Request from a Neighbour
Well, youre not exactly Prince Charming, are you? Are you some rare breed, or astonishingly good-looking? Just an ordinary country bloke. And youve got that home haircut, everyone can see. Trainers youve got on cant have cost more than forty quid, and that t-shirts a fiver at best. Your cars not new, not stylishlooks like those models they stopped making ages ago. Lets hope it doesnt fall apart on the way. And if Im honest, you smell faintly of horses! I said bluntly, taking in my suitor as if he were an exhibit.
-1-
Dragging my bag and the massive carpet cleaner behind me, I felt drained. I lugged that ancient machine everywhere, all in the name of bringing old sofas back to their former glory.
It turned out earning millions was a lot harder than all those business course adverts made out. The shiny brochures promised good income, but reality meant trudging house to house, deep-cleaning battered furniture for not much more than minimum wage.
My back was giving out, legs like lead. After three hours of scrubbing, my wallet barely felt any heavier.
I shouldve stuck to my shifts at the hospital, I grumbled as I unlocked my flat. Why on earth did I fall for this ridiculous business opportunity?
Just a couple of months ago, I was a hospital cleanersure, the pay was dull, but at least it was steady. Now it was just me, my aching body, and no such thing as sick pay or guaranteed hours. If I wanted to get paid, I had to hustleclients didnt queue up for me.
All these grim thoughts I offloaded onto my younger sister, Maggie, when I turned up at her place.
Her flat was in that comfortable chaos of family lifekids racing their little terrier round the kitchen, her husband Dave glued to the telly in the lounge.
Maggie ushered me to the kitchen, which smelt wonderfully of meatballs and cabbage stew.
Wash your hands and take a seat. Do you want your meatball with mash, or cabbage? she asked as she bustled about.
Both, if Im allowed, I replied, sinking onto a chair and stretching my legs, feeling for a moment as if Id finally come home. Its so nice here. Honestly Maggs, I envy youhusband, kids, steady job, and still youve got time to put a proper dinner together.
She fluttered a hand, dismissive. Oh, the meatballs are the easy bitDave and I made a huge batch on Saturday and just popped them in the freezer. Fifteen minutes and youve got dinner. With three kids, I have to run like a squirrel on a wheel to fit it all in. So, hows business, Emma? (Im Emma, the so-called entrepreneur.)
I groaned. Dont even askits a mess. Lugging vacuums and sprays up and down stairs, my backs killing me. Clients expect miracles with decades-old sofas, and the cleaner I use sounds like a jackhammer. After every shift, I can still hear it in my head.
At least the moneys good, right? Maggie said, sipping her tea.
I gave her a withering look. No more than if I was still scrubbing hospital floors, to be honest. I dont know why I bother.
Oh Emma, youll never be satisfied! How many jobs have you changed now? Theres no easy money out there, you know. Find something, stick to it, give it your best.
Its all right for you, I said, voice shaking. You barely worked, always on maternity leave. Meanwhile, Ive had to fend for myself for years. And you two managed to buy a flat and picked up a second one from Daves gran. Im still renting from strangerseveryone thinks my rich sister helps me out, but you dont.
Her smile stiffened. Rich sister, really? Emma, Ive three kids to clothe and feedwhere do you think all this imaginary wealth is? You live alone, what do you spend it on?
Tears threatened. Facts are facts! You have two flats, I have none. You could help me out.
Having spoken my mind, I rushed to grab my coat.
Wait, Em, Maggie called after me, let me help you carry that thing.
Dave had clearly overheard, and shot us both a withering look from the lounge. Didnt know you could be so openly jealous, Emma. Not a nice look.
Maggie hustled me out the door. Ignore himhe doesnt get it, she whispered.
Dave called after us, No, Maggie, you stay here. Let her go.
-2-
It was fresh outside; drizzle clung to the air, the tarmac slick beneath our feet, and neither of us said much as we trudged on.
I replayed that argument in my head, instantly regretting my outburst. Maggie probably had her own guiltDave would sulk about her running after me, but I knew shed never turn her back.
Emma, you should get married, Maggie blurted suddenly, Youre thirty-five, and youve been dodging blokes forever.
I shook my head, my curls bouncing. Whod want me? No degree, no place of my own, no future to speak of. No boyfriend, either.
Tell you whatlet me ask Dave. One of his cousins might be available. Loads of unmarried chaps in his family, and some not bad looking. Ill call you tomorrow.
I hesitated, not knowing how to admit I was secretly hoping for a way onto their inherited flatnever mind the husband. I never could stand Dave.
Back at mine, the flatmate situation wasnt much to write home about. I shared with Joan, a single market trader. Maggie grimaced as soon as she stepped inside.
Whats that smell?
I waved it off. Joan had fish last nightdidnt bother taking the rubbish down. Its miserable sharing with someone; youre always dancing around their habits.
Maggie went straight to the kitchen, hauled out Joans bin bag, and rolled her eyes as old fishbones threatened to avalanche.
You couldve taken this down on your way out this morning. Not rocket science.
Why should I have to? If she didnt dump fishbones, there wouldnt be a problem.
Maggie rolled her eyes but tied up the bag and took it out while I put the kettle on. When she returned, I heard voices in the corridor.
As I said, Im married and I dont give out my number, Maggie retorted.
But youre not wearing a ring All right thendo you perhaps have an unmarried sister? a man quipped.
Funny you should say thatI do! Maggie sang back.
I peeked into the hallway just as Maggie returned, a cheery chap hovering behind her.
Here she is, my sister. Emma, say hello!
I recognised him instantlya neighbour from two floors up. I rented on the first floor, he lived on the third. Turns out hed followed Maggie downstairs when she got out on the wrong floor.
This is your sister? You dont look much alikepulling my leg, arent you? he joked.
Are you going to introduce yourself or just stand there gawping? Maggie shot back.
He retreated, and Maggie shut the door behind her.
Who was that? I asked.
No clue. He was just heading to the bins, saw me, fancied his chances, I reckon. Youre always saying you cant find a bloke, but the men in this block seem keen enough!
She washed her hands and threw open the window. Honestly, Emmalook at this dust. Take those curtains down for a wash and leave the window on the latch.
Staring at her, I thought, What the hell? Shes not all thataverage shape, regular face, plain ponytail, old jumper and jeans. What did he see in her outside the bins? I walk by that man all year, and hes never noticed me.
Strange.
-3-
Next day, Maggie turned up at dusk.
Right, sister, Dave and I had a word. Theres a single guy in his familyown house, bit of land, keeps horses.
Horses? I repeated, a bit suspicious. Is he a farmer?
Not exactly. He just lives out in a village near townkeeps horses, bit of a hobby.
How old?
He turned forty. Never been married, doesnt smoke or drink, proper settled, wants a family. But not many women in the village, and no time for speed dating.
I shot up off the sofa. Are you joking? Hes older than me and from the countryside! Why would I want that?
What were you expecting, Emma? Young city lad with a fancy flat? You had plenty of time to find one. City blokes can be picky, you know. Our Colins a catch.
And his names Colinbrilliant.
I slammed my fist on the table. You know what? Im not interested in your matchmaking.
I was just trying to help! Maggie snapped. If you wont work, then get married. What else do you expect?
But not to a wrinkly country gent!
Fortys hardly ancient! Maggie retorted. Besides, youre thirty-five, so you can keep looking till youre forty too!
She stormed out, and I didnt see her to the door.
Great. What a marvellous bit of sisterly support. Found me some old farmer!
Just then, Joan my flatmate, knocked.
I couldnt help overhearing, she began with a sly smile. You mentioned a single man of forty Im a bit older, butwell, maybe I could be introduced to Colin? Always fancied horses.
I nearly choked, Youve probably confused horses with sausages. Eavesdroppings rude! And dont you dare try to poach my would-be suitors!
I shooed her out and collapsed onto my bed, thoughts spinning. Maybe it is time I started thinking about settling down. But I refuse to wed some country gent. I want a city life! I muttered, punching my pillow.
I hoped someone up there was listening.
-4-
Early next day, feeling worn out after only a handful of jobs, I returned home before five. As I stepped into the hallway, an unfamiliar voice piped up from the kitchen.
Emma, is it?
He was, to my surprise, rather handsome. Dark brows, warm smile.
Im Colin, Daves cousin. Sorry to barge in, but I wanted to speak in person.
Behind him, Joan grinned ear to ear like shed won the lottery.
Dont mind me, EmmaI let your visitor in. Couldnt leave him outside, could I?
I glared. Who gave you my address?! Oh, I knowDave. Typical.
Colin surveyed my outrage with surprising calm. Youve got quite a way with family, havent you?
Rage simmered inside me. Leave, please. I wont have you here, and Im not interested.
Before he could protest, Joan took his arm, Half this flat is mine, I pay the rent too! Colin can chat with me in the kitchen, then.
Annoyed but resigned, I let it slide as my anger cooled.
Youre quite jumpy, arent you? he asked gently. I was only coming to invite you out for a meal.
I chuckled. Really? All right then. But youre payingIm not splitting the bill.
***
Colin turned out to have a car, which somehow surprised me.
Yours? I asked. You do know how to drive in town, then?
Im not as backward as you might think. I may live in the village, but Im no lost shepherd.
I pouted but got in.
He drove us across town, ending up at a tiny café on the edge of the bypass next to a petrol station. Inside, lorry drivers and families were the only diners.
I raised an eyebrow. This is your idea of a restaurant?
He smiled, Well, you didnt exactly dress for the Ritz, did you? Come on, they do good grub herebetter than Joans stale biscuits anyway.
I really was hungry, and to give him credit, Colin ordered more than enough. I spent most of the evening eating, then told him Id had enough, feeling awkwardly grateful.
On the way back, he watched me thoughtfully. Youre nothing like the women they usually try to set me up with.
How am I different? Less pretty? Too old?
He shook his head, Its your attitude. Most try to please me, but youre blunt.
I rolled my eyes. Well, Prince Charming, youre not exactly rare or gorgeous. Just an ordinary bloke. That haircuts a giveaway and your trainers cant have cost much. Old, unfashionable car. And you even smell of horses!
The last bit was a lie, but I felt like I had to say it.
Suddenly, he slammed the brakes and I nearly hit the dashboard.
Careful! I snapped. Youre not carting firewood!
He pulled over. Out you get, madam. You can walk home from here.
Are you mad?! Dragged me out to the edge of town and now Im supposed to walk back?
He ignored me, got back in, and drove me the rest of the way in silence. I started to regret mouthing off.
Sorry, I tried, Im just direct. Maybe you should have dressed properly if you want to impress. Theres an old saying: Youre judged by your cover.
He pulled up to my flat. As I got out, my bravado melted. For once, I felt a sparkI didnt want the evening to end.
But he was already gone, and I berated myself. Well done, you idiotchased away the one man who actually showed an interest.
Inside, Joan was waiting in her dressing gown.
How was the romantic dinner?
I grunted, Hardly.
If you dont want him, Ill take him. Hes not bad
A flash of possessiveness surprised me. Hes mine! Dont even think about it!
-5-
After that evening, I was restless. Couldnt eat, couldnt sleepColin had made quite an impression.
Suddenly, everything about him seemed appealing, from his gruff charm to the silly way he got cross. Pity I hadnt realised before.
He turned up again a couple of days later. I came home and heard his voicechatting and laughing with Joan over tea.
Hello, Emma, he said politely, all formality, before turning his attention back to her.
That I couldnt bear.
I joined them, making sure I was at my witty best. It workedeventually Joan sloped off, leaving us alone.
Time stretched out like a dream. By morning, as he left, Colin whispered, Ill pop by this evening, all right?
I smiled. Ill be waiting. I already miss you.
He kissed me and everything felt suddenly serious.
***
After he left, I went for a shower. I heard the flat door bang and, in my towel, caught Joan admiring a bouquet of roses.
Treating yourself? I teased.
She smiled, No need. A gentleman bought them for me.
Who on earth?
Joan just smiled and arranged them in a vase.
She didnt seem angryif anything, almost smug.
***
Head in the clouds, I decided I should see Maggie.
She greeted me warmly and led me to the kitchen. I glanced at the closed lounge doorDave was probably watching football and sulking.
Youre not cross are you, Maggs?
Of course not, she smiled. Daves forgotten and Ive told him to stay out of our business.
Tea in hand, I couldnt hold it in. I dont know how to thank you. Your Colin is honestly a catch. I couldnt help falling for him.
Maggies jaw dropped. How did you two get so close? I thought he hadnt even met you yet. In fact, hes been seeing someone elsea woman called Joan. Brought her round only yesterday.
I frowned. That doesnt make any sense. Colin was with me last night Joan, you say? Like my flatmate?
Small, ordinary, slight limp?
I nearly dropped my mug. Thats my Joan!
Maggie frowned. Well, we should go round now and see whats going on. Come on, its Saturday.
So off we went.
-6-
Maggie and Joan recognised each other at once.
Joan didnt even try to hide it. I overheard you talking about Colin and thought, why nothe sounded perfect. Doesnt matter that hes from the country or forty. When Colin showed up for Emma, I invited him to a café instead.
My head swam.
I just dont get how he could juggle both of us at once, though, I said.
Joan looked sorry, but then dropped the bombshell. Actually, your Colins a different manmy cousin, also called Colin. I asked him to pretend to be your country catch so I could have time with the real Colin. Im sorry, but I wanted him.
I lost it. You spiteful cow!
Maggie intervened, Enough, Emma. The original Colins gone. Now you need to find out who youve actually been seeing
-7-
Colin vanished after that. Presumably Joan warned him the gig was up. Days dragged by in awkward silence until Joan announced she was moving out.
Im off, Emma. Got a proposalmoving to the countryside. Big house, horses, the lot.
The shadow crossed my face. Fine. Justhow do I find your cousin?
Joan pursed her lips, then said quietly, Im sorry, Emma, but the Colin youve been seeing is married. Hes not leaving his wife. Move on.
Gutted. So you deceived me, twice over.
She shrugged. You had it coming. Maybe next time dont look down on people less lucky than you. Call it payback. Goodbye, Emma.
She started hauling suitcases to the door. I couldnt help myselfI grabbed her by the hair. We ended up in a full-blown bust-up in the hallway, only stopped by a knock at the door.
She answered, breathless. Hi, Colin. Im readylets go.
I watched themher, battered but grinning; him, polite but unconcerned. He kissed her and off they went. Oddly, it stung.
I stood alone in the empty flat. Through the window I watched him put her luggage in the car, peck her on the cheek, and help her in. That could have been me, if Id just played it differently.
I muttered, Cant afford this place alone, anyway. Enough of living in rented flats with dodgy flatmates.
Maybe it was time to give up city dreams and go back home, to the village and Mum. Sometimes there really is nothing left to catch in the city.
