Difficult Happiness
What do you mean, were getting divorced? Daniel, is this some sort of joke?
Olivia stared at her husband, unable to comprehend the words that had just shaken her world. Divorce? After nearly twenty-five years together! In two weeks, they were supposed to celebrate their anniversaryor would they even get that far now? Confusion clouded her mind. The party, the guests The invitations had all gone out. The whole family would be there. Her friends had phoned non-stop, wondering what gifts to bring. Even Julie, her dearest friend, had already sent her present since coming from afar at six months pregnant meant travel was off the cards. It was just as well reallyJulie had played a decisive role in Olivia and Daniels meeting. Shed introduced Olivia to Daniel, her university course mate, and then shouted Kiss! the loudest at the wedding, flicking the brides bouquet at Olivia to avoid her friends infamous glare.
Why doesnt your Nick make a move, honestly? Hell lose a gem! Olivia had teased.
Hell come around, Julie replied, straightening Olivias hair. Everything happens in its own time, Liv. Hes not ready yet. And what do I want with a half-baked husband? Only to get bored and divorced in a couple of years? Not for me. Ill wait for the right time.
Youre so organized! Two years is a big plan! Olivia had chuckled, watching Julie retouch her lipstick.
Well, Im not the type to live half a life. Its all or nothing for me!
And kids, Jules? All at once, or just one?
A set! Twins, if I have my way. Get it over with and have the full package! My family, and Nicks, have twins, you know.
But you have to bring up that package too, Olivia warned.
Easier with two than onebuilt-in playmate, a little healthy competition, and I get Mum of the Year for a double batch! She grinned. Need me to list more?
Enough! Olivia laughed, confident that Julie would get everything she wanted, as always.
And she had. Except fate had even more of a sense of humour than Julie, and instead of twins, she had triplets. Life tested her, and she passed with flying colours. By then, Nicks family had come to truly appreciate Julieshe was unfailingly kind and calm, willing to help at the drop of a hat. Her help often involved cleverly organizing Nick into action, even though he preferred not to play the hero. But Julie had long-term plans.
One day, Liv, well need help ourselves, and what then? Im not about to be left high and dry! Fetch me that new cupboard at your mums, Nick, and tell her Ill come wash the windows next weekend.
So, when Julie needed help with the children, both grannies and a grandad were happy to step in. Julie managed beautifully: triplets, then university to keep her mind sharp while on maternity leave.
Julie! Are you mad? How do you do everything? Olivia was in awe.
Come on, whod dare give a bad mark to a mum of three? Keeps my mind alive, and afterward, Ill be a broad-spectrum whizfor less pay now, but better jobs later.
Julie got her degree, found a job, and proved to any employer that she was worth every penny.
Olivia, meanwhile, admired her friends energy and couldnt understand how she managed it. Olivia had always struggled with decisiveness, even as a child.
But when you finally decide, its always right, Julie reassured her. Youre a rock. Solid, reliablesomething the world needs.
Reliable Right. As if Daniel valued that. Why, after all these years, had he decided to leave? Olivia knew the sorrow of having no children had strained their marriage, but theyd come to terms with it. She had volunteered at childrens homes, but realised she could not take in a child and love them as her ownit wasnt simply a matter of will or resource, but something deeper, something she felt missing.
You just havent met the right child yet, said Mrs. Walker, the director of a childrens home Olivias firm helped support. As they watched the children decorate the Christmas tree, Mrs. Walker continued, When you do, youll know. Nothing will stop younot problems, not hardship.
And if it never happens? What if Im just not meant to be a mother? Olivia whispered, laying out presents for the kids.
Then its better to be honest, Liv, Mrs. Walker replied quietly. Worse to take on a child and then regret it. Better for both if you never do.
That conversation haunted Olivia as she watched little Michael, a serious boy who had already been adoptedand returnedtwice.
Why does it happen? Olivia asked, heartbroken.
The first time, a couple adopted him, then had their own baby and sent him back. The second time, the family simply took on too muchtwo of their own, three adopted, and Michael pushed them over the edge. He eventually just sat in a corner and refused to eat or drink. Asked to be sent back because they dont love me. After that Mrs. Walkers voice faltered.
Olivia barely stopped herself from starting adoption papers out of sympathy. Julie sobered her up.
Are you sure you have enough love? Julie had challenged. Think, Liv. Its a child. If its just pity, dont do ityou could end up hurting both of you.
Olivia hadnt visited the childrens home again. But she thought of Michael, who became for her a reminder to live carefully, lest she cause harm unwittingly.
Now, as the cold seeped into the flat, Olivia hugged herself for warmth. The English autumn had crept in, even though the heating was on. What now? Should she help Daniel pack? Should she pack warm clothes for him? English summers were brief, the autumns brieferso unlike her mothers home in Cornwall, where winters felt like long-lasting springs. Shed never been cold there. How she longed for those Cornish walks, just her and her mother. But Mum was gone now, and Danielhed be gone too.
She didnt want this so-called freedom. She wanted her husband, morning coffees, midnight chats, spontaneous theatre trips or countryside jaunts with no planningjust Daniel calling, Liv, what are you up to?
Flat out busy! Two interviews, then I need to pop into the bank.
Forget it. Come with me? Let’s have a wander?
And off theyd go into the woods, chatting or walking in comfortable silence. Those were the best days.
Now, it was all gone. And Daniel would move on, with his new love, awaiting a baby… Was that it? The child? Or had their marriage always been a pretense? Olivia could perhaps accept the former, but not the latter. If she hadnt made Daniel happy after all these years, what did that say about her?
She stood at the kitchen window, knees pressed to the radiator, unable to move, hearing Daniel pack upcupboards opening, drawers slamming. She shook so hard she almost sent her only plant, a gift from Julie, tumbling off the sill. When the door finally slammed, Olivia let go, pressing her palms to the smooth windowsill until she thought it might break, then straightened and sent the flowerpot crashing to the floor, screaming from pain and fury.
Still, she found no relief. The spilled earth and broken pottery mirrored her moodblack, hopeless. The light was gone. Daniel had shut the door and left her completely alone. Now what? She had no landmarks left.
Well, maybe one
Olivia finally moved away from the radiator, ignoring the glass that grazed her foot as she reached for her phone.
Julie
It was nothing like cryingmore an animal howl, wrenched from the deepest pain. But Julie didnt need explanations.
Daniels gone, hasnt he?
Yes
Ill see you tomorrow.
Youre mad! Olivia snapped to life at the crisp, practical command shed heard a hundred times from Julie. No! Dont you dare! Julie, you cant, not with the baby
Hush. I suspected, when you last visited. Daniel wouldnt look at me, and now I know why. Livthis is for the best!
How can it be? I have nothing left! My life is in tatters. What do I do now?
Buy a dress.
What? Olivia nearly dropped the phone.
You heard me. The one you couldnt justify the price forbuy it. Now. Then show me. Dont mope, dont howl. It wont help! Buy the dress, then hop on a train or a flight. Well take a walk in the mountains. I feel great! No wild camping, just a comfy hotel and light strolls. I need this tootrust me, or Ill go mad. Feds got a cricket match, the girls are off at dance camp. Nows the time. Text me your travel plans in an hour. Dont make a pregnant woman fret.
Julie hung up, leaving Olivia blinking at her phone. Now what?
Instinct took over. Olivia stood, walked to the mirror, and stared herself down. No longer young, but hardly old yet, either. If Daniel thought shed crumple in a cornerwell, he was wrong. Julie was right. She needed to keep moving.
She fired off a flurry of cancellation messages, sorted the now-pointless party bookings, and at last reached for a broomit didnt matter that she owned two vacuumsusing actual effort to tidy up, as if it could sweep away the pain.
The dress fit perfectlya bright red number, nothing like her usual soft shades, more Julies style. But, seeing herself in it, Olivia wondered: Why not? Was she truly so invisible now? The woman in the mirror was tired and hurt, but unbroken. There was something left inside, and nobody could take it away.
Perhaps she even understood why Daniel had left. He too hadnt found it easytheyd been friends as much as husband and wife. Its always harder to betray a friend
The journey to see Julie was long, with a change of trains, but that was a blessingfocus on the practical, hush the heartbreak.
They spent days tramping the countryside near their hotel; sometimes silent, sometimes in animated conversation. Little by little, Julies pragmatic wisdom soothed Olivias wounds.
You should come back, Liv. Your dads getting older, you always wanted to be nearby. And this town could do with more children’s centres. Out here, theyre crying out for them. Think about itnothing to rebuild, no drastic change. You can even get a place near your father and keep an eye on him. It might be the best thing.
Olivia thought long and hard, and, by the end of this impromptu holiday, she had made her decision.
The divorce, selling the flat and car, sorting her business affairsthese things, once so daunting, became tasks to be ticked off, memories that would never define her again. She met Daniel for formalities, calm but resolved, then deleted his number from her phone and commanded herself to move forward.
Olivias homecoming was marked by a vibrant springblooms and sunlight everywhere. She kept busy, renting a place close to her father, who, to her slight surprise, was seeing a dignified, kindly lady named Linda. Olivia accepted this with relief; after all, love can find us at any age. Watching her father and Linda bustling around the garden, Olivia felt a flicker of hopeif her dad could find someone new, surely she could too, someday.
A year passed quickly. Olivia opened two childrens centres, poured herself into the work, and even adopted the dog shed always wanted. Yet, some evenings, shed sit alone in her kitchen, the ghosts of memories swirling around her. Sometimes she desperately wished for Daniel to come in, flick the light switch, sit beside her, and ask, Liv, are you all right? Shall I make you a proper cuppa? But she knew, deep down, it was time to let go.
Unexpectedly, a tax issue after her business sale drew her back to her old city for a few days. The legal wrangling was quickly resolved, leaving her with time to wander her old haunts. One of her centres had closed, but the other still bustled. Curious, she watched through the window as a spirited teacher made the class roar with laughter by pretending to be a bear. The sight warmed her heart.
On an impulse, she wandered the park where she and Daniel used to walk. Old trees, fresh benches, a newly restored fountainOlivia was seized by nostalgia, until she recognised a familiar figure on a bench, pushing a pram. Daniel. His hair was nearly white, shoulders stooping with worry. He looked shrunken, haunted, lost.
Olivia found herself hurrying down the path, torn by conflicting emotions. Whatever had happened, she knew Daniel, knew how to help, if only hed let her.
Daniel
He flinched at her voice, staring fixedly at the ground.
Hello, Liv.
She sat beside him. How are you?
The question felt awkward, but she pushed on.
Not well, Liv. Ive lost everything good in my life. Through stupidity, justbad luck.
Youre lying, she replied gently, gesturing to the pram. You have everythingmuch more than I have now.
He shook his head. No. Theres no wife, Liv. Amelias gone. The birth was complicated.
Olivia felt a pang of guilt and sorrow, not just for Daniel, but for the woman who had inadvertently shattered her life. Now she was gone, leaving Daniel alone, save for the little girl asleep in the pram.
They sat in silence until their words bubbled up, tumbling over each other, saying things that had been bottled up for two years. By the time EvaDaniels daughterwoke to see the street lamps twinkling, Olivia felt the knot in her chest begin to loosen.
Six months later, Mrs. Walkerthe same childrens home directorwalked a dark-haired, solemn boy named Michael into her office and quietly left them alone together.
Michael, do you know why Im here? Olivia asked.
To take me, he stated flatly.
Do you want that?
I dont think youll keep me.
Well, Im not everyone else.
No one ever keeps me.
I know what its like to lose everything, Michael. Thats why, together, maybe we can help each other.
He stared at her, and for a moment an ember of hope glimmered. Olivia, in her bright red dress, smiled and promised not just to shelter or pity, but to truly care.
And so, two years later, a familyOlivia, Daniel, Eva, and Michaelhiked together across a sunlit English ridge. Michael kept a protective eye on his lively younger sister as she dashed from one wildflower patch to another.
Eva, mind the woods! There might be wolves in there.
No, there arent!
Yes there are! And bears, too. Hungry ones.
Didnt their mums feed them breakfast?
No, because their mums dont know how to make porridge.
Our mum does! said Eva triumphantly.
Shall we make porridge for the bears tomorrow? Eva asked Olivia as she puffed up beside her daughter.
Semolina? Olivia teased, scooping Eva into her arms. But you never like it lumpy!
Thats you, Eva, not the bears! Besides, I think theyd love it with lumps! Olivia laughed.
Give them my share! Eva wrapped her arms tightly about her mothers neck. And the honey you bought yesterday, too!
Oh, no, Olivia grinned. Im saving that for myself. But youd better get down; lets see if Daddys arms are up to it!
She passed Eva to Daniel and ruffled Michaels hair. So, Master Michael, what about that porridge for the bears?
Mum, Im not ready to go home yet, Michael declared. Theres still so much to see. If Eva keeps feeding the wildlife, well never get out of the hotel, so maybe best if the bears stay hungry for now.
Olivia chuckled. Perhaps, after our walk, well see about making the worlds best bear porridge. What do you think, Eva?
Alright! Eva agreed.
Michael caught Olivias eye and pulled a face, making her laugh harder.
Watch your sister, Michael. At this rate, well be bringing home all sortsmaybe even a yeti if Eva gets her way!
Their laughter echoed across the hilltop, ringing out over the fields and fading into the sky. The new day promised happinessa kind crafted through heartache and healing, and the certainty that, with kindness and courage, even broken pieces can become beautiful again.
Because happiness, Olivia realised, is sometimes complicated. But sometimes, the real magic lies in daring to start again.
