt put you off? Mary shouted. How did you even

William went beetroot-red and stared at his feet.

Good grief, what trouble youve got yourself into! Mary clutched her chest.

We only did it a couple of times, William mumbled.

Once was enough! Mary snapped. Youll be seeing the results soon!

And youve got plans for university next year! Who takes on studying with a baby? Theyll slap child support on you!

Maybe its not mine? William pleaded.

I wish I could believe that, but who else would want her? Mary groaned. Anyway, if we cant settle this, itll have to be a DNA test! We dont want anyone elses problems or strays!

She swore shed be true to me, William piped up.

Hope she lied, Mary growled, pulling out the box where they kept their savings. George!

That was for Williams father, so William slipped away to another room.

George, its thin pickings here! Mary called.

Its all in the account, George replied calmly. Matures next week, remember?

Easy to forget things now! My brains are spilling out! Mary collapsed into the armchair, holding the money box. Did you hear what our Billys done?

Boys grown up! George smiled. Time to save for a wedding?

Dont be daft! What wedding? With whom? Mary sputtered indignantly. Not a chance! Well pay her off! Do you think a hundred thousand will do it?

How should I know? George shrugged. Though, I expect Elizabeth would take a penny gladly now!

A penny wont cover this, Mary shook her head.

She counted the cash, remembered what was in the bank.

Theres two hundred thousand in total, she finally said. Ill offer a hundred up front. If she bargains, Ill hand over two hundred! If we wait a week, therell be five hundred.

Mary nodded at her calculations.

Want me to come? asked George.

If youd kept an eye on our son, we wouldnt be handing over cash! Mary grumbled. Ill deal with it myself!

***

Elizabeths answer was far from straightforward, and there was no point asking Daisy; she didnt make any decisions now.

But William finished his holidays in peace and travelled to town for college. He was strictly forbidden to return until next summer.

And once the main source of village chatter had packed up, what more to say about him?

The sharpest gossip was about Daisy, pregnant and then a young mum. Elizabeth also got her share.

She couldnt even squeeze child support out of William! Now theyll be picking crumbs from the floor!

When Elizabeth caught wind of such talk, she retorted, Its none of your business!

We wont be begging at your doors! Well managewont go under!

Come late June, William showed his face in the village. But careful parents kept him indoors. Either way, once exams were done, hed be off to the city. No sense in risking ituniversity awaited.

But William failed so badly, not even a paid spot was possible.

George, go speak to the draft officer! demanded Mary. If they take him in the army, hell forget everything! Maybe hell try for university next year!

No deal was made. For Georges persistence, he got his ribs counted, then fifteen days in the lock-up.

When George got out, he explained how William could get a draft deferment:

Get him married to Daisy, let him acknowledge the child. William will have a deferment until the baby is three!

Then he can make another for Daisy, and another deferment! By then hell be too old for the draft!

Lost your marbles? Mary cried. Wouldnt wish this family on an enemy!

Then hell go serve! said George.

Mary would rather send William to serve than marry him to Daisy, but there was no choice.

Well have to go begging, Mary surrendered. George, take the savings! Maybe shell agree

After she sent you packing? George laughed. And after all shes heard over the last year in the village?

Maybe let him serve? Cant have Elizabeth chasing us up and down the village!

Well go down on our knees! You too! vowed Mary. Well ask! Well plead!

I dont believe shell agree, Mary. Not a chance! George shook his head. Not after all that! Best send William off to the woods and let him live there till hes twenty-seven!

Grab the money box, and lets go! Mary commanded.