Lucy the Pumpkinhead
Lucy! Oi, Lucy! Turn your big head around! Pumpkin! Look, everyonePumpkin!
The school playground shimmered beneath a ripe September sun, echoing with laughter now that the first round of lessons was done. Those teasing shouts ought to have gotten lost in the noisy after-class swell. But they boomed out so sharply that nearly everyone heard. The playground froze for a second, attending to the spectacle: Lucy, a tiny, lost Year One, petrified on the stone steps, shrinking back in terror and clutching her enormous, lopsided satchel.
Hey, Pumpkin-Lucy! Whats the matterscared, are you? Come on, lads, get her!
The boys, who only moments ago had sat solemn and obedient at their desks next to Lucys, now swarmed her with sudden, unkind glee. Lucys eyes grew wide with fear, her hands trembled involuntarily, and her legstraitorous and numbrefused to dash her to safety.
How many times did she see this scene in her sleep afterwards? Too many to count.
Sticky, honey-thick terror flooded her through and through, first seizing the tips of her fingers, wrenching them open and making her release her satchel.
Let it go! Leave the bag right here on the steps! Youll go home without it and youll get a right telling-off! Serves you rightmust take care of your stuff, you lot! Therell be no more in the budget for replacements!
Lucy tried to grit her fists, but couldnt. Her satchel thudded to the ground; her legs, heavy and woolly, stumbled her into a hopeless, useless run that moved her nowhere at allthe ground seemed to hold her hostage. She was moving but had gone not a step. The horror, slimy and persistent, curled inside her until it burst into husky, ragged pleading:
Please just stop
She saw only shadows in dreams, but the jeering voices still found her.
But then, into that smothering nightmare, a bright shout sliced through:
Oi, you lot! Leave her alone! Ill show you what happens when you pick on little uns!
The panics shackles fell away; Lucy was freed, waking drenched and shivering like a drenched field mouseyet gradually soothed.
That familiar, feisty voice would pull Lucy from dream into reality, where shed recall she wasnt little anymore, and that those cruelties were far in the past.
But theres a time before that realisation
Oi! Quit it! I said, quit it!
Barreling across the playground came a wiry bundle of energycurly-haired Annie, white ribbons bobbing at the ends of impossibly long plaits, heedless of her nans shouts.
Unlike Lucy, Annie was watched over constantly. She had a granddad and both her nanas competing for the privilege of collecting her after school.
Little Annie, a pint-sized whirlwind, flung herself into the fray, and in a heartbeat the rowdy crowd stilled again, uncertain, re-evaluating the odds.
Take that! And that! Whos a name-caller now, eh? and Annie walloped Lucys tormentors with her satchel.
Lucy, paralysed, tried desperately to help her accidental champion, but her knees buckled; her vision faded. The last thing she heard before the darkness devoured her was Annies nanas sharp cry:
Child! Let the boy go! Youll hurt him!
“But Im hurting too,” Lucy caught that last thought by the tail as she let herself slide into the hush of unconsciousness.
Scolding grown-ups dispersed the crowd, scooped up Lucy, and carried her to the nurses room.
Her mum, summoned from work, bristled at the headteacher.
Whats going on here? Why is my child being bullied?
Well, you see
No, I do not see, and I dont intend to! Sort it out! And then well talk!
She carefully helped Lucy, dazed and staring at the ceiling for more than half an hour, gently holding her narrow shoulders.
Are you alright, love?
Lucy sniffled, pressing her face into the lavender-and-milk-smelling warmth of her mum, fighting tears.
Easy, sweetheart. Dont cry!Mums narrow hand wiped Lucys cheek. Everything will be alright, I promise. No one will hurt you again.
She couldnt have been more wrong
There would be hurtsa hundred, maybe more. The nasty nicknamePumpkin-Lucywould stick, haunting Lucy years after everyone else forgot.
But through it all, one person always saw her differently. Annie didnt notice the off-kilter face, which time would gently even out. She felt only Lucys spirit, not her imperfections.
Lucys soul was huge. Enough for family, neighbours, stray cats, even for rescue mutts no one wanted, and for every bug and beetle she peered at on tiptoe in the park, her clever, heavy head forever tilted in thought.
For indeed, Lucy had a clever head. Teachers marvelled at her memory, her secret stash of factshidden, for fear of fresh ridicule.
Well, with a melon like that, you must be brainy, only youre still thick as two short planks! Understood? Youll never be clever!
Her tormentors never stopped, though the punches did. Annie was fierce in Lucys defencefew dared cross her again. But Annie couldnt tie up the boys tongues with a neat ribbon, and so, when words failed, shed shake a tiny fist from afar and straighten Lucys collar.
Lucy, dont listen to em! Youre beautiful. In your own way, of course. Nan says everyones beautiful, in their own way.
Whats beautiful about me, Ann? Theyre right I look like a pumpkin
Not true!Annie would fiercely object. Dont let them say those things! Dont let them!
Lucy always stayed quiet. She had so much to say, but the words were too heavy.
Lucys mum was clever, tooso clever, but unhappy. Shed met Lucys dad, and waved goodbye to her career as a brilliant physicist. Now she was just Mrs. Bennett, a wife and mother; her husband insisted there was no room for two geniuses in a family, and he wasnt giving up his place.
Lucys dad was in aerospace, some star in his firmament, destined (at least according to him) for distant galaxies. Domestic matters were beneath him. Those were for womenwife and mother, together or alone.
Lucy loathed her dads mother; shed breeze in, settle into the dads chair, and torment her daughter-in-law.
Lena! How many times? The house needs order! Theres dust, the fridge is empty. Dyou even bathe these children? Look at yourself! Julian finds it upsetting, you know, watching his wife in such a state! Have you even washed your hair?
Her mum, wrangling three children including a babe-in-arms, gave the old lady silence in reply. Arguments were beneath her. She would just give the eldest, Lucy, a quick glance, and Lucy knew what to do. Pram wheeled to the hall, wait for Mum. Theyd allbar Dadleave the house for a walk in any weather.
Dads mother always came, like clockwork, Tuesdays and Thursdays. Lucys mum adjusted accordingly.
She loved her husband, but the love was warped and uneven, so Lucy thought. How could you love someone who never, for a moment, considered your wishes?
Lena, weve got kids! What career? Youre a mother! Youre a wife! You ought to let yourself be a woman! Physics isnt for women!
Julian, Ive got a degree. Did you forget?
Of course not. I remember. But would you be anywhere without me? I gave you the chance to realise yourself as a woman! What more could you want? Mother says you only just made the cutcaught the last train. And now youve forgotten who held out their hand to pull you up!
Lucy, too young at first, came to understand the conversations she heard were far from comforting.
Her mother loved her father. Her father not so much.
At school, Lucy had once heard a right selfish so-and-so, and she remembered. Now, when Dad scolded her mother, Lucy didnt see a man, dumpily red and half-bald, but an ugly, hairy caterpillar, waving its front legs angrily at the world. Shed have squashed it with her shoe, given the chancebut that was a dream.
Her mother, though, was clever, and she bided her time.
People are all hostages to circumstance.
Her mother had nowhere to live of her own. The village house where she grew up had burned to ashes, along with half the street, and Lucys mother only heard about it by letter, long after. She mourned its loss, which shed long hoped to hand down, then she quietly made plans.
Where and how could a woman with three children ever get a place of her own?
Nowhere. Not a prayer.
Lucys mother accepted that. When her elderly neighbour, Rose Parker, offered a deal long in the making, she agreed.
Lena dear, I wont cost you a penny. You know, Im not a fussy old thing. Half a biscuit a day and clean sheets is all I ask. And my flatwhen Im goneits yours.
For my children, Miss Parker.
Oh no, for you, Lena! You personally. Properly signed and all. Every woman needs her own four walls, especially if lifes dealt her a rough hand.
Rose Parker knew what troubled Lenas soul.
Oh, my dear, what sorrow!Rose would sigh.
What, exactly?Lena, on hands and knees, scrubbing Roses living room floor.
The way we women are so reliant on men! Oh, I could weep for it. Few of us put ourselves first, nature made us to care for others. Still, let me tell you this
Tell me?
When a woman thinks of her children foremost, thats wonderfulup to a point. But if she puts a man so far ahead she forgets herselfdisaster, Lena! Thats the way to get lost for good.
Is that what Im doing?
No, my dearotherwise you wouldnt be here. Your husband doesnt know about this job, does he?
No.
Good. Wise. Not because youre hiding the truthbut because youve already made up your mind.
What have I decided?
Tell me.
Ill leave him
Quite right. I dont like giving advice, but in your shoes, I will. Get out, Lena. Go! Dont you dare live here after Im gonesell the place and move far away. Yes, the neighbourhoods fine, but your husband and mother-in-law? Dont let them hound you and the children. As soon as youre out of sight, theyll find another victim and forget you ever existed!
But if they dont?
Lena, am I a psychiatrist or what?
Who else, Rose?
Doesnt matter. What matters is, youll seeI know what Im saying. I could use big words, but you wouldnt follow; you’ve another area of expertise. And that, youll useone day. So long as you decide to do it.
Her mother nodded, and so did Lucymaking notes inside, wondering if Mum would ever take Roses advice.
Lucy dreamed wildly. She wanted to be as clever as Miss Parker, to understand people the way she did. When Lucy realised that Rose grasped the depths of her parents relationship, her career path became clear. She spent hours by Rose Parkers bedsideafter a car accident Roses brittle bones meant she could no longer walk, but she remained sharp and untiring. Lucy sat there too, while Rose tutored students hoping for university places.
Listenreally listen, girlstore up everything I teach you, itll come in handy, I promiseRose would pat Lucys cheek. Ill see to it that you become the best doctor this towns ever known!
Rose kept her word.
Lucy entered university, passed with top marks, and went on her own waynever forgetting her mothers struggles.
By then, her mother had finally split from her husband. Yet shed been too late to keep the full promise to RoseLucys father died just a couple of months after Lena filed for divorce. The case never went to court, but when Lucys grandmother found out that the flat, bank account, and even the cash hed squirrelled awaynot with his motherwould now go to his wife, she was livid.
One more word against me and youll not get a penny more than your share.
Her mother’s tone was steely, and Lucy, by the kitchen door, was in awe.
How dare you!
I do. I always have. Youre simply not good at reading people. I allowed you to lord it over mebecause I chose to. That wasnt weakness. You read it wrong.
Her mother didnt smile. She spoke, slow and heavy as pebbles dropped into a brook. The old lady shrank and, all at once, burst into tears.
Lena didnt comfort her. She poured a glass of water, set it down, and waited until she stopped.
That day, Lucy learnedsometimes you win by letting your opponent guess at your strength, not by drawing your sword. Her mother paid the share due. Then she called all three of her children together.
Do you wish to keep up with your fathers mother?
All three said no.
And from then on, Lucy, her sister and brother never saw their grandmother again.
By then, Lucys cruel nickname had faded into the mist of memory. In Year Six, her mother had followed Roses advice and moved Lucy to another school, one strong in science and biology.
She needs this to get in, Rose said. She wants to be a doctor. Its our duty to help.
Annie wept when Lucy left; Lucy had to raise her voice so Annie would hear:
What are you crying for? Im not moving to the moon, just changing schools!
No, Lucy, you dont get it. We wont see each other.
Ann was right in a way. There was barely time for Lucy to help her siblings with homework. She and Annie drifted apartto another flat, another life, even as phones and new social networks blossomed.
Life moved on.
Lucy graduated, married, had a son, then divorcedremembering Roses command to remember her own wishesand found contentment.
She had everything she wanted: a flat in the city centre, a good job, loving family, a child. No permanent man, but that didnt disturb her peace. She had long since shed her pumpkin complex, and midnight held no terrors.
Yet sometimes, when exhaustion or worry visited, the old dream recurredthe schoolyard and Annies saving voice.
Lucy had long since given up on finding Annie. The past belonged in the past.
But life is mischievous, tugging its tangled strings and surprising us with debts to settle.
Wait, I said! You! Stop, you wretch! If I catch you, youre done for!
Lucy, cycling through the parks leafy paths, chasing her son, hardly noticed the shouts from a neighbouring avenue.
Who cares? Perhaps a man angry at his dog.
But when a slim, bloodied figure darted into her path, Lucy nearly banged her nose, skidding and swerving to avoid collision.
Annieis that you?
Her old friend, barely changedstill petite, curly-haired, only now fearful, the old fire gone. Lucy, with no forethought, swung her bike sideways to shield Annie and fished for her phone.
Stay put!
She roared it so forcefully that even her son wheeled around and, sensing the tension, raced off to fetch helphis uncle and father, Lucys ex.
Lucy stayed friendly with her ex-husband, often letting their son spend time with both parents for his wellbeing.
The man chasing Annie kept on, nearly upon them, when Lucy, phone to ear, barked:
Yes, police! Attack!
From one side a man with a German Shepherd appeared, the dog growling at Annies drunken pursuer; from the other, Lucys brother and ex-husband, fetched by her son. Lucy wasnt afraid when her phone was smacked from her hand. Instead, she hurled her bicycle at the attacker and pinned him with it.
Best stay down, mate, she said, voice calm, standing over him as he swore terribly.
So much steel in her voice that even Annie flinched, clinging to Lucy.
Lucy, you alright?! The men pried away the blubbering Annie.
Me? Fine. Annies had the worst of it.
Lucy hugged her.
Well hello again, then.
Hello, Annie sagged in Lucys arms, and everyone rushed to call an ambulance, to fuss and decide what next.
Life goes round in circles, doesnt it Lucy whispered, watching Annie on her hospital bed.
That day was the end of those nightmaresAnnies fiery voice defending pumpkin Lucy never came again. Theyd swapped roles. Now it was Lucys turn to help the friend whod once protected her.
What happened, Ann? Whats wrong? Lucy stroked her friends battered hands, bruises old and new scattered across Annies arms.
Everythings wrong, Lucy. Everything Annie sobbed quietly.
Was it your husband?
Boyfriend. Not married. Just live together. He took me and my daughter in, once Mum died. Oh Lucy, Ive no one leftno mum, dad, nan. Theyre all gone. First husbandgambled everything away. I loved him. I tried to helpEven when I was expecting, Id fetch him from bookies. He hit me. I thought he was ill. You cant be angry with someone whos ill, right, Lucy?
You cant. But you should keep your distance. Same as with a rabid dogyou wouldnt hug it.
Did you leave him?
No. He was found near Kings Cross, just before I had Nessa. They said it was the train. I dont know
And this one, who hurt you now?
He was a friendboth of us. I put him up after his marriage endedjust as a friend. Then things changed it just happened. I was so lonely, Lucyso cold. I thought hed help.
Did he?
Dont be cruel. You can see for yourself. I dont want you to see more. Keys are in my coat, I think.
Rest, Ann.
I cant! Ive got Nessamy daughter. I was coming home from work, whenhe found me in the park. I didnt even know what Id done. I need to goLucy, I have to fetch Nessa from nursery! What time is it?
Late. Ill go. Call nurserytell them Ill collect her.
You? Why?
Who else, Ann?
No one, Annie admitted quietly.
And fate, amused, twisted those broken threads together, winding them on a new spool.
There you goa new path, just beginning. What it will be depends on them, on the women they have become. Whos stronger is hard to say nowand no longer matters. Time will sort things out.
What matters is this: they wont lose each other again.
Fate smiles, winding two new golden threads together.
So their children will meet, too, supporting each other as their mothers did.
As for cruel nicknamesmay the children never know them, and may Pumpkin-Lucy remain only as a faint, strange, half-dreamed memory; the seed of a friendship others claim does not exist.
Fatesmirking at such follyshrugs. Some fool made that up. She knows better, how things really run in this world.
And she knows for sure: womens friendship is real, and its not as rare as folks believe. Especially when it rests on one simple truth.
Give, and it will come back to you.
