Jealous of a Mothers Joy? Just Admit It
Youre checking my purse now, are you? Counting my money, as if its yours! The cheek of it, really! cried Eleanor Parsons, her voice rising with indignation. Ive slogged away my whole life for you, gone without, sacrificed everything. My holidays were spent slaving over a hot stove. Dont you think I deserve a bit of peace and a decent break in my old age? Or am I meant to be your skivvy until I drop?
Her daughter, Charlotte, leaned hard on the kitchen table, clenching her shaking hands out of sight. Of course, her mother had a point here and there, but once upon a time, shed promised quite a different life.
Its your money, no one is contesting that, Charlotte replied, fighting back the tears that threatened to spill. But your priorities are odd, Mum. For Daisy, a trip to the seaside would do her the world of gooddoctors orders, really. Whereas youre off on holiday, treating your fancy man to free drink and sun. And you still pick him, every time.
Dont you dare call Graham that! Hes my partner, after all! Eleanor pursed her lips in fury. And Daisys still got a mother. You had her shes your responsibility now.
Thats just it, isnt it? Charlottes voice shook now, undammed at last. I had her because you promised youd help! Go on, love, well manage. Were family! Remember that? Or has your memory gone walkabout with your conscience?
Charlotte knew she might have been out of order, that she ought to just walk away. But she couldnt let her mother forget how it really was.
…Back then, Charlotte had been naïvehead over heels for the first lad who looked her way. Shed fallen for him, and after three years togetherunmarried, mindshe fell pregnant.
That registry office paper doesnt mean anything these days, hed told her. People manage fine with or without it. Its all just bits of paper. Most folks live together, just as we are.
Charlotte listened and believed him. Believed him, too, when he said how much he longed for a baby with her.
She caught him with someone else in the end, packed her bags, and left. Six months on, he married someone else after all his protestations. He washed his hands of little Daisy entirely, even claiming he wasnt sure she was his.
But Charlotte had bigger problems after the split. How was she to manage? Should she go through with the pregnancy? It was early days still choices could have been made.
Thats when her mother intervened.
Have you lost your mind? Eleanor pressed. Thats my grandchild! My own flesh and blood! Theres nothing to discuss. Youre not alone, love. The two of us, together. So, what if theres no man about? I raised you, didnt I, and your gran? A strong womens team. Well manage, youll see. Youve got Grans old flatneeds a bit of work, but we can let it out, get some income. Dont fret, darling. I wont abandon you.
Charlotte believed her and had Daisy. But the reality didnt match the promises.
The help from Eleanor was more like a contract with fine print on every clause. Yes, she let Charlotte and Daisy live with her, but the utility bills were split in threes.
There are two of you, Eleanor said coolly. Twice as much water and electricity.
Charlotte didnt arguethe logic was flawless. Yet it felt wrong, even then.
Groceries were bought separately. Charlotte could only stretch to the cheapest porridge and, if lucky, some frozen fish fingers. The fridges top shelf was always filled with Eleanors little luxuries: cured ham, French cheeses, smoked salmon. Every so often, she might offer a caviar sandwich to growing Daisy, but that was a rare treat.
Charlotte covered most of the household supplies, the repairs, even new furniture.
Well, you use all that as much as I do! Eleanor would shrug when the pipes burst or the window frames needed mending.
Eleanor chose only the best furniturealways insisted on new if she could.
Charlotte spun like a top. Days with Daisy, nights scrubbing the hallway floors and working as a translator online. Her mother babysat reluctantly, and only with much sighing.
Char, cant you organise yourself better? I work, I need my sleep, Eleanor would complain.
And so Charlotte worked only when Daisy slept or at nursery. But nursery brought its own woes: Daisy was always ailing, and Eleanor refused to take sick days to care for her. Charlotte worked with Daisy clinging to her hips, but clients and bosses arent famed for their patience.
You know, you really ought to take her down to the seaside for a month, said Eleanors friend, their family GP. It might not cure everything, but it would help.
Oh, that sort of trip costs a bomb these days Eleanor would sigh. By the time weve saved up, shell have grown out of it.
Then, a year ago, the little households fragile peace shattered for good. Eleanor, not meeting her daughters eyes, said,
Char, its time you moved out. Its too muchtoo noisy, too disruptive. Im not as young as I used to be. Youve got Grans flat, dont you? Go live there.
By then, the flat had been all but ruined by previous tenantswalls damp, carpets stained, sofa crawling with bedbugs. Charlotte worked herself ragged and had to take out another loan just to make it livable. The first weeks, she and Daisy slept on a bare mattress. But they had to goEleanor gave them all of two weeks.
The reason for the rush became clear soon enough. Within days, Graham moved in with Eleanor. He was the one she was now preparing to take to the seaside.
What more do you want? Youve got your own place! Eleanor snapped. Not every girl your age has a whole flat to herself. Isnt that enough for you? Youre so ungrateful!
For one, it was Gran who left me that flat. She, unlike you, made no promises. For another thing, Im still paying off this blasted loan. Whereas youwell, you turfed us out to make room for your man. Said you couldnt afford anything for your granddaughter, and now youve carted off some bloke for a holiday.
It came out sharp, but the truth often does. Under other circumstances, Charlotte might have been glad for her mum, but not after being promised the world for having a child and then being hung out to dry.
Rude girl Go on, off with you! Eleanor screamed, hand trembling as she pointed at the door. Jealous of my happiness, thats all!
Charlotte choked on her words. She stared at Eleanor for a moment, hardly believing her ears, then turned for the hallway.
Im not jealous, Mum she said quietly as she reached the door. Just surprised. You said we were family. Turns out, your family is just you and whoever amuses you at the moment. Fine, have your fun. But when Graham leaves, dont call me. Ive got loans and a child to care for. I wont have time for you.
Seven years blurred by in a blink. At first Charlotte was frightened, overwhelmed, but soon she got used to it. Then, one day, she realised she was solidly on her own two feet.
Thats when Henry entered her life. Not some dashing knight, but with him, life felt safe and certain. He taught Daisy to ride a bicycle and fixed up the old wiring in the flat. For Henry, there were no yours and mineit was all ours.
They registered their marriage quietly, no fuss, no frills. A year later, baby Michael was bornround-cheeked and full-throated.
Charlotte was happy. By then, shed kept contact with Eleanor to a bare minimumjust the occasional birthday text. Eleanor sometimes asked about her, but her responses were belated, awkwardoften just a word or two, sometimes an emoji. Charlotte stopped telling her much at all. Were doing fine, shed reply. And they were.
Think we ought to invite your mum, old girl? Shes never met Michael Henry suggested one evening, bouncing their infant on his knee.
Charlotte just shook her head.
No, Henry. Shes got her own life now. I wont impose, not after everything. She made it clear children were just a burden to her.
But then, everything changed.
It was November. The rain hadnt let up for days, hammering the window panes; the sky was blank and grey.
The telephone rang. Mum. A cold prickle ran down Charlottes back. Eleanor never called first.
Hello? Charlotte, love her mothers voice was small, broken. Could you could you come round? My backs out terrible, I can barely make it to the loo. Been stuck in bed three days No one here, nothing to eat, cant get to the chemist
Wheres Graham? Charlotte asked coolly.
Silence down the line.
Grahams gone. Left when this startedsaid the spark was gone. Char, Im really not well. Please, will you come?
All right. Ill be there soon.
Charlotte sighed, gathered her coat, and set out. What other choice was there? After all, her mother had raised her, at least in some fashion.
She returned to the flat shed been booted out of, not once but twice. This reunion was the hardest of all: after seven years, Eleanor seemed two decades older. Deep lines carved her face, her hair white, her hands swollen and veined. She seemed different. A stranger, almost.
I didnt think youd come, her mother whispered.
You always said to keep promises, Charlotte murmured.
She fetched her mother some water, rubbed a warming balm into her back, then cleaned and cooked a hasty meal. She was about to take a tray in and slip away when her mother reached out and caught her wrist.
Char where are Henry and the children? I thought you might bring them, so I could see. Daisy must be so grown up now
Charlotte gently freed her hand. She realised this conversation was unavoidable, so she took a seat beside the bed.
Henrys at home, with the kids. Its a school night tomorrow.
Still, you could have brought them, just for a little? I am their grandmother
A grandmother theyve never met, Charlottes voice hardened. Dais has grownwhile you were off gallivanting with Graham, forgetting us completely. To her, youre Aunt Eleanor, who sends the odd e-card. And Michael doesnt even know you exist.
Must you be so cruel? Eleanor sobbed, turning to the wall. I just wanted a life of my own. Is that a crime?
No, it isnt. Theres nothing wrong with finding love, or going on holiday, or cradling a quiet life. Thats your right. We just decided not to get in the way. You made your choice, and we respected ityou didnt look back.
Eleanor had nothing to say to that. It was the truth, plain as day.
Charlotte headed for the doorway.
Foods in the fridge, your tablets are on the bedside. Ill call round for a care assistant so youre not left alone while youre ill. Ill ring to check in.
And thats it? Eleanor propped herself up, incredulous. Just going to leave? Wont even have a cup of tea with me? Were not strangers, love!
Charlotte lingered by the door.
Not strangers by blood. But by life? We are. You were the one who chose to trade in your granddaughters health for a man. Maybe I wasnt perfect either, but You wanted to live for yourself and have no ties. Well done. You managed it.
She left without looking back.
Outside, in the biting rain, Charlotte drew a lungful of crisp, cold air. Across town, in a tiny but warm flat, her family waitednot out of duty, not for what she could do, but simply because they loved her.
And behind, in the darkness, was a woman who had fought for her freedom and won. She now had the very life shed wanted: one centred on herself alone. The only trouble was, she had no one left to share it with.
