In the hallway two suitcases waited for me, packed with my things.
What the?! I roared. First Im feeding your daughter, and now you want to hang another lad on my neck too? Have you lost your mind? Let him rot!
My wife, Diane Foster, tried everything to calm her husbandshe pleaded, she even weptbut he stood his ground. Either Emily helps with the baby, or Im out!
Emily had spent the first five years of her life with her parents, yet even then her mother was cold to her. Diane did the usualfed her, dressed her, washed her, took her to nurserybut there was no tenderness, no affection.
When the marriage fell apart, Emilys father vanished, never to be seen again. He had always been away on work, and whenever he was home he and Diane fought constantly, so his disappearance didnt bother her much. It was Diane she missed terribly.
Right after the divorce, Diane sent Emily to live with her own mother in a little village in Yorkshire.
Youre not a spoiled brat, the old lady, Margaret Clarke, said sternly. Your mothers had a hard life, she deserves happiness. Do you love her or not?
I love her, Emily sniffed, not understanding why her mother seemed happier without her.
Years later, listening in on adult conversations, Emily pieced together her mothers past. In her youth Diane had been in love with a man named Brian. They’d even planned to marry, but a quarrel drove him to wed a more promising girl. In a fit of spite, Diane married Emilys father, who adored her, and they had a daughter. She tried to forget the betrayal, building a conventional lifehusband, child, a flat in Manchester, a parttime jobuntil Brian resurfaced.
Brian wasnt repentant; he merely asked forgiveness and promised wealth to the woman hed once left. Diane, desperate, threw herself back into his arms like a drowning swimmer. Her new husband didnt like the idea of a girl from another man hovering over his head, so Diane hurried to send Emily back to Margaret. She trusted her motherinlaw would treat her granddaughter kindly. Margaret was strict, pulling Emily into chores, looking after the cattle and the garden, shouting now and then, but overall they got along.
Diane visited almost every month, and Emily waited for those visits with bated breath, hoping her mother would hug her, kiss her, and say, Lets go home, love. Ive missed you so much.
Ah, you little wretch, Emily! sneered her friend Lina, a schoolmate. Everyone knows your mum sold you for a bloke, and you keep dreaming of miracles!
You dont get it! Emily snapped. Its just circumstances
Yes, absolutely extraordinary! Lina laughed, and the two even quarreled a couple of times over it before making up, as friends do.
When Emily turned fifteen, Margaret passed away. Though Diane felt a pang of sympathy, she finally could see a way out: Emily could live with her mother instead of being sent to a childrens home.
The authorities didnt place Emily in care, but the family home wasnt exactly welcoming either.
Send her to study in another city, Brian told Diane, thinking they were alone. Shell get a dorm and a trade.
Brian, you cant, Diane protested weakly. Shes already stressed from Grans death, and what will people think
Youre always on shift work, you wont even notice her. Ill talk to her, Brian replied.
Fine, lets try, muttered the stepfather, who was really Emilys fathers brother.
Emilys hatred for him deepened. If only Brian hadnt been there, she and Diane could have stayed together. She threw herself into household tasks shed learned from Margaret, keeping the flat spotless, mastering laundry and ironing, even cooking better than Diane. She studied hard, planning after Year9 to become a hairdresser so she could support her mother.
She imagined that if she earned enough, she could ditch that loathsome Brianafter all, Diane was now completely dependent on him, idle for years.
Emily began to suspect Diane didnt love her husband much. He was balding, a bit plump, and rather dull. She kept those thoughts to herself.
About a year later, while Emily was in college, Diane announced a new lovera young, handsome, welloff man named Luke. Theyd been seeing each other for months and were planning to marry.
Hell be great for you! Diane gushed to Emily, describing a country house with staff and all the comforts.
Are you sure? Emily asked, doubtful.
She, too, felt Diane deserved better than that brutish Brian, but Luke didnt inspire confidence either.
Exactly! Diane replied.
Luke, however, had a different agenda. When he learned Diane was pregnantshed been hoping the child would secure his commitmenthe vanished. It turned out he already had a wife, two kids, and a powerful fatherinlaw who would never tolerate a scandal.
If my father finds out about us, especially about a child, were both doomed, Luke warned Diane. He doesnt care whether youre a woman or what. No one dares cross him. Youd better have an abortion.
But it was too late for that. Diane was far along, and she feared both the testy fatherinlaw and the gamble of an illegal procedure.
You have to save me, Diane sobbed, pleading with Emily. Save us both, because Brian will leave us penniless.
Mom, well manage. Im getting a job soon
How can we manage? Diane erupted. I want a normal life! Normal!
She broke down again, frightening Emily, and then forced herself to speak.
If you dont want to end up truly alone, youll help me, Diane said finally.
Of course, Mum! You know I love you! Emily replied, tears welling.
Dianes plan was simple and, in her mind, brilliant. She would bear the child and claim it was Emilys. At seventeen, no one would question the fathers identity. Emily would have no need to explain who the babys mother was, and there would be no accusations of scandaleverything would be consensual, with no blame.
The pregnancy proceeded quietly. By the seventh month the belly was small, and Diane stayed indoors as much as possible. When the time came, they moved to a modest gardenvillage where a midwifeat a reasonable feehandled the home birth.
Coincidentally, Brian had been posted to a sixmonth offshore shift, so he remained blissfully unaware.
Emily barely followed the details; Diane arranged everything. Soon they returned home with a tiny baby boy, Dan, whose official birth certificate listed Emily as the mother.
What the?! Brian roared when he saw the infant in their flat.
Brian, calm down! Ill explain everything, Diane stammered. Its just a first love gone wrong, the childs innocent
What the? First Im feeding your daughter, and now you want to hang another lad on my neck? Have you gone completely mad? Let him rot!
No matter how Diane tried to soothe himpleading, cryingBrian held firm: Either Emily looks after the baby, or Im out.
Dont worry, love, Brian will cool down, Diane tried to reassure Emily.
But peace never came. Two days after Brians return, Emily came back from a walk with Dan to find two suitcases waiting in the hallway.
Brian stood there, imposing, leaving Emily no choice. Diane clung to her husband, eyes pleading.
Emily, maybe you should give the baby to a childrens home? she whispered, terrified of her husbands glare.
Thats when Emily realised shed never receive the love, affection, or understanding shed longed for. Her mother had chosen a path that didnt include her, and it would stay that way.
She stepped into the hallway, gently lifted the sleeping Dan from his pram, and handed him to Diane:
Your sondo with him what you will.
Emily walked out of the flat into a deafening silence, clutching one suitcase (the other clearly held the babys clothes). There was nothing left for her in that house.
