The Mother-in-Laws Hospitality
Could you not look so glum, Emily? Honestly, its embarrassing in front of people, Patricia Bennett pursed her lips and began fussily straightening the tablecloth, which Emily had ironed a mere hour before. Weve got guests comingwhat a joy to have visitorsand yet you mope as if someones died.
What joy, Patricia? Emily leaned against the doorway, feeling that familiar wave of nausea rise in her throat. Even the smell of tea makes me queasy. I can hardly walk
And Im supposed to be delighted about five relatives from the countryside whom Ive never even met?
Thats exactly the point! This is your chance to be introduced, the mother-in-law didnt bother to turn, still smoothing wrinkles with wild abandon. Its Olivers uncle, his wife and the kids.
Family! Theyre coming with open arms, and you Oh, Emily. You really lack generosity of spirit.
Mum, honestly, Emilys struggling at the moment, Oliver chimed in, lugging a bundle of logs into the house. Maybe this wasnt the best time to invite everyone? The cottage isnt exactly spacious.
Not spacious? Patricia threw up her hands theatrically. Two rooms! Cosy, if a bit snug. Thats nothing to be ashamed of.
Oliver, youre making me sad now. All Im trying to do is strengthen our family, keep the ties alive.
Instead, you two hide away here in your rented cottage, never show your faces. Tomorrow at ten, dont forgetthe station!
Emily closed her eyes. Yellow circles danced in her vision.
She pictured the next daythe train station, the car bursting with bags, enormous pots of stew that shed have to lug around, the endless babble of strangers in their little house, where even finding a quiet corner to rest would be a challenge.
***
It all began when she and Oliver had just tied the knot and moved into their first rented flat. Patricia Bennett became a frequent fixturenever just popping in for a cuppa, mind you. She was there to supervise their domestic life.
But things got challenging when she decided Olivers flat was essentially a free branch of the family B&B for any and all relatives passing through.
Emmy, just grin and bear it, Oliver whispered back when their ten-foot kitchen was crammed with cousins from Durham, snoring away on rickety camp beds. Theyll be gone soon. Mums just very hospitable.
Hospitable on our dime, Ollie, Emily sighed. Why dont they stay at her place, with its two bedrooms?
Well, theres the DIY going on or her blood pressure or the cat gets stressed, Oliver offered, with a shrug.
Emily endured. She hoped it was all temporary.
But when pregnancy struck, with nausea twisting her inside out, they decided to escape to the countryside for winter.
They found a cheap little cottageold but sturdy, heated by wood-burning stove.
Peace, fresh air, a bare minimum of people. Emily hoped theyd finally be left alone.
But Patricia had other plans.
She turned up to help right before Christmas, and two days later announced a full-scale invasion by the rural relatives.
***
By morning, the stubborn stove decided to play up, smoke billowed into the room, and Emily, coughing, staggered to open a window.
Oliver, wake up, she croaked. The stoves acting up and we need to get to the station.
Mmm just five more minutes, Oliver mumbled, pulling the blanket over his head.
No such luck! Patricia burst into the room like a tornado. Up! The guests wont wait.
Emily, have you laid out breakfast?
I can barely stand the smell of food, Patricia, Emily replied faintly.
Nonsense! Pull yourself together. Pregnancy isnt an illness, mother-in-law waved her hand. In the old days, women gave birth in the fields and went straight back to work.
You, on the other hand, are warm and comfortable. Come on, boil up some potatoes, prep the herring. The men will be starving after the journey.
Emily threw on her ancient coat and stepped out onto the porch. The cold air revived her, barely.
She looked at the snow-covered garden, the dwindling piles of logs. They had to heat the house twice daily so as not to freezeand now five more people would be slamming doors and guzzling all the hot water, which had to be warmed up in hefty pots on the stove.
Why did she agree to any of this?!
The station was a madhouse. Uncle Brianburly and wearing an enormous sheepskinimmediately went in for a bear hug, enveloping Emily in a cloud of indescribable aroma.
His wife, Maureen, loud and rosy-cheeked, bombarded them with questions.
Oh, Oliver! You look all grown up! And this must be your wife? She looks a bit peaky, Maureen gave Emily a once-over. Arent you feeding her properly?
Shes got morning sickness, Maureen, Patricia interjected, beaming. You know how it is, shes expecting.
Emily attempted a grim smile. She wanted nothing more than to disappear.
On the way to the car, Patricia slipped a bag of groceries into Emilys hands, quick as a flash.
Is it heavy? Oliver asked, taking it from her.
Extremely, Emily answered, truthfully. Both physically and emotionally!
Just bear with it, Em. Itll only be a couple of days. Mums wanted this reunion for ages.
When they arrived at the cottage, the place instantly grew cramped.
Maureens two teenage kids occupied the sofa, volume cranked up on the telly. Uncle Brian settled himself by the stove.
Ooh, thats a proper fire! he declared. Bit stingy with the logs, though. Oliver, give us a hand. Lets bring in some more.
Emily found herself relegated to the kitchen, knuckles trembling as she peeled potatoes for the entire mob.
The smell of herring, which Patricia had already plated, made Emily hold her breath until her chest hurt.
Emily, whats taking you so long? Patricia poked her head in. The guests are ready for the table. Hurry up. And get some pickles from the cellar.
Patricia, could you perhaps help me? Emily asked quietly. Im honestly feeling awful
Oh, Emmy, Id love to, but I need to show Maureen the house, update her on all the news. Youre young, youll manage. Hard work builds character!
The evening passed in a haze. Emily served food, cleared dishes, scrubbed endless plates in ice-cold water, mixing it with kettle-brewed hot water.
The guests were boisterous. Patricia regaled everyone with tales of how splendidly they all got on, how happy she was to see everyone.
Were one big family! she declared, raising a glass of homemade sloe gin. Nothings too much for familynot time, not effort!
Emmy, fetch the main course!
Emily brought out the roasting dish, meat steaming away. The heat hit her face, and she felt faint.
Barely making it to her room, she collapsed onto the bed, still fully clothed.
***
Deep in the night, Emily woke to silence. The cottage had chilled considerably. Oliver snored quietly beside her.
She wrapped a shawl around herself and tiptoed to the kitchen for some water. Passing the sitting roomwhere Patricia had commandeered the sofaEmily heard muffled voices.
Her mother-in-law was muttering on the phone.
Yes, Linda, they arrived Oh, tell me about it. Scroungers, absolute scroungers.
They stripped the fridge bare in one evening. Maureens forever moaning about her woes, but turns up in a new coat.
Here for a little holiday, apparently! Honestly, they just descend, as if this is some spa retreat. No staying put in their own village.
Emily stopped dead. She couldnt believe her ears. The same woman whod spent hours waxing lyrical about generosity of spirit was now tearing into her guests.
And the daughter-in-law? Dont ask. Face like I owe her a fortune. Always scowling, holding her belly. Miserable as sin! Shes made me look awful, made out like Im exploiting her.
But I do everything for them, everything for the family. No respect for their elders. Not to worry, Ill set her straight tomorrow. Shell know her place.
Emily spun round and headed back to her room. Water suddenly didnt seem so appealing.
***
The morning beganas alwayswith Patricias booming voice.
Emily, time to get up! Breakfast wont make itself!
Emily ventured into the sitting room. Everyone was already assembled. Uncle Brian scratched his head, the teenagers fiddled with their phones, Maureen stretched on her chair.
Morning, Emily said quietly.
Morning, replied Patricia, giving her a pointed look. Emily, come out onto the porch for a quick chat. We need to talk.
They stepped outside, and Patricia immediately went on the warpath.
Emily, I was extremely displeased with your behaviour yesterday. The look on your face! Frankly, its insulting. You made it crystal clear that our guests were a burden to you. People pick up on that! Maureen even hinted they might be in the way. I was mortified.
Emily fixed her gaze on her mother-in-law.
You were mortified, Patricia? And what for, exactly? Because I made lunch for seven people while suffering horrendous morning sickness? Or because I washed up until midnight while you gossiped?
How are you speaking to me? Patricia gasped. Im your husbands mother!
I know. And I also know that last night you called your guests ‘scroungers’ on the phone. The ones who just keep coming’?”
Patricias face blanched, then turned beetroot red.
You were eavesdropping?! Thats appalling!
Whats appalling is making me wait on people you actually cant stand, just to show off in front of them, Emily shot back. If you want to play perfect hostess, do it yourself, on your own time and your own effort.
Oliver! Patricia stormed into the house. Oliver, are you listening? Shes spoken to me dreadfully! Im being insulted!
Oliver rushed in, buttoning his shirt mid-stride.
Whats happened? Emily? Mum?
Your wife shes impossible! Patricia pressed a hand to her heart, probably for dramatic effect. I bend over backwards for everyone, and she accuses me of hypocrisy! She doesn’t want to see my family!
Oliver looked from one to the other, clearly at a loss.
Em, why did you have to be like that? he began gently. Mum only meant well
Oliver, Emily took a step closer. If you dont tell your mum right now that these guests are her responsibility, and that Im not cooking another meal while theyre here, then Ill call a taxi and go to my parents this instant. Our baby will grow up there.
Choose. Right now.
Uncle Brian awkwardly coughed, Maureen turned away with exaggerated interest in nothing.
Youre giving me an ultimatum? Olivers voice wobbled.
No, Im stating my boundaries. Im a person, Oliver. Im your wife, and I’d quite like it if you respected me.
Patricia had always assumed that Oliver would leap to her defence. He always put Mum first, always.
But looking at his wifeashen-faced, exhausted, hands tremblingsomething finally clicked.
He remembered last night: her staggering under the weight of trays, her dashes outside to escape the overwhelming stench of garlic and pepper.
Mum, he said softly. Emilys right.
What? Patricias head shot up.
You invited the guests, without asking us. Emilys pregnancy is tough. If you want them here, fine, but youll cook, clean, and entertain. And please apologise to Emily.
Me? Apologise? Patricia spluttered. Never! Ill never set foot in this house again! Pack your bags! Were leaving! Clearly, were not wanted!
Maureen, Brian, and their kids scurried about, grabbing their things.
We we didnt want to be a nuisance, Uncle Brian muttered, donning his sheepskin. Patricia said you invited us
Of course I did! Patricia snapped. Some people here dont understand true hospitality!
Forty minutes later, Olivers car vanished round the bendhe was delivering everyone to the station. Emily was left alone. The silence in the house was blissful.
She wandered into the kitchen, poured herself a glass of water, and settled by the window. Lord, it felt wonderful
***
Patricia Bennett didn’t speak to her son for three months. She rang all their mutual friends, bemoaning her wicked daughter-in-law whod thrown her out into the cold with helpless relatives.
Still, half a year later, when grandson arrived, the ice thawed and Patricia tried to regain her old influencebut Oliver just didnt give in.
Eventually, Emily and Oliver bought their own flat and now only host guests they’re genuinely delighted to see.
And as for those country relatives, turns out they stopped speaking to Patricia tooafter she called them scroungers during a petty spat. Karma, as they say, has a way of finding its mark.
