The grandchildren only see a piece of fruit once a month, and yet shes off buying premium food for her precious cats, my daughter-in-law fumes, accusing me of being heartless.
My daughter-in-law had the nerve to shame me, insisting her children only see fruit once in a blue moon while I treat my cats to quality food. The thing is, her children have both a mother and a father who should be responsible for their balanced diet, whilst my cats only have me to provide for them. When I once suggested to my son and his wife that perhaps they ought to slow down in their quest to populate the country, I was swiftly told to mind my own business. And so I have. Now I simply feed my cats and put up with my daughter-in-laws neverending complaints about my lack of maternal warmth.
My sons wedding took place when his wife was already expecting. Of course, both insisted it was a love match and the pregnancy merely a happy coincidence. I raised an eyebrow but said no more on the matter in the end, my son is a grown man responsible for his own decisions.
Before her maternity leave, my daughter-in-law worked as a cashier at the supermarket. For most of her pregnancy, she was off sick, always saying that it was too difficult to deal with the endless barrage of customers spoiling for a row. Given her temperament, not exactly the most placid or tolerant, Im inclined to believe there were more than a few arguments involved.
Frankly, whatever sort of character my sons wife has is not my concern, as we live separately. Im in my own flat and my son and his wife live in one he bought with a mortgage. Before the wedding, my son and I shared a three-bedroom flat that I owned. I sold it, bought myself a nice one-bed, and my son used his share as a deposit on his own place three bedrooms, no less.
‘Why on earth do you need a three-bedroom flat now? Thats just extra money flushed down the drain, I tried reasoning with my son, who hadnt yet told me about the impending wedding. Well, it all made sense later.
He pays the mortgage himself since his wife, nearly always off sick and soon on maternity leave, hasnt been contributing to the household income, though shes quite happy to spend it. The result is theyre always skint.
I try to keep out of their affairs I have no wish to end up cast as the villain. My son made his choice in a wife, and he doesnt live with me, so theres no need for us to squabble over pots and bathrooms. Let them get on with it.
My son, by the way, bought his flat not far from mine, so he often pops over after work for dinner. His wife doesnt trouble herself with cooking, claiming the smells make her feel sick. I suppose thats possible, and Im not one to argue.
When their first child was born, I thought to offer to help my daughter-in-law first-time mums can always use a hand but I was told quite plainly she could manage and had both the internet and her own mother for advice. Fine by me; I never pressed the point. After that, I limited my visits to bringing the odd treat for my grandchild and no longer offered to help.
The mortgage, along with a wife and baby, was no picnic for my son, but he never complained, knowing hed made these choices himself. I did feel for him but couldnt help much save feeding him the odd hot meal and reassured him things would ease up once the baby grew older and his wife went back to work.
But his wife had no intention of returning to work after maternity leave. When their eldest was nearly two, she found herself expecting again. I gently suggested that perhaps they were a bit too enthusiastic about doing their bit to boost the British birth rate, but was roundly told off by my daughter-in-law.
‘Best keep your nose out of our business! Were managing ourselves and dont need your help! she declared.
My son mumbled something about the government child benefit being a support. If that was their decision, it was none of my business. My relationship with my daughter-in-law had never been especially warm, but after her blunt advice to stay out of their matters, I stopped engaging with her altogether. Occasionally, my son brought the older child to see me, but I never invited myself round.
So, I lived my life. My son and his family got on with theirs. My son confided fairly often about their dire financial situation and let slip a few things that suggested all was not rosy at home. But I kept my counsel. What could I possibly say? Get a divorce? Talk to your wife? Get a new job? As if lifes that simple.
The second grandchild was born without me being invited even to the hospital or being told when they came home. I felt hurt but didnt insist. Why make myself a laughing stock if my daughter-in-law had already made her mind up about me, and my son isnt even capable of voicing a word in my defence?
The first time I met my younger grandchild he was already seven months old. I was, by special permission, allowed to attend the older childs birthday. I brought gifts for both children and treats for the occasion, knowing money was tight for them. I stayed a couple of hours and left, while my daughter-in-law floated about with a face like thunder, as though granting me some mighty favour just by allowing my presence.
Im far too old now to chase round after every uppity young woman, trying to convince her of anything. So I stopped turning up uninvited, and they didnt ask me. I kept in touch with the older grandchild when my son brought him round; the little one, however, his mother kept at home.
The finances in my sons family didnt improve government benefits didnt fix everything. More and more, my son complained about his wifes inability to economise, that he wasnt made of money, and their arguments about spending. Again, I kept quiet.
Recently, I ran into my daughter-in-law by chance in the supermarket. I couldnt help but notice shes pregnant again. She glanced at my shopping basket.
‘Exactly! The grandkids only see fruit once a month, but shes buying expensive cat food for her moggies, she all but hissed, before yanking the eldest by the hand and stalking off.
And really, whose fault is it that I can buy decent food for my animals, while they cant afford fruit for their own children? She knows theyre short of cash, with a mortgage and my sons work not going well, and still keeps having babies one after another. She could go and earn money for fruit for the children. Why should that be my worry?
Now, Ive no doubt, shell try to stop me seeing the grandchildren entirely, since Im obviously the wrong sort of grandmother who doesnt rush to hand over all my savings to my sons family. You have to live your own life, but it seems my daughter-in-law just cant and, sadly, it appears my son cant either.
