Saturday has become my mother-in-laws day in our family. Its been this way for a year now.
But it wasnt always like this. Even after I had our second child, my mother-in-law still wasnt particularly interested in her grandchildren. She would visit once a month, bring small gifts, sit for an hour or so, and then go home again.
Naturally, my daughters barely knew her. My eldest, once she started talking, called my mum Grandma. It made sensemy mother helped us out regularly, and she was at our house most days of the week. My girls are so young, its hard to manage everything on my own, but my mother-in-law doesnt offer much help. Shes absorbed in her own world.
One day, my mother-in-law noticed that my older daughter would run excitedly to greet my mum. She decided then that we didnt see each other often enough and carefully assigned Saturdays as our designated day to visit. She insisted that the meetings should happen at her house, saying she didnt feel comfortable coming to ours. So, the first week, I sent my husband and children to her. An hour and a half later, they returned, looking exhausted. My husband told me they were tired, but later I found out the true reason.
The following week, I packed up the children and took them to her house myself. Id hoped I could drop them off for a few hours and go get my nails done, but it didnt turn out that way. She greeted us, handed out gifts shed bought in advance, and that was it. My mother-in-law simply sat in her favourite chair, instructing the children on how they should play, what colour pencils to use. The girls are little; they dont really understand what shes telling them. So I had to sit with them, pretending everything was finealmost like a performer.
Then it came out that I needed to cook as well. She didnt know what the children could or couldnt eat. When we finally got back home, I was absolutely shattered. I thought that would be the last time. But I was wrong. We go every week, doing the same routine.
Now I just bring our own food so I dont have to cook there. Whenever I tell my husband that Id rather stay home because its less exhausting, he protests. He says we shouldnt alienate the children from their grandmother. So every Saturday I trek over there and pretend everything is normal. I dont want to jeopardize my relationship with her, but surely this isnt how things should be.
Through all this, Ive realised that pretending things are fine doesnt bring true peace. Sometimes, being honest and gently setting boundaries is kinder for everyone. Family isnt about routines, but about genuine connection.
