The Loop of Time
Katherine sat at a worn wooden table in a quiet London cafe, opposite her now ex-husband from just twenty minutes before.
Well, I suppose thats it, then, John said softly.
Yes, Katherine replied, her voice cold and clipped.
Bit ridiculous, really the way it all happened.
Ridiculous? Thats the word you choose? You were unfaithful for years, and all you regret is the way it came out? I would have found out eventually. It was bound to happen.
Alright, Kate. Ill go now. But know this: you can always come to me if you need anything. And well, I did love you. And still do.
Thank you, John. But if you loved me, why did you need someone else?
Well youre the mother of my children, and with her I suppose I could let my guard down a bit. Both of you inspired me to do more with myself. I wouldnt have achieved anything without you both.
Youll see, now you can have more childrenmaybe youll feel even more motivated.
Dont say that, Kate She can’t have children.
John turned away and walked out.
Katherine finished her tea, then left the cafe feeling the cold April air on her cheeks as she made her way towards the Underground. She could have taken her own car, or hailed a black cab, but tonight she wanted to be surrounded and alone all at once, so she slipped down into the heart of London.
She stepped onto an old Piccadilly Line carriage, found a vacant seat, and tumbled into her memories. Their meeting in the gardens at Hampstead, their wedding on a golden autumn day, the arrival of their son and then their daughter. She remembered the happinesseven the minor rows felt trivial now. Then her friend sent her a photo: John, kissing another woman, after twenty years of marriage. Her life had come undone in a single moment. Shed filed for divorce, thinking it would bring relief, but it felt just as heavy as before.
How did this mistress enter our lives? If only theyd never met! Oh, how I wish they never crossed paths!
“Mind the doors. The next station is Fulham Broadway,” echoed through the train.
Oh, that’s mine, she thought aloud.
Katherine surfaced onto the street, unwilling to go home, and wandered aimlessly through the neighbourhood. She wandered for hours, lost in circles, until Londons dusk crept over her. It was only when her foot began to ache that she realised shed walked so far. She glanced at her watchseven in the evening. She headed for her block of flats. By habit, she looked up at her window and was startled to see the lights on.
Nervousness nagged at herwho could be there? Her daughter was at a friends in Surrey, her son at his girlfriend’s in Ealing, and John well, he certainly wasnt here. A burglar, perhaps?
A shiver ran down her spine. She took the lift to her floor, unlocked the door, and crept inside.
Finally! Youre back! Johns voice rang from the kitchen.
She stared wide-eyed: his stubbled face, his paunch visible beneath an old, faded rugby shirt, and droopy jogging trousers. Just hours ago he had been clean-shaven, slimmer, sharper looking.
Where have you been? he demanded. Hand over your wagesyoure supposed to be paid today, arent you? Well, out with it!
Katherine blinked hard and looked around. Her flat, yet the furnishings were ancient, from before their first renovation. Theyd refurbished twice since then.
What wages? What are you even doing in my home?
I live herehave done for years. Why isnt supper ready?
Katherine peeled off her coat, completely bewildered. She caught sight of herself in the hall mirror: the reflection was her, but worn, plumper, with an unkempt haircut, no sign of make-up, and dressed in drab, cheap-looking clothes.
What dont you understand? Wont you stop gazing at yourself? Were hungry and you havent cooked! Johns grumbling voice pulled her back.
Without thinking, Katherine changed clothes by the door. By her feet sat bags of groceries she hadnt bought. She carried them into the kitchen, only to discover her sonhair dishevelled, accompanied by an unfamiliar, giggly girlalready eating.
And what are you doing here? she asked her son, stacking food in the fridge.
Err I live here, with Sophie.
And why? Why not in the flat your father and I bought for you?
He gave a strangled laugh. Very funny, Mum. You and Dad buying a flat? When Dads not worked in years? And when he did, he hardly ever brought his wages home! Mum, youre acting like youre from another world.
Katherine rubbed her temples. I dont know I feel strange. Wheres Daisy?
Daisy? Whos that?
Your sister!
Her sons confusion was clear. Mum, I never had a sister. Are you feeling alright? Should I phone a doctor?
No! No doctor! she yelped, backing towards the door.
Oi, are you ever going to feed me tonight or what? John blocked her escape.
Her son smirked. Dad, stop bothering heryou know she hasnt cooked for you in ages.
I know But one can always hope John muttered, shuffling off to the living room and the television drone.
Katherine watched himthis John had neither mistress nor a devoted wife it seemed. Just a shell of himself. She let herself out, muttering to her son about taking a walk.
Outside, she hurried towards the Underground, feeling a pulse in her brain: only down here, in the tunnels, could she make some sense of things. She boarded a train, stood rigidly by the doors, glancing around. Even the carriage felt from another timeold, dim, battered.
Is this a dream? She pinched herself. No, its all real
Shed read about parallel lives, people vanishing without a trace. But no one she knewnot her. This is absurd! It cant be happening! And yet, here she was with clothes shed never choose, someone elses mobile, riding the Underground as if time had folded in on itself.
Oh, help me What have I done? Yes, I wished the mistress awaywished John had never met her. But perhaps she brought something necessary to his life. Look at thisheres life without her and its terrible. John has become nobody, no ambitions, and I I am nothing, only with him because I have nowhere else. No, I cant live like this
Katherine rode from train to train, switching lines, feeling caught in some eternal labyrinth. Checking her watch, she saw only thirty minutes had passed. Yet she swore she had crossed all of London.
Times broken, too. Thats impossible.
She ducked into another train, drifted to another platform, and again the Underground voice called, Mind the doors. The next station is Fulham Broadway.
Oh, thats my stop, she thought, her heart tightening. She took the escalator up and burst into tears on the pavement.
Are you alright, missus? a passerby asked kindly.
Im finejust a bit tired, she lied, trying to pull herself together.
I cant do it! I want my old life back, whatever it is, even if John leaves me for her. I want real life backwait!
She had arrived before her building, illuminated windows winking above her.
Waittheres something good in every situation, even this Im still myself, at least in my own mind. I know what I can do, and what John is capable of. Its within my power to change things. Why isnt he working? Why does he just sit about? Ill show him! He has no idea who hes married to. Ill give him the boot so hard hell leap into action. Hell soon appreciate me, youll see!
With that fire kindling inside her, Katherine dashed into the building, took the stairs two at a time, flung open her flat doorthen was blinded by a burst of light.
Where on earth have you been? Weve all been worried sick! came Johns voice.
Katherine opened her eyes a slit.
There stood her husband, son, and daughter. Daisy! All with familiar faces and their usual clothes.
Look at the timeits already seven, you should have been home ages ago, John almost shouted.
Katherine licked her lips, searching for words.
Seven? I thought it was much later.
She looked arounda familiar flat, familiar furniture, the children and her husband with their usual hair and manner. She ran to the mirrorher own reflection stared back, comfortable clothes and all.
Whats happening? What are you all doing here? And what are you doing here? she jabbed a finger at John. We divorced today
Dont get worked up, darling, John said, while the children fussed about, Come into the kitchen, have a cup of tea.
Oh, hush, all of you! Let me talk to your mother, John insisted.
Katherine, forgive me. Yes, we divorced today, but honestly there was never a mistress, not ever.
How can that be? I saw the photo, and you didnt deny it!
Well, yes Do you remember when I went on that fishing trip with the lads?
She nodded suspiciously.
Well, we decided to test our wives: see how theyd react if they thought wed been unfaithful. It was just a prank, nothing more.
Katherine slumped into a chair, fury rising with every word.
What on earth is wrong with you? How could you do that? What about the children? Did they know this was all a joke? Im livid!
No, they had nothing to do with it.
And suddenly, she remembered the strange world shed only just lefta world shed hoped to escape. Shed longed for her real life, and now here it was, along with the knowledge there had never been a mistress at all. Her anger softened.
Alright, youre here but why are they here? she asked, glancing at their children.
I panicked. You left at three, never came home. Your car was outside, your phone off. I called them.
Fine, bring them in. Lets have some tea.
So the family sat down around a pot of Earl Grey.
Mum, where were you, really? her son pressed.
Where? On the Underground. Trying to come back to myself, Katherine answered.
After all, she couldn’t very well admit shed been trapped in a time loopno one would have believed her.
So Katherine sat, surrounded by the people she loved most, quietly grateful shed found her way back to the life she knew. Still, she found herself wonderingwas this truly, finally, her own reality?
