Im 29, and Im going through a huge family drama while planning my wedding. Half my relatives now refuse to come and are calling me selfish. Im starting to wonder if I really did go too far.
My partner and I have been together for six years, and weve finally decided to tie the knot next March. Weve been saving for two years, but the reality is, weddings are so expensive these days. We did the maths the venue, catering, music, and everything else comes to about £12,000 for 120 people.
The trouble is, our families are enormous. On my side alone, its about 60 people aunts, uncles, cousins and all their children. His side is about 50 more. If we invite everyone, we just cant afford even a basic menu for all of them.
Three weeks ago, we sent out the invitations. Along with them, we included a note explaining that, because of the costs, we were kindly asking for a contribution of £60 per adult and £30 per child over five. We made it clear that if anyone couldnt manage it, they should just let us know theyd still be welcome.
The phone started ringing the following day.
My aunt called, furious, saying shed never seen anything so tasteless that weddings should be paid for by the couple, end of story. She has four children and said she wasnt about to cough up £300 just to attend someone elses do. I tried to explain thats why we said it wasnt compulsory, but she hung up on me.
My cousin went on social media, posting a story no names, but everyone knew who it was about saying people now have to pay to attend family weddings, and that values have gone out the window. Other relatives liked and commented on it.
My mum is devastated and embarrassed. She says people in the family are talking behind her back, asking how I could come up with such an idea. That we should have gone for something simple like a BBQ in the garden and be done with it. I tried to explain weve been planning this for two years and want a special day, but we simply cant afford it for 120 people.
Yesterday, my uncle messaged me. Hes always been like a second dad to me, so his words really stung. He said he understood weddings are costly, but asking guests to cover costs wasnt right. He thought it would be better to just invite 40 people and keep it simple.
A cousin who got married two years ago also told me I was making a mistake. She ended up with plenty of debt, but paid for it all herself because thats the proper way. She said if we cant afford it, maybe we should just get married at the registry office.
Of the 60 invites to my side, just 15 have said theyll come. The others have either refused or gone silent. My partner is calmer around 35 from his side have confirmed, though there have been a few comments there too.
To be honest, I now feel like calling the whole thing off. He tells me, Anyone who wants to celebrate with us will be there. Simple as that. But it hurts that my own family sees me as greedy. Maybe we should have just done something modest but after saving for so long, we just wanted a beautiful day to remember.
I dont know if it was really that wrong to ask for contributions, or if we should have just taken out a loan, like my cousin did.
What do you think did I push it too far, or is it time people realised that love shouldnt mean starting your life together in debt just to keep everyone happy?
