Point of No Return
This is impossible! How are we meant to live without hot water? Jane hears her husbands groans echoing from the bathroom. The hot waters only been off for two days, but he grumbles endlessly as if its the end of the world. She cant imagine how he finds this so insufferableit happens every single year. Jane yawns, rolls over, and pulls her pillow over her ear. Closing her eyes, she exhales, trying to drift back to sleep.
But within moments, Tom storms into their bedroom, yanks the pillow away, and asks, Why arent you up yet?
Typical! Jane thinks.
Tom! Honestly. Im not up because I dont have work till midday today. I told you that yesterday
But Jane, whos going to keep me company while I have breakfast? whines Tom.
Jane sits up and shoots Tom an incredulous look. You literally told me yesterday not to bother getting up with you. But fineIll sit with you.
Tom doesnt answer. He simply strolls off, leaving Jane no choice but to throw on her dressing gown and shuffle into the kitchen.
Soon, they sit together at the table. Jane sips her coffee in tiny mouthfuls while Tom showers her with compliments and declarations of love. Of course, Jane cant help but glow under the attention, but her mind lingers on the fact that he didnt let her get a decent lie-in. She just cant shake that image.
When Tom leaves for work, Jane retreats back to bed, curling up beneath the thick duvet. She ponders: why did Tom seem so perfect when they were dating, yet as soon as they married, all these irritating little traits came out? Like this constant whinging She probably should have suggested living together first, but shed been so keen on actually getting married that it hadnt felt right. Not that his moaning is the worst thing in the world; she must have some annoying habits too. Maybe you can get used to the complaints, or even turn it into something positivethough how, she hasnt a clue.
Jane! Ive figured out what we need to buy! As soon as Jane steps foot through the front door, Tom pounces.
Oh? And whats that?
A boiler, of course!
A boiler? Why? They only cut the hot water off once a year, and only for about ten days. Whats the point?
Exactly! Ten whole days with no hot waterits torture!
Truthfully, Jane doesnt mind all that much. Washing up in cold water isnt ideal, but its bearable. To bathe, all you need is to boil the kettle. Still, if Tom wants a boiler, theyll get a boiler.
Alright, well get one. But well have to hurryhot waterll be back in about eight days.
Right, right! Tom nods enthusiastically. Send me some options.
Jane had assumed theyd choose one together, but apparently the responsibility is hers. Oh well
She dives into a world of boiler reviews and specs, sending Tom her findings. Unsurprisingly, none of them meet with his approval. Eight days slip by, the water comes back on, and the conversation is shelvedthough Tom brings it up again.
Jane, lets buy a boiler anyway. Theyll just cut the water again next year, Tom insists. So Jane continues to send him options, and he continues to reject every one.
Listen, Jane, I helped Andrew buy a boiler for his cottage the other weekI know all about them now, let me help you pick one, suggests a colleague at work. She even recommends a model herself and mentions a discount, but only if its ordered within a couple of days. Jane, exasperated, takes the plunge and orders it.
Why didnt you discuss this with me? Were meant to be a family! Tom sulks.
I didI kept showing you options, you never replied! Jane protests.
Still, this isnt what I wanted! Tom retorts, then sighs, Never mind. Whats done is done.
A cocktail of guilt, irritation and frustration bubbles inside Jane.
Im not buying anything else for this house ever again, she vows silently.
Tom, how long is this boiler going to sit in the hallway? I keep stubbing my toe on itit really hurts, Jane complains.
Yes, yes, Jane, I remember. Ill hang it up soon, Tom says, for what feels like the hundredth time.
Jane sighs. She knows itll be there forever. In fact, it stays untouched until the next water cut-off. Though this year, Jane loses patience and simply books someone to install it.
Jane! You should have talked to me first, were a team! They did it all wrong! Tom exclaims grumpily. Jane just shrugs.
Is there hot water now? Yes? Then the rest doesnt matter.
To herself she muses, perhaps she should never have agreed to buy the blasted thing.
Jane sits in her friend Emilys living room, listening as Emily rails against her own husband: how he doesnt help out, how tough her life is.
Ive decided to get a divorce, Emily concludes.
But youve got a child, Jane gasps.
So what? Im doing everything myself anywaythings will be easier without him.
But what about love? You two used to have such a lovely relationship, Jane says gently.
Thats the pointit used to be love. Now I look at him and feel nothing. He doesnt lift a finger, complains to his mother about me, and then shes always giving me lectures. Im exhausted.
Emily sighs, then adds with a hint of envy, Wish my husband was more like yours.
Janes jaw drops. Does Emily really think Tom is perfect? Its just that Jane believes in not airing your dirty laundry, never complains about him to others. But she keeps that to herself.
Afterwards, on the walk home, Jane wonders: does she still love Tom or is she just used to him? Would she be better off alone?
Why are you home so late? Tom is in one of his moods againlately, hes always irritated. Theres no dinner. Im starving.
But you said Jane starts, about to remind him that just yesterday hed said hed grab something himself, since shed be working late. But she decides against it; hed just twist it around somehow. Ill get started, she says.
Peeling potatoes, Jane thinks about how these constant, baseless complaints suffocate any love she has left. Bit by bit, drop by drop until one day you realise youre strangers.
She shudders. Noshes not ready to lose her love. Maybe other people can manage without it, but she cant.
Jane and Tom step into their flat.
Finally home! Tom announces.
Jane says nothing. Shes pleased to be home, but would have liked to stay and catch up with friends a little longer. Its difficultTom is unpredictable. One minute hes keen to see people, the next he refuses, and if she goes without him, he takes offence; if she stays home, he sulks anyway. No matter how Jane tries to ignore this behaviour, it grates on her nerves.
So, what did your friend Simon want? Tom suddenly asks.
Nothing much. Hes got an opportunity for me and wants to discuss it tomorrow, Jane replies calmly.
And youre going?! Tom snaps.
Yesits about work.
And you werent going to consult me? Arent we a family?
Jane looks at him, baffled. Of course were a family! But our jobs are different, and I think I can decide for myself where or who I work with. She genuinely doesnt see why she must run her job decisions by Tomespecially since they dont have a mortgage or big expenses.
Just so you know, Im not moving anywhere.
That takes Jane by surprise. Why would you have to move?
Because I know Simons got plans to open a branch somewhere and hell probably want you to run it.
Where exactly?
Tom turns away. Janes mind whirs.
Could it be where we talked about moving?
Tom mumbles reluctantly, Yes.
Thats brilliant!
No. Im not going. And neither are you.
Jane finds herself at a loss for wordsbut decides shell meet Simon anyway.
So thats my offer, Jane. What do you think? Simon looks Jane in the eye.
Couldnt you find someone local?
I trust you, Jane.
Tom doesnt want to move, Jane admits, looking down.
Simon stands and paces the room.
Jane, I wasnt going to mention this, but I think you should separate.
Jane blanches. Why? I love him.
I know but to be honest, hes cheating on you. With your friend Emily. Thats why he refuses to movehes got everything he wants here: two women, both doing everything for him. Think about my offer
Jane leaves Simons office, her legs shaky as jelly, and heads home.
The flat feels safe, but empty. Jane curls up on the sofa, knees tucked beneath her.
Dripdripdrip Whats that sound? Jane walks through the flat, following the noise. Its the tap, dripping in the bathroom. She shuts it tight.
Dripdripdrip Just like her love, slowly draining out of her heart.
Jane pulls on her coat and, five minutes later, stands outside Emilys flat. No one answers the bell. She knocksno luck. Only a neighbour pokes her head out, Emilys not in.
Jane sighs. She glances at her watchof course, Emilys at work. It was Jane who left early today. Suddenly, the lift doors openout step Emily and Tom. Instantly, they fall silent.
Jane doesnt speak, but she knows now that Simon was telling the truth. Tom fumbles for words, but Jane blocks him out. She looks only at Emily, who cant meet her eye. Jane realises she has no business standing there, so she bolts for the stairs, not caring if Tom follows. She rushes out onto the street, blending into the busy crowd.
Its true, its true, Janes thoughts thump in her head.
All this bending over backwards, putting him first, smothering her own desires, living to please himits all for nothing!
Her life and worldview feel shattered. She pulls out her phone and dials Simon.
Ill take the job, Simon, she manages, her voice steady at last.
