Mums Shoes
Mum, do you not get it? I cant possibly show up to an interview looking like this! Its a huge company! Emma pulled the stragglers of her modest wardrobe from the closet and plonked herself right in the middle of the mountain of scattered clothes. Theres not a single decent thing to wear. Mum, am I just hopeless?
Emmas mum, Sarah, nudged her daughter to her feet and gave a half-hearted chuckle.
Well, who stopped you getting something new before you started chucking your CV about?
I didnt know theyd get back to me this quickly! Emma wailed. Its not like Im some prize that people snap up the second I apply!
Emmas outburst startled the odd little creature snoozing quietly under the tablea creature people sometimes mistook for a dog, but werent really sure.
Her name was Dotty. She jumped at her own shadow, but heaven help anyone who came within what Dotty considered unsafe range of her owners. The shrill, piercing bark would make anyones ears ring, and usually the daring party would decide it wasnt worth their while to argue with this unlikely protector.
Emma found Dotty at an animal shelter, where shed gone with some mates, fired up to volunteer and help the poor little animals.
The animals were less than impressed by her enthusiasm. On day one, her arms were properly scratched by cats who didnt want their affection forced, and she couldnt sit down because a slightly traumatised Doberman (whose previous owner had abandoned him) took a chunk out of her backside.
All this, frankly, because Emma had ignored the shelter managers tips, deciding shed do things her own way.
After she took a trip to A&E to patch her up, Emma insisted on returning, despite the managers doubts.
Dont have a go! I get it nowIm not cut out for this. I cant help them all. But I can help one! Theres a dog there I saw. Ugly, crooked teeth. No ones going to want her. But I do!
Shes not going anywhere just like that. Ill need to see shes being looked after, right?
Of course! Happy for you to check!
You live on your own?
With my mum.
What if she says no?
She wont. My mum loves me and she trusts me.
Well see
Emma wasnt making it up. Her mum really did love her. Enough to let her do almost anythingalways hoping Emma would grow into her own strong, capable person. Although, sometimes in her quest to encourage independence, things took odd turns.
Emma, why did you take Uncle Mikes car?
I didnt steal it! I borrowed it! Tom cut his leg open on a rusty nail and his nan was outthere was no one to help!
Emma, youre only a kid!
Yeah, but what if it got infected?
You could have called for an ambulance! Uncle Mike gave us the spare keys for the flat, not so you could drive off!
They were on the same fob, mum! I needed to get Tom help!
Youre grounded. Youll spend the rest of the summer with nan, keeping an eye on her veg patch, not sprinting around the estate!
Mum!
No mum. Im not joking. Youre only thirteen! You havent got a licence. Knowing how to drive doesnt mean you should. Havent you remembered what your dad used to say?
I do, Emma scowled, already realising shed lost the argument. Your mistakes are your own. You mess it up; you fix it.
Exactly!
Emma wouldnt have dared talk back to her dad. Hed taught her to drive, over her mums protests:
Oh, give it a rest! Better she learns properly nowshell be safer in the long run.
Shes only twelve!
Shes not small! Lookshe can reach the pedals and her reflexes are brilliant. Just like me.
Oh, brilliant! As if one daredevil in the family wasnt enough!
Who knowsmaybe shell take after me, eh?
Sarah would clutch her head, while Emma would grin and egg her dad on. Fate, however, had other plans.
Just before Christmas, two months before Emma was to turn thirteen, her dad was making his way home from a filming job. A boy ran into the road, darting out from behind a bus. He saw him too late to prevent an accident, but his years of training and practice allowed him to swerve away from the crowded bus stop full of schoolkids and avoid the mums with prams crossing nearby. He hit a lamppost, which took the brunt of the crash and didnt topplebut nothing could be done for Emmas dad after that.
That Christmas, for Emma, was the darkest shed ever known. Thats when she learnt there are things you just cant change or fix.
Her mum cried non-stop, unable to accept a world without the man she loved. Emma drifted from room to room, not knowing how to help either her mum or her gran, whod come to look after things. Gran spent hours in the kitchen, keeping her hands busy, but shooed Emma away when she tried to help.
Go on, go! Youll just slice your finger off!
Only their neighbour, Auntie Kath, seeing Emma weeping quietly in the hallway by her mums bedroom, finally shook things up and made the adults realise the childs pain.
Have you all lost the plot or what?! Whats Emma done to deserve all this? She stormed into Sarahs room. Get up, Sarah! Enough with the wallowing! Think about your daughter for a second! Youve lost your husband, shes lost her father. Stop giving me that lookIm only saying what needs saying. Your Mark loved that girl more than life. And youre not even looking at her! Shes sobbing her eyes out in corners, terrified, not knowing what to do, while you keep wallowing.
How dare you, Kath
I say it like it isand you know it, Sarah. Pack your mum off home, too! Surely you can make a soup for your own child?! Up you get! Kath sat on the edge of the bed and hugged her friend, drying her tears. Its time. You wont follow him Hed never forgive you if you left your daughter alone.
Kath was the first and only one of Sarahs friends not to offer sympathy, but to actually do something to wake her from her grief.
That very evening, Emmas gran headed home, and Sarah nicked herself three times trying to peel potatoes for dinner.
Never mind she muttered, patching up another nick. Well get through this, Em We will Dad would want that.
They did get through, slowly, bit by bit, settling into the new normal. Things werent always smooth, but they moved forward.
Emma kept up with school, drew a lot, and tried playing guitarher dads old one. She did her best to keep her mum on her toes.
Whats this?! Sarah nearly dropped the huffy, undersized Dotty on seeing her for the first time.
A present for you, mum! You said you wanted a dog. Well, lookshes adorable! Now youve always got company in the evenings.
Sarah gingerly accepted the oddly quiet Dotty and sighed:
A guard dog, honestly where does all that noise come from?!
Dotty might not have understood the words, but she got the meaningshe yipped indignantly, but pressed herself, tiny and trembling, into Sarahs hands. Whatever she needed to bea guard, a flea, even the Popeshe would, if it meant staying.
And no one planned to take her away. Sarah now walked Dotty every evening round the nearby park, joining in the neighbours jokes about the strange little beast with the matchstick legs whod wormed her way into her heart.
Emma? Emma kept at her studies, still desperately trying to figure out what she wanted from life.
Her dads mates checked in on them both, brought Emma along to shoots, to events, to film festivals. By the time she turned eighteen, Emma wasnt just driving cars but riding motorbikes too. She fenced, she could sword-fight, and had even gotten pretty decent with a scuba tank.
Shed even appeared in a couple of filmsin crowd scenes, really, or in the background, but enough to see behind the scenes.
But whether she wanted to properly follow in her dads footsteps well, Emma wasnt so sure.
Mum, what should I do?
How can I decide that for you, love? If I make all your choices, it becomes my life, not yours. And I dont want that. Nor would your dad.
I just dont want you worrying about me all the time.
Thats the last thing you need to fret about. Ill always worry about you, thats what mums doeven if you live right next door.
But why?
Mums are just built that way. Were the original panic merchants. Worrying over our kidsthats normal, Emma! What matters is how we live with that worry. Some mums try to wrap their kids up so tightly, theyre stifled, thinking thatll keep them safebut you cant run from fate, love, I know that all too well now. But I wont have you take daft risks eithernot like Ive got a spare kid!
Is it hard for you? Emma snuggled closer.
What do you think?
Its hard.
Im glad you get that. And I understand just how hard things are for you. Choosing what to do with your life is never easy. Its something to take your time with. Take your time, weigh it up. What do you want to do?
Im not sure. I like film, I like drawing, I even like racing on the track but I know you cant just rely on that. I need a proper job.
Exactly! So, since you realise that, we need to figure out what youd enjoy and what we can manage.
What do you mean?
Well, not every course or opportunity is available in our town, you know.
Oh no!
Exactly. You might need to go up to London or somewhere. Thats rent, food, the lot. Well need to think carefully, alright?
Yeah. Youre right, mum. Ill think about it.
Good. You decideand tell me when youre ready. Ill look for options.
Sarahs hunt for those options turned into a second job and two private tutors. On her dads mates advice, Emma decided to apply to a university in London.
Well help, love. Just focus on your studies, Emma! Your dad would want you to shine. What its in doesnt really matter.
I want to do special effects.
Good on you! Not the easiest career and there arent tons of specialists, but if youre good at it, youll work. Think you can handle it?
Ill try.
Thats the spiritnot cocky, but determined. Youll be fine.
The first two years in London were a slog, but then things picked up. Emma worked as a makeup artist to pay her waymade a tidy sum, too, since she could make a plain Jane look stunning.
At cosplay festivals, she was booked months in advance. Her eye for detail meant you could bank on her to help win the big prizes.
She even got invited to film setsnot just as a favour to her dads friends, but gradually on her own merit.
Tall, slim, pixie-cut hair, always in trainers, Emma zipped round London wishing just one thingthat she could live with her mum again. She missed Sarah, Dottys ear-splitting bark, and most of all, the warmth that no one else could fill. Sure, she dated plenty of blokes, but nothing serious enough to change her life for good.
Emma finally had the chance to reunite with her mum after her gran passed away, leaving Emma her flat, her cottage, and her old garage. That gave them enough to buy a tiny two-bedroom on the capitals edgeroom for them all. The flat needed a proper overhaul, but they didnt mind. Bit by bit, they made it home again, grateful just to be under one roof.
Emma finished uni and had a stint at an indie film studio when the big offer camea position at a large company, with prospects and perks.
So when she got the interview call, she tore through the flat like a whirlwind, flinging her beloved T-shirts and jeans everywhere. None of her usual stuff seemed right.
Oh, youre a treat! Sarah nabbed the latest T-shirt Emma had, one shed painted a sad Eeyore on. Thats brilliant! You should start flogging theseyoud make a mint, Em!
Mum! Thats hardly the point! Emma tugged out her only smart blouse and immediately declared it hideous. Frills! Straight from Grannys trunk!
Dont drag Granny into this, love! Sarah snorted, scooping a bewildered Dotty into her arms. Anywayshell help you out now.
How? Emma, almost ready to cry, sat back on the floor.
With a secretive smile, Sarah left the room and returned with something that made Emma gasp.
A white trouser suit, pristine and tailoreda vision.
Mum, whats this? Emma asked, suddenly whispering.
My wedding suit. I wore it when I married your dad.
I thought you had a dress Emmas fingers gently traced the fabric and buttons.
No, theres barely any photos, remember? Got lost in the move. I was guttedthere were hardly any, and then they disappeared We just signed at the register office, nothing fancy.
Why didnt you have a proper wedding?
Oh, we were young and daft, love! Got the date muddled and your dad had to shoot off for work. So, a quick signing and straight onto the train. Had a proper knees-up with mates instead, and the honeymoon was a disaster too!
How?
Your dad managed to break his leg on set. And I, good wife I was, nursed him back to health. It was special! Sarah smiled wistfully. But we had the summer and the sea and peaches and a bit of happiness, eh? All we needed. You came out of that trip, love so the suits lucky. Give it a go!
The jacket and trousers fit Emma like a dream.
As if it was made for you! Miraculous!
Whats Granny got to do with it? Emma spun in front of the mirror, sizing up her mum.
All of it! She made this suit for me. Even found the perfect shoesexactly what I wanted. I never wore heels, but for the wedding, thought I should. Couldnt find plain white courts anywhere thoughthey were all covered in beads or sparkly bits. I just wanted plain.
Did you find them?
Not me. Granny did. She took my measurements to Mr. Davis, the cobbler. He got it spot on. Look!
The shoes in the box were lovely. Emma slid her foot into the right one, waiting for the fairy tale moment, then burst out laughing.
No chance of me being Cinderella, Mum
Whats wrong? Sarah frowned.
Theyre too big! Our sizes dont match! Emmas eyes filled with tears as she looked in the mirrorthe shoes were perfect for the suit.
Oh, dont be daft, Sarah grinned. You didnt live through the Great British shortages, love! Watch and learn.
Watching her mum stuff the toes with wads of cotton wool, Emma howled with laughter.
Whatre you laughing at? Stuffing shoeswell known! But you know the same trick in a bra does wonders too, eh? Never stopsalways something to teach you lot! Sarah handed the now smaller shoe back. Try now!
Fits!
Wear them for luck, darling
Emma got the job.
And the film she worked on, with one of her dads friends, was a successher ticket to the big time, not just as an assistant, but as a real professional people started talking about.
But the best part wasnt that. It was meeting the love of her life on set. And when Emma got married, it was in those very shoes her mum gave her for luck.
Just like her parents, Emma and her partner popped into the registry office before another shoot, then jetted offwith a kiss at the airport for her mum and Dotty. For once, Dotty was unbelievably quiet. And as the plane took off, she let out a long, human sigh and licked a tear from Sarahs cheek.
Im not going to cry, Dotty honestly. Youre right. We should be happy our girls doing well.Sarah stood by the window, watching the shrinking silver bird soar against the morning light. She pressed her palm to the glass. Below, Dotty circled her ankles and finally settled with a thump, tail thudding in steady rhythm, like a heartbeat keeping time.
In the silence of the flat, surrounded by half-unpacked boxes and the photos Sarah had promised shed finally display, mother and dog listened to the far-off rush of engines and wondered what story would come next. Sarah felt the ache of parting, but beneath it, a quiet pride unfurled: her girlconfident, shining, forging ahead in shoes that belonged to all the women whod walked before her.
That night, as dusk spilled softly into every corner of their little home, Sarah set a battered shoebox on the kitchen table. Inside, she placed a notejust one line, written with a trembling but hopeful hand: For the next stepwhen shes ready. She tucked in the smallest pair of sockssoft, impossibly tiny, the gift shed been saving, just in case time moved quickly again.
Then she poured herself a cup of tea, and Dotty hopped up to lean against her. Outside, the city moved; inside, memories danced, but hopebrighter than everfilled all the space in between. For in every new beginning, Sarah knew, a part of the journey always led back home.
