Dreams of a Carefree Existence
“You’re pulling my leg! He honestly handed you such a fortune after the divorce? And still pays for the children entirely?” Alices voice wavered, disbelief playing along the edges. “And its only the youngest, isnt it?”
Martha simply smiled, a small, knowing tilt of her lips, and shrugged as if discussing the weather.
For Leo, its all the same, she replied serenely. He adores both Sophie and Jenny. Always bringing gifts, flying us to Cornwall or Bournemouth twice a year. Thats just how he is. Hes got the money, so its not a problem.
Alice twiddled her mug of cooling tea, and something sharp and aching flickered for a moment behind her eyes. How did such a world fit together? Bills, worn tyres, worry over rentthey were always there for her, ticking and creaking through her thoughts. What must it be like, she wondered, to live in endless summer and never count the pounds left in your purse?
And if he takes another wife? she ventured as lightly as she could, though the words sat on her tongue like lemon. If all this cash stops flowing? What then?
Martha laughed, her joy quiet and unguarded. She understood. Alice simply found such generosity surreal, a cool impossibility compared to the world as she knew it.
He did remarrythen divorced again, didnt bat an eyelid. Martha smirked, recalling the spectacle. Thats Leo for you, ever the leading man in his private drama. Though, Ill hand it to himhes never lied; hell look you in the eye and say hes found someone new.
She paused as memories passed through her like shadows cast by a passing train.
In all, hes been married five times, Martha said quietly, and every single one of his former wives walks away safe and comfortable, hardly a worry for the future.
Alice sat in silence, her thoughts clattering and rearranging like pieces of blue-and-white china. A man could be such a storm of emotion, shed thoughtyet here Leo was, constant as a lighthouse: new romances, yet steady for those he left behind. Such stability was as unlikely as rain that falls upwards, or a house that builds itself.
Well, Ill be Alice finally exhaled, still lost in the strangeness of it. Thats some sort of man
She rolled a teaspoon between her fingers, staring deep into her cup as thoughts raced through her mindquick, greedy, sharp. A wealthy, generous ex-husband, who never counted pennies nor held grudges. Such a man was the rarest of unicorns. It wouldnt be easy to win him, of course, but if she did
“Even a brief marriage with him and your bank balance sighs with relief for good,” she mused, clenching her fist beneath the table. And a child Well, thats assurance for decades.
Her gaze flicked to Martha, and she asked, almost offhand:
So is he married now?
Martha arched her brow, catching the implication as deftly as catching a falling scone. She knew Alice too wellnot curiosity, but calculation. She shook her head, unruffled.
No. Interested, are you? Dont bother, darling. Leo can sense a gold digger as quickly as he smells a whiff of rain. He only chooses from his own set, you know.
Alice felt something quietly collapse inside, and she pushed a smile onto her face as she waved her hands in fake protest.
Oh, dont be sillyI was only asking. Her laugh rang just a little too shrill, a bit strained. I have principles, Martha! Me, marrying a man who moves on at a whim? Imagine waking up every day, wondering if hes already eyeing the next woman? I couldnt bear it.
A shard of resentment crept into her toneat Martha, at herself, she wasnt sure. She tried to smooth it over with a pointed indifference, tacking on:
Honestly, a real connection matters more to me than all the money in the world.
Marthas answer was only a gentle smile, the kind that spoke of secrets shared over decades. She didnt press; shed already seen through Alices forced composure to the burning, common desire for security.
Exactly, Martha murmured, sipping her English tea. Its good to know what you want.
A pause settled, soft as autumn mist. Alice toyed with the frayed end of the tablecloth, circling for a new topic. Martha, for her part, was perfectly relaxed, speaking only truths and needing no proof.
**********************
Even after returning home, Alice couldnt stop thinking about the conversation. Deep down, she was blazingly jealous of her friend. No, more than thatshe longed, almost feverishly, to trade places with Martha. But not to be the confident, tranquil Martha of today. Noshe wanted to be Leos ex-wife.
It wasnt so much life as a daydream: a hefty settlement, a comfortable retainer for life No gnawing worry about mortgage payments, tyres bald as eggs, or whether the next holiday would have to wait another year. She could finally hand in her notice at the wretched office that had ground her down for five straight years.
She knew clearly: being his current wife wasnt the same. Only perfection would do; the countrys gossip-hounds sniffed out any rumour, any late-night escapade. No wild parties, no harmless flirtation after workeverything polished, pure, and proper, or the dream collapsed.
Its only for a couple of years, Alice told her reflection, tapping the table as if running numbers. Just a year, two at mostand Ill step out with a nest egg. Hardly a hardship.
She looked herself over in the glass. Thirty-five: still a time for boldness. She could marry, bear a childnature hadnt yet turned her face away. And afterward then life would truly begin.
She pictured waking in a sun-bright penthouse, no shrill alarm, no scrawled list of must-dos. Sipping coffee, watching London unfurl far below. Planning jaunts to Rome, Paris, the Lake Districtno need to count the cost of tickets or hotels. Shed finally indulge herself: painting classes, travel, charitable work
No more deadlines, no irritable bosses, she chanted mentally, the words warming her. Only freedom, to live as I please.
The image made her smile, but she checked herselfonly dreams for now. Life wasnt made of silk and ease. Yet, the possibility clung to her thoughts, pulsing insistently: What if?
Alice leaned back and gazed out into the city dusk, her mind whirring with plans. Becoming Mrs. Stamford, she musedImagine the perks.
She knew her strengths: dazzling blonde, precise figure, the kind men turned to watch. She was invited everywhere, complimented constantly, admired endlesslybut long-term suitors always drifted away. Not eager to sign up, were they?
“Maybe they know Ill never settle,” she thought ruefully. “Or fear they cant afford me, not for life.”
But love and romance werent the issue this time. Security, stability, and a life padded from worrythat was worth compromise.
What did she need to catch Leos eye? No brash dresses: instead, tailored shapes, subtle colours, and minimal sparkle. Only the barest hint of makeupno heavy eyeliner, never scarlet lipstickjust mild foundation, mascara, and a dab of gloss.
Poise, restraint, but not timidity. Smile, listen, ask the right questions. Never too forwardnot to startle him.
She played out the potential scenes. Where to find Leo? Charity galas, private viewings, invitation-only eventsthe sorts she could wrangle an invite to. They had crossed paths before, when hed been Marthas husbandthe memory was distant, but his face would surely recall hers.
The thought sent a pulse of anticipation through hershe was skilled at making an impression, after all; shed just need to channel it, shape it.
A foolproof plan, she resolved. Pick the event, sculpt the image, rehearse a remark or twoand, above all, dont overdo it. Poise, with a dash of intrigue. Interest, without desperation.
Details began to fall into order: the right dress, the right hairstyle, discussion topics. She pictured their eyes meeting, his approach, her replycool, but inviting.
Alices energy began to fizz within herthe same force that had propelled her before. She never backed away from a goal worth chasing.
I can do this, she told herself, smiling. I will do this. Everything will change
********************
Alice ripped her earrings off and tossed them into the jewellery box with an irritable snap. They landed, scattering pinpricks of light about the room. Leos giftdelicate, diamond-bright, a token from their third date.
She collapsed onto the bed, arms crossed over her chest. This was their fifth meeting; everything seemed promising. Another posh restaurant, another extravagant bouquet of English roses, a drive home in style But inside, she burned with frustration.
Why was nothing happening? He clearly fancied herhis gaze, his attention, the effort in his invitations and gifts. Yet still no hints of physical closeness, no embrace, no tentative offer of coffee, just immaculate courtesy, a brush of lips on her hand, and the promise of a call.
She stood, seeking herself in the mirror. Perfect hair, flawless makeup, elegant dress: tasteful, flattering, not provocative. Shed chosen her look with carereserved elegance to show she wasnt frivolous or fleeting.
Maybe Ive overdone the good-girl act? she wondered, unease prickling beneath her ribs.
She recalled their recent outings: long conversations, riverside strolls, a gallery openingeach gently pleasant, but never more. Leo remained close, yet paradoxically distant, holding the air between them careful and untouched, as if waiting for her to break the silence.
Alice raked a hand through her hair.
What if he doesnt see me as wife material at all?” she fretted. “What if my careful routine convinced him Id never consider him? Given his… historyfive marriages
She moved to the window and gazed out over the city. Below, life pulsed: laughter, horns, music spinning somewhere in the dark. It all seemed effortless and clear, while her relationship with Leo felt like a portrait that refused to move.
Something must change, she decided. I wont circle this limbo forever. I need to show him Im open to more than polite friendship.
Alice glanced at her jewellery boxnow with a spark of resolve.
Tomorrow, Ill drop a hint, she promised herself. Something gentle but unmistakable. Hell understandIm not just here for walks and small talk. I want more. If he feels the same, hell respond.
A wave of certainty spread in her chest. Yes, it was riskyhe might vanish. But to remain frozen in ambiguity was worse!
Its time to act, she thought, closing the box.
******************
Alice checked her phone for the thirtieth timethe screen stayed stubbornly dark. No calls, no texts. She tried to stay composed, but the tension inside pricked at her nerves.
Hes busy, of course, she muttered, pacing the flat. Business, meetings, tripsflying to Edinburgh, then to Dubai, off again to Paris. He cant ring every day!
She kept the anxiety at bay, remembering those last sweet meetingsLeo, attentive and clever, his words always precise.
Hes not disappearing, she insisted. Hes just a busy man.
The days dragged, every notification raising her pulse. She tried occupying herselfhigh street shopping, meeting friends, even a spot of yoga. Still, her thoughts looped back to Leo.
What if hes changed his mind? Found someone better, perhaps?
She brushed the fear away. No, nonsense. Things were going well
Nearly a week passed, and just as Alice began to truly worry, her phone finally sangthe call came on a rainy Friday evening, just as she was pouring tea.
Seeing Leos name, her hand shook so much she almost dropped the cup.
Hello, Alice, came his smooth, familiar voice. Sorry, its been a mad weekbusiness in Scotland, then a pile of work
Oh, dont worry! she replied, forcing nonchalance. Youre always on the go, I understand.
Ive missed you, he said softly, and her heart skipped. Can we meet tomorrow? Ive booked us a table at The Roses.
Yes, Id love to! she answered, barely restraining a grin.
And one more thing Leo paused. Id like you to meet some friends of mine.
Alice stilled, her mind racing with delight. Hes introducing me to his circle! Thats no casual fling!
Id be delighted, she answered, keeping it even though she wanted to shout for joy.
After they hung up, she stood dazed, smiling at nothing, already mentally rifling through her wardrobe for the perfect dress. This was ithe truly cared. Shed been right to wait.
The rest of the evening drifted by in a glow. She played her favourite music, sipped her tea, and mapped out her plan for tomorrow in her head. Everything had to be flawless: the right outfit, impeccable hair, simple jewellerytonight mattered. This was her chance to prove she belonged.
For nearly two hours, she worked in the mirror, perfecting her look. Every detail was considered, each flick of mascara, every dab of powder.
She chose a navy blue dressfitted, subtle shimmer, classy without shouting. Low heels, a neat chignon, barely-there earrings and a slender bracelet. “Tonight, every head will turn,” she whispered. Then perhaps Leo will see whats at stake.
At sharp seven, the driver called upher carriage awaited. She took one last look at her flat, as if blessing her old life, and stepped out.
In the car, she tried to chat with the driver, a stone-faced man with eyes on the road.
Rather brisk tonight, dont you think?
Yes, was the entirety of his reply.
Worked for Mr. Stamford long?
Long enough.
Alice sighed inwardly. Shed hoped to fish for hints about Leos habits or favourites, but this loyal servant was a dead end.
A true professional, she thought, irritated. Not a word out of him.
The restaurant was all soft lamplight and velvet music. A waitress conducted her to the table with perfect etiquette.
From across the room, Alice spotted Leo immediatelysuit impeccable, tie in a deep, understated shade, hair done with precision. Hes so striking,” she thought, and let a satisfied smile touch her lips.
Her smile faded as she caught sight of the woman beside him.
Seated smartly at barely an arms length from Leo was a young ladyelegant, poised, in an expensive but subdued outfit. She leaned forward, speaking to Leo, who listened, nodded, and smiled back.
Who? Alice felt her pulse race.
She went numb for half a breath. Was this a sister? An associate? But why dinnerand why now? Her mind spun.
Oh, Aliceyou look dazzling! Leo stood with admiration in his bright eyes. Someone is bound to sweep you off your feet tonight.
Alice tried to read his tonewas it a hint? Suppose he means himself she hoped, nerves twisting inside her. With composure, she sat and inclined her head.
Im pleased you think so, Leo.
He sat opposite, his smile warm, with something almost paternal about it. Silence hung, taut, before he broke it in a voice for all present:
Alice, Leo said gently when everyone was seated, Youve become a dear friend in no time
A friend? Only a friend? Alices heart thudded. After all her effort, had she been working for just this? She flushed but kept her expression courteous, hiding her disappointment.
You understand me better than most, Leo continued, oblivious to her turmoil, so I wanted you to be the first to know: Im engaged.
What? How dare he? After all Ive done? The thoughts swirled in a thunderstorm. She controlled herself, blood rising in her cheeks.
Congratulations, Alice managed, keeping her voice even. And whos the lucky woman?
Shes right beside youEliza.
Slowly, Alice turned. Only now did she properly take in the young woman. Elizas cheeks coloured with pleasure under Alices gaze.
So thats who she is raced through Alices mind. All her hopes dashed in an instant.
She summoned a smile, forced out a handful of pleasant lines, praised the ring, asked about dates, even offered to help with the wedding, her words wooden and empty, acting from a script she wished to burn.
Inside, the storm raged. She barely followed the conversation, replying from some distant shore, clock hands dragging through treacle.
After fifteen minutes, Alice faked a sudden phone alert and excused herself.
Im sorrya work emergency, she apologised, then swept up her bag and hurried out. Only beyond the restaurant doors did she finally let her breath out.
Back at the table, Leo and Eliza remained, and Martha arrived soon after.
Didnt I say shed twist my words and try for her ticket to paradise? Martha shook her head, watching the door swing closed. I can only imagine her face, with you playing the perfect gentleman. She thought shed bag you without a chase.
Leo smiled, chilly and unconcerned, stirring his coffee.
Never going to happen, he said. I spot their game before they even open the box of tricksAlice walked through the wet street, her shoes clicking, her vision blurred by raintears, she told herself, were not permitted. She pressed her lips together, recalling the shimmer of Elizas ring, the unassailable serenity of Leos expression, the sidelong glance Martha gavea flick of ancient warning and modern pity.
Now you know, the city seemed to hiss. Security isnt won by calculation alone.
She half-laughed, half-sobbed, ducking under a shop awning as a double-decker roared past. In her clutch bag, uselessly, lay the note shed planned to slip Leoa witty anecdote, a sly promise, all mere paper now.
For a moment, she let herself sag, face hidden from the stares of strangers. Then, as the rain slowed, she drew herself upright, squaring her shoulders. On her wrist, Marthas gifta silver banglegleamed in the streetlight. How long ago had they swapped stories over tea, the world still wide and possible? How quickly had hope been spent?
Alice took a long, steady breath. The taste was sharp. She was still beautiful, still clever, still afloatmaybe no further from a dream than before, if she measured it not in carats or cash, but resolve.
She remembered, then, the burning force that had always carried hernot toward security, but through uncertainty; not where life was softest, but where it was alive.
By the time she reached her flat, the rain had stopped, and her pulse had quieted. She unpinned her hair, let it fall around her shoulders, and laughed softly, the sound surprising andyestrue. She poured herself wine, kicked off her shoes, and stood by the window as London trembled and shone.
She had chased after ease and found herselfagainmeasuring the cost.
Tomorrow, she knew, would bring its worries: rent, work, the endless coil. But also the city: fierce, impossible, yearning. She raised her glass in a private toast, not to a dream of comfort, but to her own unquiet, untameable heart.
Let Leo marry his Eliza. Alice, in all her magnificent, unfinished glory, would carve her own fortune from the storm. And in that truth, for the very first time in ages, she was free.
